They Didn't Have To Be
by WestCoastTrees
Summary: Future fic. Clare and Eli meet as adults with their own lives. An important change in Clare's life is something that defines her new identity, and Eli's life is coming together in its own regular way. Can their paths converge?
1. Does She Have Your Eyes

**Hi lovely readers! This will be a few-shot story exploring a particular idea. Hope you like it and let me know what you think in a review!**

_Beep beep. Beep beep. _

Twenty-six year old Clare Edwards pressed the snooze button, well aware that she could not afford such a luxury. But the warm sleeping body beside her had had a rough night and she knew the extra ten minutes of rest would be necessary. So they would both be late…but there were so many things that Clare felt guilty she couldn't provide to the stirring person next to her – but ten minutes of sleep she could, so she did. Clare's own mind was tormented with feelings of worry about the day that lied ahead – would she be successful in finding a new space? If not, what would they do? She had finally been able to work out a decent arrangement that provided both of them with some much needed stability, and she didn't know if she had the strength in her to live through another rough period. Because the past years had not been kind to Clare Edwards; each of them seemed almost longer and harder than the last.

But then she felt the little body beside her stirring and Clare's favourite word soon filled the small, but lovingly arranged room.

"Mommy?" a soft, scared voice said, its tone immediately alarming Clare.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Clare responded as the little girl's striking blue eyes fluttered opened and she crawled into her mother's lap, keeping the covers tightly wrapped around her.

"It hurts," the little voice barely got out before her small face was invaded by tears that broke Clare's heart.

"Emily, sweetie, what hurts? Your throat?" Clare said, panic invading her own tone.

The little girl nodded as more tears fell down her face. Clare immediately got up and went to the bathroom to grab the soothing syrup she had bought in desperation last night, her heart breaking all over again at the sight of Emily's frightened look…it took Clare all of ten minutes to convince the little girl to finally swallow the syrup, and Clare said a silent prayer to God that it would work. Because regardless of the events of the past twelve years, Clare needed to believe that a God still existed in such a heartless world. She had changed her opinions on a lot of things over that time period, learning that being judgemental, impatient and ungrateful leads to a loss so painful that it almost physically hurts, but Clare still chose to believe that somewhere God was looking down on her. She knew she was just a small being in such a big world, and that God maybe was busy with much more important things, but the little girl in front of her who was tearfully trying to push her reddish brown curls out of her face was proof to Clare that God didn't completely forget about her. In a world of disorder and fraud and deceit, Clare had learned that the beauty of her daughter was nearly the only thing to be trusted. She was convinced that her daughter's angelic spirit was the only thing that was incorruptible. She let her usual composed self go for a minute as she calmed the little girl back under the covers of their small bed, knowing her fever wouldn't allow her to go to her daycare centre today, and she remembered the night that he walked away.

She had been furious that once again, he had chosen to go out with his friends to the sports pub. Clare knew he was young then; but so was she. _She_ didn't have the option of going out. She had finally managed to put Emily to bed upstairs in the little house whose rent her parents paid, knowing student residences were not a place for a baby, when she heard him coming in at 3am. She didn't yell, or scream, but she gave him an ultimatum that he seemed more than happy to take as he packed his bags. Clare had been with him ever since the end of her grade ten year; she was used to coming in second by this time, his last semester of university, and what should have been her third year of classes…if she would have never gotten pregnant and could have continued her university courses of course. Being second was the norm around him, and it had become a way of life to Clare that she knew was wrong – Alli always warned her about him once he started to show his true colours, and Clare knew her best friend felt guilty for encouraging her to date Jake in the first place – but she was not about to have Emily suffering through the same thing. Once Clare told him that, she couldn't help but expect that maybe, just maybe…he would see. She was worried though; because she had originally hoped that once Emily was born, something would awaken in Jake…but all that seemed to awaken was an even more potent meanness as he rigidly stood next to an exhausted and scared Clare lying in a hospital bed, looking down at the little girl in her arms as he coldly declared, "Look at that, a _girl_. With _blue _eyes," his tone dripping with...disgust and distance. Deep down inside, Clare was aware that her ultimatum wouldn't matter much to Jake and of course it didn't. She knew he saw it as a way out that later could be blamed on Clare 'freaking out' as he told his father just to save face to him; and the two families had not spoken much since. Clare never was quite able to forget the flash of cruelty in his brown eyes as Jake told her, "You're better off without me and you know it, I'm not what you need. This is not really my problem, Clare". But after that moment, she didn't miss him, not even a single bit, because she knew he never loved her. She had only really ever been loved by one boy in her entire life, and deep down inside she knew that. But thinking about that particular boy was something she _never _indulged in. Because that hurt too much. The night Jake walked away and Clare held a tiny, screaming Emily in her hands after his door slam woke her up was the only night that she let herself think about him.

She knew he had stayed in Toronto after graduation, gone to U of T, obviously studying both English Literature and Creative Writing but she had no idea what he had done after graduating from university. Clare had only really kept in touch with Alli, being deeply ashamed of the fact that she had gotten pregnant…how could she tell Adam such a thing and then proceed to ask what Eli had chosen to do after finishing up at U of T? She knew the power of his writing and the extent of his talent perhaps more than Eli himself, so she had no doubt that if she were to type his name into Google, she would find something that he had published ever since they had gone their separate ways. And she immediately did; it turns out that he was a regular contributor to the U of T creative writing magazine. Tears flowed down her face steadily when she read the stories that were clearly inspired by…_what she had done to him_. But then….then there was a series of poems and stories that had clearly come from an Eli Goldsworthy that was the product of therapy and a new environment that U of T had provided for him; and it was reading those print outs, in a small bathtub in a tiny house in the university town of Kingston, Ontario that Clare Edwards first started mending her soul after Jake's abandonment of their newborn daughter. Reading the piece titled _She Didn't Have To Be_, she felt a perfect congruency between the way Eli must have felt the night of his car crash and…the way she had been feeling ever since finding out in a blood curling moment that she was pregnant. The words he wrote would forever be in her memory after first reading them.

_She didn't have to be what he thought she was, it finally hit him as he sat alone in the bright white hospital room as he was able to hear his mom sobbing outside, and his dad's comforting words directed her way. He had been wrong, and he was only realizing it as he stared at each drop in the IV bag fall down and pool into a larger mass. She didn't have to love him. She didn't have to save him. It was not her job to fix him. It was his own job to fix himself, and to leave her alone and let her be the happy and bright angel that she deserved to be. She didn't need his darkness. He knew that it was his own fault that his life had gone to bits and he was so unrecognizable even to himself that he probably couldn't even have picked himself out of a police line-up. But he did feel a glimmer of hope when he started writing again, after six long months of stopping because it reminded him too much of how he had frightened her, and because he was scared of what he would produce. After his really kind therapist had helped him properly cope with the double loss that had plagued his life, he began to see a faint potentiality for happiness through returning to his writing. And he knew. Tears stung his eyes as he realized that when you finally see such a potentiality for happiness after suck dark times you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt – this is not selfishness, but obligation. You were given life; it is your duty and also your entitlement as a human being to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight. _

Clare sobbed painfully as she read those words, hoping the noises coming from the bathtub wouldn't wake up her little one in the next room over. She knew those words bared the essence of Eli's soul, and she was so happy to see the conclusion that he had come to all on his own…because she knew she needed that conclusion in that particular moment more than anything. Eli was right; and for Clare, her happiness was Emily. It was her obligation and her duty as well as her entitlement, just as Eli had said, to properly look after Emily, giving her everything she needed, and she would. She didn't need Jake; she never really ever did. Reading Eli's words, Clare realized that she had been so busy chasing life that it had driven her to an emotional death. And Eli's thoughts, channelled through a protagonist that was a clear reflection of himself, even if she knew he thought that she would never read them, were what saved Clare as she continued violently sobbing in the bathtub at 4am.

And they repeatedly saved her – over and over again in moments of crisis, allowing her to make a modest, but comfortable life for Emily the best way that she could. She had a lot of support and for that she was eternally grateful, because that support would be necessary on days like today; Clare knew Emily was too miserable to go to the daycare that Clare hated dropping her off at each day; but she also knew that if she missed another day of work, she would likely be let go. And that wasn't an option, because Clare was supporting more than herself right now. She had been doing so for the past five years, and jobs were hard to come by in Clare's situation.

So she picked up the phone and couldn't help the involuntary whine that escaped her as she softly said, "Mommy? Can you look after Emily today, she's still a little sick, and I can't miss work." On the other end of the line, Helen Edwards was already putting her shoes on and grabbing her car keys.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Eli Goldsworthy was tired. Office hours were over and the last student had just left, his own course planning was barely off the ground, and he knew he still had a twenty minute walk to his new apartment that he couldn't handle right now. He cursed his body for turning on him this way, and he realized he didn't have any ibuprofen at his place, so he just groaned as he made a left-hand turn in his black Lincoln. He had been ecstatic when the U of T English Department head had called him to offer him a teaching position at the university, as it was what he most desired to do, even going to Ottawa for the past four years in order to complete his Master's and PhD somewhere else so that he was eligible to be hired by U of T. Eli had missed Toronto in his time apart…Ottawa was a much slower city, and he had felt rather lonely there. Eli never minded being by himself, but he did care about his family and close friends deeply, so he always enjoyed the time he had with them, so his return to Toronto was one of the happiest moments of his life in a long time. Eli knew it was the right thing to do, and he had fallen in place easily at the university that he completed his undergrad at. For the first time in a long time, Eli began to feel that his life was slowly starting to come together. He had accepted the fact that one aspect of his life he would never feel fulfilled in years ago, so when Cece and Bullfrog grilled him about dating seriously at dinner, he immediately stopped their incessant questions…that was a road he did not want to be taken down. Never again. He had already made the mistake of a lifetime when it came to that aspect of his life.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ma'am, I'm afraid right now it's at about seventy," the middle-aged lady told Clare, completely crushing any hope she had left.

"Seventy spots?" Clare asked incredulously, running her fingers through her short curls in frustration. "I have called and visited every day care centre in Toronto, how can there be no space at any of them?" Clare pushed, knowing she was unfairly taking out her frustrations on a child care worker who was not at fault here. But Clare was mad and frustrated, and she wanted someone else to feel how outraged she was. She wanted not to feel…alone in this. She was so tired of feeling alone.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, it's just the way things are. I wish the government understood the situation, but instead of opening up new centres like we really need, they chose to close existing ones down instead – like _Happy Family,_" the lady continued, her own frustration now evident as she referenced Emily's current day care centre. Clare agreed that its facilities were not the best, but all she really technically needed was staff who would watch Emily, and she knew that the _Happy Family _staff were all very loving and kind-hearted individuals; she had made sure before entrusting her daughter to them.

"So what am I supposed to do?" Clare whispered, more to herself than to the daycare worker who shot her a sympathetic look.

"I wish I could help you ma'am," was the only answer she got, which was only really a signal that Clare needed to make her way out of the daycare office now, which she did. She knew she had to rush to the pharmacy and inspect the children's medicine aisle…there had to be something better out there than that horrible syrup.

Twenty minutes later, she emerged out of the pharmacy with some medicine that she had been happy to see the pharmacist have a lot of confidence in, hoping that it was worth the thirty-five dollars she paid for it. As she got closer to her blue Corolla, Clare gasped in horror to see that she had gotten a flat tire, instantly remembering that something had not felt right on the drive over to the mall.

The perfect ending to the perfect day, she thought bitterly, as she got out everything she knew she needed in order to attempt changing this thing. She had never done it before, and she knew it would be hard. But just like everything else, she would have to figure this out on her own, she thought with a clear determination. However, thirty minutes later, she felt tears stinging her eyes at the realization that…she couldn't. She wouldn't be able to. She had no idea how to do this, and she was sure she eventually could…but she needed someone to show her how first. A tear made its way down her face as she thought of Emily at home, sick with a sore throat and a fever, and her mom trying desperately to calm the little girl down.

"Do you need some help with that tire, miss?" she heard a raspy voice say, but Clare quickly hid her face in her knees, not wanting the stranger to know how pathetic she was, crying all alone in a crowded parking lot because she had no idea how to change a spare tire.

"I'm fine, thank you," she quickly mumbled, knowing she really should have accepted his help…but something just wouldn't allow her to say yes. Her mom would have told her it was her stubborn pride, Clare thought bitterly.

Clare felt the man kneel beside her and she heard his knees cracking, but she kept her hand blocking her face as she attempted to wipe her tears away.

She heard him continue, "I could change this tire for you, I've had to learn a lot about cars, it wouldn't be a problem," and as she recognized his voice she turned her gaze to meet his, and in that moment she felt as if his piercing green eyes could see right through her.

"Clare? Clare Edwards?" Eli asked incredulously, and all Clare could do was nod in response.

It took her a minute before she managed to sigh, "Eli…I can't believe it," and she wanted to hug him and jump into his arms and kiss him like she had never kissed him before, but she knew she had no right to do that.

"Wow…well let me help you," he exclaimed before he quickly composed himself and grabbed the wrench from Clare's tired hand. She saw that now he was the one to avoid her gaze as he rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt and began working on the tire expertly. Clare took in his appearance, trying to figure out what he was doing outside of a pharmacy, in the crowded parking lot mall…and if he was with any one. She was amazed at how much more mature and masculine he looked; his hair was still the deep black that she always loved so much, but it was just a little bit shorter now, and his black dress pants were getting soaked from the wet road while his grey dress shirt was starting to get a few grease spots on it as Eli occasionally brushed the tire along his sleeves by accident.

Clare just remained frozen, watching his every moment as he looked concentrated on the task at hand, finishing it up in less than fifteen minutes. He even placed the old tire in the trunk of Clare's car and put all the tools away before she finally stood up from her spot on the ground, and her gaze met his for the second time.

Eli was awestruck by how she was still just as beautiful as she appeared in his dreams often these nights, her bouncy curls just as captivating now as always, and he felt that her blue eyes could expertly pick up on his feelings in this moment as well as they could in their teenage days. This is why he would blink often, bringing up his walls because he had been badly hurt by Clare in the past and he felt that he couldn't live through such a thing again. Eli knew that just standing here looking at her was hurting him, but he wanted to be stronger than this. However, what was really concerning him was that despite the way in which Clare's beauty had remained intact, there was something about her posture that was different. It took Eli just a second longer to notice that…there was definitely something different about Clare's…confidence. Someone had robbed it away from her, and Eli was afraid he knew exactly who that person was.

She fiddled with the hem of her blouse, a nervous habit he instantly recognized as she said, "Thank you, Eli," and he could pick up on the sadness in her tone right away, and he was immediately alarmed and terrified. He couldn't let her leave, not like this. Something was wrong with Clare. This was not Clare. This was the shell of the Clare he had known. Her fiery passion that he loved so much…why was it gone?

"Clare," he softly whispered, "You're welcome," and he knew that she could tell his guard was up, but he couldn't tear it down. He just couldn't; it would be too much and it would leave him broken beyond repair. There was just one more thing he had to do though.

"Clare. This is going to sound crazy, I know, and I know you'll think I'm doing this for a particular reason, but that would be wrong," he started, and she just stared back at him with a puzzled look. But he was expecting that.

Eli continued, "I would like you to let me take your car in to the shop, just to get it looked at. Make sure it's all okay," he said, and Clare's heart swelled when she heard Eli's intentions. Of course he didn't want her to think about Julia, but she couldn't help but to do so, and she knew Eli needed this, so she just replied,

"On one condition," and she absolutely loved the way Eli raised his eyebrow in response as she said, "Shoot".

"You'll have a cup of coffee with me while they look at it," Clare said, feeling a sense of confidence that she had been missing for so long overwhelm her as Eli instantly agreed.

He tossed her a pair of keys, instructing that she should drive his Lincoln to the repair shop that he would lead the way to, and Clare gave him the keys to her old Corolla.

Once she was inside his car, a smile came on Clare's face as the radio turned on and she was able to tell that Eli's taste in music hadn't changed. She was also thrilled to see a skull ornament hanging from the rear-view mirror, but her heart instantly dropped for a second as she remembered the horrible way in which she had shouted _I hate the hearse!_ in a horrible moment of confused anger and intense stress. His car was beautiful, and it looked rather new and expensive – it was so easy and pleasurable to drive, and Clare noticed the file folders of essays on the front seat. But she didn't recognize any of the names, which puzzled her a bit, as she had to remind herself not to snoop and focus on following her own car ahead.

They both got to the repair shop quickly, and Clare began to worry about which credit card she could pull out and pay for whatever Eli would instruct them to do. Dear God, it would be so embarrassing if Eli saw her credit cards being declined, something which she knew was a possibility if this total would turn out to be too high.

Eli was politely talking to the man at the front counter, and Clare snapped out of her thoughts to hear the conversation.

"Of course we can do that for you, Sir. Is there anything in particular you are worried about?" the mechanic asked him.

"A general check-up would be great, but I would like you to look at the bolts on the back left right tire – I think something may be off there, and just check the brakes and mufflers closely," Eli closely said, and Clare instantly knew that the mechanic was taking Eli's requests much more seriously than he would if they had been coming from her.

"Of course, Sir. How would you like to pay?" the mechanic asked, and Clare said a silent prayer before responding, "VISA, please," only to have Eli place his hand on hers as she was reaching inside her purse. His voice was soft and his eyes were pleading with her as she said, "No, I wanted you to have this done, I'm getting it".

Clare began to stubbornly shake her head, but the way in which Eli brushed his hand along hers made her lose her grip on reality for a minute and she was sure that she had never seen Eli look more heartbroken than in the moment in which he added, "Once upon a time you were my best friend. It's the least I can do, please," and by this time the mechanic had already accepted a silver MasterCard from Eli. What Eli had said made Clare want to burst into tears…because he was right. They were more than just boyfriend and girlfriend. They had been best friends, and Clare never felt as guilty than in the moments in which she wondered just how she could have abandoned a close friend so insensitively, running right into Jake's arms so soon after everything and kissing him happily in the hallway while she knew Eli was longingly looking at her, wanting so badly to make amends for everything that had happened between the two of them. Just looking back on it all, Clare truly felt like a monster.

Eli gently asked her, "Starbucks across the street?" and she nodded in response. Eli also didn't let her pay for their coffees, and he flashed her a tiny sad smile as he said, "Nope, I believe we had a deal," and Clare fondly remembered all those coffees he would always bring her in high school when he knew she had a busy day ahead of her, or at the end of a tiring afternoon.

As they sat down and began drinking their coffee, Eli only desperately wished that he could keep it together and not reveal too much of just how badly he had suffered ever since their relationship had come horribly crashing down, a night which invoked nightmares in him that to this day, never allowed him a peaceful night's rest.

He knew Clare's mind was reeling just as much as his, but he saw this one coffee with her as a blessed moment that he could fondly look back on for years to come – he hated the last conversation they had had, and maybe now the time and distance in between them could provide a nice buffer for him to be able to convince himself that for him and Clare to sit down and have coffee as old friends was truly possible.

"So, how was Queen's?" he asked, thinking the college subject was a safe one to start on.

"It was…fine," was all Clare said in response, which shocked Eli. He knew Clare had followed Jake to college in order to continue their relationship, but Queen's was a great school – she didn't want to talk about the classes or anything like that at all? Eli knew Jake must have only got in due to his soccer skills; a big deal was made around Degrassi when he won an athletic scholarship to the school. The whole thing had only made Eli want to show his congratulations to Jake as well, in the form of a punch for the way he saw Jake treat Clare, not in the form of those flirty little kisses the Power Squad girls bestowed on him all week long when everyone first found out about his admittance as their future star striker.

"How was U of T?" Clare shyly asked him, secretly wishing that she had stayed at U of T, at home or on campus, and had her own life instead of blindly following Jake to a city she hated and to a place that had never made her feel more alone.

"I loved it," Eli honestly answered, "but then I had to go to Ottawa for my masters and PhD, so I could return to U of T. Stupid can't-teach-at-the-university-you-graduated-from rule," Eli said with a scoff, and Clare instantly realized what all those papers on Eli's passenger car seat were.

"You're a prof!" she said, her tone filled with excitement this time, as she could definitely imagine Eli sharing his love of literature with undergrad students, and she knew that his own ambitions to get published would line up perfectly with this career; it would allow him time to focus on his own writing as well as to establish important contacts in the industry.

Clare saw Eli's cheeks get the faintest of blushes as he answered, "I am, just in my second year teaching though, I'm not tenured or anything," he modestly added.

"What do you teach?" Clare curiously asked.

"American Lit, three sections of a second-year Introduction course, and two sections of a really interesting fourth year course focused on modernism," Eli answered, and Clare detected the gleam in his eye that Eli would get whenever talking passionately about his deep interest in literature.

"That's amazing, Eli. Congratulations," Clare said, feeling a sharp pang in her heart. Eli had made something of himself, all on his own, while she –

"And do you do, Edwards?" Eli asked, the playfulness she loved so much returning in his voice as he mentioned her last name.

"I'm…a secretary," Clare admitted, feeling just a bit ashamed. She added, "I work at the Amnesty International offices," hoping that would make her situation sound a little better.

"Amnesty does such good work, Clare, that's amazing," Eli assured her, but Clare knew he was surprised to hear of her profession. She wanted to cry at the thought of disappointing Eli, and she remembered just how much he had given to her, but…she didn't want to tell him the circumstances of exactly how she was unable to find any other job, how her boss at Amnesty would frequently tell her that she's better than all of the writers on the payroll - Clare had given her a writing sample in a moment of desperation, and her boss only regretfully told her that as much as she would like to promote her, Clare needed a Master's degree first. Clare knew her parents might her help her with the tuition cost of that, but she would never find the time to even finish her Bachelor's, not to mention a Master's, because she had Emily to look after, so she had only sadly thanked her boss for her support.

Clare stared at Eli's hands, surprised to see no rings or sharpie marks on them, as she sadly realized that that was only a small thing wrong with them. Eli's hands belonged in hers, not on their own.

She was looking directly at him and thinking that he looked even more handsome after all this time, when he asked her a question that she never expected him to.

"Do you have kids?" he said, in a gentle tone full of warmth and understanding that convinced Clare to immediately share the truth with him.

But Clare had learned how to close herself off from people's curiosity expertly, and even if she was sitting across from the one person who had always been able to get herself to open up to him in unprecedented ways, all she chose to say was, "She's five."

Eli didn't hesitate for one second with his reply, looking Clare directly in the eyes and responding, "I saw the car seat. I love kids. Does she have your eyes?"

In that moment, as Clare Edwards blushed and tipped her head coyly, Eli Goldsworthy flashed her a playful smirk and they both felt all of fifteen and sixteen again.

"She does," Clare softly admitted, "Emily. That's her name."

"What a pretty name," Eli complimented as his smirk got wider. Clare then saw his face flinch with a rapid expression of pain before he continued, "So, guess I shouldn't really be calling you Edwards, then, eh? Clare…Martin?" and it was now Clare's turn to flinch at the memory of that name.

She held up her bare fingers to Eli as she explained, "Still Edwards. Divorced. Four and a half years now," and Clare was convinced she had never seen anything as compassionate as the look Eli cast her as he slowly reached for her hand and said, "I'm so sorry, Clare. I know how much marriage means to you". Eli himself was glancing at Clare's bare fingers and finding the sight strange…in his mind, one of two rings should be there; and he had on multiple occasions during their time together allowed himself the fantasy of replacing her delicate purity ring with a shiny wedding band.

"It was…just wrong, Eli. Always wrong. It was never right with him, it never worked. The only reason we ever even got married was because I got pregnant and his dad pushed him to do it. We did it ourselves, with paid witnesses at Kingston's City Hall, no ceremony, no family or anything like that," Clare said with a shrug before continuing, "Once Emily came, it became clear to me that it was never going to work. I didn't want her to see us get divorced when she was old enough to realize what was going on, so I did it quickly," Clare said, amazed at how easy it was to talk to Eli once she had begun. Maybe it was the way he slightly leaned his body into hers, his green eyes filled with so much compassion and sadness as they were flooded with a light film of tears as Clare finished her account. She was shocked to see Eli feel her own pain so poignantly, to the point where he was crying…for her, she realized incredulously.

"Oh, Clare," Eli sighed, his only response, as he gave her hand a squeeze, hoping she wouldn't interpret that as an undesired advance. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her uncomfortable, because Eli instantly realized that Jake was the one to rob Clare of…_everything_ in such a horrible way. His eyes flooded with more tears as he realized that Jake had robbed Clare of her innocence, of her wish to have a gorgeous church wedding that her family and friends could be at, of her wish to have a successful marriage, a happy and complete family…he had robbed her of her dreams, of her self-confidence. Everything that he could take from her, he did, in the most selfish way possible, even leaving her with a child all on her own.

Eli felt his fists clench as he told Clare through gritted teeth, "Dammit, I should have just beat the crap out of him in high school…like I dreamed of doing practically every day," shocking himself with his own sincerity.

But what was even more shocking was Clare's reaction to Eli's wishes; he had expected her to chastise him for his violent ways, or even to walk out, but instead she just…madly giggled, barely getting out, "You could have taken him any day, Eli, you know he was actually kind of terrified of you". This comment caused Eli to smirk smugly in her direction, leaning in closer to her ear to whisper, "Damn right I could have," as Clare rewarded him with loud laughter this time.

When they had both calmed down, Clare took a deep breath and decided to jump right in because she just…really wanted to know.

"How about you, Eli? Are you married?" she asked him, knowing that just because he didn't wear a wedding band she shouldn't assume things; plenty of men opted not to wear rings.

Eli chuckled and said, "Ha! No, I'm not married," and he definitely noticed the small smile that crossed Clare's lips before she quickly wiped it away.

"Are you seeing someone?" Clare pushed.

Eli knew his answer would be pathetic, but he wasn't about to lie to Clare so he told her the honest truth, "No, I am not. Dating…hasn't been my thing really, since…well, you know. The closest I ever got was Imogen, actually," knowing Clare would recognize the girl's name.

"Eli…I knew you dated her, but I never did know why you broke up, it was all so fast," she shyly admitted.

"Clare," Eli sighed, "Imogen…just insisted so much, and the only reason I think I even listened was because…she came along at a time when having someone…care about me, say hi to me every day and ask me how I was doing and such…it just…felt nice. I was on the ground and I couldn't get up and she just offered me a hand up. For about two weeks there, because pretty quickly I figured out she only cared about herself. I was only kidding myself even for those two weeks though," Eli admitted, because he didn't even know how else to characterize that…mistake. Imogen had made a fool out of him in front of the entire school with her manipulative ways.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out, Eli," Clare awkwardly responded.

"Don't you worry about that, Edwards, I sure don't. So…read any good books lately?" Eli asked Clare with a smirk.

The two old friends remained in the coffee shop for hours, light heartedly talking about everything under the sun like they always used to, leaving Clare to wonder if destiny truly has its own power in a moment of weakness when Eli reached over and pushed one of her stray curls behind her ear, an almost instinctive action for which he immediately apologized after, of course. Two hours and another round of coffee and muffins later, Eli's phone buzzed and the mechanic at the shop told him that after fixing the tire bolts on Clare's car and doing some work on the brakes and mufflers, it was ready to be picked up. Clare walked a little closer to Eli as they headed across the street and just as they were each back in their own cars, and Eli was starting to politely say how great it was to see her again, Clare asked Eli something that she had recently sworn to never ask a man again.

"Eli," she softly breathed, "Can we…do this again? Have coffee, sometime, maybe?" and her composure as she asked that question surprised even herself.

"I would love that, Clare," Eli replied as he exhaled deeply. "But how about...what is your little girl's favourite restaurant, can I take you two to dinner there next Friday?"

Eli immediately regretted his words as he saw Clare's eyes well up with tears, and he instantly thought he had done something wrong. He didn't know that Clare had tried dating a few times, thinking that Emily should not grow up without a father figure, but that she had quickly realized that when a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new, it always winds up feeling more like a job interview. He didn't know that Clare had quickly given up, thinking that she would never meet someone who wouldn't find about Emily and then turn around and run. He didn't know that…out of all the men who had ever asked her out, Eli was the only one to _ever _instinctively include Emily in their plans, not to mention, make the destination focused on Emily. He didn't know that the tears in Clare's eyes were there because she realized that Eli…got it, but the gentle assurance Clare gave him through a beaming smile was enough to brush his insecurities away.

"Emily likes…" Clare struggled, realizing, Emily really had never been to that many restaurants as eating out was expensive. However, Eli quickly came to the rescue as he suggested, "Maybe White Spot? I've heard kids like those pirate packs. But we can always drive around and she can just pick whatever place she's like to eat at, that'd be kind of fun, no?" and Clare nodded in response as she shocked Eli by giving him a chaste but intimate good-bye hug.

That night, as Clare Edwards lied in bed with a much better feeling Emily, she realized that for the first time in years, her heart was…open.

**Please let me know your thoughts in a review! Should I continue?**


	2. Sneezes and Blessings

**Hi lovely readers! Thank you so much for your lovely reviews…you said you would like to see the story go on, so on it goes!**

**Each of your comments means a lot to me and I want to thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me…many thanks to ToDecember, WhatEverHappened, ilovetaylorswift13, Nattyrox, deena, meandthatperson, Blah blah blah, Katra (your review made me smile!), TheCrazyUnicorn, xXLoveIsLouderXx, ceeceeluvsu2 (it took me two hours), .me, MelissaIsLame, legitdegrassi, EpicNinjaChica, iloveeliandclare (glad to see you on board friend! I know all about your twitter support and I think you are just the sweetest), Lovely'Henae, and to my rockstar reviewer StalkerAngel of course!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any real world references I happen to make. **

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"Wow. I can't say I'm not surprised…she's a little young to have a five year old, you know?" Eli heard his mother say in response to his announcement that he was having dinner with Clare Edwards tomorrow…and her five year old daughter.

"I know, I was a little shocked myself – not at the fact that she had a little girl, but at the whole story, you know? I don't think her pregnancy was exactly…planned, and I know how important…abstinence before marriage was to her," Eli admitted with a blush on his cheek as Bullfrog shot him an astonished look.

"Someone hurt her?" Eli's dad immediately asked in alarm.

"Not like that, dad," Eli specified, "it didn't sound like she was…assaulted, but she was definitely hurt in a different way. Do you guys remember…Jake?" he continued, wondering if his parents could recall the individual whom he had only mentioned a few times to them, not wanting his parents to worry about him still being hung up on Clare after their break-up. Eli knew his sickness had worried both of his parents enormously, and that they felt extremely guilty that they hadn't picked up on his fragile mental health earlier – once this part of his life had been placed in the past, he didn't like talking about it much, as it brought up dark memories not only for him, but for both of his parents as well. Eli knew his visits to his parents' house meant a lot to both Cece and Bullfrog – he didn't live far from them at all, but his schedule was busy, often keeping him on the university campus from dawn to dusk.

Cece softly said, "We remember him," not wanting to push the subject. She knew how deeply hurt her son had been when he had watched Clare move on so fast to someone who was the exact opposite of Eli; she knew that he was completely destroyed as he internalized the belief that Jake really was better for Clare than he ever was.

Eli continued, "Well, they were together for a long time, they went to Queen's together, and I think she just got pregnant by accident, and of course Clare would never terminate a pregnancy, and she mentioned they did get married after they found out she was pregnant, but when Jake wasn't there for his daughter, she divorced him. You remember how upset she was to see her own parents' divorce, so she said she didn't want Emily – her daughter – to go through the same thing, so she got a divorce before Emily was old enough to realize what was going on; I think just when she was a few months old".

"And then he just…left her alone? Walked out?" Bullfrog asked in an aggravated tone, wondering how on Earth anyone can just abandon their own child. Eli hadn't been exactly planned, but when Cece had come to him and told him she was pregnant…Bullfrog always fondly looked back on that moment as the happiest day of his life. Having the woman he loved have his child was the brightest joy for a man, he was reflecting as Eli nodded and then sadly looked out the window. But then…maybe that was the problem, Bullfrog thought, so he voiced his opinion.

"He never loved Clarabelle. And he's the biggest jerk on the planet," Bullfrog quite accurately concluded as Eli moved his gaze to meet his father's and nodded meaningfully.

"Eli…" Cece sighed, and her son could detect the worry in her voice immediately.

"What is it mom?" he asked right away.

"I just…want you to be careful, all right? Dating a girl who has a child is really different…" she gently started, but Eli cut her off right away.

"Mom, we're just doing one dinner as old friends, catching up, relax. We're not entering a relationship, it's not like that," Eli stubbornly insisted, but he knew he wasn't fooling anybody.

The conversation he was having with his parents was eerily similar to the one he had had with Adam on the phone. Adam was surprised to hear that Clare had a five year old daughter, but he did tell Eli he had heard some rumours. He mentioned that he hadn't believed them in the beginning, but as Clare started to minimize their contact and always seemed to avoid making concrete plans with Adam every time he tried to, Adam had started to believe that it was indeed all true, and while he desperately wanted to meet Clare's little girl and be there for one of his best friends, he knew that he couldn't force Clare into it and that the best thing to do was to respect her wishes. Hearing that Clare had immediately told Eli about Emily and even invited him to meet the little girl right away spoke volumes in Adam's opinion. When combined with the tone in Eli's voice as he was talking about Clare, Adam had all the information necessary to form an opinion very similar to that of Eli's parents, no matter how much Eli tried to deny such implications.

Cece just gave Eli a small smile in response, and the look in Eli's eyes told her this was as much conversation on this subject as he could take right now, but Bullfrog felt obligated to point out another crucial perspective to Eli. Bullfrog knew his son wasn't the sixteen year old boy who had been so desperately sick anymore, but he also knew that Eli had left very little room in his heart for trust after losing two people that he had cared for so deeply when he was so young, and he worried that Eli might regress to being completely devastated if anything nearly as dramatic as his break-up with Clare were to happen again.

"Your mother has a point son, plus…do remember - this child does have a father, and legally…you have no parental claim over the child whatsoever, while Jake does. He's Emily's dad in the eyes of the law, and I have heard some horror stories about kids going to the wrong people just because of matching DNA sequences," Bullfrog pointed out, and these words froze Eli's entire body to its core. Because he knew his dad was right, and he had no idea what type of legal arrangement Clare and Jake had worked out, although it sure looked like he wasn't involved at all.

Eli just shrugged off all of the negativity that had been coming from other people though, and simply said, "Okay," once again not convincing anybody. Cece and Bullfrog knew that when their son put his mind up to something, there was very little anyone could do to change it. They were both quite fond of Clare, and they had understood her reasons for leaving Eli, despite the fact that they agreed that she might have gone about the whole thing more gently. That night, before the two of them went to bed, they agreed to just be supportive of Eli, no matter what decision he chooses to make, because the horrible feeling of guilt of not properly being there for him in his teenage years was something that could not just be erased away; it was something they knew they would have to live with for the rest of their lives. They had made a promise to each other outside of Eli's hospital room all those years ago to always be there for him in the future, and they had no intention of ever breaking it.

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"Hello?" Clare cheerfully said, answering her phone and hoping that the unrecognized number would be the one person she wanted to hear from most. Of course he would have a new number now, he had been away for four years in Ottawa, she remembered.

"Hey Clare, it's Eli," she heard his voice say on the other line, and marvelled at how just the sound of it made her smile.

"Hi, Eli. How are you?" she politely asked.

"I'm okay. How are you and Emily?" Eli replied, and Clare's heart swelled to hear how Eli also asked about her little girl.

"We're doing well," Clare answered, and her heart sunk at the possibility that Eli might be calling to cancel dinner on Friday. Clare thought that now that Eli had had a couple of days to reflect on everything, the situation might look really unfavourable to him. She understood that things were so different now, and maybe if they were not…maybe they could have found a way to get back to what they used to have, she thought for a second, but she knew that not even the vision of a future with Eli Goldsworthy could cause her to regret having Emily. Nothing could cause her to regret that, Clare reflected as she prepared herself to hide the disappointment in her voice at what she thought Eli might be saying next.

"I'm calling about dinner on Friday," Eli began, and Clare pulled herself together, convinced her instinct had been right.

She heard Eli continue, "What time should I pick you up? And I don't even know where you live," and she felt her heart skip a beat as she realized that…not meeting promises was not Eli's style. How could she have forgotten that? Deep down inside she knew that disappointments and cancelled plans were the norm that she had become accustomed to, but the certainty in Eli's voice instantly made her remember that Eli had _never _done that, and she knew he wouldn't start now.

She hoped her emotion wouldn't show in her voice as she said, "Would six o'clock be okay? Emily has a pretty early bedtime, and she's just getting over a cold," and Eli replied, "Of course. Six is perfect".

Clare proceeded to give Eli the address and directions to her small apartment, realizing that it would only be a short drive away from his office at U of T, a detail that Eli immediately let her know upon hearing the address himself.

"Perfect. I'll be there at six, and then I can drive – we'll put her car seat in my car - and Emily can choose wherever she wants to go," Eli told Clare, repeating their earlier decision, and no other plan in the world could have sounded more beautiful to Clare than the one Eli had come up with.

"That sounds perfect, Eli," Clare assured him, and before her mouth could catch up with her mind she blurted out, "I'm really excited for Emily to meet you," and Clare immediately thought that might scare Eli or put all this pressure on him and she regretted her comment.

However, she heard Eli chuckle at the other end of the line and his tone was full of honesty and excitement as he said, "And I'm so excited to meet her. And to catch up with her mommy obviously," and Clare couldn't help but grin at his response.

"See you Friday, Eli. Have a good second week of classes," Clare told him, being fully aware that Eli must be dealing with a lot of stress as the university semester was just beginning, which only made her appreciate how he was taking time out of his schedule for dinner even more.

"Thanks, Clare. Have a good week at work, and I'll see you Friday," Eli told her before they hung up, leaving them both of them trying to process all of the complex emotions their phone call had resurfaced.

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A very confused Eli Goldsworthy was standing in front of a display that contained much too pink, purple, and glitter for his taste. But this is what little girls liked, right? That's what Cece had said, and that's what Eli had figured when he first thought about it. If only he knew Emily a little better – or at all, really – he knew he could have been able to pinpoint the perfect present for her, but for the time being, he would just have to hope he'd be lucky. He would get her a gift receipt anyway of course, but Eli knew real joy for a kid involved receiving something in their small hands that they loved right away, and he really wanted to see a smile appear on Clare's little girl's face. A smile that he would know was there because of him. He didn't want to show up to dinner empty handed, so he knew this trip to Toys R Us was indeed very necessary.

Eli really wanted to know what Emily looked like, because he knew he'd play it safe and get her one of the Barbie sets that made up the central display, but he thought Emily might like it if the doll resembled her, at least just a little. _Screw it,_ Eli thought as he picked out a Barbie with shiny, curly brown hair and a pretty green dress. The doll was made to look like a ballerina, and Eli paused for a minute, thinking Emily might not like that, so he also picked up some extra clothes sets, astonished that such things were even made and sold separately, picking out a fancy ball gown set and a sporty outfit set, hoping he had covered all his bases – Emily had to like at least _one _of those things, right? He also picked up some tissue paper and a pretty green Tinkerbell bag, and the cashier offered to wrap everything up nicely for him, a gesture which he was very grateful for. Now he only had to make one quick trip to the flower shop, and as he checked his watch he realized he still had a good thirty minutes before he would have to pick up the girls…he had left early, wanting to ensure he had time to do everything properly, and he resolved to spend his extra thirty minutes just doing some marking in his car.

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Clare was holding onto Emily's little hand securely as she searched for her keys in her purse, knowing she only had about thirty minutes to get both herself and Emily ready for going out to dinner, and she wanted everything to be perfect. She had no idea if this dinner deal with Eli would be a one-time thing, or if it would lead to the two of them becoming friends again, or…_no, don't let your mind go there, Clare_, she repeated to herself. _It wouldn't be fair to Eli. _No matter what would end up happening, Clare was very grateful that Emily would get to meet Eli at least once.

Once Clare finally got the door to the apartment open, Emily went to the bathroom and Clare quickly changed into the dark navy dress pants and blue blouse that she had laid out this morning, anticipating everything would need to happen quickly. She added a beautiful skinny leather belt around her waist, and put on a pair of striking blue earrings and a matching blue wrap bracelet. After putting on her make-up, completing it to the perfect degree that highlighted her beautiful eyes and made her lips sparkle with a delicate pink gloss, she made her way out of the bedroom to find Emily patiently sitting down at their small dinner table, and tears almost came to her eyes at her daughter's sweetness and patience. Clare was convinced Emily was more of an angel than a child, and she had often thanked God for the fact that Emily didn't seem to inherit a single drop of Jake's potent meanness. Clare knew Emily must be starving, but she just sat patiently at the dinner table, not rushing Clare at all or asking when dinner would be ready – she was simply just playing with the corners of her Barbie placemat. When she saw Clare approaching the table, she did pipe up and Clare knew her little girl was wishing the next part of their evening routine would happen soon.

Clare picked up the little girl from her seat and gently said, "Emily, sweetie, remember I told you we are going out to a restaurant tonight? We are not having dinner at home," and the little girl's eyes lit up at the news. Emily always liked going out of the house, regardless of the purpose.

"I forgot, mommy," Emily answered and Clare giggled in response.

"Don't worry, sweetie, that's okay. But do you remember I told you we're meeting my good friend for dinner, right? His name is Eli, we were friends in school together," and Emily just nodded quickly, resting her head on Clare's shoulder. Clare knew that Emily was always tired at the end of the day, and her heart stung with a sharp pain as she hated the fact that Emily had to be woken up at 6:45 every morning to be dropped off at daycare, and wouldn't be picked up until 6pm. Not that Emily ever complained; this was all she had ever known, Clare sadly reflected.

But she knew going out to dinner would reenergize her daughter, and she was really curious to see what would happen between her and Eli. Would Emily like Eli? She was such a shy little girl when you first got to meet her; many people never got to see just how outgoing and energetic and funny Emily was because they never took the time to get to know her. Would Eli like Emily? Would he think it's the strangest thing that Clare now was a mom? Clare shrugged these thoughts away, knowing that only time could tell, and she brought Emily into the bedroom so she could get her changed. Emily had done a good job of washing her hands by herself, making Clare pleased. She always insisted on having Emily look clean and pretty when they left the house – Clare wanted Emily to have as much as she could give her, and Emily did own a lot of nice clothing and toys, although Clare always wished she could do more. But tonight – tonight was special – and Clare wanted Emily to look extra nice, so she had bought her a new dress.

She held it up for Emily to see and the little girl's eyes widened at the sight.

"For me? New dress?" she asked, the excitement in her voice obvious as Clare laughed and nodded eagerly in response, picking out a pair of black tights for Emily to wear under her pretty green dress. Clare also put on a nice black zip-up sweater on top of the dress for Emily, because it was quite chilly outside, and she finished by brushing Emily's brown curls thoroughly and inserting a matching green headband in her hair. The little girl was getting more and more excited as she watched her mom hand her a pretty new pair of black shoes as well, and she giggled madly when Clare sprayed a bit of her lilac perfume on her as well, and when Emily asked if Clare could paint her nails pink for the 'special dinner' as Emily had termed it upon seeing all the new things she was getting for it, Clare didn't have the heart to say no. So Emily's nails might not dry by the time Eli got here – that would be fine, Clare decided and she made her little girl's wish come true. Clare was delighted to see Emily excited and not plagued by her horrible cold that much anymore, and it even turned out that the little girl's nails did dry by the time Clare heard her phone ring and she put on a nice blazer on top of her blouse as she took Emily's hand and let them downstairs.

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Eli was nervously pacing in front of his Lincoln as he tightly hung on to a bouquet of lovely yellow flowers in one hand and a shiny green Tinkerbell bag in the other. He knew he would look ridiculous if he kept pacing, so he took a deep breath and remained still in front of the apartment building, and just as he settled down, his breath was taken away by the vision in front of him. Clare looked absolutely stunning and Eli was thrilled to see her blue eyes sparkling lively like they always did when he would take Clare on special dates back in their high school days, but Eli was also immediately captivated by the little girl tightly clutching Clare's hand. He felt his lips form into an automatic smirk as he noticed that Emily was the exact likeness of Clare; the only real difference being the fact that Emily had cute little bangs, but her pretty brown curls bounced in an even more pronounced manner than her mother's and Eli was ecstatic to see that this wish of his had come true – Emily had Clare's hair, and…her eyes. Her eyes were the same astounding blue as Clare's, but her little face made them even more prominent. She was even wearing a green dress, just like the doll that was awaiting her in the bag that Eli was holding. There was not a trace of the girl's father visible in her appearance, and as he looked at the little creature Eli completely forgot that Jake even existed. He was mesmerized that…a mini-Clare existed in the world, and that he was getting the chance to take both her and Clare to dinner. Life really was a funny thing, he thought, as his smirk only got wider and he noticed Clare's smile when her gaze fell upon the flowers that he was holding.

Eli held the door to the apartment building open and the two girls crossed the threshold.

"Hi Eli," Clare told him with an electric smile, "this is Emily," she said, lifting the little girl into her arms, and gently telling her, "Emily, this is my good friend Eli who I was telling you about, can you say hi?" and the little girl shyly did so, immediately burying her face in her mom's shoulder afterwards.

Clare felt the need to explain, "Sorry, Eli, she's really shy – but just at first".

"Don't worry about it! Hi Emily, I'm Eli. I like your pretty dress," he gently said, and Emily pulled out of her mother's embrace and looked back at Eli, much to Clare's delight.

Eli held the flowers out to Clare as he said, "You look so beautiful tonight, Clare. These are for you," and Clare smiled and buried her face in them right away, taking in their sweet scent, and trying to remember when the last time anyone had given her flowers was. She quickly realized that…the last person to give her flowers was the same person who was standing opposite of her in this moment, looking very handsome in his dark dress pants and navy dress shirt, and she quickly fought back the tears that this realization brought, as she didn't want Eli or Emily to misinterpret them as sadness.

Eli flashed Clare a smirk when he saw her reaction to the flowers, and he then turned his gaze to meet Emily's as he said, "Emily, I got you a small present when I was at Toys R Us," and Clare picked up on Emily's excitement at the name of her favourite store. Eli shyly continued, "It's in this bag," and Clare was impressed at Eli's thoughtfulness and noticed how pretty Emily's present was arranged. Tears did now sting her eyes at the sight of Eli handing Emily a present, and Clare put the little girl down so she could open her present easier.

Clare saw how surprised Emily was by Eli's gesture and her heart swelled as she watched Emily shyly say, "Thank you," and Eli flashed her a smirk and said, "You're welcome. Now if you don't like it, we can go trade it in for something else," but both Clare and Eli quickly saw that such a trip wouldn't be needed, as the little girl literally dropped her jaw when she realized that she was receiving the same Barbie that she had seen advertised on TV in between episodes of her favourite shows.

"Ballerina Barbie!" she exclaimed breathlessly, the sight causing Clare to hold her own breath, and Emily was so overwhelmed by seeing that Eli had also picked up two other outfits for the doll that she covered her little face with her hands for a second before asking, "These are all…_for me_?" and an Eli who was completely down for the count upon seeing the little girl's reaction responded, "Of course. I'm a little old to play with Barbies," a comment which caused Emily to look Eli up and down and then giggle. She then turned to Clare and tugged on her pant leg as she said, "Mommy, mommy, she has a green dress like mine," a comment which completely delighted Eli.

Clare explained, "Oh, Eli, she loves Barbies, and that one is this new one she's seen advertised on TV. She's wanted it for so long," and in that moment Eli felt just as victorious as when he first found out about his U of T job offer.

Clare then lifted Emily up in her arms again, and when the little girl found herself that much closer to Eli's face she felt the need to repeat, "Thank you for the Barbie and the clothes," but the proximity of being at his eye level caused a deep pink blush to form on the apple of her cheeks and the little girl dipped her head in the characteristic way of her mother – and in that moment, with those two unconscious actions on her part, Emily instantly had Eli completely wrapped around her little finger without even ever meaning to achieve such a task. Clare immediately noticed how awestruck Eli was with Emily, and she knew it was because he recognized Clare's mannerisms in her, and she once again had to fight back tears upon seeing the two of them interact so beautifully.

Eli snapped out of it after a few seconds, and he told Clare, "Let me just grab the car seat from your car and put it in mine and then we'll be on our way, okay?" and Clare handed him her keys, happy that Eli understood that although Emily could easily just sit in the back without a seat, having her car seat was a much safer option.

Eli completed the car seat transfer quickly and expertly, and Clare watched in amazement as Emily left her side and quickly walked over to the side of the car and held her little arms out for Eli to lift her into the car seat – sometimes Emily wouldn't even let her grandma do this, insisting that Clare be the only one to do it, but here she was now, moving towards Eli as if she had known him her entire life. Clare was convinced she had never seen anything as gentle as the way that Eli effortlessly lifted the little girl into her car seat, and she was pleased to see that Eli strapped her in the car seat properly and securely. Eli was just double checking her seat belt when Clare saw Emily close her eyes and sneeze right in his face – sending little wet particle drops flying into the air which later landed all over Eli's nose, eyes and mouth. This obviously took Eli by surprise, and Clare's eyes widened as she sat frozen in fear as her mind involuntarily flashed back to a moment when Emily was only five months old.

"_Dammit Clare, she's going to get me sick! Why don't you ever keep her clean, she's sneezing all over the place, her nose is runny – do you want me to miss the game tomorrow? Do you want Coach Carmichael to get mad at me and not play me? Do you want me to miss the entire season? Is that what you want? For me not to have a future? It's bad enough you'll never graduate, doesn't mean we have to ruin my life too! The baby is your job, I thought we agreed, so come, take her away, she's so sick it's disgusting! Now! What are you doing anyway?" _

However, Clare soon felt herself physically jolt as the sound of Eli's laughter and Emily's little giggles surrounded her, and she saw Eli wiping Emily's nose with a tissue he had grabbed from the glove box as he was saying, "That's right, your mommy mentioned you had a cold. Are you feeling any better? Is it okay that we go to dinner or do you want to maybe eat at home instead? I can go pick dinner up," he gently asked her.

Emily instantly replied, "I'm better, it doesn't hurt anymore. I want to go to dinner with you and mommy," as Eli said, "All right! Dinner it is then!" and he held his palm up, and Emily instantly obliged, grinning at him and giving him a high five.

Clare couldn't help but feel her eyes tear up when she saw the playful, but still immensely caring way in which Eli had handled the situation, but she quickly composed herself as she settled into the passenger seat of Eli's Lincoln. Eli quickly sat into the driver's seat and Clare saw him rapidly wipe a Kleenex across his own face before tossing it discreetly into a small car garbage bin.

"So where to, girls?" Eli asked as Clare noticed him turning the heat on in the car, an action she was very grateful for as Emily had a tendency to get cold really easily.

Clare turned around to face Emily as she said, "Sweetie, do you want to go to White Spot for dinner? Remember where we went for grandma's birthday?" and Emily got a thoughtful look on her face as she said, "Is that okay?" and Eli quickly responded, "Of course it is, White Spot is the best," and he sent a quick wink Clare's way that instantly made her blush.

Fifteen minutes later, Emily was tightly clutching Clare's hand as they walked up to the restaurant and Eli held the door open for the girls. Clare greeted the hostess and Eli said, "For three please," and the hostess placed them at a nice booth next to a fireplace and assured them that a waitress would be with them shortly.

Clare and Emily sat on the opposite side of the booth from Eli as a young cheerful waitress greeted them and handed them two regular menus, a children's menu, and some coloring pages and crayons and told them to take as much time as they needed to decide. Clare noticed that the waitress seemed a little intimated and shy around Eli, something that she thought was very strange; Eli was one of the most comfortable people to be around that she had ever known. She also noticed Eli look at the girl curiously for a minute, which she also found just as odd.

Clare shrugged that observation aside as Eli flashed the girls a smirk as he asked, "What is your favourite food, Emily?" Clare noticed that he was completely mesmerized by the way the little girl twirled her curls thoughtfully as she studied the kids' menu, and Clare was grateful that the list of options included large pictures.

"Cheeseburgers," Emily shyly answered Eli before snuggling closer to Clare and whispering, "Mommy, what can I get?" but before Clare could answer, Eli said, "You can have whatever you like, Emily," and the little girl flashed him another coy smile accompanied by blushing cheeks that had Eli completely charmed at once, much to Clare's amusement.

"Can I have this one?" Emily said, pointing to a picture of a cheeseburger meal arranged as a pirate pack, and Clare smiled at her and placed a kiss in her curls as she said, "Of course, sweetie".

The waitress returned shortly after, and Eli told her Emily's order first, and then Clare ordered a chicken pasta dish while Eli opted for a burger and fries combo. Eli noticed Emily staring longingly at a picture of chicken strips on her kids menu, so just as the waitress was collecting all of their menus he said, "And could we also please get an order of kids' chicken strips".

Clare immediately said, "Eli, you don't have to do that, there's no way she's going to finish all of that," but Eli just raised an eyebrow playfully, and winked at Emily as he said, "She's a kid. She doesn't have to play by the rules," and Clare just giggled in defeat. She knew Eli made a valid point.

"And kids' chicken strips," the waitress repeated, before pausing and shyly adding, "Coming right up…Professor," and Clare instantly realized the connection between Eli and the waitress, one that he seemed surprised of as well.

"Are you one of my students?" Eli asked the waitress.

She shyly nodded and said, "English 202, Tuesday and Thursday mornings".

"That's right, I thought you looked familiar! Sorry, I don't even know your name – semester has just started, I'll learn them all eventually," Eli said apologetically as she girl answered, "Kate Spring, Professor. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your family meal," and Clare just smiled shyly to herself upon hearing the girl's innocent assumption.

"Don't worry about it, not an interruption at all, on the contrary - thank _you_ for bringing us our meal, Kate," Eli replied as he stood up in order to shake the girl's hand. Clare instantly remembered all of her cold professors who would never bother to learn undergraduate students' names, and she was delighted to see that despite the fact that Eli taught at a university that was much larger than Queen's, he was still genuinely interested in being kind to his students.

"That's so cool, that she's your student," Clare told Eli as Emily was engrossed in her colouring.

"Well, we are pretty close to campus," Eli logically pointed out.

Kate returned with drinks soon after, placing Emily's apple juice in front of her, and handing Clare her lemonade and Eli his Coke, which caused Clare to affectionately remember the Romeo and Juliet project that she had adored so much. To this day, Romeo and Juliet remained Clare's favourite work by Shakespeare, and she couldn't help but get teary eyed when she read it, or saw a theatre or movie production of it…and not just because of the actual content of the play, but because of the memories that Clare associated with it.

Eli could now clearly discern the tears that had invaded Clare's eyes so he instinctively reached for her hand as she asked, "What's wrong, Clare?" the worry in his voice completely unmasked.

"Eli…I need to tell you that I'm sorry. For…abandoning you like that," she whispered, not wanting Emily to hear what she had to say to Eli. Clare could tell that he was thinking the same thing, as he shot a concerned glance in her direction, but Emily was completely consumed by bringing Dora the Explorer safely back to the side of the river without a crocodile as outlined in her activity sheet.

"No, Clare, I don't want you to worry about that," Eli said in a soft tone. "It was not your job to fix me. I should be the one apologizing here – what I did was unforgivable," he added, and the shame Eli felt was not only dripping from his every word, but it was clearly reflected on his blushing and nervous face.

"Eli…you were sick, right?" Clare shyly asked, not wanting to bring back unpleasant memories for him, but feeling that she needed to know, especially if they were to have dinner again…Clare needed to know for Emily's sake…if Eli would be around Emily…this was something she needed to know.

Eli stared at his water glass for a long time and wouldn't meet Clare's gaze, but eventually he hid his shaking hands under the table as he whispered, "Post traumatic stress leading to a psychotic break. That's what my therapist identified it as," and this time Clare was the one to want to want to reach for Eli's hand, but she knew they were under the table.

"Eli…give me your hand," she whispered, and a quick glance in Emily's direction ensured the girl was still completely engrossed in her activity sheet. Eli whispered, "No, you don't have to," afraid that Clare had asked to hold his hand just out of obligation and worry, but the shaky voice in which she whispered, "Eli, please, I want to. I…need to. Give me your hand," let him know she genuinely wanted to so he did as he was asked. Clare soon felt Eli exhale after she intertwined their hands under the table.

"Go on," she gently told him, giving his hand a light squeeze.

"The doctor said that with…Julia's death, and the almost-stabbing, and Fitz's return and everything…she said that all that post-traumatic stress…sort of crashed onto me that night, and it led to me having a psychotic break where I couldn't really tell what was appropriate or not – obviously…which is why I did what I did," Eli slowly said, and Clare was touched not only by how completely open he was being, but also by how evasive yet also precise he was with his vocabulary, not actually concretely saying 'car crash' and Clare knew this was a conscious decision on his part due to Emily's proximity.

There was something about the way Eli was phrasing everything that was worrying Clare though, and she knew he didn't want her to hold herself responsible for anything that had happened to him, but…she just had to know.

"So…that night…my phone call triggered everything, didn't it?" she asked Eli, horrified tears in her eyes.

Eli was quick to assertively tell Clare, "_Don't_ do that. It wasn't your fault, Clare. None of what happened was your fault. You know you saved me, right?" and his question completely shocked Clare, and she was grateful their food arrived in that precise moment so she could have a minute to process what he had just told her. Eli watched Clare lovingly place some ketchup on Emily's plate and he poured some plum sauce for her chicken strips onto a small extra plate that he placed by her side as Clare grinned up at him upon seeing him do that.

"Is it good?" Eli asked Emily after she had tried her meal, and the little girl flashed him a grin identical to the one he had received just a few seconds ago as she said, "Yummy," and Eli couldn't help but chuckle in response.

Emily quickly became focused on her food, and Eli gently continued, "You rescued me, Clare. I know you might not think that, but…Clare…if I hadn't met you…I don't know what would have happened to me. I was so lost in a cloud of pain and shame and guilt so big and overwhelming that I couldn't even ask for help. But then you came along and you gave me the help I never had the strength to ask for. But then…I screwed it up. I was like…a diesel truck, shifting gears – the pedal was stuck, and I was headed straight for the edge with no signs of slowing. You slowed me down a lot, Clare, but what you did by getting out when you did – it was strong, and it was brave, Clare. You were fifteen! Fifteen! And you dealt with…all of me, a big job even for professional therapists, don't you see?" Eli asked Clare, and she was in shock from hearing his perspective on things. _Eli didn't harbour any resentment towards her. _

"Oh, Eli," Clare softly sighed as her eyes teared up again, "I read it, you know," a comment which left Eli completely blindsided.

"Read what?" he asked, confusion etched across his face.

"_She Didn't Have To Be,"_ Clare admitted.

"What? How?" Eli asked, knowing that Clare would have been at Queen's when he had published that in the U of T creative writing magazine.

"Online," she admitted, and realization flashed across Eli's face as he softly said, "Oh. Wow, um, if I knew you were going to read that…I wouldn't have been so…" Eli was saying as he rubbed his neck uncomfortably with his hand.

"Open?" Clare supplied, and Eli slowly nodded in response, the faintest of blushes forming on his cheeks.

"Well, it helped me through some hard times, you know," Clare admitted, and Eli instantly knew what times she was referring to. "The part about…hanging onto whatever brings you happiness especially," Clare confessed, quickly moving to place another kiss in Emily's curls, leaving the little girl a little surprised. Emily quickly shrugged it off as she began eating her chicken strips, dipping each one diligently in the plum sauce Eli had poured onto a plate for her.

Clare felt Eli slowly caress her hand under the table as he softly breathed, "I'm sorry, Clare. For…everything that I put you through. You didn't deserve that".

"I'm sorry too, Eli," Clare gently said, intertwining their hands under the table again. Both Clare and Eli were unsure of the significance of their hand movements, but…it felt so right that they both made the same conscious decision to not read too much into it for the moment.

Eli felt that there was one more thing he needed to say, though. "Clare…I did one year of therapy before I was dismissed as a patient. I never took any medication – my doctor ruled that it wasn't necessary, and I haven't come close to feeling that way ever again at any point in my life….just so you know," and the slight glance that he cast in Emily's direction told Clare everything she needed to know. Eli understood her initial concerns about Emily's presence around Eli, but Clare now saw that there was no reason for her to be worried. Eli's fiercely protective instincts were…perfect for being around a child, she also realized.

Eli quickly added, "And…Clare, there's another thing I'm sorry for. That conversation we had – right before the summer," he said, and Clare nodded in recognition, "I knew…you were trying to mend things, to recapture our friendship. But…I couldn't. And I know that you thought it was because I was stubborn, which was true, but it was also because…I just couldn't handle hanging out with you, watching movies and reading books and writing if…he was there as well. I was determined and angry, but if I had tried to spend time with you _and _him, I know it would have only driven me insane all over again. I really didn't like him; he rubbed me the wrong way from the first moment I saw him, and no, not just because Adam told me he was your childhood friend. There was just…something about him," Eli honestly admitted, "So I'm really sorry that I never tried…but under the circumstances, I just couldn't," Eli said, casting his glance back to his water glass immediately after finishing.

Clare knew he had strategically left Jake's name out of the conversation, for fear that the child sitting at the table with them would recognize it and feel uncomfortable. Clare knew that if anyone were to ever ask Emily where her daddy was, she would simply reply, "He's not here right now". Clare was glad Emily had never pushed to know more about Jake, but she knew that one day she would, and that that day would be soon…probably as soon as Emily entered school and she would hear other kids always talking about their dads, Clare thought. Until then, she was preparing for the best way to handle that situation when it would come up.

Clare immediately felt humiliated when Eli shared his feelings about Jake, because she knew that Eli's instincts had been right. Jake was never someone to be trusted or whom you could rely on, and Eli's protective instincts had always been really good at telling deceiving people apart from those who really could be trusted. She had only seen them fail once…in the case of Imogen, but Imogen really was a master manipulator, so Clare didn't really blame Eli for falling into her trap. She knew that Eli was at his most vulnerable when Imogen had arrived at Degrassi and that he desperately wanted to feel like someone cared about him at that time, and she suspected that Imogen had probably picked up on that and used Eli's vulnerability to her advantage. Clare knew that Imogen's fakeness had hurt Eli, because deep down inside Clare knew Eli just needed someone to stand by him in those times, and Imogen had only pretended to because she found him 'broody, mysterious and incredibly hot,' as Clare overheard her say one time in the girls' washroom.

"I understand, Eli. I…understood at the time as well," Clare admitted, because Eli's jealousy had been quite potent and quite visible to everyone at Degrassi. There was one particular incident in gym class that Clare had heard about – Eli and Jake were a grade above her, so while the two boys had that class together, she was not in it – in which a soccer ball kicked by Eli had ended up hitting Jake in the face and caused his nose to bleed. Eli had apparently smugly insisted that it was an accident to Coach Armstrong, but Clare knew better than to believe that, not only because she was aware of just how difficult getting a soccer ball to the perfect height of someone face's level was, but especially since she knew that just the previous day Eli had overheard Jake and Clare have an argument in which he kept calling her 'overdramatic,' an epithet that had always been one of Jake's favourites for her. Right after hearing about Eli's little soccer mishap, she walked by him in the hallway and Clare could still perfectly remember the little smirk that had crossed his lips as she gave him an inquiring look. In retrospect, Clare's favourite thing about the whole situation was that Eli outplayed Jake at his favourite sport, symbolically using a soccer ball to hurt him. Clare knew there was no way that the writer in Eli hadn't chosen this particular weapon on purpose.

Eli just took a deep sigh and said, "Thank you," grateful to be off the despicable subject of Jake. Eli took one glance at Emily and wondered how such a little angel could ever be related to Jake, but then he realized all over again that…Emily was her mother's daughter, from her blue eyes to her sweet shyness. There was not one trace of Jake in the little girl.

Eli saw Emily snuggle closer to Clare and he heard her shyly say, "Mommy, I'm thirsty," and he saw that she had finished her apple juice, so as Kate walked by them, Eli kindly asked her to bring them another glass, which caused Emily to give Eli another shy smile and say, "Thank you, Eli," making this the first time that the little girl had spoken his name, and Eli was thrilled to hear it. He wanted her to say it again, and always with that same tone of happiness in it.

"I can't believe how much she ate," Clare exclaimed, a little surprised at Emily's appetite.

Eli shrugged and said, "That's good. She was just sick, right? Means she's getting her strength back," he pointed out, and Clare realized that Eli must be right and she smiled in response.

"So, Emily, what should we get for dessert?" Eli playfully asked the little girl, and the politeness that her mother had instilled in her shined through as she said, "We don't have to get anything else, Eli".

"Are you kidding me? Dessert is the best part of any meal, there's no way we're not getting any," Eli immediately answered, and the little smile that crossed both Clare and Emily's faces thrilled him to no end. Eli was feeling a contentment that he hadn't felt in a long time at being able to make the girls so happy, and he never wanted the feeling to end.

"What should we get?" Eli asked, holding out a dessert menu for Emily, but he instantly saw the little girl push it a little away, which he found rather strange. She definitely wanted to get dessert, so why was she acting this way?

Clare gave her a quick squeeze and said, "Should we have brownies and ice-cream? Cheesecake? Lemon cake?"

Emily quickly widened her eyes and said, "Brownies, please, mommy," and Eli asked Kate to bring them each a portion. The nicely decorated plates full of brownies, ice cream, and whip cream quickly appeared and Eli noted that these produced the widest grin on Emily's face since seeing her Barbie, and pretty soon her little face was covered in chocolate syrup as both Clare and Eli chuckled at her innocent delight.

Clare was telling Eli a story about the first time Emily had tried chocolate when she noticed his happy expression turn to a serious one as he gave her hand another squeeze under the table and said,

"Clare…do you have help…I mean with Emily?" as he couldn't imagine the salary Clare was receiving at Amnesty International be enough to provide everything for both of them.

Clare nodded sadly as she said, "I do. My parents helped me with my rent until I got on my own feet, and now I have established a nice balance. Alli watches her whenever she can – she's so busy working at the hospital obviously – but my dad always helps me out financially if I ever need it, and my mom does so as well, plus she watches Emily a lot too," she explained, and despite her quiet determination, Eli could see that Clare didn't like depending on other people for financial support. She had always been an independent and intelligent girl – that was one of the things that Eli loved most about her – so it killed him that Jake had also robbed her of her career ambitions. Because Eli knew Clare had them; both of them would spend a lot of time discussing that in their high school days, day dreaming about college graduation and future careers while sitting on the hood of Morty.

There was something else that had been bothering Eli as Clare explained her situation, so he carefully asked, "Doesn't he help at all? Financially, I mean? It's the law, isn't it?"

Eli saw Clare's expression become even more determined as she said, "We…made a deal in that respect. I have sole custody of Emily," Clare said in a low whisper, "which he agreed to give to me when I promised him I'd never ask him for any child support…if I could just have sole custody. And I really wanted that, Eli; I couldn't even take her on vacation outside the country without it; I'd have to ask him, and I would hate having to contact him every time…to depend on him…and he is so mean that I know if he was angry enough he would say no just to upset me," Clare said and Eli immediately nodded.

"As much as it makes my blood boil that he doesn't help out not even in that most basic way, I get it, Clare. It's a good arrangement; he can't mess with your life this way," Eli said.

"Exactly," Clare replied, relieved that Eli seemed to understand at once.

She shakily added, "This way….he can't…ever take her away from me. Not that he'd be interested, anyway, you know? But I just…wanted the legal protection," Clare asserted.

"That was very smart, Clare," Eli praised her, happy to hear that Bullfrog's concerns were settled this way as well.

"My dad helped me, he's a lawyer after all," Clare said with a small smile that Eli returned.

"You have a great thing going," Eli said, wishing to communicate to Clare how proud he was of her for making everything work so well for Emily in such a difficult situation.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't really matter - it's only going to last for another week," Clare said as she sadly stared at her brownie, losing her appetite at once, complete resignation flooding her voice.

"Why is that?" Eli curiously asked, worried at Clare's sudden change of spirit.

"Emily's daycare is shutting down, and every other day care in the city had a waiting list of at least seventy spots," Clare told him, as Emily piped up, "I can't go to _Happy Family _anymore," and both of their sadness broke Eli's heart.

"What?" he asked in surprise. "There has to be _something _you can do, where are all the kids in Toronto supposed to go if the situation is that bad? You know, I think I remember an article in the paper that talked about the government shutting down all these daycare centres without building any new ones," Eli shared with Clare.

"Yeah, in the_ Globe and Mail_, right?" Clare asked and Eli nodded in response. "Well, so far, the only advice I've gotten is to hire a nanny – which I can't afford, or stay at home and watch her – which I would love to do, but I obviously have to work," Clare said as Eli began to feel her concern himself.

"That's ridiculous," he said, but Clare just shrugged sadly.

Eli then quickly asked, "Wait…have you tried the daycare centre complex at U of T? You know, there's quite a few of them, all together on the South side of campus,"

"I did. One hundred person waiting list, and that was especially horrible news, because those were the nicest centres I have ever seen," Clare admitted.

"They get direct private funding from the university, and they are used as teaching facilities, that's why they are so nice – they are renovated and remodelled every three years, and the newest developmental toys always come there first – U of T is big on research, that's probably why they are at a higher standard, I think," Eli explained, his logic so comprehensive that Clare knew at once that he must be correct.

"That would have been so nice, and Emily's best friend Sarah got a spot there – she had been on the waiting list for years as her parents live really close to the University. I would have put Emily on the list earlier as well, but I had no idea the situation was so bad," Clare miserably said, and Eli noticed that she looked tremendously guilty.

Emily took a small bite of her brownie and joined the conversation, adding, "Sarah says her new day care is the best, she went to see it," and in that moment, Eli knew he couldn't just stand idly by and not do anything. He felt involved now.

"And they're full?" he asked Clare on more time, wanting to set up his argument logically.

"Yes, one hundred person waiting list, remember?" Clare reminded him.

In that moment, Eli felt all of his old fears about being suffocating return as he prepared to speak, and he knew that if the situation only involved himself and Clare, he would have kept quiet. But this was bigger than him, and bigger than Clare. This was about Emily, and as he glanced at the little girl whose happiness had completely eradicated once the conversation had introduced her daycare issue, he knew he had to take a chance…for her sake.

He wiped his mouth with his cloth napkin and as he set it down on the table, he slowly said, "You know, Clare…those rules about a fixed number of spots…in the case of the university daycare, they don't apply to…faculty members," and Clare's gaze immediately met Eli's when she heard him move towards this suggestion.

"Really?" she asked, trying to keep all emotion out of her voice.

"When they offered me a teaching position here, that was one of the perks. Guaranteed daycare position, along with a number of other things. Obviously, I didn't think much of it at the time, but…I don't see why you shouldn't take it. It also includes half price care, you know," Eli mentioned to her, remembering the details of the letter he had received from U of T describing all these sorts of conditions.

"Eli, I couldn't possibly," Clare began, shaking her head, but Eli immediately cut her off, saying, "Why not? It's not like _I_'m going to use it," he pointed out.

"Because Eli, it would…raise all these awkward questions for you. I know university circles are small, and you're pretty new at your job, people would assume…that she's your child, and you're quite…young, and I know what people say about that, trust me," Clare whispered, wanting to burst into tears at the fact that she had an ideal solution to her problem here…but she knew it wouldn't be fair to Eli. How could he be so kind to her after everything?

Eli just smirked and said, "Yeah, because _I_'ve always been _so_ big on what other people think," chuckling at the thought, and Clare couldn't help but burst in a fit of giggles. "U of T is a big place, Clare, no one would know, and if they did – they'd totally be jealous of how cute she is to even think about anything else – she's your perfect little mini-me, you know," Eli added in order to reassure Clare, despite the fact that he did think that word might spread…but this was bigger than him. This was about the safety and happiness of a child…and not just any child - Clare's child.

"But Eli," Clare continued, "What if…one day, you know, you _do_ want to use this option? What if one day you need the spot? You're going to waste it on me".

Eli didn't hesitate for one second as he responded, "You and Emily a_re not _a waste. And I highly doubt that's ever going to happen, Edwards," Eli told her with complete honesty. He couldn't imagine starting a family…with anyone but the blue-eyed woman in front of him, as he had allowed himself to imagine a few times in high school. But he knew he had no right to ask that of Clare. He was convinced that he had no right to even think that.

Eli exhaled deeply before he said, "If the fear of what my co-workers would think is the only reason why you don't want to do this, Clare…it's not a very good one. I get a spot, why not use it? Why let it go to waste when you need it? When Emily needs it?" he plainly said, and Clare couldn't argue with the sincerity and logic of his argument.

Eli leaned over and whispered, "How about we bring Emily to see if she likes it over there and then we decide?" but Clare hesitatingly admitted, "Oh, she'll love it – it's so much nicer than her old daycare, and her best friend is there".

Eli flashed her a smirk as he said, "Well then, sounds like our problem is solved, then, isn't it Edwards?" and Clare felt her heart skip a beat when she heard Eli refer to it as _our _problem. She was so sick of always referring to issues as only her problems, that the use of that word moved her so much that she couldn't help but sigh, "Okay. Let's do it. Thank you, Eli," and she reached across the table to give him a quick hug.

"Mommy, why are you hugging him? You never hug boys," Emily quickly asked, causing Clare to blush about ten different shades of red while Eli unsuccessfully tried to hide his own small blush.

Clare quickly gathered her wits and said, "Honey, Eli just gave me some good news – you're going to go to the U of T daycare with Sarah after you finish at _Happy Family_," Clare announced, and Emily quickly widened her eyes and said, "Really?" as Clare joyfully laughed in response.

"Yeah, Eli made it all work out, so what do you say?" Clare quickly suggested and Eli's heart melted when Emily looked at him coyly once more and rewarded him with an adorable little "Thank you, Eli."

The bill arrived and Eli quickly paid it, glad that for once Clare didn't argue with him to let her pay even a portion of it. Emily asked Clare to pick her up as they walked out of the restaurant, and it became obvious that the excitement of the evening had exhausted her, because although she began playing with her Ballerina Barbie in the car, she quickly fell asleep, hugging the doll tightly to her little chest, creating a rear-view mirror sight that awoke emotions in Eli that he wasn't even sure he had ever felt before. Clare gently picked her up out of the car seat once Eli parked in front of the right apartment building, and although Emily stirred a little and her little eyelids fluttered, she didn't wake up. Clare watched Eli smoothly restore the car seat to its proper location in her Corolla, and she whispered,

"Eli, this was so lovely. Emily and I had so much fun, thank you so much," gratefulness invading her voice.

"She's a great little girl, amazing just like her mommy," Eli instantly replied as he flashed Clare a smirk, a sight that she had missed so much over the past years.

"Do you want to come up with us for a little bit?" Clare shyly asked him.

"She's exhausted Clare, I don't want to disturb you," Eli honestly answered, and the sincerity and care in his voice and expression caused Clare to nod in agreement.

Eli added, "So, I'm going to drop by the daycare centre on Monday, pick up whatever forms I'll probably need, and I'll have to get them to you to fill out," he said.

"Monday night, just come over any time after 5:30, we'll be here," Clare warmly said.

"Okay, sounds good. I'll probably come by at eight, I have a department meeting that starts at six and those always take a while - is that all right? Is that after her bedtime?" Eli asked.

"No, it's not a problem at all. Eight is perfect," Clare answered, and she felt her face flush when she realized she would be seeing Eli so soon again.

"Okay, I will text you when I am downstairs just in case," Eli specified.

Clare was so touched at his sensitivity that she couldn't help but to follow her impulse and approach him while still holding her little girl in her arms, creating a bit of an Emily sandwich as she placed the gentlest, but most intimate of kisses on Eli's cheek. This act had him so surprised that he felt his knees shaking as Clare's lilac scent brought back so many sweet memories for him, and as Clare told him, "Thank you, Eli, what you did means so much to me," he was left completely flustered. Even long after he watched Clare head into the elevator, supporting Emily's little body in her arms and hanging on to her flowers and to Emily's presents as well, Eli Goldsworthy's mind and body were still left completely reeling from the events of the night.

**Please let me know your thoughts in a review!**


	3. Window Panes

**Hi lovely readers! Thank you so much for your lovely reviews…you said you would like to see the story go on, so on it goes!**

**Each of your comments means a lot to me and I want to thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me…many thanks to ToDecember, WhatEverHappened, ilovetaylorswift13, Nattyrox, deena, meandthatperson, Blah blah blah, Katra (your review made me smile!), TheCrazyUnicorn, xXLoveIsLouderXx, ceeceeluvsu2 (it took me two hours), .me, MelissaIsLame, legitdegrassi, EpicNinjaChica, iloveeliandclare (glad to see you on board friend! I know all about your twitter support and I think you are just the sweetest), Lovely'Henae, and to my rockstar reviewer StalkerAngel of course!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any real world references I happen to make. **

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Helen Edwards was eagerly waiting for her daughter to emerge from the bedroom once Emily would be sound asleep, because she really wanted to hear how Clare's dinner with Eli had gone yesterday. When Clare had first sent her a text message describing her flat tire situation and saying the no one other than her former high school boyfriend helped her fix it, Helen wasn't sure what came over her, but in that moment she did something she wasn't so fond of doing – she lied to her daughter. Helen knew that if she had told Clare anything else other than 'Emily is asleep, so even if you return with the medicine now, waking her up wouldn't be worth it as she really needs her rest right now – she won't be up until tomorrow morning,' Clare never would have had coffee with Eli but would have brushed him off and come home immediately instead.

So Helen…had lied; Emily was pretty calm after all so it wasn't a disaster. And Helen really had no idea why she had instinctively encouraged Clare to catch up with Eli…once she had heard about his dangerous and erratic behaviour, she reassured her daughter that breaking up with him was completely the correct thing to do, and she discouraged Clare from having too much contact with him for the rest of her time at Degrassi. It was clear that the boy was ill, and after Clare told her mom about how he felt responsible for his ex-girlfriend's death and how he had been terrorized by a truly heinous individual and almost stabbed, she understood why Eli would be so damaged, but she knew that the kind of help that he needed was necessary from his parents and a professional, not from her daughter.

But Helen had also….seen Eli about a year ago, and although she never mentioned it to Clare, she knew he had found a way to cope with his past and that he had become a successful young man; Helen was at her university reunion when she was shocked to walk by a classroom and see him…at the front, teaching the class. She could hear his lecture as she stood by the door – it was not only well-planned and intellectual, but rather humorous at times – and it didn't surprise her that he was definitely teaching an English literature class, as she was well aware that his intelligence and passion for literature was one of the main things that made him so attractive to her daughter. As she stole glimpses at him, Helen couldn't help but remember the moment in which he was standing outside her old house door with his father while she was gardening and at the age of sixteen, Eli had plainly looked her in the eye and told her, "Your daughter's my best friend. She's the kindest, most patient person I've ever met". Helen had noticed Clare pulling a little away from Eli at that point already, and it saddened her that a boy who had realized the most important thing about relationships – that they need to be based on friendships – had to deal with so much that it eventually made his life completely unmanageable.

She had always sadly looked back on those times and wished that Eli wouldn't have been plagued by an illness, because if he hadn't…he would have been the perfect boy for Clare. Helen knew that Eli thought of him and Clare as a team, and more importantly that he would always look after her and never leave her alone. To Eli, Clare had always come first, and Helen knew that, and she often wondered why God had to set out that particular path for Eli when it was so…incongruent with her daughter's. That was why, when she got the surprise of a lifetime hearing that Clare had an opportunity to at least talk to Eli again, Helen knew she had to encourage her daughter. Because as much as Helen and Randall tried to fight it, unifying on this point despite their now separate lives, what had happened with Jake had left Clare devastated. She was strong and determined and never wanted the outside world to pick up on that, but Helen knew her daughter's confidence was almost all but gone. If only…it had happened at least a year later, so Clare could have finished her college…but Clare couldn't even have her bachelor's degree, and Helen knew how much that hurt her daughter.

With her family's help, they had all pulled through, and Helen was also deeply saddened when Clare chose to go against her advice and marry Jake. Helen knew her own mistakes in her marriage had rattled Clare as a teenager, causing her to cling to the concept of marriage even strong after an initial shock that Clare had shared with her much later, once again reminding Helen that Eli was outstanding for not succumbing to the usual needs of a teenage boy. Helen recognized that although Jake's father was the one to push for marriage, Clare agreed that the label of marriage would make everything a little better, or at least feel a little more right. However, Helen knew it would fail quickly, as it did, and now Clare had to deal with the additional pain of checking 'divorced' on every single form she ever filled out, at the age of twenty-six. A boy who had been a family friend took so much away from Clare that Helen was afraid her daughter would never find herself again after what had happened to her.

She couldn't help but think that a reunion between Eli and Clare could be perfect…Eli had a strong career and he had always talked about looking after Clare from what Helen was able to pick up on. Helen knew Clare was reading Eli's published works; she had seen them printed out at Clare's apartment; and his potent words even struck emotions in her, so she couldn't help but be extremely curious in regards to what had happened at dinner between the three of them. Eli had apparently insisted Emily come, something which delighted Helen, but she promised herself she wouldn't get too excited…Helen knew that most men didn't want to date a woman with a child, and it was bad enough that Eli had also known and completely despised the girl's father. Most men would resent that child and turn and run in the other direction. But…Emily was the complete resemblance of Clare, and Eli…had never been like most guys, so she couldn't help but wonder impatiently.

"She's finally down – the good bye party at the day care had her all excited, much too excited for bed," Helen heard her daughter say as she sat down across from her at the small living room table.

"That's good sweetheart. So, I'm taking the week off of work next week until we figure out this day care situation, right?" Helen asked Clare, but she was a little confused as to why a blush had crept onto her daughter's face.

"Mom, um, that actually won't be necessary. Emily has a spot at the U of T daycare, I mean, I still need to do the paper work, but, she's got one," Helen watched her daughter say as she nervously fiddled with the corners of a flower placemat.

"What?" Helen exclaimed in amazement, "How is that possible? That daycare is the hardest to get into, but it's so nice, Clare".

Clare slowly met her mother's gaze as she answered, "Um, apparently it has reserved spots for…faculty members," she shyly said, adding, "Eli…insisted Emily have the spot he could get her once he heard about the situation. He's a professor there now, teaches English Literature".

Helen was in shock upon hearing this piece of information – she had suspected Eli might still have feelings for Clare, but this was such a nice gesture so fast. Helen could tell Clare was really nervous about it, so she knew her daughter needed reassurance right now.

"That's fantastic, honey. I am so pleased – that is such a nice centre and Sarah will be there too, right?" Helen asked and Clare nodded in response. "That is very nice of Eli to offer that. What a generous young man. Is he…better now, Clare?" Helen inquired, knowing the answer to this was very necessary.

"He is. Did therapy for one year after everything happened, never needed to be put on any medication, and it hasn't been an issue since," Clare said, and Helen picked up on how proud her daughter was of her former boyfriend.

"That's great, sweet heart. He…figured it all out, didn't he?" Helen asked as Clare sadly nodded, and Helen knew that her daughter regretted how everything turned out. But…perhaps it was not too late. What Eli had done was so touching, especially knowing that it might put him in an awkward situation – Helen knew university circles were small and questions about him would be asked – Emily was five years old, the parents of other five year olds would not be as young as Eli. But she also realized that…Eli must have been struck with Emily's resemblance to Clare, in both looks and spirit, and she was sure that the little girl charmed him at once, on a different, but similar level to the way Clare had quickly captivated Eli all that time ago.

But there was something very important that Helen still needed to know. "Is Eli…married, sweetheart?" Helen asked, knowing that the probable answer was no…Eli must be barely out of his education if he was a professor – he would have had to do a lot of post-grad work…and she just couldn't see him already in a relationship somehow.

"He doesn't, mom. He is…single," Clare added, blushing.

"Well, what a lovely thing – you two meeting and him helping Emily like that. Maybe you could be friends again, he did you such a nice favour," Helen said, knowing how her daughter did not like to be pushed. But she didn't see anything wrong with hinting to her daughter that it would be worthy trying to recapture the beautiful friendship that they once had. Clare hadn't changed that much, and Eli had improved, Helen noted.

"I'd like that," Clare shyly admitted. "He is coming over later to pass me the registration forms," she shared with her mother. "And mom…apparently the rate for faculty members is half price," she modestly added.

"Sounds great, sweetheart. I'm really glad this worked out so nice – the U of T daycare is so much closer, not to mention so much nicer than _Happy Family_, and you'll save a little more each month that way as well," Helen pointed out.

She continued, "Clare…how was Eli with Emily?" and her daughter instantly answered.

"Amazing. That doll and her extra outfits that she kept showing you was a present from him, and he treated her like a princess the entire time – even when she sneezed directly in his face as he was putting her in the car seat," Clare said with a small laugh.

Helen Edwards gasped and asked, "Emily let him put her in the car seat?" amazed that Emily would allow Eli a privilege that she often denied her own grandmother.

Clare just nodded with a smile as in that moment, Helen Edwards decided to give her daughter all the encouragement she would need as she kept her contact with Eli. Clare was timid and her self-confidence had wavered, and she knew Eli's job must intimidate her a little, Helen reflected, once again wishing Clare had had the chance to at least finish college. She knew that if her and Randall put their heads together, they would find a way for Clare to eventually do that, maybe once Emily was older, and for now, she chose to just be happy that Eli seemed to be back to supporting Clare in the same lovely way that he always had, remarking with a smile that it took him only a few hours to get back to this habit of his.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Vanilla latte, little bit of extra milk and one extra packet of sugar," Clare heard Eli softly say as he held out a Starbucks cup once he was at Clare's apartment door.

"Where's Emily?" She heard him ask as he came in, and when Clare answered, "Asleep already, sorry," she noticed the slight disappointment on his face.

"Don't worry about it, it's good that she's resting," Eli said, "I got her a hot chocolate and one of those brownies, that's all," he shrugged.

"And it will be a lovely surprise for her when she wakes up tomorrow morning, thank you Eli," Clare said, once again touched by how Eli always remembered Emily. Clare took a sip of her vanilla latte as she said, "God, Eli, it's perfect," and he just flashed her a small smirk.

"It's so bad - being on campus all day, I think I have at least three cups of coffee every weekday, it's a bad habit I need to get under control," Eli said, and Clare fondly imagined Eli teaching and writing and marking and holding office hours, all interspersed with trips to coffee bars, and she felt a pain in her chest when she remembered how much she used to like grabbing coffees before interesting lectures.

"It's not such a bad habit, could be a lot worse," she warmly reassured him as they took a seat on the couch and Eli laid out the forms he had picked up from the daycare centre on the coffee table.

He looked around before he flashed Clare a smirk and added, "Clare, you've made a beautiful home here for Emily," meaning every word as he took in the small, but thoughtfully arranged apartment. He knew that Emily was the apple of Clare's eyes, and he was pleased to see that she had many toys and cute things all around the apartment.

"I try," Clare whispered, sounding just a bit ashamed.

Eli saw how sad Clare looked and he couldn't help but put his arm around her as she squeezed her shoulder gently and said, "It's wonderful, Clare. She has such a great mommy," and Clare felt her lower lip quivering of its own accord as Eli quickly removed his arm.

Eli instantly picked up on Clare's distress though, so he moved to face her as a worried look shadowed over his face. He didn't say anything, just studied Clare's face and he saw tears forming in her eyes as she shakily whispered,

"She…_can't read_, Eli. Emily…she can't read….and I'm scared," and in that moment Eli's mind instantly flashed back to the moment in which the little girl had pushed the dessert menu away in fear despite her clear wishes to have something sweet. Clare's blue eyes were rimmed with tears as she stared into Eli's darkened orbs and in that instant, he felt her fear and it chilled him to the core.

"But…isn't she a little young?" He quite appropriately asked. "To be reading? She's not even in school yet, she's got plenty of time, Clare," he pointed out.

"Yes, but I don't mean reading…like full sentences; she is supposed to be able to recognize a few words by now, and _she can't_," Clare continued, the horror in her tone even more potent.

Eli gently squeezed Clare hand as he began saying, "You don't know if….it's so early…," but Clare shook her head slowly as she said,

"My mom says that Darcy and I were both begging to recognize the words Emily can't when we were four, and she's five now, Eli. Other kids in the daycare her age…they can all do it, Eli, the teachers said," Clare whispered, and Eli knew she was blaming herself for all of this.

Clare continued, "I never thought….Jake wasn't the brightest student and I knew that…but…she c_an't read, Eli,_" Clare repeated, and Eli understood how overwhelmed Clare felt and he decided to make a suggestion.

"Clare, there's this guy I work with; he's an early childhood education prof and we went to grad school together; he did an English Lit Masters first," Eli explained, "and this is right up his alley – he could help us figure out if there's…anything we need to know," he gently said, and Clare felt her heart swell at the way Eli once again used the plural tense. A_nything we need to know. _

"But, Eli, I can't, you've already done so much," Clare began, but he rapidly interrupted her, "Clare, this isn't about me or you. It's about Emily. Just one visit – we have access to the top people in the country; they all do their research at U of T, we need to use this...for Emily's sake," and after hearing that argument, Clare just nodded after thanking Eli one more time. He had been back in her life all of two days, she reflected, and he was already…doing so much.

Clare noticed Eli had the smallest of blushes on his cheeks as he said, "Okay, I will give him a call tomorrow then. Now let's get these papers figured out first," and he grabbed a pen from his bag.

"I tried to start filling them out, but I only got as far as…._Child's name: Emily_," he said with a small laugh, before his voice got raspy as he said, "I didn't even know what last name you gave her."

"Edwards. She's Edwards," Clare softly said, and she noticed a pronounced smirk appear on Eli's face at that piece of information.

Clare took the forms from Eli and began diligently filling them in, pulling out Emily's CareCard from her wallet so she could fill in the number. When she was finished, she noticed that the large section at the top labelled, 'Faculty Member Information,' was the only thing that she could not fill out, but she felt guilty all over again at the thought of dragging Eli into all of this.

Eli has just been watching Clare, the movement of her pen reminding him so much of all the English assignments they would always work on together, and when he saw her stop he asked for the forms and he began filling in his name, teaching position, office number, employee number, and all other specifics.

Eli and Clare both realized that the form's layout was organized in such a way that one parent's information would be in the Faculty Member box – while the form never explicitly said the Faculty Member had to be a parent of the child, it was a strong assumption. In this manner, the other parent's information was just below…and Clare and Eli both knew that the way they had filled in the form suggested Emily was…_their _daughter. Clare was too petrified to make a comment, and Eli quickly realized that he rather liked the look of the completed form, and the silence in the room as they both checked it over once spoke louder than any words ever could have.

Eli softly said, "Okay, now just one part left. _Adults authorized to pick up and drop off the child,_" and Clare dictated a list of names to Eli.

"Clare Edwards, Helen Edwards, Randall Edwards…um, Alli Bhandari, Sav Bhandari –"she listed, too shy to finish the list the way her heart wanted to.

"And me," Eli quickly said, sounding just a little too eager before he nervously added, "Um, because you know, it would…look weird if I wasn't allowed to pick her up, they'd think we're playing the system, so my name should be on here as well," and Clare just gently laid her hand over his and said, "Of course - and Eli Goldsworthy. But Eli, put your name right after mine," she said, adding in a nervous tone much too similar to Eli's, "Because you know…it would look weird if you were last," as Eli quickly nodded with a small smirk on his face, erasing the other names and starting the list again.

"So, is it okay if I bring my cheques next Monday or should I give them to you to drop off…do they need them right away?" Clare asked as she reached for her chequebook.

Eli quickly said, "You don't owe them anything. Um, turns out faculty members' kids don't have to pay at all," and Clare tried to hide her relief…Emily would be able to have so many other things she needed with an extra $350 dollars each month.

"Seriously?" Clare double-checked.

"Yup," Eli hurriedly answered, wanting to get off this topic. "I think you're all set…I hope Emily likes it there," he said, as he started to gather the essays that had fallen out of his bag when he had first pulled out the daycare forms. Clare took a quick glance at their neat title pages and thought sadly of the many essays she had written over the course of two years and a semester, and she felt tears flooding her eyes.

She bent down to pick up a small square piece of paper that had fallen all the way to the floor and she inadvertently quickly read it,

_Dear Dr. Goldsworthy, _

_The U of T English Department would like to invite you and a guest to the annual English Department Gala Dinner. This is an excellent opportunity for our new professors to get to know tenured faculty as well as each other. _

_We sincerely hope to see you there – please find all the information listed below. _

_English Department Gala Dinner_

_Saturday, October 21__st__, 7pm – 9pm_

_Rosewood Bistro _

_8095 Queen's Street_

_Dress code: Black Tie _

Clare noticed that Eli had seen her read the piece of paper so she mumbled, "Sorry," as he placed it down on the couch on the other side of her, but Eli quickly assured her, "Don't worry about it. It's this fancy dinner dance – and you know I love those _so much_ –" he sarcastically said.

"Are you going?" Clare shyly asked him, her heart breaking as she remembered the many invitations she had gotten to similar events; she was a scholarship student at Queen's and there would always be dinners, and meetings, and…fun things to do. She could barely believe that her world was so different now, while Eli was attending these events at the professor level.

"I kind of have to," Eli said with a frown, "Did you see the subliminal message they managed to sneak in – 'you'd better come because there's tenured profs there, if you ever want to become one, you'd better be social!'" Eli said with a smirk and Clare couldn't help but giggle. "So as much as I am not a fan of this kind of stuff, I have to go," he concluded.

"Who are you taking with you?" Clare blurted out before fully realizing what she was doing, but it was too late to pretend like she never had, so she just folded her hands in her lap as her face flamed red with embarrassment.

Eli had to quickly lean over Clare's body in order to retrieve the invitation from the other side of the couch where she had placed it, and his heart skipped a beat at the closeness of their bodies – Clare's sweet lilac perfume confused his senses just as much now as it did when he was a teenager – but he confidently said, "I wasn't planning on taking anyone," and then a tiny bit of shyness invaded his voice as he continued, "Unless…would you like to come with me, Clare?". Eli briefly thought about how much…fun the event would be if he had Clare by his side, if he could finally give her a peaceful and beautiful dance, if he could introduce her to –

"I can't, I have…Emily," Clare shyly responded, and Eli pulled back his body as she settled back to his side of the couch at once. Clare noticed that his face was definitely red as he said, "Um, right, of course, sorry. Stupid," he muttered to himself, as he packed up all the contents of his bag. However, he stopped abruptly when he saw tears running down Clare's face.

An instinct took over in Eli as he softy asked, "Hey, hey, what's wrong, Clare? What's wrong?" and he slowly but gently pulled her in for a hug, feeling at once how tightly she hung on to his shirt as she rested her head on his chest. Eli worried at Clare's shaking and trembling, and he knew she was keeping her sobs extremely quiet and muffled into his shirt so she wouldn't wake up the sleeping child in the next room.

Eli quickly pulled Clare's entire body onto his lap, gently resting her legs along the side of the couch as he patted the young woman's curls down in the same soothing manner that he had when they were both teenagers and Clare was feeling upset or overwhelmed. He knew it would take her a few minutes to be able to speak – it always had – so he just softly whispered, "We'll figure it. We'll fix it, Clare. It'll be all right, you'll see. It'll be okay. We'll solve it," as his own chest trembled at seeing Clare so utterly distraught and…broken.

He soon heard her whisper, "Eli…you know, I haven't always been this way," and he just softly replied "I know, Clare. I know," as he ran his fingers through her hair and tried to not let her see the tears that were stinging his own eyes. He felt Clare's wet face burrow into his neck and he held her tighter and gave her a small squeeze, desperately wishing he could drive all of her fears and problems away, and wondering why life had been so cruel to such a kind and deserving girl.

Clare didn't remove her face from Eli's neck as she softly said, "I just…want you know, Eli," and he slowly began rocking her in the soothing manner he knew that always helped her as she continued, "I…didn't sleep around," and he immediately softly replied, "Of course I know that, Clare, I know, trust me, I believe you". He felt Clare take a deep breath as she continued, "It was just the one time, Eli…my first time," and Eli felt his own body shake with a large tremor at the realization that Clare's first time had not been with him. He knew that it was absurd to still be shocked by this – he had had dinner with her five year old daughter for crying out loud – but imagining anyone else looking at Clare, kissing her, touching her, taking her clothes off – it drove him absolutely insane so he couldn't do it; he instead chose to imagine how well he would have looked after her if it had been him instead…on their wedding night.

He placed a small kiss in her curls in a moment of weakness and he was glad to see that Clare wasn't shocked as she continued, "Eli…I didn't want to," and Eli's entire body froze at those words. Jake had…hurt Clare? He had…forced her? Jake had made her do those things with him…and he hadn't been there to protect Clare? Eli had never been as furious at any one individual in that moment, and his mind was instantly made up that even if it meant searching all of Canada by foot, he would find Jake - and he would kill him.

"He didn't make me, Eli," he heard Clare say, as the girl knew what was running through Eli's mind as soon as she felt his entire skin develop goose bumps and continued, "He just…pressured me, always hinting that breaking the vow that we both had taken wasn't a big deal because we were long term – and eventually he admitted to me that he had already broken the vow before he even came to Degrassi, and he mentioned how all of his friends and their girlfriends did…well…_that,_" Clare continued whispering as her chest heaved and Eli ran his hands in circles gently across her back, steaming with fury at Jake for destroying Clare this way.

"But I knew better than that, Eli," she said as she was overcome by another deep sob before she continued, "But…I was so…_alone _at Queen's, and I knew Jake was a step away from being unfaithful; he always had a wandering eye, so I started thinking about it. And I really…wanted to hear him say…'I love you'; he never said it, and I was convinced that if I let him…do things to me he would. So it started like that, but he still didn't say it. He never said, 'You're beautiful,' either, and I wanted to hear him say that too, and I convinced myself that if I just gave him what he wanted, he would, and he wouldn't walk away, and everything would be fine," Clare choked out, slowly ripping Eli's heart to shreds as he realized just how manipulative Jake was and how distressed he had managed to make Clare become. He had played with her emotions and self-esteem for his own selfish pleasures.

Eli took a deep breath and whispered to her, "It's all right, Clare. It's not your fault, it's okay, none of this is your fault," and he felt her entire body shaking despite his best attempts to soothe her as she continued, tears madly falling down her face as she said, "So…I told him I would, right after I would get on the pill. But then he said we didn't have to wait for that, that we could just use a condom, and…I gave in because he was getting so angry and calling me overdramatic," Clare continued as she felt Eli flinch at the use of that word, "…so we did," she painfully sobbed, as Eli placed another small kiss in her curls and whispered, "Clare…you don't have to tell me…it's okay," but Eli knew that she had worked herself into an unmanageable frenzy that wouldn't be over for a while. As much as hearing this was killing Eli, he knew there was a reason Clare wanted to share this with him, and he needed to be here for her right now.

He felt Clare whimper as his arms relaxed a bit so he immediately tightened them around her in response and much to his relief, her whimpering subsided as she continued, "And oh God, Eli," she sighed, "It was…awful. It was so terrible; I didn't want to as soon as it happened, and it hurt so much, and I tried to tell him, but…" Clare said, and Eli could feel her tears on his neck and falling onto his shirt as she continued, "but I knew that I had to go through with it so I just lied there praying that it would be over soon. But it wasn't…it felt so horrible for so long that I wasn't sure it would ever end; I felt disgusting and I couldn't stand his touch on me for long after it was over, and no matter how many showers I took…I could never wash it away. The condom broke and even if Jake wanted to…again, there was no way I was doing that, and…oh, Eli, I could just…tell…that something was wrong right away, I never felt the same, and then I took the test and…" Clare was saying, but Eli couldn't take this anymore and he adjusted her in his lap a little and pulled her out of his embrace so he could look into her eyes, keeping a firm arm wrapped around her back.

It broke Clare's heart to see that Eli was also crying as he whispered to her, "Listen to me. It's over now, Clare. It's over, sweetheart. You're out of that bed, out of that room, out of that town – out of that life. You're in control of your own life, and he's not a part of it anymore. He's not ever coming back to hurt you in any way, all right? I won't let him. We won't let him. It's over, it's not ever coming back again – you survived. You're strong, and intelligent, and loving, and beautiful – you're Clare," Eli said, telling her exactly what she needed to hear and more.

Clare just stared at him as if it was the first time she had heard those words and such a perspective, and Eli knew that she was too overwhelmed to respond, so when she tightly wrapped her body around his again, he just continued rocking her gently and whispering soothing words in her ear as his hands traced soft patterns on her back. Eventually, her sobbing subsided, her trembling stopped, and after a long time, Eli felt her entire body slowly go limp as he realized that she must have fallen asleep, exhausted from what he knew was undoubtedly a long day. He gently pulled her out of their hug and realized that he was correct, and although she stirred a bit, she did not wake up as he gently wiped her face with a tissue, not wanting Emily to see her mommy in such a state. He slowly lifted both of their bodies off of the couch, and he realized that Clare and Emily must share a bedroom as there was only one other room and a bathroom in the apartment.

He slowly entered the room, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw the little girl sound asleep, and as he gently laid Clare down on the bed, he was amazed at how their two sleeping bodies both stirred a bit, and Emily found her way into her mother's hug while both of their eyes were still closed. Eli was awestruck at this; it was the most affectionate and loving thing he had ever seen, so it took him a minute before he lifted the blanket lying at the end of the bed over both of their bodies, and he was deeply saddened to see that this time, Clare did wake up, gently grabbing his hand after he had tucked the exhausted girls in.

Eli softly whispered, "Do you want me to say - sleep on the couch, help get her ready in the morning….you're so exhausted, Clare…" his heart breaking all over again.

Clare whispered back, "No, my mom is coming, but just…thank you, Eli," she softly breathed as he squeezed her hand and placed a light kiss on her forehead before saying, "Anytime, Clare".

"Eli?" Clare gently whispered.

"Yes?" he encouraged her.

"Will you be there? Next Monday? For her first day at the new day care?" Clare asked, and the tone in her voice made Eli wonder if she was perhaps asking for an additional reason other than the fact that it might look strange if the faculty member who had the connection to the child wasn't there.

He immediately answered, "Of course I will. What time?"

"Is seven thirty too early?" Clare asked, shyness and fear in her voice.

"Not at all. See you there at seven thirty. Now get some rest, okay?" he gently assured her.

"Okay," Clare softly breathed as she moved a curl away from Emily's face.

Eli made his way out of the apartment with a heavy heart that night, and as he collapsed into his own bed, Clare's words kept haunting him throughout the darkness.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Wow. He has a point you know – about the experts at U of T," Clare heard her mother say the next morning.

"Mommy, I love hot chocolate and brownies!" Emily declared as she ate and peacefully watched TV from the couch and played with her Ballerina Barbie.

"I'm glad you do, sweetheart, and mom, yes, I know he has a point – that's why I said yes," Clare said as she picked up all the letters that would need to be transcribed at work today and stuffed them in her bag.

"Mommy, when did Eli bring me this?" Emily asked as an adorable little frown crossed her face.

"Last night, sweetie, but you were already asleep, he didn't know it was past your bedtime," Clare explained to the little girl.

"You should have woken me up, mommy, I wanted to show him Ballerina Barbie's house," was all Emily said, shooting Clare a little feisty look as she combed the doll's hair thoroughly, a comment which caused Helen Edwards to flash a tiny smile her daughter's way, and Clare to blush furiously.

"You can see him when we start the new daycare, Emily," Clare informed her.

"Oh - yay," Emily quickly said, scrambling off the couch and hugging her mother's legs quickly before going back to the bedroom, as she had noticed that her mother had changed, and the little girl knew that meant that she should be doing the same.

"Clare," Helen said in a serious tone, "Why did you say no? You don't want to go with him to the dinner? It was so nice of him to invite you, and you said no?" she asked, surprise filling her voice.

"I have Emily, mom, remember? I can't go," Clare stubbornly said.

"Clare Diana Edwards," Helen gently said, "you and I both know I could easily take Emily Saturday night, all up until Sunday night if you wanted me to. So could your father, and you know this, so don't try to give me that bogus reason," she said, and Clare's blush deepened.

"What's the real reason here, Clare?" Helen asked, wanting to figure this situation out. If Clare meant to push Eli away, Helen knew she shouldn't be letting him do all of these things for Emily in the first place.

Clare finally met her mother's gaze as she softly said, "Mom, his event…it's a nice gala dinner at the university…all his bosses will be there, studying all of the new professors, trying to decide who will get tenure and who won't – they don't just look at their work you know, they look at their personal lives and everything as well; and I just…" Clare began, and Helen immediately hated how the insecurities that the last years of her life had planted in Clare were getting in the way of what might be a new start for her.

"And you what…sweetie?" Helen encouraged her.

"It's an important event for Eli mom, for his career, he needs to portray that he's on top of his game, well put together and….I don't…" Clare struggled to explain as her voice shook a little.

"You don't what?" Helen repeated.

"I don't…even have anything to wear to such a thing, mom," Clare breathed, turning her back to her mother as Helen knew she was only pretending to need something from the fridge.

"Oh, sweetheart," Helen said, immediately wrapping Clare up in a hug and asking, "That's why you said no? You're afraid you won't be a good reflection at his important event?" and Clare tearfully nodded in response.

"Clare, if Eli asked you, it meant that he was delighted at the possibility of having you grace his arm – if he thought the same ridiculous thoughts you are thinking right now for some reason, he would have never asked you," Helen pointed out as Clare shyly met her gaze.

"When you said no, it must have broken his heart, Clare, but you can still fix this. How about me and you go shopping soon, pick out a nice dress, some nice shoes, a nice coat…" Helen started to say, but Clare just shook her head stubbornly, and Helen knew that ever since Emily had been born, Clare had begun to feel tremendously guilty about spending money on herself. Even if Helen was offering to do this for her daughter, she knew Clare would still feel guilty as she would think money is still money, regardless of whose it is.

"Clare – this is something I want to do as a mother, you don't get to say no, and besides, things will be easier for you too, sweetheart, now that you don't have to pay for daycare, that was a huge expense every month," Helen pointed out, and Clare ultimately reluctantly agreed, as the thought of having just one nice dance with Eli invaded her mind. She thought that for just one dance…she could imagine that the way the daycare registration forms were laid out suggested a truth, not just a wish.

"Well, all right then, Clare – it's settled and you can just tell Eli you found a sitter for that Saturday after all when you see him next Monday, and Emily can spend that weekend at my condo," Helen concluded, quickly leaving to help Emily get dressed so Clare wouldn't have a chance to change her own mind all over again. Helen hated seeing her daughter so hesitant and insecure, and she was very well aware that the same boy who had once convinced her daughter to write a very emotional letter about Helen and Randall's arguing and with whom she had once pierced her cartilage was someone who could greatly help her overcome this horrible insecurity of hers.

**Please let me know your thoughts in a review!**


	4. Tests and Offices

**Hi lovely readers! Hope you are ready for the story to go on!**

**(REAL SHOW) SPOILER ALERT – I am upset by the new promo. What is happening to Clare? That was the most hypocritical question ever, how dare she even ask him that after the 'let's just write this off with a dance/bike ride/giggling with Alli' attitude she has developed! And I'm scared for what she might do with Jake, he's bad news in my books, and I'm afraid she'll do too much too fast. And poor Eli looks confused, overwhelmed, and frankly…a little tortured by Imogen. That's the last thing he needs right now. I am so frustrated. Why ruin everything good, writers? If Eli and Imogen actually get together I'm afraid my heart won't be able to produce any more fics – also if Clare breaks her vow with Jake. **

**Anyway, I would like to thank all of my lovely reviewers of course! To my rockstar reviwer StalkerAngel who alsways writes me the most detailed reviews on the planet that I love so much, and to MelissaIsLame, MaddieLovesEclare, iloveeliandclare, Katra, TheCrazyUnicorn, ceeceeluvsu2, ilovetaylorswift13, legitdegrassi, deena, degrassiluver15, .me, CheapNovelty, Lovely'Henae (thank you so much for that long thoughtful review! I appreciate it so much, I am so thankful for your kind words), EpicNinjaChica**

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Clare had just finished getting Emily ready for the day ahead, dressing her in a pair of jeans and a purple sweater with embroidered flowers on it and setting her hair in low pigtails when the little girl sneezed again, a reaction which made Clare frown. Emily had had a week to get over her cold now, but her sneezes were so persistent. After cleaning her face, Clare asked Emily to get her shoes on while she went to the bedroom to grab her bag and make sure her cell phone was in it. As soon as Clare came out of the bedroom and led Emily outside the apartment, she noticed that the little girl was patiently combing Ballerina Barbie's hair, which caused Clare to ask her,

"Emily, you're bringing Ballerina Barbie to day care? You might lose her, sweetie," but the little girl just looked up at her mom as she explained,

"It's Monday, mommy. Monday is show and tell day. That's why I'm bringing her," and Clare flashed her daughter a small smile.

"Emily, that was at the _old _daycare. I don't know if the _new_ daycare even has show and tell," Clare tried to explain.

Emily's lips puckered thoughtfully before she added, "Just in case then. And I won't lose her, don't worry, mommy. I want Sarah to see her". Clare then approved instantly, feeling a pang of guilt when she reasoned that Emily wanted to show her best friend the nice Barbie Eli had gotten her – Sarah's parents were both very successful business executives and the little girl always had the nicest, latest toys, which made Clare feel immensely guilty that she couldn't provide the same standard to Emily. Her daughter never complained, but Clare saw the way she looked at all of Sarah's pretty things and what hurt the most was that…Clare knew she was every bit as smart and capable as Sarah's mother…if only she had had Emily after she had secured a good career – the way she had always imagined her life would go – Emily wouldn't have to suffer like this. Clare quickly pushed that thought out of her mind though, because she knew that when you had a little girl to look after you couldn't let your mind be consumed by anything else. But at night…Clare always thought about that as she stared up at the ceiling.

As soon as Emily was placed in her car seat, Clare heard her ask, "Mommy, where's Eli? You said he was going to be here for my first day," and Clare's heart swelled when she heard the child ask about him of her own free will.

"He's meeting us at the daycare, sweetheart," Clare explained, an answer which seemed to satisfy the little girl.

The U of T daycare complex was only ten minutes away by car from the girls' apartment, and when she pulled into the parking lot, Clare already saw Eli waiting outside of his car, holding a tray of Starbucks drinks.

"Good morning there," Clare heard Eli say as soon as the girls had approached him, and she instantly noticed the little smirk that crossed his lips when Emily shot him one of her characteristic little smiles, cheeks already blushing as she said, "Hi, Eli. It's my first day!"

"I know, big day! Do you like hot chocolate, Emily?" Eli asked her as he gently handed her a cup.

"I love it," Emily responded, accepting the drink from Eli at once and taking a sip as she added, "Thank you. And thank you for the one you gave me when I was asleep," as Eli gave her a chuckle in response, wanting to play with her pigtails, but abstaining because he did not want to scare the little girl.

He also handed Clare a vanilla latte that was perfectly modified to her taste, and Clare said, "Thank you, Eli, but you don't have to keep doing this," she shyly added.

"I don't have to keep buying coffee? I thought I already told you about my bad habit," he said with a smirk as he added in a playful tone, "And it's not going away soon, so I figure the least I can do is get the people around me just as addicted so then I don't feel like it's a such problem – spoken like a true addict, haven't I?" he argued, and Clare couldn't help but giggle in response as her heart skipped a bit when she heard 'the people around me'. _I want to be around you, Eli, so much,_ Clare instantly thought in a moment of weakness. There was just something about Eli…there always had been something about him that couldn't help but bring laughter easily whenever you were around him.

"All set for the new daycare? Excited?" Eli asked Emily, noticing that the little girl was carrying the doll he had given her, a thought which delighted him – this must mean she liked it, right? A lot even?

"I want to show Ballerina Barbie to Sarah," was Emily's response to Eli's question, which wasn't really all that logical, but Eli understood at once and he just gave Emily a high-five, remembering they had had success with high-fives in the past.

Clare and Emily and Eli then proceeded to walk into the daycare centre, the little girl tightly clutching onto the mother's hand as her nervousness at meeting a lot of new faces began to kick in. A very warm and friendly looking lady, most likely in her late 40s approached the three upon seeing them enter, and she quickly introduced herself enthusiastically.

"Hi there! This must be Emily! I'm Barb," she said at once, and Clare eventually convinced the little girl to reciprocate the greeting, and in a few minutes Eli saw a blonde little girl run up to Emily and the two little girls were instantly off to the large Barbie house that the centre had, and Eli knew that must have been Emily's best friend Sarah.

"So exciting that Emily is joining us – and it's great that she knows Sarah; they are both new to our centre, so this is perfect," Barb said as Clare saw her pull out a photocopy of the forms Eli had dropped off at the centre and her heart froze. Did she realize there was a problem? That…Emily wasn't exactly related to the faculty member? Would they tell her she can't go here anymore? Then how would she explain that to Emily? It would completely break the little girl's heart, it would –

"Her forms appear to be all in order, and I see she is a faculty child, delightful – the waiting lists for the public are just terrible at the moment, with all of those awful government cuts," Barb said with a warm smile, and Clare felt the colour return to her face as she breathed a sigh that she tried to not make too obvious. Clare noticed Eli had an amused little smirk on his face as Barb commented on the situation.

"I just had one question," Barb continued, turning to face Eli, as she said, "You wouldn't happen to be Professor Goldsworthy who teaches in the English Department, would you?"

Eli gave her a puzzled look and said, "I do teach in the English Department…pretty sure I'm the only Goldsworthy in it," obviously curious why this was relevant, or how Barb knew this.

"Small world!" she exclaimed at once, as she added, "You see my daughter goes here; she is an English Lit major and when she was choosing her courses she really wanted to take your particular section of American Lit – she had read your published works and her friend was your student last year and said she should try to get into your section – so for a while all I heard around my house at registration time was that she hopes to get into Professor Goldsworthy's section," Barb said with a laugh, and Clare noted that it was a bit strange to hear Eli referred to by his professional title and his last name. To her he was…Eli.

Eli nodded his head in understanding and said, "Did she get in?" and Barb said, "She did, she sure did".

"What is her name?" Eli asked curiously.

"Kate. Kate Spring," and Clare's eyes flashed with recognition at the name of the waitress who had served them at White Spot.

"Oh, of course! I know her! We actually ran into her when she was working at White Spot," Eli explained to Kate's mother, gesturing at Clare and himself, "and she is a very bright student, miss. One of my best," Eli said, information which made Barb grin.

"Thank you, I am so happy to hear that! I'll make sure to take good care of Emily, Professor," Barb said, and Clare was delighted to hear her assert that. If Emily had someone especially looking out for her here, she knew things would be really good. As Barb toured them around the centre, Clare was so impressed at all the centre's facilities and toys – it was like a children's paradise, and all the staff were rather young; apparently they were all teaching and early childhood education students, just like Eli had predicted. Clare saw Emily and Sarah playing enthusiastically in a Barbie house that well exceeded their height – it had obviously been made custom made for the centre by a talented carpenter – and the centre just seemed to be radiating with warmth, cleanliness, and very educational but fun programming.

Not a single expense seemed to be an issue to the centre, and Barb was pointing out all of the facilities to Eli and Clare as they walked around, letting them know that, "All meals and snacks are included as well – I noticed Emily brought a lunchbox, but she can just choose if she wants to eat her own lunch today or have soup and pizza with the rest of her friends – that's on the menu for today, and from now on, you don't need to prepare her meals. We have a partnership with the university Sustainability Eats program – so as long as Emily is here by 9am, she will have breakfast here, lunch is usually between 12:30 and 1, and we have a morning snack at 10am and an afternoon snack at 3pm". Clare was delighted to hear how dedicated Barb was to the safety and well-being of the children, and everything was overwhelming her; this was _such_ a big change in her daughter's life…_for the better_. It was above and beyond Emily's previous daycare, and Barb was the director – _Emily had the director looking out for her_, she thought as happiness invaded her. Tears were almost stinging her eyes, which caused Eli to give her a worried look and whisper to her, as they were walking behind Barb, "What's wrong, Clare? You don't like this daycare? We'll find another one," he hurriedly said, but Clare just hung onto his arm and responded, "No, Eli, it's the opposite of that – it's _so _lovely; I don't…feel guilty leaving Emily here; at the other daycare I felt so terrible…leaving her there for the entire day. But here…it's so beautiful, there's so many toys, the staff are genuinely interested in being here and learning, Barb is amazing…I…feel _good about _her being here; it's going to help her," Clare tearfully explained, as Eli placed his arm around her waist in a soothing gesture which had Clare's heart racing.

Their tour quickly came to an end, and after more reassurance from Barb that she would keep an extra eye out for Emily, Clare and Eli went to say their goodbyes to the little girl, and unlike the dramatic, tearful goodbye that Emily would always give Clare at the other daycare, this time Emily just waved to her mom, asking her,

"When are you coming to pick me up, mommy?" while she fixed Ballerina Barbie's dress strap.

"At six, sweetheart, like always," and Emily gave Clare a quick hug while she said a blushing "Bye," to Eli which left him…not really wanting to leave. He wanted to watch the little girl play; she was rather funny in the things she would say sometimes, Eli had noticed approvingly.

Barb quickly widened her eyes at Clare's response and she said, "Oh, I'm sorry, but our day care actually closes at five, Mrs. Goldsworthy," and that sentence left Clare a little shook up – there was just too much to deal with in it; if this daycare closed at the same time that Clare's work let out, this arrangement wouldn't work, and as for the Mrs. Goldsworthy assumption…Clare didn't even know where to start with that.

She saw Eli quickly also widen his eyes but he kept silent as Clare explained, "But I don't get off work until five, don't all day cares stay open until six?" she asked in a panic.

Barb gave her a sad look as she answered, "They do, but you see we are a private University daycare – we not follow the government standards; this is why we are able to be so different and use a lot of our funds for materials directly for the children; however, it also means we need to have slightly reduced hours".

Clare looked around frantically, knowing her mother was also at work at that time, and her father's law firm had the most erratic hours our of any workplace, and when she saw how happy Emily looked, playing with Sarah and a few other little girls who had joined them by this point, a tear did make its way down her face as she started, "I don't know what to-" but she felt Eli's arm pull her in a little as he blurted out, "It's not a problem, Barb, the last class I teach ends at 2," and he added, "Maybe we can have a moment?" and Barb smiled shyly in understanding as she approached a group of boys opening a new set of LEGO.

Eli quickly explained, "It's so close to me, Clare, I just teach on the other side of campus. I can pick her up at five, or before then, even, and then drop her off at your house at six or whenever you get home," and Clare picked up on the insecurity in his voice. She knew Eli was afraid of being perceived as…manipulative or suffocating, and she couldn't blame him for feeling this way. But…no one had ever picked up Emily other than her mother, grandparents, and very rarely Alli or Sav. And the one time that Sav had come for her, as Clare was in a bit of a bind, it had been a struggle for him to calm her down and convince her to go with him.

"Eli, I can't ask you to do that," Clare began, but Eli insisted, "It wouldn't be a problem," and he added, "I….like Emily, Clare. She's fun to be around," he honestly admitted.

"Would that be okay then?" Clare asked, biting the bullet and throwing her hesitation to the side, "Just until six, Eli, I'll come pick her up at six from your office," she specified.

"Your house is on the way to my place, I can drop her off," Eli insisted, and Clare's mind instantly flashed back to all those times in high school when Eli would diligently come pick Clare up even if they were just hanging out at his house, and how he would drive her…everywhere and back.

"Okay, but we have to tell her," Clare explained, a little afraid of the little girl's reaction. She might have a total meltdown – after all, despite the fact that she seemed to take to Eli very quickly, she barely really knew him.

"Of course," Eli said, and they approached the little girl one more time.

"Emily, sweetie – there's been a change of plans," Clare began as Emily looked up at her in alarm. Those were not Emily's favourite words. "This daycare closes at five, when I am still at work, so…Eli will pick you up, honey, all right?" Clare added, and Emily immediately looked up at Eli with a blank look on her face. Clare continued, "And you'll stay with him for a little bit, and then he'll drive you home to me, okay?" and she braced herself for the little girl's reaction.

Emily just kept looking at Eli and after a few seconds she asked, "Because you say so, mommy?" and Clare nodded in response as Emily played with the bottom of Ballerina Barbie's dress and said, "Okay. Just today?" the little girl said, and Clare breathed a huge sigh of shocked relief at seeing Emily take the news this well.

"We'll see, sweetie," she responded to the little girl's question. Emily was very fond of knowing routines ahead of time and what needed to be done from one minute to the next – Helen had said that children of single parents were often this way, as they ended up having to fend for themselves at times, and Clare had agreed that that was very logical.

"Okay, mommy," Emily said, giving Clare one last hug, and she sternly said to Eli, "Come at five, okay, Eli?" and he chuckled a bit as he responded, "Promise I won't be late".

Despite the fact that she hated leaving Emily behind, Clare knew she had to leave if she was to be on time for work, so Eli and her headed out of the daycare centre as Clare thanked Eli profusely and promised she would make alternate arrangements soon, a proposition which….rather saddened Eli, as he genuinely found himself looking forward with hanging out with mini-Clare for an hour. Besides, there was something he wanted to try, and one hour each day would have been perfect timing.

"Don't worry about it, Clare, I don't do anything fixed after 2 – a lot of my work is marking and writing, it's very flexible," Eli assured her, and Clare felt a sharp pang in her chest…wishing she had a job like Eli's.

"I promise it won't be very long until I'm able to work something out," Clare emphatically repeated, which caused Eli to move in her path and slowly say, "Don't worry about it," and the sincerity in his green eyes left Clare a little flustered. She knew how she felt about Eli, and she knew it was dangerous. Eli deserved an accomplished girl who wouldn't abandon him, who could support and contribute to his life, not…bog it down with responsibilities beyond his age, Clare thought reproachfully. He wasn't looking at her that way anymore – Clare was a mom now, right? Eli couldn't possibly… _Then why did he ask me to the Gala Dinner?_ Clare allowed herself to think for a minute.

"Okay," she slowly said, and Eli promised to have Emily home at six before they said their goodbyes and drove in separate directions – Eli was heading to the first lecture hall that he had to be in for this morning at the other end of the campus, while Clare was going to the Amnesty International offices just a few minutes away from the university.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"And then Eli showed me the pool, and then we went to the playground, and then we had McDonald's!" a very excited Emily was telling her mother as Clare lifted her up into her arms.

"Um, yeah…sorry about that – I figured she's probably meant to have dinner as soon as she gets home, but then we were walking right by one and I could see her looking in…and I didn't have the heart to say no," Eli said with a tiny embarrassed smirk, leaving out the detail of how the way Emily's eyes had looked at him had him completely convinced that she could have asked him to go to the moon and he'd figure out a way to get there. Those were…Clare's eyes.

Clare just giggled and said, "Don't worry about it – but just this once, okay, cutie?" she added as Emily gave her a mischievous little grin and eventually said, "Okay, mommy," before she ran off to the bedroom to get changed.

Eli didn't want to intrude any longer – he felt like the home Clare had lovingly built for Emily was more like a sanctuary for the two girls, a feeling that he was rather correct in, and he knew that he had kind of entered Clare's life like a hurricane. That thought made his heart ache all over again when he remembered the way Clare told him he was so…unpredictable in high school, how she ended up scared of him, feeling confined in their relationship – all of the horrible things she had thrown his way he had never forgotten, even after twelve years. They would return every night in his dreams, never allowing him a peaceful rest and more than six hours of sleep. His therapist had told him that people who suffered from PTSD leading to psychotic breaks can successfully get treatment for the issues relating to the actual psychotic breaks, but that the PTSD nightmares might be something that he would have to suffer with for the rest of his life – a prediction that Eli knew was much all too true in his case.

Clare insisted that she walk him down to his car, and as Emily peacefully settled in front of the TV, she didn't disturb the little girl by insisting she come as well; she knew she would only be gone for five minutes at the most, and she just made sure to lock the door to the apartment while she walked Eli to his car.

Once she was standing by his elegant black Lincoln, she immediately gasped in surprise.

"Eli! How do you have a car seat?" she asked him incredulously.

"I bought one," he said with a shrug of his shoulders. Clare's shocked look told him he would have to elaborate however, so he continued, "I mean, if I'm going to be driving her in my car, it needs to be safe".

"You went out and bought one…just today?" Clare asked.

"Yeah, I have a three hour break in between my first two lectures, plenty of time," he justified.

"Wow," Clare softly said, "that's amazing".

"It needs to be safe," Eli repeated in a serious tone, and Clare decided to no longer push. He was right and that was all there was to it, but she was still astounded that he didn't just take Emily for at least one drive without her seat – even Emily's grandma had done this a few times, when she'd forget to bring the car seat in from her house to her actual car.

Clare saw Eli give her a tiny smirk before he continued, "Clare, remember that friend I had that I told you about – the early childhood education specialist who might be able to tell us a little bit more about what is going on with Emily's reading?" he quickly asked.

"Of course," Clare responded.

"Well, I gave him a call last week and he told me to bring Emily by his lab any time – the sooner the better, he said, so I was thinking I could take her tomorrow at five?" Eli asked, wanting the little girl's mother to be well aware of her whereabouts.

"That soon already?" Clare inquired.

"It can be whenever you want," she heard Eli immediately correct himself in fear, and she wished she knew the right words to say to him to assure him that she no longer judged the person who he was today by the sixteen year old sick teenager that he had once been.

It was clear that Eli had gotten his life together, but…seeing him still so insecure about the horrible things that Clare had labelled him in a moment of terrible stress…it broke her heart. It made her realize that even after twelve years of time and distance, and professional help, what she had done to Eli…had really taken a toll on him….it had really _hurt _him. Clare had damaged him, and she knew it. And she hated it more than she hated anything in the whole world. Eli was so kind and protective and helpful, and he had always been a little mature for his age – but she ungratefully took him for granted and made him feel awful about himself when all he was doing was desperately trying to reconnect with her after feeling their relationship becoming strained. She knew that when she should have just talked to him and reassured him, she pushed him away and didn't even give him a reason for it for the longest time, making Eli more and more erratic in his behaviour as he attempted to make sense of a situation that he didn't know enough about to reason out. When she thought back to her behaviour following their break-up – selfishly erasing Eli out of her mind with a dance, a bike ride, girly time with Alli… all when she knew he was lying in a hospital bed, instantly running into the arms of Jake, and…abandoning their friendship – she wasn't so sure she could call herself a Christian during that time; because a Christian wouldn't behave that way. And…now, Eli was still suffering with the wounds that she had created. She knew he needed reassurance, so she said,

"Tomorrow would be perfect then, Eli, thank you so much. Should I meet you at the lab?" she asked.

"He said it would take about an hour, so I could drop her off, or yeah, maybe you can meet us, whatever you'd like best," Eli answered, and the two soon made plans to meet at the lab. Eli quickly gave Clare the address, pulling it out of his smart phone before Clare headed upstairs, back to a very happy little girl who enthusiastically recounted all the adventures of her day for her mother.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, he can't do it anymore?" Helen asked her daughter as she was preparing Emily's bath.

"Mom, he can and I think he likes spending time with her, but I just can't have him doing it anymore. He's not her father, it's not his job to do this. He's already done so much," Clare stubbornly answered her mother.

"So, he _likes_ it, and he _can_ do it, and Emily _likes_ spending time with him, but _you_ don't. So it can't happen anymore," Helen carefully said, laying out the argument in a particular chosen fashion. She had spent a large portion of her life married to a lawyer; she was well aware of the power of language.

"Mom…Eli will get attached to Emily. I'm afraid he already is," Clare said, stubbornly looking her mother in the eye.

"And what's so bad about that?" Helen countered.

"What's so bad about that is that…when this doesn't work out, Emily's going to ask me where he is – and what will I say then; she already asks about him so much," Clare said, exasperation in her voice.

"When what doesn't work out, Clare?" her mother slowly asked her.

"This. Me and Eli. Him and Emily. Being…friends again, him being around…" Clare answered.

"You don't want to be friends with him?" Helen pushed.

"I do, mom, but…I just…I don't know," Clare shyly said.

"Do you…maybe want to be more than friends with him?" Helen asked.

"Mom…it's not like that anymore. That's not an option anymore," her daughter stubbornly said.

"Why not, Clare?" Helen gently asked.

"Because – I have a child! When could I possibly have time to date, mom? That ship has sailed and we both know it," Clare said, pursing her lips.

"Well, okay, I guess you're right," Helen said, employing another tactic. "I mean, since you two reconnected, he's asked for so much of your time, ignored Emily…" Helen started, wanting her daughter to recognize that she was wrong here. "It's not like…he's helped out with anything, made things…easier," she pushed, shooting her daughter a glare. Helen was angry that Clare was pushing Eli away like this due to the insecurities that Jake had planted in her. Eli was not Jake, and Helen knew this. That was actually the main reason why Clare had chosen Eli all that time ago, her mom knew; she looked for the person most unlike Eli, and she sure found him, Helen thought bitterly. Except the roles that everyone had assumed them to have – Helen herself included in this group; she thought Jake was such a nice boy when the families first reconnected – turned out to be the complete opposite of what everyone originally assumed.

"Mom…" Clare started, "I'm not saying I'm not appreciative for everything Eli has done for Emily, because I am, and you know it," Clare accused, but the conversation had to be stopped as Emily entered the bathroom at that time, knowing it was time for her bath.

"Sweetie, leave Ballerina Barbie by the sink, or she'll get wet and ruined," Clare sighed to Emily.

"Okay," the little girl instantly agreed, and she slipped a finger in the water that Clare had prepared, immediately pulling it out and getting a sad look on her face as she said, "Too hot, mommy," and Clare groaned a little in frustration. It had been a long day, and Clare was getting confused about the right thing to do in regards to whether or not she should continue to allow Eli to pick Emily up and drop her off at home at the end of the day. She wanted to, but…she was afraid. She was afraid her feelings for Eli would…resurface. And she had no idea what to do about them. And if Eli and Emily continued to bond even more, she knew that it would crush them both if what they had would have to come to an abrupt end.

Clare finally got the water to the right temperature and Emily got in the bathtub and began playing with her bath toys as Clare shampooed the little girl's curls thoughtfully. She turned the radio on and pleasant country music filled the room pretty soon, and Clare felt herself relax a little bit. She could deal with this problem later, she resolved. She always found Emily's baths to be a peaceful relaxing time, and she decided not to make this one any different.

Her daughter, however, clearly had other plans.

"Mommy?" she heard Emily ask as she was trying to reconstruct a foam cube.

"Yes?" Clare responded.

"Who is picking me up next week from daycare?" Emily asked, a tone of worry in her voice.

"I am not sure yet, sweetheart," Clare answered plainly.

"Is Eli busy? Where is he now? Is he at the doctor's?" Emily said all of a sudden, as if her question was the most normal thing in the world.

"Why, do you want him to pick you up? And he's at his own house now, sweetie, why would he be at the doctor's?" Clare said, deciding this was the best route to go. Emily had just been watching an episode of Dora where she went to the doctor's, and Clare thought it was adorable how Emily often projected TV reality onto real life.

"I want _you_ to pick me up, mommy," the little girl honestly answered, "But he's all right too," she added. "And I want to see the fishies, he promised," Emily said, confusing Clare. She knew Eli had been showing Emily all around the U of T campus in the hour they spent together every day, so she figured these fishies Emily spoke of was something between the two of them.

"What fishes, honey?" Clare asked.

"At the aquarium in the big glass building," Emily answered, as if it were common knowledge.

"What big glass building?" Clare attempted, despite suspecting that her daughter probably wouldn't be able to provide much more information.

"Next to the cookie store," Emily said, and Clare knew she probably must mean some type of aquatic ecosystem museum on campus that was next to the Student Union Building – while Eli had respected Clare's request to no longer take Emily to McDonald's before dinner, she knew he had been giving her hot chocolate and these cookies that the U of T coffee store Bulldog Coffee was famous for, and…she couldn't really hold it against him. Emily and her killer little looks were impossible to say no to, and it's not like Emily even asked…she just stared and even politely declined if you offered to buy her something and were not family. However, Clare had observed how Emily basically had Eli wrapped around her little finger since the time he first met her, so she just turned a blind eye to the little habit Eli had been forming with her daughter. She knew it made him happy to see Emily smile, and she really understood how he felt being able to provide that happiness for her.

"All right then, sweetie, Eli can take you to see the fishies," Clare said, because the little girl's tone and peace of mind at the thought of being picked up by Eli had told Clare everything she needed to know. If Eli wanted to and Emily wanted to…she would just let them. One hour would not be the end of the world.

"Yay, that's good, mommy," Emily said happily, and then she added, "Because last time we tried to – but we couldn't. Because of his leg," Emily absently mindedly said, causing a chill to run over Clare.

"What's wrong with his leg?" she asked, wondering what Emily meant.

"Eli's leg rings," Emily said, and Clare had no idea what the little girl was referring to.

"What do you mean his leg rings?" she pushed.

"His leg – when you walk through the door, it rings, mommy. The security guard said he needs a paper next time. And Eli promised him he'd bring it next time, I heard him say it. But how will a paper make it stop ringing, mommy?" Emily asked with a little frown on her face.

"I…don't know, sweetheart," Clare honestly told her daughter.

Clare struggled with this new information, wondering if what she was thinking was a real possibility. She tried to remember seeing Eli after his accident…but he had a cast on his leg, he didn't go in for surgery! It was just a cast; sure, he had had crutches at school for a while – a sight that had petrified Clare to the core - but that was because his leg must have been broken. Surely…she racked her memory for a visual of Eli crossing through the metal detectors at Degrassi, and her heart froze when she realized one particular morning in which she hadn't managed to avoid walking by him like she always tried to. He had just cast his eyes down at the ground and went about his own business, the way he always used to after he had returned to school and ran into her, and Clare remembered the insensitive way in which she had scoffed at him when she noticed that the security guard asked Eli to come to him. She had coldly assumed Eli had been up to one of his stunts again and he was in trouble, and she remembered the way she had selfishly thought that she was so much better off without all of his drama. Then Jake had come up to her and kissed her, like he did every morning at Degrassi, and Clare remembered seeing Eli giving Dave's dad a small smile, and she had just assumed he was trying to deceive him…but…did Officer Turner wave Eli to him…just because it was out of the way of the metal detectors? Did Eli have…a metal plate in his leg? Had his injury been that severe? But that couldn't be, she thought – he had a cast on for heaven's sake! When she saw him, right after his crash, he had a cast on his left leg – so he couldn't have had surgery, she reassured herself. Or maybe….it had been twelve years since she had seen him last… maybe something had happened to Eli in all that time?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'll buzz you in, you just come up," Clare instructed Eli. It was a Saturday night, but Eli had called Clare to tell her that Mark, his education specialist friend, had gotten Emily's test results back and he had met with Eli to discuss them. Clare felt her entire body shaking as she ran to the door the minute after she buzzed Eli in, wishing he would hurry up and get here already.

She noticed that he must have been in just as impatient as she was, because he had opted to take the stairs, taking two at a time before he stopped breathlessly in front of her door and quickly blurted out, "She's fine! She didn't test positive for any learning disability," and that announcement in combination with the huge sense of relief that was written all over Eli's face was too much for Clare, so she ended up bursting into tears of joy and jumping into his arms as Eli quickly hugged her and spun her around outside her apartment. Clare was too happy to be shell-shocked by this reaction, but after a little while she felt Eli put her down and he backed away from her quickly, and Clare noticed that his hands were shaking as he said, "I'm sorry, Clare," and her heart broke for him. He was…so wounded.

"It's okay, Eli," Clare assured him as she took his trembling hands, missing the rings he always used to wear in high school at once. "Come in and tell me everything the specialist said," she said, guiding him inside the apartment. "Emily is with my dad, he hasn't seen her in a while and he took her to watch a skating show at Rogers Arena," Clare explained.

Eli sat down on the couch and handed an envelope to Clare. She pulled out the sheets in the envelope, and she recognized her own daughter's drawings among some official test results that Eli proceeded to explain, reciting the exact words Mark had told him.

"So, he said, that while yes, she should be technically recognize those words you were talking about, that she's not in the learning disabilities category. He said it will just take her longer…and he did mention we should bring her back in six months if she hasn't made any progress, but he said he was quite sure she would, Clare," Eli explained, and Clare's eyes welled up with tears again. She had really worried about whether Emily would have to go to a special school…have special teachers…but Eli told her Mark said it would absolutely not be necessary, and Clare was so incredibly happy to hear such positive news. It had been so long she had received happy news, and so long since she had someone else share her worries. Eli's emotional involvement in this issue was written plainly across his face as he described everything Mark had said to Clare.

"That's fantastic, Eli," she softly breathed as she saw Eli rest his head against the couch and he replied, "I know, so awesome," as he added an enthusiastic head bang to the end of his declaration. He soon sighed though, and Clare saw him return his head to a resting position, and she noticed the bags under the eyes.

"Did you have a long day?" Clare warmly asked when she took in how exhausted Eli was.

"No, don't worry about it," he responded. _Typical Eli, _Clare thought, her heart slowly breaking for him. But could she really blame him? He had every right not to open up to her again.

"Do you want a cup of tea? Please let me make you a cup of tea," Clare pleaded with him.

"Okay, that sounds great," Eli replied with a smirk.

"Here, why don't you find us something good to watch?" Clare suggested, handing the remote control to Eli while she went into the kitchen and put the kettle on.

She later returned to find Eli watching Dora the Explorer as he flashed her a smirk, and Clare broke out in giggles as she said, "Dear God, Eli, please – _anything _but Dora," and Eli laughed in response, having been subjected to a few Dora talks during his one hour sessions with Emily himself.

He flashed Clare a smirk before settling on a news channel, and Clare decided to finally speak up about something that she had been meaning to tell Eli a long time ago.

"Eli…do you know that gala dinner that you are going to?" she shyly said.

"Ugh, don't remind me," he said with a frown.

"Is…an invitation still…open?" she whispered, and Eli flashed her a huge smirk in response as he turned around and faced her.

"Absolutely," he said, "Can you come now?" he added, desperate to make this as easy for Clare as possible.

She shyly nodded her head and said, "My mom wants to take Emily that weekend," she explained, awkwardly adding, "So you know…I could come…if-if you want me to," and Eli felt his heart skip a beat at the realization that he would get to take Clare out for an evening, he would get to have her eat dinner next to him, introduce her to his colleagues and bosses, finally share a peaceful dance with her, show her around U of T a bit….he could just…be with her.

"That would be so fantastic, Clare, it would actually make me look forward to it," Eli honestly said, because he detected Clare's insecurity and he knew she might be intimidated at walking into a room full of professors. Eli thought it was absurd that she would feel inferior to them, because he knew that she was smarter than everyone in that room…but he understood why Clare might feel the way she did, and he desperately wished he could chase those insecurities away. But he knew they were deep rooted, and although he had begun to think of a plan…he didn't want to act alone. Springing surprises on Clare had already caused him to lose her once, and he did not want to make that mistake again.

"I can come, I'd like to," she asserted, making Eli the happiest man on earth in that moment.

"Awesome, thank you so much," he replied, but in his mind he had a visual of his best male friend saying _Boo-yeah_, and holding out his hand for a high-five. Adam had been very encouraging of Eli's re-established contact with Clare, making Eli so grateful for Adam's patience…he had already been so understanding with him in high school, and now he was even more supportive.

"It'll be nice," Clare told him, and as she reached for the remote control on the other side of Eli, he moved his body to reach for the forms that were still lying on the coffee table, and their faces came within an inch of each other, and they were each overwhelmed by the other's familiar scent. Clare saw Eli's chest rise and fall rapidly at the proximity, and she held her breath as she scanned the green eyes that she loved so much…if only…she would move just a bit closer…she could…maybe…did he…? She saw him let out a shaky breath as his eyes closed slowly, and just in that moment, she heard the kettle whistling on the stove, the sharp sound causing her to jump a little as she saw Eli immediately pull back and blink rapidly a few times.

"Um, I should…get that," Clare awkwardly said as she got up from the couch, noticing Eli was uncomfortably rubbing his neck with his hand as he said, "Yeah. Um…sorry, Clare," but she rapidly went to the kitchen and hid her face in her hands. What was she doing…? But…did he…? Had he wanted to…? Clare took a drink of water and resolved that it was just old teenage feelings messing with both of their minds in the heat of one moment – that's all it must have been, she repeated to herself. She made Eli's tea and she inserted a slice of lemon in the cup, remembering how she had once done this one time in high school when he was a little sick and how he had commented the lemon made the tea so much better.

Eli took the cup from her after thanking her, and she felt a little deflated when she noticed that he had moved a little further down the couch. Clare settled down on the couch herself, tucking her legs under her and resting her head on its edge, a million thoughts running through her mind.

"Eli?" she softly whispered, not meeting his gaze. "Do you ever wish…things could be the same as in high school? When everything was so much easier?" she asked, hugging a pillow to her chest.

Eli frowned a little as he honestly said, "Things weren't all that easy for me in high school, I had a bit of a rough period there," and Clare's face instantly turned bright red when she realized that Eli was right; he had had to deal with more tragedy and trauma at sixteen then most people have to face in a life time.

"Right," she softly added, "Sorry".

"Don't be sorry," he meaningfully told her.

"Eli…were you…scared?" she whispered, wanting to know just a little bit about how Eli had felt in that time when she left him…alone.

She slowly moved her head to meet his gaze and he ran his fingers through his hair before he said, "Yeah. I was. Pretty damn terrified actually. I…didn't know what was happening. I didn't even know there was something to be worried about; I'd always been a pretty weird kid, I'm sure you know. I didn't know something was really off until that night when you said that you couldn't be around me, because in my mind I wasn't trying to manipulate you at all – but all my thoughts and actions were filtered through my disease, they were coming out all…wrong," he said, and Clare froze in remorse. "It was after you left, sitting there in that hospital bed that I knew that something was really wrong. Before that, I didn't even know I was sick, and after I realized it, there were some days that were so dark that I was convinced that my mind and body were slowly being taken away from me by something I didn't even vaguely understand and that I couldn't fight, you know? I remember thinking that if I had like, cancer or a more concrete disease of that type – I could at least tell what was wrong, physically, and when it would end. I was…only really scared because I thought that I might never get better. I didn't know…when I'd even be able to tell that I'd be getting better, but once I let my therapist know about that fear, she just said that I didn't have to worry about that, that there would be a clear point when she could tell. And she gave me a timeline, she said a few years, so that concrete bit of evidence helped a little," Eli confessed.

"But you only saw her for one year," Clare pointed out.

"Yeah, she said we worked really fast, and dismissed me just a little before graduation," Eli told her, and Clare beamed with pride. "And I am really thankful for that, because that way when I went to university it felt like a true fresh start," he pointed out, and Clare sadly reflected back on her disastrous university experience for a second before she focused again on the boy sitting on her couch. _This is my Eli, _she thought sadly, _just the way I've always wanted him to be. But it's too late now. _

"That's good, Eli. That's really, really, good," she said, the same warm tone invading her voice as it did the first time she had uttered those same words to him, and although she didn't realize she echoed that particular time, Eli's mind was instantly transported to the time where he was sitting on Clare's other couch, and when he had opened himself up to her more than he had to anyone since Julia's passing. But then he managed to royally screw everything up, he reflected, and he stole another glance at the girl sitting next to him…the girl who after all this time still had his heart. And he wasn't convinced that it was too late now. If Clare would have him…it would never be too late for him. But…she was sending him mixed messages, and he didn't know what to think any more.

"I…I'm going to get going, Clare," Eli said, because he knew he couldn't handle being around her any longer tonight. Not after they had almost….did she want to…? She couldn't have, he thought – they just got carried away by past memories. By some great past memories, he told himself – he would have given anything to be able to live out the good months of his relationship with Clare all over again. He knew he would…in a heartbeat, and this realization scared him to the core.

"Already? But it's so early," Clare asked him, disappointment lacing her voice.

"I should…I should just go," he quietly said, and Clare understood in that moment. She knew certain things were still hard for Eli, and she couldn't blame him for not wanting to completely open up to her…how could she when he had already done that once, trusting her with so much only to be told that they…couldn't make it through a change of seasons.

"Okay," she sighed, and Eli quickly said good-bye to her, and Clare shut the door behind him gloomily, returning to the couch and hugging the envelope he had dropped off tightly to her chest. The contents of that envelope had instantly invigorated her so much. Her daughter was fine. She still obviously needed a lot of help to get her reading up to speed, and Clare worried about her being so behind very much still, but at least Emily didn't need to be coached with special techniques…Clare could teach her little girl just the way her parents had taught her…she would just need time. But sadly time was a commodity she didn't seem to have a lot of these days.

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"Dr. Goldsworthy?" Eli heard an unfamiliar voice say at the other end of the phone.

"Yes?" he answered as he tried to also focus on replying to a student's proposal topic via email. It was the middle of October, and his students were writing to him much more often as they were facing the first essays of the semester and the first round of midterms.

"It's Barb from the daycare," he heard, and he quickly narrowed his eyes at that news. What was going on, Barb never called him. "I'm afraid Emily is not feeling well at all, you'll have to come get her," Barb continued, and Eli had never felt as much chilling fear in that moment than perhaps one other single time - thirteen years ago, when a phone call had delivered news that felt like the end of his own life.

"What's wrong with her? Tell me, Barb," he strictly said, watching his own knuckles turn white as he removed his hands away from the computer.

"It's okay, Dr. Goldsworthy, she just has a fever and she threw up – I think it is just the flu; in fact I am certain, but it is contagious, you see –"Barb was saying, as Eli had already slung his bag around his shoulder, abandoning everything that he was working on and closing his office door as she said, "I'll be there in ten minutes," much to Barb's relief.

"Thank you, and do you want me to tell your wife you have picked her up – I know you share drop off and pick up routines, but you're the faculty contact, so we contacted you first of course," Barb innocently said, but Eli's mind was much too preoccupied to react at the assumption.

"Just look after Emily. Stay with her, please, just until I get there, I'm only a few minutes away," he pleaded, desperation in his voice that Barb didn't have the heart to refuse.

"Of course, Dr. Goldsworthy. Of course," she confirmed, and just five minutes later she saw a very dishevelled English Lit prof run through the centre. Through the window of the small room in which Barb had laid Emily down to rest, she saw one of her staff guide Eli to the room, and he burst through it quickly, exclaiming, "Where is she?" and Barb urged him to calm down, repeating that Emily was fine, and would probably feel good as new in 24 to 48 hours. The experienced child care taker had seen this many times before, and Emily was five – the chances were she had already had the flu before, Barb thought – so why was her father so incredibly panicked?

Barb watched as he instantly went over to the exhausted little girl, and Emily's lower lip began to quiver as she immediately crawled into his lap and whispered, "It hurts," and Barb watched her daughter's young professor hold the girl gently but tightly, pushing her gorgeous brown curls out of her face as he reassured her, "I know, sweetheart, I know. We'll make it feel better, I promise". Eli hated everything about the world in this moment. Emily wasn't giving him her adorable smile, she wasn't giggling or asking him questions, or asking him to spin her around like she always did, she was just…completely spent and so…vulnerable. The little girl just continued crying softly as her tiny hands hung onto his navy dress shirt as if they were the only thing anchoring her to this Earth. Barb saw the professor place the gentlest of kisses in the girl's mass of curls as she burrowed deeper into his hug and he broke out of it for just a minute so he could quickly wrap his leather jacket around her.

"Where's mommy?" Barb heard the little girl ask, and she watched as Eli pulled out his cellphone thoughtfully and said, "We're going to talk to her, okay?" and the little girl nodded slowly. Barb saw him take a deep breath as he dialled a number quickly, and he then spoke into the phone, "Clare? Now don't worry, everything is fine, I am here to see that it is fine, but Emily's daycare called me to tell me she's not feeling well – I'm here with her and she has the flu," he said, and Barb praised the way in which he made sure to tell the girl's mother that she was all right first, and she regretted she hadn't started her own phone call to him that way.

On the other end of the line, the news Eli delivered completely rattled Clare, and she asked him, "What? Oh my God, Eli, is she really sick? Is she speaking to you?" and Eli quickly confirmed, "She is, she's telling me her throat hurts, and I think she wants to speak to you too," Eli said, passing the phone to the little girl.

Clare heard a teary, "Mommy?" on the other line which completely broke her heart.

"Sweetheart," she breathed into the phone, "Mommy's coming to get you all right?" she reassured Emily.

"When, mommy? Now?" the little girl said in the smallest of voices, and Clare knew that unless she wanted to lose her job – she had already been given a warning- she wouldn't be able to leave until five o'clock, a realization that broke her heart.

"Emily, sweetie, do you think you could stay with Eli for a little bit? Just until mommy comes," she asked, and she heard her little angel quickly respond, "O-Okay, mommy. S-See you soon," Emily tearfully said, and Clare heard her pass the phone to Eli.

Eli heard Clare breathe his name weepily at the other end of the line, and he hoped Clare wouldn't be able to tell that his own eyes were tearing up…he felt so helpless, holding the tiny, exhausted and incredibly hot little body in his hands, and Emily's head was dropping against his shoulder as she quickly fell asleep.

Eli knew he had to take control of the situation, so he quickly told Clare, "I'm going to take her to the Campus Hospital, just to get her checked out and see if I need to get her any medicine. Then I'll have her in my office – she can sleep in there, I have a couch – and it'll be okay, Clare, she'll be okay until you can come. There's not much else she is supposed to do, anyway – just get checked out and then rest, so she'll be doing that with me until you come pick her up, and then she'll probably just do more of the same at home," trying to reassure himself just as much as he was trying to reassure the girl's mother.

"But you have classes…meetings…things to do, places to be…" Clare shakily said.

"What? So what, who cares about those now? Meetings I'll cancel and no one will care, and trust me – my students will rejoice at the fact that class is cancelled, midterms are coming, they're all stressed out enough already," Eli honestly told Clare.

"Okay, Eli. Thank you – I'll be there as soon as I can," Clare said, and Eli could tell that she was crying, so he immediately said, "Hey, Clare – I got this, don't worry. She's okay with me, I promise," and on the other end of the line, Clare felt a tear fall down her face as she said, "Okay. I trust you," words that instantly reenergized a very distraught Eli. He had never felt as depended on as the moment in which Emily had crawled into his lap at once, and he knew he needed to do the right thing by her.

He quietly thanked Barb as he carried Emily out of the daycare centre, his leather jacket still wrapped around her, and he gently placed her in her car seat, thankful that the little girl did not wake up. As he began driving to the hospital, the fear and hesitancy he had of that particular destination was all pushed to the side because he knew that this was bigger than him; while he hated every minute that the doctor poked and prodded a tearful Emily who kept asking Eli, "Is it almost over now?" slowly shattering his heart to pieces, he knew it was necessary.

The doctor assured him by repeating the exact diagnosis that Barb had assigned to the little girl; she indeed had the flu and with the medicine he gave to her right away – handing extras to Eli – the doctor guaranteed him that she would be fine in a few days, if not overnight. Eli thanked the doctor profusely, and he took Emily out of the hospital, carrying her fragile body in his arms until he placed her back in the car seat, and he quickly went through the White Spot drive-through that was on campus, realizing that the little girl would be missing lunch and all her snacks. He then drove to the other side of campus and laid Emily down on the couch in his office. He quickly sent an email to all his students saying that class was cancelled today, and knowing university policy, he struggled to give the appropriate reason, finally deciding on 'family emergency' from the list of available options. He also sent an e-mail to the Department Head, citing the same reason for missing the monthly meeting of the Department, and he desperately hoped that wouldn't be a black mark on his record…he really wanted to get tenure so he could remain teaching at U of T; he knew living in any other city but Toronto wasn't for him, and U of T was the strongest university in all of Canada…he liked his life here. He repeated to himself that it's just one meeting, and plenty of the other professors had already missed two. He then put his laptop back on his desk, and he sat down on the ground, looking up at the tiny sleeping body laid out across his small office couch, ready to pick up on the slightest sign that her condition would worsen.

Two hours later, he saw Emily stir and wake up, pushing all of the brown curls out of her face as Eli gently told her, "Hey, hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?" and his heart broke as he saw the little girl's lip trembling again and she just whispered, "It hurts," in a throaty voice. She held her little arms out for Eli, and he sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug, and then gently rocked her as he whispered, "Emily, you need to eat something, okay? So you feel better, so you can be a strong girl for mommy," and he saw her nod in response. He lifted her up and carried her out to the English faculty lounge across the hall and quickly microwaved her soup, checking that it was nice and hot, and then he popped in the cheeseburger and fries that he had gotten her as well.

He quickly returned to his office and the little girl scrambled onto his lap as she held out the plastic spoon Eli had handed her back to him, and he took this as a sign that she'd need some help here, so he spent the next fifteen minutes or so slowly helping her eat the chicken noodle soup, and his heart skipped a beat as Emily even flashed him a coy little smile at one point and rewarding him with a "Yummy soup". Afterwards, she quickly ate her cheeseburger and fries, and Eli was thrilled to see her start to talk more and even giggle at one point as she inserted a fry into his mouth playfully, and she gladly took just one bite of the brownie he had bought for her before declaring, "I'm full now". Eli just replied, "You did a great job eating, Emily, mommy will be so happy," and the little girl just nodded as she rested her head against his chest. Eli knew she was exhausted all over again, so he gently laid her down back on the couch and pulled the blanket he had bought for her a long time ago up to her neck, grateful in that moment that once Emily had begun to spend more time in his office as the weather outside was getting colder and colder he had decided to buy the small couch - basically for her. He only saw her for an hour every weekday as their pick-up arrangement had remained the same, but often that hour was the favourite part of his day.

He had noticed that she was pretty uncomfortable on the spare office chair he previously had in here, and one time as she was spinning on it rapidly, going around and around many times, she almost fell off of it, creating a sight which absolutely horrified Eli. The next day, Emily had approved of the new couch with the shy little smile and shining eyes that completely captivated Eli and ever since then it had become her territory; she would visibly be a little disconcerted when sometimes students of his would drop by his office with questions – she'd often be in his lap and the students would sit down on the couch, creating a sight that confused the little girl. Why did they think it was okay for them to sit there? The Barbie blanket folded up at the end was an indicator of the person who inhabited that couch the most. Emily had once asked Eli why so many big kids come to see him and ask him strange questions, and he had told her that he was their teacher, but to Emily a teacher meant a pretty young lady who played games and sang songs with you; an image that sure didn't fit Eli or the things that he seemed to do with the big kids that Emily them saw visiting him. He just stared at the papers they brought him and then he asked a lot of questions, which often made some of the big kids act shy. A lot of the girls who would visit him would also try to ask her her name and they'd call her 'so cute,' but she didn't like it, so she spent most of the time hiding in Eli's shoulder as he kept saying really long and boring things to them.

Eli went back to sitting down on the floor and just carefully staring at the little girl as she slept, her chest rising and falling a little heavily, breaking Eli's heart every time that she would stir and cough a little. He'd occasionally feel her forehead and…she still felt so warm. Four hours later, he jolted as he felt his office door fly open and a very flushed Clare entered and tilted her head sadly at the sight in front of her. Eli moved quickly and stood up as Clare headed right for his open arms, and he settled them both of them back on the floor, keeping his arms tightly around Clare as he said, "Her fever's gone down, the doctor gave her some medicine and I have some extra of it that she is supposed to take tomorrow morning. After we saw the doctor, she fell asleep for two hours and then she woke up and she ate quite well – she had chicken soup and a cheeseburger and some fries, and she's been asleep ever since," he informed Clare.

Clare laid her head on his chest as she whispered, "Eli…how does…she have all of this stuff here?" taking in the soft Barbie blanket, a matching purple pillow, as well as a shelf on Eli's bookcase that was dedicated to juice boxes and cookies and crackers, and various toys on the shelf below it. She also noticed that there was a small LCD monitor installed in front of the couch, and there were…Dora DVDs just under it.

Eli gave Clare a tiny smirk, looking just a bit uncomfortable as he said, "She hangs out in here after daycare and before I drop her off with you; it's gotten so cold outside that she doesn't like walking around campus anymore, and I know a prof's office is basically the most boring thing for a five year old, so we just…adjusted a bit," and Clare felt her eyes stinging with tears to see everything Eli had done for Emily, without even telling her. No matter she was always asking about him; he had brought so much fun and safety in her life, and Clare knew she found Eli to be really funny, one of Emily's favourite traits in people.

"It's amazing, Eli," Clare said, and she burrowed her head in his neck, wishing they could stay like this forever, and that Emily would continue to get better.

Clare wasn't sure of how long they stayed like that, just watching the little girl sleep, but eventually Clare saw her stir and she immediately pulled out of Eli's embrace as she said, "Emily? You all right, honey? Mommy's here," and Emily gave her a small smile as she said, "Hi, mommy. It still hurts a little," and Clare pulled her into a hug as she sat down on the couch.

"It'll be okay, sweetie, we'll take the medicine and it'll be okay," and Clare saw Eli take a pill box and he dropped it into Clare's purse, gesturing towards it.

Emily didn't respond, but she did get up and started diligently folding her Barbie blanket as a little frown crossed her face when she said, "I don't want the big kids to sit on it," and Clare looked over at Eli with a raised eyebrow.

He chuckled a bit as she said, "I'm afraid she doesn't like my students all that much. I don't have office hours from 5-6, but sometimes they drop by anyway," and Clare just giggled in response.

Emily then went over to Eli and Clare was amazed at how she just crawled onto his lap as he was sitting in his office chair and she softly asked him, "Can we see the fishies when I get better?"

"Promise," Eli quickly said, and the little girl was playing with the buttons on his shirt as she replied, "Good, and your leg won't –" and Clare was just able to pick up on Eli's blushing cheeks and clearly embarrassed look before she watched in horror as Emily gagged and then all of a sudden proceeded to throw up all over Eli's shirt - he couldn't help but grimace despite his best attempts to be comforting…no one had ever thrown up on him, and it was so…unexpected.

"Oh my God," Clare whispered, immediately picking up the little girl off of his lap and gently cleaning her face with a tissue and hugging her tightly and reassuring her that everything was fine. Emily began to tear up as she said, "Sorry, Eli," but he immediately said, "Oh, Emily, it's okay, don't worry about it. The…big kids do this sometimes too when they're sick, I'm used to it," clearly lying to the little girl in order to make her feel better, but his strategy seemed to work as Emily calmed down a little when she heard that. Clare got an image of hung over students coming to Eli's office and throwing up on him that she quickly brushed away from her mind, and she saw Eli open the window to his office.

"You all right, Eli?" she asked, her voice laden with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry about it," but he was obviously a little in shock.

Clare saw him open a desk drawer as he continued, "I actually have an extra shirt, I had this department meeting, need to look nice at those," and she saw him pull out a white dress shirt as he quickly unbuttoned the one he was currently wearing, and Eli's lips formed into the smallest of smirks when she saw Clare staring at him as he took his shirt off…they never did make it this far during their more heated kisses in high school – he had wanted to, but he didn't want to push Clare too fast and ruin everything, and after Fitz had returned and Clare had started pulling away from him, he had begun to feel fearful of even giving her the smallest pecks, not wanting to scare her. Little did he know that Clare was watching Eli slide into his other shirt and thinking about how much more mature he looked now, his upper body having transformed to be just a bit broader, but keeping its characteristic leanness…and in that moment, the same memories that were flashing through his mind were flashing through hers.

However, both were interrupted by Emily's little voice repeating, "I'm sorry, Eli," and both adults noticed her face scrunching up in a sad and guilty expression. Eli immediately took her from Clare's arms as she reached out for him and he settled her curls as he said, "Sorry about what? Look, it's all better now," as he pointed to his nice clean white shirt, and Emily just buried her face in his shoulder, a sight that made Clare's heart melt.

"Let's get you home," Eli softly said, and he walked the little girl to her mother's car, gently placing her in the car seat and giving her a quick but affectionate good bye squeeze.

"Bye, Eli," Emily said, "Fishies, don't forget," she reminded her and he immediately replied, "I won't. Me and you. We'll go see the fishies when you're all better," flashing her a smirk.

"Are you going to be all right with her, Clare?" Eli asked as Clare sat down in the driver's seat, but kept her door open so she could talk to Eli.

"I will, but thank you so much Eli. You were a life saver today," Clare warmly told him, and he just shrugged his shoulders as he said, "It was the least I could do. You sure you'll be okay all alone with her all week-end?" he asked one more time.

"Of course. See you Monday?" Clare said, breaking Eli's heart all over again. _See you Monday. _He didn't want to come off as desperate or clingy or suffocating, but would it have killed Clare to invite him over to help at least for a small portion of the weekend?

"Yep," see you Monday, he said, giving her a small head nod.

He was just trying to get his mind off of what exactly he was doing here with Clare and trying to think of how much work he had to catch up on from the day from he saw Clare cast him a sad look so he immediately recomposed his face. He had always tried really hard to keep her from seeing just how badly she hurt him, and he wasn't about to stop any time soon. Most of the yelling she had done at him in high school in the few fits of anger that she had at him, a lot of them likely triggered by Imogen's advances and Eli's vulnerability to her manipulative ways, had occurred while Eli's back was turned to Clare on purpose…a tear running down his face as he took in the shouting that he realized really wasn't fair…not that made it hurt any less.

"Eli!" he heard her exclaim as she was just about to drive away.

"Yes?" he slowly asked.

"Do you want to come have dinner with me and my mom on Saturday night?" Clare asked, and Eli tried to hide his excitement, but the wide grin that spread across his face involuntarily wasn't overlooked by Clare.

"I'd love to," he confirmed, adoring the fashion in which Clare rewarded him with a coy little smile that he had seen from her daughter so much over the past month.

**Please let me know your thoughts in a review!**


	5. Dresses and Dances

**Hi lovely readers! Let's move along in the story. Today is a DOUBLE UPDATE day I am happy to announce!**

**Also – thoughts on the much music promo? I'm glad to see Eli isn't just pining after Clare; she actually seems to be the one to approach him, but the 'I don't have feelings at all,' worries me. If he meant it just in regards to Clare I wouldn't be so worried, because we all know he's just lying to himself as a coping mechanism, but if he meant in a broader sense ie. I am so messed up I have lost the ability to feel, I think my heart might just literally break for him, and my anger for Clare would only increase. And no, I don't think Jake is going to rape Clare by the 'Whoa, what are you doing?' line. I think the whole Jake and Clare thing will be very much initiated by her. Aahhh these promos are messing with my head. **

**Anyway, I would like to thank my lovely reviewers ToDecember, musiksnob (glad you are on board! And I'm afraid the Eli in this story will be even more perfect than the way I regularly portray him, just the way I see this scenario playing out in my head), MelissaIsLame, ilovetaylorswift13, iloveeliandclare, Katra (I like the way you think!), EmandEms, degrassiluver15, deena, TheCrazyUnicorn, and my rockstar reviewer StalkerAngel!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any real-world references I happen to make. **

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"I am just saying, Clare-bear, with Emily in the U of T daycare now, it would be perfect timing. You know your mom and I would support it, we'd help you out. You're only six classes away," Clear heard her concerned dad say on the phone. She wanted to finish her degree, and her parents had always promised her that if they all put their heads together they would find a way, but Emily had just been too young. Now that she was in full time daycare right on campus, Randall was trying to persuade Clare to take a leave of absence from her job and go back to school. Clare, however, was scared that if she left her job and tried to come back a year later, it would not be there for her, and she didn't want to ask her boss such a question and plant the idea of her leaving anyway in her boss' mind. She was very conflicted, and there was an additional flaw in the plan.

"Dad, I want to – but it's October 13th – if I apply now, it would be for next September. It's too late to apply for the January semester," she said into the phone, and she heard her dad sighing on the other side.

"Just promise me you'll give it some thought, all right?" Randall asked.

"Of course, dad, of course I'm thinking about it," Clare honestly answered him.

"That's good, Clare-Bear. Where's Emily, can you put the little munchkin on the phone for a little bit?" Randall asked enthusiastically.

"Oh, sorry dad, it's only five-thirty, I'm just leaving work, and Eli won't be dropping her off until six," Clare informed her dad, a little blush forming on her cheeks just at mentioning his name to her dad.

"Oh, you're not home yet, sorry, I didn't realize. And…how is Eli, Clare? It's been a long time since I've seen him," Randall slowly said.

"He's…just about the same, dad. Only…he dealt with his issues before college and now he works at U of T, he's an English professor," Clare sadly told her dad.

"I know, Clare-Bear, your mom told me about his health and his job. That's not what I meant. I mean, how is he with…you? Does he…want to date you?" Randall asked, getting right to the point.

"I…don't know, dad. I don't know if…I _can_ date," Clare reluctantly admitted.

"Honey, it's not like you are out there hitting the bars every night. This is Eli, you know Eli," her dad gently told her. Randall and Helen had had a long talk about Eli re-entering their daughter's life, and after seeing all the ways he had made it better, they agreed to make sure they encourage her not to be afraid.

"I _knew _Eli," Clare corrected her dad.

"You just told me he's just about the same, only now he's healthy and he has a stable and good career," Randall said at once, his lawyer's litigation instincts perfectly kicking in, and hitting Clare just the way Randall knew they would.

"I did, but…he hasn't given any signs that…he'd want that, dad. He's young, why would he want to…deal with a child?" Clare slowly said.

Randall replied, "Because it's _your _child. From what your mother told me, he's completely taken with Emily".

"He is, but dad…I don't know," Clare said and Randall knew he shouldn't push any more. Clare might completely backlash soon if he were to, and he didn't want to mess anything up. It was clear she already had so many doubts, and Randall hoped Eli would be able to chase them away if he was interested in a relationship with his daughter. But Randall feared Eli had doubts of his own.

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"Oh – now we're talking – _that _is the one!" Clare heard her mom exclaim joyously when she stepped out of the dressing room wearing a really fashionable delicate blue dress. It came up to halfway between her knees and thighs, and it had beautiful tiny cap sleeves and an exquisite Indian-style green and beige trim along the bottom and neckline. It was one of the most unique and beautiful dresses Clare had ever seen; its material was so fine, but her heart plunged when she looked at the price tag. She knew her mom had bought her to an expensive store, but it was…so much.

"No – you're not allowed to do that," Helen sternly told her when she saw Clare glancing at the price tag, making a reference to the deal they had struck earlier. "This is my present to my daughter – don't take that joy away from me, you know how special that is now," she continued reproachfully. Helen wanted Clare to look beautiful at Eli's event so she could feel good and have fun, and she knew that as long as she took care of the outfit, Eli would take care of making Clare have fun – he always had. And Helen knew that it had been so long since her daughter had felt…special.

Emily got out of the seat that she'd been sitting in when she saw her mom emerge from the dressing room and she walked right up to Clare and said, "You look so pretty, mommy. Buy this one," and Clare giggled and placed a kiss in Emily's curls as she replied, "_Almost _as pretty as you do in your new dress," and Emily smiled in response. Earlier today the Edwards girls had purchased a pretty pink dress for Emily, because there was no way that Clare would indulge in a new dress unless she bought one for Emily as well.

"Am I coming to Eli's special dinner too, mommy?" Emily asked, looking up at her mom.

"Not this time, sweetheart. This one is just for grown-ups," Clare responded, hoping Emily wouldn't be devastated by the news.

Clare's mom quickly intervened, however, as she said, "You couldn't anyway, Emily, you have plans with me, did you forget? You and I are going to the movies that night, and you're sleeping over at my house as well".

The little girl looked at her grandma with a grin when she heard of those special plans – she adored going to the movies and sleepovers at her grandma's house always involved special treats – so she replied, "Oh, nana, that will be so fun! How many more sleeps?"

"Seven," Helen replied, being very familiar with her granddaughter's favourite method of counting down.

After the three generations of Edwards girls had some pizza in the food court, Helen also reluctantly convinced Clare to let her buy her a gorgeous new pair of beautiful blue heeled suede shoes, and an elegant green shawl as well as some jewellery that would match her outfit. Clare thanked her mom profusely, being very glad that she would look her best on Eli's arm, and that night, after putting Emily to bed, she tried everything on together, and for the first time in a long time, she felt…just as excited as when she was fifteen and she knew Eli would soon be arriving at her house to pick her up for a date.

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Clare was just praising Emily for her wonderful help in setting the table and when she heard a knock on the door, Helen immediately said she would get it. As she did, she was faced with a very well put together Eli, and she noticed that the young man logically looked more mature now, his shoulders being just a big broader and his hair just a bit shorter that the way he had kept it in his high school days, but his green eyes shined with just as much intelligence and wit now as they did back then. If you had asked Helen after Clare and Eli's separation if she ever expected to see Eli Goldsworthy standing in front of her, arriving to have dinner with her daughter and her granddaughter, Helen wouldn't have responded, but she would have made a mental note to say a prayer for your sanity before she would go to bed that night. But Helen Edwards had also learned the life is never quite what one expects it to be, and in this moment she was delighted that Eli had re-entered Clare's life.

"Good evening, Miss Edwards," she heard Eli politely say, with just a hint of the slightest nervousness in his voice as he added, "Thank you so much for having me over. These are for you," handing her a large bouquet of beautiful multi colored flowers.

"Why, thank you Eli!" she responded with a large smile. "They're delightful," and as Clare came to the door Helen's memory was jolted at once as her daughter blushed sweetly and Eli gave her that crooked smirk of his; Helen felt she was watching a scene she had seen unfold several times twelve years ago. Clare buried her face in the pink flower bouquet that Eli stretched out to her, and a set of little running footsteps was soon heard as Emily collided with Eli's legs as she gave him a tight hug. Helen watched her granddaughter's admiration for Eli with a smile, brushing off the small flinch she thought she saw his left leg give at the impact with Emily's body, perhaps a little quicker than she should have.

Helen watched as Eli bent down to the little girl's level and held out a single pink flower to her, accompanied by a box of chocolates, two surprises that left the little girl grinning and giggling after she politely thanked him, and soon after she said something about one of her favourite conversation subjects – Dora the Explorer – that Eli actually seemed to respond to appropriately.

Clare encouraged them to come and sit down at the table and after they said grace – Helen noted that Eli expected this, as he was the first one to join his hands, although looking just a bit unsure – and after they began eating, Eli complimented the lasagne that Clare had prepared. His kind words caused Clare to blush even deeper, a sight that Helen hadn't seen quite so pronounced in a very long time. Emily had seated herself next to Eli and she was asking him something about 'fishies', as she so loved to call them, another thing that Helen judged was a special thing between the two of them as Clare didn't seem to know exactly what they were talking about either.

"How are you feeling, Emily? Better?" Eli asked, and Helen noted the genuine concern in his voice.

"Yes, all better. I went to the mall with mommy and nana," the little girl announced, intending that as evidence that if she had been cleared for that activity by her mother and grandmother, she must obviously be perfectly healthy now.

Clare told Eli, "She doesn't have a fever anymore, and I haven't seen her sneeze or cough all day either," and Eli flashed Clare a pleased smirk as she added, "That medicine the doctor gave her…it was prescription – very strong, and I think it was just the thing she needed to kick this thing to the curb for once and for all. I feel like she's had a cold for the entire past month," she finished with a small frown.

Helen saw Eli instinctively reach over to Emily's plate and cut her lasagne into smaller pieces as he had seen the little girl struggle with her bites, and she asked him,

"So, Eli, how do you like working at U of T?"

Eli immediately responded, "I love it. I did my own undergrad there, and I never really wanted to leave after, but I knew that if I wanted to come back to Toronto to teach, I'd need to get my PhD somewhere else," he explained.

Helen smiled at him as she said, "I went to U of T too, you know. Although I imagine it's really different these days, the rate of campus development now is astounding".

"I know – I was only away for four years and when I came back, there were new high rises, new academic buildings, a whole bunch of new restaurants and coffee shops everywhere," Eli said with a chuckle that Helen matched.

"I know!" she confirmed. "So where did you go to do your post-grad work?" she inquired.

"U of Ottawa," he answered. "It was a good school, smaller than U of T obviously and I didn't like that so much, but living in Ottawa was…different. It never really felt like home, and as I was coming up to the end of my studies there, all I could think about was coming home, praying that I'd get a job offer from U of T. I mean, I liked that Ottawa was quite bilingual, that was cool, but almost everyone in that city seemed to work for the government, on Parliament Hill," Eli explained.

"I've heard that before, and it makes a lot of sense from the feeling I've gotten when I visited a few times," Helen told him. "But it was necessary so you could get to where you wanted to be," she praised him.

Eli gave her a small smirk as he said, "Yes, at U of T," and Helen noticed how his gaze locked with Clare's at that point.

"Mommy," Emily piped up, "Can I have some more apple juice?" she asked, and Eli stood up quickly, as he said, "I've got it," and Helen gave her daughter a smile while Eli refilled Emily's glass in the kitchen.

"Thank you," Emily told him once he returned with her now full glass and he ruffled her curls a bit. He couldn't help it; he found the little girl completely captivating.

Helen cheekily remarked, "I see you've taken quite a liking to my granddaughter," and she noticed that Eli got the smallest of blushes on his cheeks as he answered, "She's a great kid, I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't. She's like a little angel, like a mini-Clare," he shyly admitted, and Helen noticed that now Clare was the one left flustered, as she let out a small breath with a small smile.

Helen told Eli, "I know. It really is remarkable how much she looks just like Clare did at that age. It's the strangest thing for me sometimes – I feel like I've been transported back in time," a bit of sadness invading her voice as she was flooded with memories of a little Clare and Darcy running around her house as Randall and her played with them…together.

Emily's shy little voice cut through the silence that followed Helen's comment as she asked, "Mommy, can I have some of the chocolates Eli brought me now?" and after scanning Emily's empty plate Clare smiled approvingly and opened the box and handed it to her daughter.

The little girl's eyes widened a little at the sight of all the pretty multi-colored pieces, but just as she had been taught, she didn't immediately reach for a chocolate for herself, but she held out the box to Eli first instead, something he had noticed that she always did when he bought her a shareable treat – but it still amazed him every time.

He thanked Emily as she reached for a chocolate, and he smiled at Clare and Helen as he said, "See? Little angel – I don't think there's another kid on the planer to offer treats to others first. She always does it too," and Clare smiled proudly at her little girl as the box of chocolates made its way around the table before returning to the hands of its intended owner. Eli and Clare both kept stealing amused glances at the way the little girl would either scrunch up her face in an unpleasant surprise or eagerly smile as she took little bites of each differently flavoured chocolate. Helen was stealing some glances of her own as Eli and Clare were now deeply engrossed in conversation about a new book that they had both recently read, but Helen's glances were taking in something that she had suspected all along.

Emily let out a tiny little yawn after eating as many chocolates as her small body allowed her, a sight which caused Clare to excuse herself from the table, explaining she was going to put Emily to bed. Emily, however, insisted that she be allowed to show Eli Ballerina Barbie's house first though, which she was permitted to do, and Eli's compliments about the very fun mansion Ballerina Barbie inhabited thrilled the little girl enormously. Clare giggled uncontrollably at Eli's hilarious comments on the specifics of the house, but the multifaceted level of his jokes went right over Emily's head, although Clare greatly appreciated them, much to Eli's delight. Eventually Clare reminded the little girl it was time for bed as Eli left Clare and Emily, allowing them their privacy so they could go through their bedtime routine.

Once he entered the living room, Eli began helping Helen clear the dishes and they brought them together to the sink, quickly getting into an efficient rhythm as Eli washed them and Helen dried and put them away. Eli's mind was spinning with thoughts of the past as Helen softly said,

"Eli – I'm really grateful for all the wonderful ways that you've helped my granddaughter and daughter ever since you've re-entered Clare's life. I just want you to know that".

"Thank you, Miss Edwards. Please believe me when I say that it's truly my pleasure," he replied, before sighing, "I just wish I could do more".

Helen flashed him a puzzled look asking him, "What do you mean?"

Eli explained, "I'd like…to help Clare finish her degree. She could to it at U of T, you know – she wouldn't have to return to Queen's," and he saw Helen flinch at the name of that location. He softly added, "Was her major English Lit?"

Helen nodded in response as Eli continued, "That's what I had assumed. See then…I _know_ I can help. I can talk to the Department Head – he's my boss obviously – and I know he'd let her in. She could start in January even, I don't think he'd make her wait until September rolls around. I know he'd say yes," he explained, and Helen's heart swelled with love at seeing just how much Eli cared for her daughter.

Eli was moving onto washing the glasses as he added, "I just think…that with Emily going to the U of T daycare, it's now or never. And…Miss Edwards," he assertively said, "If I had the right to…I would tell her myself…that she should take a year off and finish it; I would tell her that I could help…financially for that year," and Helen's heart was slowly breaking at Eli's obvious pain as he deadpanned, "But I don't have that right. If I ever told her of such a plan, she'd push me away in a split second, that much I know. So I'm hoping you could help me come with some sort of other plan," he finished, his gaze slowly meeting Helen's.

"Eli…Clare's dad and I have always wanted her to return to school to finish up. She's not even a year away – she is just missing six classes; she could finish those in a single term. The job she has at Amnesty International – her boss has already told her that if she had her Master's degree, she could work as a company co-ordinator and later as an executive even – and I Clare would love such a job; I know she dreams of it," Helen shared with Eli.

Eli finished washing the last glass as he assertively said, "Well then – we have to make this work".

"Would you be willing to meet with Randall and me for coffee so we can discuss this more, Eli?" Helen asked, knowing Clare was likely to emerge out of the bedroom at any point, and Eli nodded at once.

That night, before Eli left, Helen had made sure to take down his cell phone number. She was determined to not let this opportunity go to waste.

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"Son, it sure feels to me like you are heading towards being back together," Bullfrog said to Eli as they were organizing the music room, a task that Eli had always enjoyed participating in.

Cece gently added, "To me too, Eli. I mean, in just a little over a month you've been much more of a father to Emily than anyone else in her life," but Eli just stubbornly laid out a group of records as he said, "You're wrong".

His mom insisted, however, "Eli, you can't tell me your feelings for her aren't a little confused right now –" but this time Eli flat out interrupted his mom as he said, "I don't have feelings at all," with a cold, emotionless stare spread out over his face.

Bullfrog had heard his son say that before, and it drove him nuts, but instead of exploding at Eli, he just slowly said, "We just want to…warn you before you get in too deep. Don't get too attached until you and Clare seriously discuss important things. You're looking at a major life change here, Eli," he added, with only the best intentions. Cece and him had understood that their son was a lot to deal with at sixteen for an even younger girl, but they were now worried about another disappointment might do to Eli. They hadn't seen their son date in a long time, and they wanted him to be happy, not miserably heartbroken again.

Eli shot them both a glare as he said, "Relax. It's not like that. We're just friends".

Cece pursued, "But maybe later –" but Eli cut her off once again, and this time emotion flooded his voice as he said, "Stop it. Just stop it. I learned my lesson, all right? I learned that you can't make someone love you. I already chased her enough like a love-sick puppy all those years ago when she started pulling away from me and that's why I never fought for her back then," his brutal honesty shocking both of his parents. The Clare subject had always been one that was almost impossible for him to ever open up on.

Bullfrog gently added, "Eli…" but he was interrupted once again as Eli said, "That's why I didn't fight for her then and that's why I'm not going to do it now. She chose _him. _She doesn't want _me_, and I know it," he finished, and he rushed off to the kitchen to have a drink of water that he barely managed to contain within the parameters of the glass due to the violent shaking of his hands.

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"Auntie Alli! Auntie Alli! Auntie Alli!" Emily excitedly screamed as Alli squealed and picked the little girl up upon entering Clare's apartment.

"And how is my favourite little princess doing today?" Alli asked Emily as she tickled her playfully. The little girl was barely able to get out, "I'm not sick anymore!" as Alli gasped humorously and congratulated her.

Clare then appeared in Alli's line of vision, and upon seeing her stunning dress, Alli now let out a genuine gasp.

"Oh my God, Clare! You look amazing! That dress…it's the most gorgeous thing ever," she exclaimed as Clare blushed in response.

"Mommy's going to a special dinner with Eli! Grown-ups only," Emily blurted in excitement and Clare saw Alli's smile drop a little. Clare knew Alli wasn't exactly fully on board with her reunion with Eli; her feelings on him hadn't changed much ever since she had heard Eli had purposefully crashed Morty.

Alli guided Clare towards the vanity mirror as she assumed the responsibility of doing her make-up. Before she began however, she pulled out a pretty green headband with a few very elegant shiny jewels on it and handed it to Emily with a smile.

"For me?" the little girl asked in surprise as Alli flashed her a huge grin in response.

"Thank you, Auntie Allie, I love it so much!" Emily said, as Alli helped her slide it on her head and held Emily up so she could see her reflection in the mirror.

Clare and Alli then heard Helen come in, and after excitedly showing her grandma her headband, Emily prepared to go with her by putting on her little boots.

"Clare, sweetheart, have a good time tonight," Helen told her, and Clare smiled in response and thanked her mom and listened as Helen assured Clare that Emily could stay at the condo until as late as Clare needed her to on Sunday. Clare insisted that she would come for Emily after lunch, thinking she could spend the morning giving the apartment a much-needed cleaning. Emily and Clare exchanged a hug as Emily said, "Have a fun special dinner with Eli, mommy".

After Helen and Emily also said goodbye to Alli, the two friends were left alone as Alli thoughtfully applied Clare's make-up expertly, making her striking eyes even more prominent, applying a delicate, shimmery pink gloss to her lips, and smoothing over a bit of foundation over Clare's face so the bronzer she later applied would spread uniformly.

"I'm surprised he's not a writer," Alli gently said, because she feared that the subject of Eli was still a rather sensitive one for Clare.

"Well, he kind of is that too. He publishes a lot of creative short stories in addition to the scholarly publications he's obligated to produce as a professor," Clare explained, and Alli's face scrunched up in worry as the tone in Clare's voice told her that Clare was definitely reading all of his publications.

"It's kind of weird to imagine Eli as a prof," Alli continued.

"Really?" Clare asked in surprise, adding, "I can easily see it," as she sighed and remembered all the passionate discussions she would always have with Eli about their favourite books. She also told Alli, "I think what happened was that once he got to university he liked the atmosphere there," and Clare's assumption was very correct indeed. Eli had enjoyed keeping busy at university – combined with his therapy over grade eleven and twelve, it was what helped him deal; his days slowly became filled with new challenges and although thoughts of Clare would always haunt him every night, Eli had been able to recapture a balance in his days.

"Well, he sure played his cards perfectly with you," Alli blurted, thinking more to herself than to Clare.

Clare felt a nervous eerie feeling overcome her as she nervously asked, "What's _that _supposed to mean?"

Alli shyly said, "I don't know…it just seems…a little like a familiar pattern here, you know? Kind of weird how you run into him in a parking lot just a month ago and now he's already got Emily registered in a new full time day care –right where he works, of course – he's picking her up every day, taking you to his fancy work event…" she trailed off.

Clare then directly asked her, "What are you saying, Alli?"

Alli hesitated, but ultimately decided on answering, "Nothing. I'm not saying anything. I'm just…pointing some things out".

Clare bluntly replied, "He's not the same sick sixteen year old he once was," and Alli just nodded unconvincingly in response.

"Has he…dated anyone seriously since…you?" she asked Clare.

"Just Imogen," Clare replied.

"Imogen barely counts, Clare," Alli said at once, remembering seeing them around Degrassi together, before her true colors surfaced and Alli imagined Eli must have been furious at her for making him look like a bit of a fool of him in front of the entire school.

Alli continued, "All this time…and he's still…so hung up on you. It's a little…weird".

Clare breathed a little uneasily, but after a minute she replied, "Alli. It's not creepy. Eli and I had a special friendship all those years ago, and now we're friends again. And there's nothing wrong with all the wonderful ways in which he's helped Emily," choosing to remember her mom's words.

"Okay, Clare," Alli reluctantly agreed. "Just…be careful…all right?" she asked her best friend.

"Of course," Clare replied, studying her face in the mirror as Alli had finished doing her make-up at this point, and she was immediately impressed with the result and thanked Alli profusely.

Clare then hugged Alli goodbye before she left and soon after she slipped her jewellery and shoes on, grabbed her purse and shawl and sat down on the couch as she waited for Eli's arrival, trying to push Alli's words out of her mind.

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"Eli, man, I don't…I don't even know Clare anymore after she pushed away and we haven't talked in six years, but…be careful, all right?" Adam said into the receiver.

"What's _that _supposed to mean?" Eli asked.

"Nothing. Just…take it easy," Adam advised him, only with the best intentions in mind. Watching Eli be so…adrift on the inside after his disastrous break-up with Clare in the aftermath of that incident was painful for his best friend. Eli had, as always, put on his brave face and refused to talk about Clare in the aftermath of that incident, ridiculously saying he didn't have feelings at all, but Adam knew better than to assume that Eli hadn't been completely devastated. And what was even worse, he was left so vulnerable that he was able to be easily manipulated by Imogen, the last thing he needed to happen to him at that point. Moreover, Adam knew that the wounds that Eli had picked up as a result of everything that had happened had never really healed, not even with all the therapy and time and distance that Eli had experienced.

Adam couldn't help but be worried, especially when a few instances of moments in which Clare had managed to humiliate Eli by yelling at him in public crept into his mind – the sweet, mature, and caring girl he knew Clare to be had shown a potent meanness in those moments that had completely shocked Adam. And the fact that she moved onto Jake so quickly had wounded Eli more than anything – Adam knew this, and he hated the slight ways in which Clare had begun to change after starting to date Jake; their friendship had never quite been the same, which had always deeply saddened him. But Adam was also very aware that because he had no contact with Clare since she had gotten pregnant, he had no idea how she was changed. Because Adam knew that there was no way that what Eli told him she had gone through had not affected her, but he hoped that everything would be fine between her and Eli. He just felt like it was his obligation to warn Eli, though; because he knew just how easily Eli could fall back in love with Clare…assuming he hadn't done so already.

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"Oh, wow, I'm so glad they finally called you baby boy. Next Friday then? That's perfect, just like you wanted it, before the weekend. We'll be there, of course," Eli heard his mother say at the other end of the line.

"Mom, you don't have to – it's not a big deal," he replied at once.

"Just try and stop me," Cece playfully answered his son.

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Clare got up from the couch and took one last look in the mirror before opening the door and coming face to face with Eli in a black suit – he had a green shirt under the jacket and a black tie, and his hair was neatly arranged…making Clare think that she had never seen him look more handsome than in that moment. As she was flooded with memories of all the ways in which he had helped Emily, she made a conscious choice to forget about Alli's words…if all she would get with Eli would be this night, she wanted to enjoy it. She secretly hoped that they would get to share a dance, because they never had, and Clare just wanted to feel his arms around her and rest her head on his chest and forget all about the worries of the past twelve years and pretend that she had appreciated Eli the way he deserved to be appreciated when she first had the chance to do so.

"Wow, Clare…you look so beautiful tonight," Eli breathed upon taking in Clare's appearance, and sure enough, a deep blush formed on her cheeks that caused a smirk to spread on his face in response.

"Thank you, Eli," she bashfully replied, and she heard Eli softly breathe, "It's like…" and he was amazed at how his breath seemed to be literally taken away from him.

"Like what?" she said, as she turned around to lock her apartment door. She heard Eli reply, "No, nothing, never mind, it's stupid," nervousness etched in his voice.

"No, tell me, I want to know," she playfully said.

Eli's gaze locked with her as he said, "I just kind of…thought back to a long time ago, and back when we dated…I never thought you could ever look more beautiful, but…you proved me wrong tonight," and Clare had to hide her face with her bangs because she didn't want Eli to see her eyes stinging with tears at his emotional response.

She just softly said, "Thank you, Eli. You look quite handsome yourself tonight," as they made their way to his car, and Clare saw a slow smirk spread across his face.

As Eli started driving, Clare heard him say, "Thank you for coming with me to this thing," and she just replied, "Thank you for inviting me, I want to go," not mentioning to him how much she missed these types of events from her own college days. Unfinished college days, she corrected herself in her own mind.

"Clare…do you ever think of going back to college?" Eli softly asked her. After meeting with Clare's mom and dad, Eli was very clear that he didn't want to ambush her with some elaborate plan, but he just wanted them all to be on the same page; his job was to outline his plan for Clare, and her parents' job was to encourage her and like they had always wanted and planned to, provide the financial support she'd need. Eli wanted to do that for Clare himself, but he knew she'd never let him, so he had to settle on that particular point.

"I do…want to, but it's kind of hard with Emily," Clare admitted as she looked out the window. As Eli stopped the car at a red light, Clare gave him a sad look – when they were dating, they always used to play something they had termed 'the red light game,' which consisted of the two of them exchanging quick kisses at red lights – and she wondered if the same memory was going through his mind at that moment. Eli also always drove with only one hand, usually resting the other one in Clare's against the divider in between the seats, but now Clare sadly noticed that his hand was resting on his leg, and for some strange reason his thigh muscle appeared to give just the smallest of twitches. Clare saw that Eli noticed her staring at the irregularity and he looked really embarrassed, so she quickly moved her gaze away.

As the light changed, Eli said, "It might be a good time, now that she's at U of T all day. You could transfer," he told her.

Clare responded, "I've always thought about doing that. I don't want to go back to Queen's," she admitted, and she saw Eli move his hand to give hers a little squeeze, and her heart warmed when she saw he was trying to console her, knowing how much just saying the name associated with a horrible period in her life hurt her.

Clare saw Eli's hand grab the steering wheel tightly as he said, "You don't have to go back to Queen's, U of T is so much nicer anyway – I'll show you around a little tonight if you want," and Clare instantly grinned and said, "I'd love that. But the problem is that since I missed the September deadline, now I won't be able to able to apply for January, so I have to wait all the way to September of next year," she told Eli.

She then saw him shift in his seat as he said, "Yeah, um, not necessarily," and she flashed him a puzzled look.

"What do you mean?" she inquired.

"You did English Lit, right?" Eli asked her and she replied, "Yeah, of course".

"Well, you do know that's my department," he started, and Clare moved a little closer to him as he continued, "and those rules…I know for a fact they are not always respected, I've seen a few people enter in January semesters for sure," he honestly told her.

"How?" Clare asked. "I only have six courses left, if I could start in January, I'd be done by April," she said, and Eli saw the sparkle in her eyes as she thought about that possibility.

"They are just…friends and loved ones of professors, Clare," he softly said, and she began to shake her head immediately as she said, "No, Eli, no, I can't let you do that, you've already done so much," but the look he flashed her made her freeze in silence. Eli had tears in his eyes, she realized in shock, and a quiet determination entered his voice as he whispered, "Please. You were my best friend. Other co-workers of mine have done this for third cousins and friends' kids who they never actually even met in person. Please".

Clare was completely awestruck at Eli's reaction and her mom's words invaded her mind once again, so after a few minutes she nodded and said, "Okay. Okay, Eli. I would love that, it would be so fantastic," and she saw him blink rapidly as a smirk slowly spread over his face and he squeezed her hand again. She heard him exhale as he said, "Thank you. You have single-handedly made my night the best it can be," and Clare gave him a reassuring smile as her mind was still reeling from the fact that she could go back to school in a few months. She was thinking about her parents' pledge to support her, and she had finally gotten the courage to mention the possibility to her boss just yesterday, and she had had to sit in her car for twenty minutes before driving home, as tears of joy had invaded her eyes at her boss' excitement to hear about Clare's plans, and her promise that the job would always be hers. Rachel, her boss, had even encouraged Clare to take more time off for her Master's as well, saying she couldn't wait until the day when she could put Clare to work as a co-ordinating writer, and eventually, an executive. But Clare had always thought that finishing her Bachelor's degree would be practically a year away; if Eli made it all work out it would only be three months away now, she realized, and she almost couldn't believe it.

She snapped out of her thoughts as Eli parked and after he held the door open door open for her, Clare immediately wrapped her hand around his arm and leaned closely into him as the smell of a cologne that she didn't recognize overwhelmed her. She softly repeated, "Thank you, Eli," and her knees almost buckled when she felt him place a kiss on her forehead and say, "Of course". They walked out of the dark underground parking lot – Clare had always hated those – when a realization swept over her with fear.

"Oh my God, Eli – if I'm coming here in January – these people I'm about to meet – they're all going to be my profs!" she said with a slight hint of panic in her voice, but she soon felt Eli wrap his arm around her and he said, "And that's a good thing, Clare. But let's not tell them about our plans yet – but it's not a bad thing, they'll remember you when you are sitting in their lectures," he added with a wink.

Clare hesitated as they were walking down a gorgeous tree-lined avenue that Eli explained was the heart of the Arts department, saying, "You won't like…get in trouble or something?"

Eli raised an eyebrow at her as he said, "Clare, when I ask the Department Head I'm going to explain that you are my friend, of course," and Clare felt a pang at the use of the word 'friend' as she replied, and "You have to ask the Department Head? Your boss? Eli, I don't want you to do that, never mind this plan – "she nervously started to say, but Eli raised a finger to her lips as he said, "I don' think so, Clare. We've already made a deal". He flashed her a playful smirk as he explained that it was not a big deal, and all she could do was reluctantly agree.

"I'm actually sure we'll meet him – he's going to want to inspect all the profs looking for tenure, so I'm sure he'll come say hi. It's a good thing that way – when I will ask him about you, I'll be able to say, 'You remember her, you met her at the Gala dinner,' you know?" Eli asked and Clare shyly nodded in confirmation, a little embarrassed at everything that Eli was doing for her.

"This is it," Eli said as they approached a beautiful old cobblestone building that had a meticulously well looked after garden outside, and Clare began to feel just a bit of nervousness. She was about to meet people who were just a little older than her, but so incredibly accomplished – Eli's equals. The truth was that the news that in a year and four months she would also be rather accomplished made tonight a little less intimidating, but she didn't want to say or do anything that would embarrass Eli. She knew he was under the microscope tonight, and she wanted to help him portray a good image; that is why she was so happy she at least looked nice.

Eli must have been able to feel her hesitation however, because he gently laid his hand on top of the one that Clare had resting on his arm as he whispered in her ear, "Don't worry about all the self-indulgent fools here tonight. You are going to be by far, the most beautiful and intelligent girl in the room," he said, adding with a smirk, "and every guy in here is going to be so jealous of me," and Clare shyly grinned up at him as she gave his arm a squeeze.

Eli led her into building, and Clare felt like she was watching a sight out a painting. There was a beautiful chandelier in the middle of a room that she knew must be regulation ball room size; there was a beautiful woman playing a piano as elegantly catered buffet tables lines the room, and the round tables were made of an exquisite mahogany complemented by the deep red of the chair's cushions. There were vases of flowers everywhere, and a few couples were already dancing.

Eli flashed her a smirk when he saw her reaction, and explained he needed to go to a side table to check in as he guided them both there.

"Good evening, Dr. Goldsworthy," she saw a polite student greet him, and she was elegantly dressed as well.

Clare giggled when she saw Eli give the girl a smirk and he rolled his eyes as he said, "Oh man, Alicia, I can't believe they made you come out to this thing too," and the girl laughed in response. Eli explained to Clare, "Alicia is the head of the English Students' Association – kind of like a student council only for English students – but I see the Department also uses her for slave labour for the professors' events as well," and Clare and the girl both laughed in response.

Alicia then searched the name tags and said, "Here is yours, Dr. Goldsworthy. Do you want me to make one for your wife?" the girl innocently asked, a little disappointed that her favourite professor had such a beautiful girl on his arm tonight – she was a serious student and would never dream of doing anything inappropriate, but she did just like the idea of her favourite professor not being _completely_ off the market; she always thought Dr. Goldsworthy's lectures were not only brilliant and funny, but also…quite easy on the eyes.

Eli was just about to answer and explain that Clare was just a friend when he heard her blurt out, "Thanks Alicia, but are the guests wearing them?" and the girl said, "It's optional". Clare then waved her hand as she said, "I don't need one," and Eli couldn't help but smirk at the fact that Clare never really seemed to be all that preoccupied with clearing up the misunderstanding.

She then felt Eli place his hand gently on her lower back as he guided her deeper into the larger ballroom, and he checked the seating plan for the table he had been assigned to, and when they found it, he wasn't surprised to see that he had been placed at a table with all of the other professors of his level.

He noticed everyone had indeed brought a guest, which made him really relieved Clare was here, and his mind paused for a minute as he let himself fully absorb that the blue-eyed beauty was…his date. Clare was with him at the English Department Professors' Gala Dinner…it was almost like a dream come true. _Almost_. Because when his colleague and friend Andrew introduced his wife to him, Eli politely responded it was nice to meet her, and he then gestured to Clare and said, "This is my good friend Clare," as she shook Andrew and his wife's hand. Soon enough the table was almost full and Clare had been introduced to everyone and Eli was completely beaming with pride when he saw everyone's admiration for her – some of the girls at the table asked her where she got 'that amazing dress,' he also noticed. Eli was actually quite happy that the table was not completely full – two chairs next to him were still empty - because the only other professor who was missing was Marry Anne, a rather pushy and abrasive girl, who Eli believed he had made his intentions quite clear to, but she still didn't seem to get the message. When she had come into his office, pretending to need something like she always did and Emily was there one time, she had immediately asked if that was his daughter, and Eli was very thankful that Emily was asleep in that moment because he didn't want to place the little girl in the awkward situation of thinking about her father; Emily never mentioned Jake to Eli and he definitely never brought up such a topic. He had explained to Marry Anne that it was not his daughter rapidly, and asked her to leave so as to not wake up the little girl, and Eli hated that she had come in and…examined Emily so ever since it happened. He felt as if poor Emily was being watched by some type of vulture, and Eli knew he needed to protect her, and get Marry Anne out of his office as soon as possible.

Just after he was getting a drink for Clare from the bar, a little surprised she had opted for white wine, upon returning to the table, he groaned as he saw Mary Anne sit down at the table, but he was relieved to see that she was with a man and that maybe now she would leave him alone. Eli placed Clare's wine glass in front of her as she looked up and thanked him sweetly, and before he even had the chance to sit down, Marry Anne had gotten up from her own seat and approached Eli and Clare. They both stood up politely, and Clare narrowed her eyes just a little when she saw Marry Anne immediately envelop Eli in a hug that seemed to freeze his body at once.

"Oh, I'm glad you came, Eli, I was afraid this wasn't really your thing," she added, making Clare dislike her at once. She continued, "This is my brother, Fred," she said as Eli shook his hand, cursing in his mind that she really hadn't brought a boyfriend after all.

Eli returned his hand to Clare's lower back, loving the feel of the smooth material of her dress against his fingertips as he said, "This is Clare," purposefully leaving out the 'good friend' part this time, and praying this charade could be over with already and he could just start enjoying a nice dinner with Clare.

"Oh, wow, Clare, that is a fantastic dress," Mary Anne told her, but her sickly sweet smile only reminded Clare of Jenna's façade all those years ago back at Degrassi.

"Thank you," Clare politely answered and she leaned further into Eli and gave him a little giggle before she said, "Your tie's just a bit crooked, let me fix it," and she delighted in the little smirk that crossed Eli's lips as she brought their faces in close proximity and kept her hands on his chest for just a second longer than the average post-tie-fix rest.

"I didn't know you were married, Eli," they both heard Marry Anne's poignant voice say, and Clare shot her an irritated look as she uncomfortably said, "He's not," hoping this horrible woman would just go away now.

But Marry Anne had other plans; plans that were rather congruent with the image of a vulture that Eli had instinctively assigned to her.

"Oh my goodness – I know why you look _so _familiar now!" Marry Anne said, squeezing Clare's arm with fake affection as a puzzled look crossed the blue eyed girl's face. Marry Anne continued, "That child that Eli is always hanging out with – she's yours! She must be, she looks just like you," she said, and Eli felt sheer anger coursing through his veins as he gently rubbed circles in Clare's back and said, "Emily. That child's name is Emily, Marry Anne. Emily. And now if you don't mind, Clare and I are trying to get back to our dinner now". Clare gave Eli a shy smile upon seeing his reaction, but Marry Anne wouldn't quit, as she added,

"Oh, of course," and Eli saw Clare sigh as Marry Anne sat down on the other side of Eli as he mentally groaned.

"So, how long have you two been dating?" Marry Anne asked after taking a sip of her red wine.

Eli gave Clare a concerned look as he stared at his plate…he didn't want to do this, and he was starting to regret ever coming here. Clare took in the change in Eli's body language and she felt the need to take over, so she slowly said, "We're just good friends, Marry Anne," and this time it was Clare's blood that was set boiling when she saw the little victorious smile that crossed Marry Anne's lips after hearing her response.

"Oh," she replied, elongating the simple smile.

"So, Marry Anne, given any thought to that Australia teaching exchange program?" Eli turned around and asked her, and it took every ounce of self-control on Clare's part to not burst into laughter at Eli's question.

"What? I don't want to go to Australia," she replied, shooting him a confused look.

"Oh," Eli said, elongating that syllable in the same way that Clare had heard Marry Anne do just seconds earlier. But Clare had met a few girls like Mary Anne before, and she knew she wouldn't stop until she got what she wanted, and Clare knew it wouldn't take her long.

"So, Clare – what do you do?" she heard her ask. _There it was. Not long at all. _

Clare knew she might get asked this question several times tonight, and she gave Mary Anne the answer she had previously planned. "I work for Amnesty International," she said.

Marry Anne gave her another sickening smile as she said, "Wow, that's fantastic. They do such important work. There must be a lot of travel involved in your work, am I correct?" she pushed.

"Not at all," Clare answered. "A lot of desk work, though," she said, and she enjoyed the little smirk Eli gave her as he winked his eye at her.

He added, "Mary Anne, you're also looking at one of the best writers – actually no – _the_ best writer I have ever met and worked with in my life," and Clare's heart swelled when she heard Eli say those words, and she knew she shouldn't have such thoughts, but she loved the way Marry Anne's face fell when she heard Eli say that.

"Really? Wow, that's such high praise – Eli is an amazing writer himself," Marry Anne replied.

"Oh, trust me, I know – I've read everything he's ever written, from his very first publication that we actually partnered on," Clare immediately shot back, locking her gaze with Eli's as she said, "Just what is it with that tie, Eli? It doesn't seem to want to stay on straight," and she moved her chair closer to his as she pretended to alter what at this point was quite likely the world's most perfectly positioned tie, but Eli's heart felt like it would come to a complete stop when Clare rested her hands on his chest again and turned her head such a way that he was the only one to see the manner in which she raised her own eyebrows and flashed him…a smirk, of all things.

Clare felt his hand on her lower back again and he pulled her in closer and she felt his breath on her ear as she whispered, "Want to dance, Edwards? I never did seem quite able to give you a nice dance, and I was hoping you'd let me change that tonight". She immediately grinned up at him as she whispered back, "I'd love to dance with you," and before she knew what was happening, Eli was already leading her out onto the dance floor, leaving a defeated Marry Anne behind.

Clare had no idea what kind of a dancer Eli would be, but she knew he wasn't a fan of dances per se, but all she really wanted was to lean against him and close her eyes to the music. There were quite a few other couples of the dance floor, and the band was quite good, and she loved her dress, and she loved the way Eli had handled the Marry Anne situation…she just wanted one dance with him and her cup would overfill with happiness.

But Clare was highly surprised when she saw Eli guide her arms in a perfect waltz position as he pulled her closer to him and he began leading her in perfect rhythm to the music, guiding her through the appropriate turns that she knew her dress was highlighting, as he got the widest smirk on his face in response to her shocked look. When had Eli learned to be such a good dancer? He was the perfect lead, guiding her in all the right ways but only framing her movements – Eli was very familiar with the fact that Clare was an excellent dancer, and everything he did just worked to show her off, and he indeed became mesmerized with the flow of her dress in response to his spins. When the music slowed down, Clare noticed a few people clapping for them as a slight blush spread to both their faces and Eli now pulled her in gently and rested her head on his chest, giving Clare exactly what she had dreamed of…but the tingling feeling that felt like it was going to burst out of her any minute as his arms held her tightly was so much more than anything she could have imagined in a dream. That was the exact moment in which…she knew she was in trouble here, and when she glanced up at Eli and saw him staring lovingly down at her…she knew they both in trouble here and she felt all of sixteen again. She closed her eyes at the overwhelming sensation of Eli's cologne and whispered, "Where and when did you learn how to dance like that, Eli?" as she gave him a tiny giggle.

He rolled his eyes playfully, explaining, "My aunt got married last year, and my mom and dad were in the wedding party so they had to do that first dance thing, but Bullfrog, the clever little devil that he is, made up some excuse about having to work the day of the lessons, so my mom dragged me there instead. Guess it stayed with me," Eli said, and Clare felt him shrug his shoulders at the end of the sentence.

Clare burrowed just a bit deeper into his embrace as she said, "Well, I love it," and she closed her eyes, grateful for the relative darkness of the room so she wouldn't be met with any piercing stares from all the women who knew Eli was…single. She realized…she didn't want them to think he was single, and she didn't want Eli to actually be single.

She loved that Eli kept her on the floor for a few dances, and it was only at her request that they eventually left it, and Eli pulled her to an extra table as he said, "I don't want to go back to that table. Let's eat here instead," and she grinned up at him in response as she couldn't agree more. They headed to the buffet tables lining the sides of the room and began filling their plates and Clare burst out in uncontrollable giggles when Eli pointed to some smoked salmon and told her in a playful voice, "Don't eat the fishies," repeating one of Emily's chief concerns in life. Clare loved that Eli knew about that, but what delighted her more was when Eli got a sad smile on his face and said, "Know what? I miss her, I bet she'd get a kick out of this whole thing". Clare's overwhelming desire to capture his lips with hers just as she said that scared her to her very core. She wanted to kiss him, she wanted him to hold her…she wanted Eli and her to be a team again, but she worried if that was a feasible possibility.

They returned to their table and began having dinner, and Eli adored the way that Clare would reach over to his plate to try some of the things that she didn't pick up for herself, and she encouraged him to do the same – dinner tasted about ten times better this way for Eli, and for Clare as well, although he didn't know she was thinking the same thoughts that he was. Eli braced himself when he saw Dr. Stevenson approach his table, and upon seeing the older, gray-haired man approach, Clare knew at once that he must be the Department Head – Eli's boss and the man who had her academic fate in his hands.

"Eli, great to see you," Dr. Stevenson said, as he shook hands with Eli. "Glad you found a table a little away from the craziness, I'm not the biggest fan of these things myself," he added, and Clare loved how with that one sentence, he already seemed to demonstrate that he was rather fond of Eli.

"Who is this lovely lady who is gracing you with her presence, Eli? Emily's mother?" he asked at once, and Clare was surprised that he knew her daughter.

"She is indeed," Clare heard Eli reply proudly. "Clare, I'd like you to meet Dr. Stevenson," he continued, and Clare shook the professor's hand.

"Your daughter's little smiles could melt a heart of stone, but now I see where she gets her looks from," Dr. Stevenson told Clare, making her blush at once, and he added, "And she has excellent taste in cookie stores – I always see her daddy taking her for one at the same time that I go to Bulldog Coffee for my third coffee of the day," he said with a chuckle, and Clare loved that connection and that sentence so much that she never corrected his innocent assumption, and much to her delight Eli never did either.

"Emily sure is spoiled," was all Clare chose to say as she playfully shot Eli a strict glare, which caused him to raise his hands up in defense as he chuckled. Clare was delighted to see Dr. Stevenson also join in Eli's laughter, even slapping his shoulder playfully.

"Do you like Toronto, Clare?" Dr. Stevenson asked her, puzzling her a bit, but then she realized that he might have assumed that Clare was from Ottawa, as he probably identified Eli with the city he had completed his PhD in.

"I love it, would never want to live anywhere else, and Emily is the same, she would be devastated if we ever had to move," she quickly said, realizing something that Eli did not. She had picked up on the fact that Dr. Stevenson liked Eli, and…if she thought they were a family…and Eli's future job offer was in his hands…it might not be such a bad thing for him to think that she and Emily had a strong attachment to Toronto.

"Good to hear. Good to hear," Dr. Stevenson said playfully, "Because I'm hoping that as soon as he has a few more years of experience under his belt, writes a few more publications – I'm hoping Eli will become a tenured professor here," he added, and Clare flashed him a bright smile as she took in Eli's astonished look.

"Wow, Sir, thank you so much, that would be…amazing," Eli said, gratefulness and excitement displayed across his face.

"Now, hold your horses, boy," Dr. Stevenson said with a laugh, "Just because you publish frequently, and students are tripping over themselves to register for your classes doesn't mean you're quite in yet. I'm hoping you can do something for me before that," he added.

"Of course, Sir," Eli replied at once.

Dr. Stevenson chuckled as he gestured towards a woman of his age that was smiling and shaking his head at him as he explained, "That's my wife over there, and in the past thirty-five years of marriage she's only had one complaint about me – that I'm a bad dancer. But I beg to differ – she's the one with two left feet. If she only saw me dancing with a young lady who we already know is a magnificent dancer, her vision finally wouldn't be clouded anymore," he said, extending his hand out to Clare, who took it with a bashful smile and a giggle as Eli smirked at them.

"Well, then - I believe it's on," Eli exclaimed playfully and he then approached the table and invited the older lady to dance, much to Dr. Stevenson's delight and amusement.

Five minutes later, the panel of professors who Dr. Stevenson appointed as judges concluded that it was a tie, leaving the biggest dilemma of the Stevenson's marriage essentially unanswered. As Mrs. Stevenson returned to her table with her husband, she asked, "Now, who was that delightful young couple? Which one is the professor? Both?" and her husband replied, "Eli is the professor".

Mrs. Stevenson added, "He's quite young. Is he tenured yet?" and her husband winked in her direction as he said, "Just a matter of time, love. But he will be. He's an excellent professor, and…he's got a family to look after. It's hard to choose this year; all the professors are so good, but…seeing Eli's little family…I don't know, I just think it should go to him, you know? I know he would feel a lot better with that job security. They must have been high school sweet hearts or something, they've already got a little girl who looks to be about five or so. Looks just like her mother, I've seen Eli bring her around campus a few times," and Dr. Stevenson knew his wife would delight at the mention of the age of their own granddaughter – and his wife did always love the sight of young couples in love.

"Oh, Tom - give it to him! Give the position to him," his wife encouraged him, always liking to see good deeds carried out. Her kind heartedness was exactly what had captured him all that time ago, when he was a bit of a cynical lost teenager.

"I will, sweetheart. I will," he assured her.

After the event ended, Eli asked Clare if she'd like to take a walk across campus, and she immediately accepted. He gave her a small tour, pointing out all the important buildings, and telling her all of the campus' history as well as a few entertaining legends and urban myths that left Clare giggling and Eli on cloud nine upon seeing her reaction. But what Clare loved the most was the way in which he would casually add, "You'll see soon," or "You definitely should know about this building, because you'll have classes in it," or "This will be one of your favourite places to study, I bet". She loved his expertise on the campus where he had once studied and on which he now taught, and she felt that with Eli by her side, she could get through the rest of her degree and do her Master's swimmingly. It would be hard, but she could do it.

"Eli…am I going to be able to take your class? Have you be my prof?" she asked with a chuckle but Eli shot her a sad look in return.

"That's not allowed, sadly, but I'll help you put your schedule together – make sure you get the best profs," he assured her.

"Ugh, just don't register me for Marry Anne's class," Clare said with a groan.

"Please, don't remind me," Eli responded, but Clare felt a little bit of fear creep in her mind and she blurted out,

"She likes you," and Eli just shrugged his shoulders as he said, "She likes…the idea of me. And I don't have any feelings for her," he answered honestly. Clare however, was thinking of all the other Marry Annes that might know Eli, and all of her insecurities came rushing back to her as Eli was leading her down a dark forest path. She had asked to see his favourite place on campus, and apparently it was a Japanese garden.

As Eli flashed the guard his ID and they were allowed in, he guided her to a bench right across from the pond in the centre of the gorgeous and carefully tended garden which contained trees from all over the world, and a certain blue eyed, curly haired five year old would have delighted in the many 'fishies' that inhabited the pond. Eli was the first to sit down, and he was a little surprised at Clare's choice of lying across the bench and resting her head in his lap as they both faced the water.

Clare softly said, "They'll be others, Eli. Better than Marry Anne," and she was grateful that the position they were sitting in didn't allow him to see the tear that had rolled down her face.

"I don't care about them," Eli said at once, as he began twirling one of Clare's curls between his fingers almost on an unconscious impulse – he would always do this when they were teenagers and they were just lying in his bed, reading, and the absent minded action on his part meant the world to Clare.

"You don't?" she shyly repeated.

"Nope," Eli said, hoping Clare would take the hint and give him some kind of an indication in response to what he was implying. But even if he was long gone, the doubts that Jake had planted in her mind kept haunting Clare, and they caused her to remain quiet as Eli's face turned blank, an automatic defense mechanism on his part.

After a few more minutes of just enjoying the quietness of the Japanese garden, they eventually made their way to Eli's Lincoln, and Eli flashed Clare a small smirk when he saw her turn the radio station to his favourite one, right after he had turned on the heat in the car, remembering that Clare always seemed to be just a bit colder than everyone else at any given time.

Once they got to her apartment and Eli held the car door open for her and he walked her to her door, Clare had detected his slightly changed demeanour…he was beginning to pull back a little, and that thought horrified her – it was never what she meant to do. She just…was afraid of plunging into a relationship with the boy she loved so…because if things were to come crashing down again, she knew it would devastate them both, and she had a little girl to look after. She didn't have time to be devastated.

"Thank you for coming with me, Clare. Hope it wasn't too painful," he said, shrugging his shoulders, an action that caused Clare's heart to break a little.

"Eli – look at me," she told him, and he listened at once. "I had so much fun. Best night I have had in years," she reassured him, and she smiled when she saw him smirk as she continued, "I loved it, Eli". Clare still felt that this wasn't enough though, so she reached her arms forward at once, throwing them around Eli's shoulders and bringing their bodies close together in a hug. She felt him freeze up initially in surprise, but soon enough his strong hands wrapped around her lower back and he pulled her in even a little closer as she felt him place a soft kiss in her curls. She kissed his temple in return, and she saw his smirk spread wider as she eventually pulled away and ran her hands down his arms before they exchanged good-byes uttered in identical tones that suggested that 'good-bye' was the last thing they wanted to say to each other.


	6. Crosses and Comics

**Hi lovely readers! Let's move along in the story. Double update part 2!**

**Also – thoughts on the much music promo? I'm glad to see Eli isn't just pining after Clare; she actually seems to be the one to approach him, but the 'I don't have feelings at all,' worries me. If he meant it just in regards to Clare I wouldn't be so worried, because we all know he's just lying to himself as a coping mechanism, but if he meant in a broader sense ie. I am so messed up I have lost the ability to feel, I think my heart might just literally break for him, and my anger for Clare would only increase. And no, I don't think Jake is going to rape Clare by the 'Whoa, what are you doing?' line. I think the whole Jake and Clare thing will be very much initiated by her. Aahhh these promos are messing with my head. **

**Anyway, I would like to thank my lovely reviewers ToDecember, musiksnob (glad you are on board! And I'm afraid the Eli in this story will be even more perfect than the way I regularly portray him, just the way I see this scenario playing out in my head), MelissaIsLame, ilovetaylorswift13, iloveeliandclare, Katra (I like the way you think!), EmandEms, degrassiluver15, deena, TheCrazyUnicorn, and my rockstar reviewer StalkerAngel!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any real-world references I happen to make. **

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"Mommy, mommy, how was the special dinner?" Clare heard a bouncing Emily ask as she embraced her in her arms.

"It was…special," Clare answered, and Helen immediately noticed the love-struck look in her daughter eyes. Looks like Eli hadn't changed at all, she reflected – he was always able to put that look there.

After Clare played with Emily for a bit, the little girl headed off to the TV as Dora the Explorer was soon coming on, and Helen took

Clare to the kitchen where her daughter recounted the night for her, and Helen gave Clare a reassuring smile in response.

Clare didn't include every single detail, but she had told her mother enough in order for her to realize that the dinner was a bit of a step forward for Clare and Eli, although Helen had hoped the night would have ended with a kiss. But she knew it might take Clare a little while longer to be ready for that, so she just resolved to keep listening to her and encouraging her.

The sound of Clare's cell phone jolted Helen out of her thoughts, and she saw Emily get up from the couch, grab the phone off the dining room table and bring it to her mom as she announced, "Mommy, Eli's calling you, the phone says so," and Helen saw Clare grab the phone eagerly from Emily. Clare praised her daughter for recognizing Eli's name from the display of the phone, wondering if that could be counted as progress towards her struggle to read.

"Hi Eli," Clare warmly said.

"Hey Clare," she heard him reply, but she thought his voice sounded a little strange, and was that…a beeping noise in the background?

"Where are you?" Clare asked him in confusion.

"I just had to go somewhere for a bit," Eli so specifically said, "But I'm calling because we might have a problem," he continued, causing Clare's face to turn pale. What was up with all of this mystery? It made Clare very uneasy…mystery was not her favourite thing in the world.

"What's going on?" she asked at once.

"I have a meeting next Friday night, from 4pm – 8pm, so I won't really be able to pick up Emily," Clare heard Eli say, and she breathed a sigh of relief. That was all that was wrong? There wasn't even a need to be worried about this, Clare thought with a frown, reminding Eli,

"Don't worry about it, Eli, that's not a problem at all. Next Friday is Remembrance Day, remember? I don't have to go to work, and the daycare is closed anyway; it's a national holiday," she specified, adding, "I'm actually really surprised the university is open that day".

She heard Eli hesitate a little before he said, "Um, yeah, no, I don't…I don't have classes, just this meeting I have to be in. See you tomorrow, though?"

"Sure, Eli. Is everything all right?" Clare felt the need to ask. Eli sounded like…he was breathing heavily, and that stupid beeping noise hadn't gone away. Where was he?

"Never better," she heard him reply, which only left her stomach a little woozy. She had only heard him say that on one previous occasion, and things were definitely _not _never better then.

"All-all right," Clare hesitated. "G-Good-bye, Eli," she said and after he replied, she closed her phone and stared at it for a long time.

Helen knew something odd must have happened, so she gently asked Clare,

"What was that about?"

"Oh, nothing much," Clare said, trying to be nonchalant but miserably failing, "He has a meeting on Friday, so he was calling to say he can't pick up Emily, but it's Remembrance Day, everyone has the day off…he just forgot, I guess".

"Oh, okay," Helen said, but Clare noticed the worry in her mother's voice. Had she done something wrong at the Gala Dinner? Because the more she went over the few lines they had exchanged over the course of that phone call, the more Clare felt like…Eli was beginning to pull away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Are the stores open on Remembrance day, mom?" Clare asked Helen just as she was pouring the last few drops of milk into a bowl filled with Honey Nut Cheerios, knowing Emily would be waking up anytime soon.

"Hmm, I don't think so honey. Unless you go to campus – the ones for the students stay open until noon," Helen informed her, and Clare giggled as she told her mom, "Guess I'm joining the poorly planned students, then. We need milk, especially if I'm going to make brownies tonight," and Helen assured her she'd make Emily something else for breakfast if she happened to wake up before Clare returned.

"It's only a ten minute drive, so I'll be gone twenty-five minutes at most," Clare told her mom before grabbing her jacket and putting her shoes on and leaving the apartment.

Clare chose to go to the Save-on-Foods on campus, and just as she had suspected, it was crawling with students doing their shopping, and as opposed to previous moments where she would have been plagued by guilt, she now felt excited. She would be finishing her own degree soon, and she hoped she could get her Master's as well. Then things would be so much better, she thought excitedly.

She grabbed a 2L milk carton and picked up some fruit as well, and then headed to the check-out. She thanked the girl in front of her politely when she placed a separating marker between her two orders, and as the girl replied, "You're welcome," Clare saw her give her a big smile and she recognized her right away.

"Oh, Kate! You're one of Eli's students," Clare said, thinking out loud, "Nice to see you again," and the girl gave her a warm smile in response.

"It's nice to see you too. I just wrote Dr. Goldsworthy's exam last Tuesday," she informed Clare in a friendly tone.

"Uh oh – how was it?" Clare asked her with a giggle.

"It was all right; I was scared when I was studying for it, but he didn't spring any surprises on us. It was all material from his lectures for the first part, and the essay questions he gave us for the second part were really interesting," Kate told Clare. _That sounds just like Eli, _Clare thought as her lips formed into an involuntary smile.

Kate's expression softened as she added, "You know, we're all praying for Dr. Goldsworthy and can't wait to see him the week after the next," and the girl's empathetic but sad smile caused a freezing chill to take over Clare's body. _Why were they praying for him? _

"Excuse me?" Clare managed to get out in a whisper.

"Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, I know he didn't want us to know – he just told us he would be away next week, but when someone asked why he reluctantly said he had a medical procedure scheduled – never told us what, but I mean…it must be serious if he'll be gone for an entire week," the girl shyly said.

_It must be serious. _

_ It must be serious. _

_ It must be serious. _

_ It must be serious. _

_ It must be serious. _

"Mrs. Goldsworthy?" Kate asked and Clare physically jolted at the sound of the girl's voice. "Are you all right?" Kate continued.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I…have to go," Clare replied, leaving a dumbfounded Kate behind – she wasn't going through the check-out after all?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"It's a procedure they've done lots of times, sweetheart. It's going to be fine," a nervous Bullfrog was telling Cece as he held her in a tight embrace, running his hand over her smooth blond hair.

"I know…I know…I wanted him to do this, to be rid of that damn plate already, he'll feel a lot better, I just can't help but be…scared," she admitted to her husband, and she felt his grip on her become even tighter as the uncomfortable hospital chair she was sitting in outside of Eli's room moved a little along the floor.

Cece quickly saw Bullfrog widen his eyes in astonishment, however, and she followed his gaze to see…a dishevelled Clare Edwards running at full speed towards them, the sound of her heels causing everyone to turn around and look at her. Despite that fact that she hadn't seen Clare in twelve years…there was no confusing those striking blue eyes and unique brown curls, Cece thought to herself as she saw Bullfrog walk up to Clare and she immediately hung on to his shirt as she collapsed into his arms for a few seconds. Both of their minds were remembering the same horrible moment that had an eerie resonance to the situation they found themselves in right now, and as much as Bullfrog affectionately had loved Clare, he was not so sure she should be allowed to see Eli right now. Last time….Bullfrog had never been as scared for his son as the night after she walked out of that room. Clare soon pulled out of his embrace and began shaking her head wildly.

Cece and Bullfrog both took in Clare's mascara-stained face and the way in which her curls were flying everywhere as she said in a frantic panic, "He didn't even tell me! I didn't even know! I wouldn't even know unless I ran into one of his students at Save-On-Foods, for crying out loud!"

Clare then took in Cece and Bullfrog's expressions, and…she couldn't blame them. When she had asked Eli casually about them, he had told her they don't hold anything against her…but…she knew that she couldn't blame them for agreeing with Eli's decision to keep this to himself.

"What's wrong with him?" Clare whined, "They wouldn't tell me! They just told me his room number, barely even that, – please, please…tell me," she said, as a mass of tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her face.

Cece and Bullfrog were both a little hesitant, knowing Eli hadn't Clare anything about his health, and…she was already so rattled.

She covered her face with her hands for a few seconds as she continued, "I know you think I'm going to damage him again, but that's not what I'm trying to do. I don't want to hurt him, and I'm not going to. Every night I thank God for letting Eli re-enter my life, and what I did to him – the way I treated him – it's the single biggest regret of my life. Please…please…I need to know…what's wrong with him? How serious is it? Could he…" she frantically said, before she felt Cece wrap her in a hug and whisper "Shh, Shh, Shh".

"Could he?" Clare repeated, raising her voice at this point, adding, "No, right? Tell me it's impossible! He couldn't…could he?" she said, her voice being overcome by sobs at this point.

Bullfrog spoke up, noticing the tears in his wife's eyes, slowly saying, "He won't, Clarabelle. He won't," but Clare was getting frustrated that no one was giving her any answers.

She tried to compose herself, but she was overcome by a whimper as she repeated, "_Why_ is he here? _What's wrong_ with him?"

Cece gently guided her to a chair as Bulldog sat down on the other side of her. He took a deep breath as he slowly told Clare, "It's…his leg," and he heard Clare let out a painful sob as she retreated back into Cece's embrace.

Clare kept sobbing as she said, "But it was _fine_! I saw him at school right after! He was walking, he was running and playing soccer in gym, it was fine! How can it be that he's in the hospital, and why won't anyone tell me exactly what he's having done?" she pleaded.

Cece now gently said, "Baby girl, it _was_…fine. Or so we all thought; that was the problem. Turns out Eli still had a lot of pain in it even after his cast was off; he just shrugged it off and didn't tell anyone. By the time Bullfrog and I noticed…it had become so serious that he needed surgery on it. The doctors said that he really should have had the procedure right after the car crash, but because it was borderline and hard to categorize, the ER doctors just cast it off. Once he had the surgery, they inserted a metal plate in his leg to keep it properly connected to his pelvis. Now, after enough time has passed, they are fusing everything together with a new technology – he won't need to have that metal plate anymore. He hates it too, he's been waiting for this surgery ever since he got back to Toronto," and she felt Clare's body being overcome by wild tremors all throughout the explanation.

Clare was sobbing uncontrollably as she barely managed to say, "When did he have the first surgery?" and Cece softly said, "The summer after grade eleven," and Clare let out a painful whine as she realized that of course she wouldn't know that; she had been too busy watching Jake's team get to the regional soccer finals that summer. Her body was shaking as she told Eli's parents, "Emily said…his leg rings…and I thought maybe something was wrong, but…I didn't ask. I should've asked".

"Baby girl, it's not your fault," Cece gently told her. "This is a good thing, this surgery, sweetheart," Cece reassured her, feeling like she was reassuring a teenager all over again.

Clare pulled out of the embrace and said, "No! It _is_ my fault – _all_ of it! I _knew_ he was driving when I broke up with him! I knew it and I still did it! And how could I not have noticed this leg thing after he came back to Degrassi - I had over _a year_ to notice it! A year! If I had noticed, I could have told someone, and maybe he could have gotten it looked at sooner…and it wouldn't have been so bad!" Clare shouted.

"No, Clarabelle, it's not like that," Bullfrog insisted, "What happened to Eli happened because he was sick. It was horrible, and unfortunate, but it was not your fault. If anyone should have prevented him from going to that ledge, it should have been me and his mother," he said, and Clare noticed how his voice was breaking. "And he was hiding the leg pain after the accident, no one was able to tell because he made sure of it, you know how Eli can be," he added.

Upon hearing those words, however, Clare exploded into further hysterics as she said, "_I _would have figured it out! If I would have spent time with him, _I w_ould have noticed it at once! He wouldn't have been able to hide it from _me! _I could have _helped him_. But I just _abandoned him_! Don't you see – it is _my_ fault!" and she kept sobbing as a nurse approached and warned Cece and Bullfrog that unless Clare calmed down she would either be given a sedative or asked to leave the building.

That declaration on the part of the nurse only infuriated Clare more as she said, "How _dare you_ tell me to calm down right now?" as Cece and Bullfrog widened their eyes at seeing such a different side of Clare emerge.

"Miss, it's either that or you don't get to see him," the nurse told her strictly, and Clare eventually just slowly nodded and wiped her face with her sleeve.

"I want to see him," she told Cece and Bullfrog.

Bullfrog flashed her a sad smirk that looked so much like Eli's as he said, "Clarabelle, maybe that's not the best idea –" and Clare burst into sobs again as she said, "No…_please_ don't do that to me. Please…I can't, I can't - I have to see him!"

Bullfrog clarified, "Clarabelle, I'm not going to stop you from seeing Eli," and Clare exhaled deeply when she heard him say that. He added, "It's just that…he was just about to go into surgery when his surgeon got called down to the Emergency Room, and…he had to wait for a few hours as his surgeon had to operate on a car crash victim, and they had to give him morphine to keep him waiting…quite a bit of morphine. He's all…zonked out," Bullfrog explained.

"That's okay," Clare insisted. "I just…want to be with him right now. I…should be with him right now," she said, exhaling deeply and looking up at Bullfrog as her blue eyes were flooded with tears, and after Clare saw Cece nod at Bullfrog empathetically, he softly said, "All right. All right," and Clare opened the door immediately and entered Eli's room.

It was a small room that Clare knew at once would be too bright for Eli's taste. There were medical carts all through it, and Clare's heart ached when she saw that the window ledge didn't contain any cards or flowers…Eli hadn't told anyone; if he had it would be full, she stubbornly told herself. A heart rate monitor filled the room with an eerie sound that chilled Clare. But her heart truly broke when she glanced at the bed; a high, cold, white hospital bed that had a clipboard with the name Goldsworthy written in black Sharpie at the top of a form that revealed all his latest charts and results, and Clare just thought about how wrong it was to see his name there. His name belonged at the top of his office, or next to the sections of American Lit that he taught on the U of T Student Services Centre, or…next to hers on Emily's daycare registration form. Not here. His body was almost fully covered by a painfully white hospital blanket that came up just to his underarms, revealing the white hospital robe with tiny blue dots that he wore. He was lying on his side, and his body looked so…small and vulnerable as Clare approached him and she pulled a seat as close to the bed as possible, taking in his tired face and his slightly parted lips. She felt him stir as soon as she urgently grabbed his hand, but she could tell that Bullfrog had been right about the morphine, because his eyes were cloudy and he moved his head at different angles before he…giggled. Now that reaction surprised Clare a lot, and she was taken aback for a little while, but she remembered Eli was currently on a dose of the world's most powerful painkiller, so she couldn't expect his behaviour to make much sense. He wouldn't remember a word of anything tomorrow, Clare thought, before the fear of _tomorrow_ registered in her mind and another tear escaped her eye.

"Hey, you," she softly said, and Eli stirred as he widened her eyes at her and let out a few more giggles before he said, "Damn - this hospital…it has the _good stuff. _Morphine so strong…that it can even produce the image of Clare Edwards staying with me beside my hospital bed," as he attempted moving his free hand to touch her, but Clare saw he had no control over it; it was really droopy and Eli's fruitless attempts only seemed to amuse him more. Clare's heart was frozen at what he had just said, however. _Eli thought the possibility of her sticking by him was so absurd that it could only be a vision produced by morphine. _

"Eli, it's me, I'm really here, you're just on morphine…everything is cloudy," Clare tried to tell him.

"Damn…it sounds just like her too," he said, as he curiously studied the finger pulse monitor he was wearing, knocking it against the side of the hospital bed as more giggles escaped him.

"Good morphine, good morphine," he repeated, and Clare saw him trying to reach for the IV control mechanism, but his hand was way off and she moved the drip further away, just in case Eli decided he wanted to make Clare reappear on his own when she was no longer in the room.

"No, I'm real, Eli," she said, squeezing his hand, but he only rolled his head to the other side of the pillow. He stayed like that for a minute before his gaze locked with hers and he mumbled, "She'd never come. She can't…be here. I scare her. I manipulate her. She's sorry – oh she's sorry, folks, it's okay! - but she can't be around me," and Clare felt her entire body develop goose bumps when she heard the same words that she had uttered twelve years ago recited back at her in Eli's voice.

He managed to pull off his finger monitor, and Clare immediately slipped it back on as his giggles now turned to tears and he said, "Clare…good morphine, good morphine. Will you stay?" and Clare immediately nodded as she desperately said, "I'm staying, yes, I'm staying with you. There's nowhere else I'd rather be".

Clare saw another tear roll down his face as he muttered, "The best…morphine…you'll stay…because it's the best," and her heart felt like it had been trampled over by an elephant. Eli didn't belong here…he belonged at the front of a lecture hall, teaching his classes, or hanging out with Adam, or…playing with Emily. _Not_ here, but here she was, watching the morphine reduce him to a tortured sixteen year old boy all over again…because he was still so plagued by what had happened, she knew.

"I'm here, Eli," she repeated, and Eli narrowed his eyes at her before shaking his head.

"Where is…Jake?" Eli mumbled, and his head rolled around on the pillow, and Clare guessed he was attempting to look around the room. He then mumbled something she could not make out, before he deadpanned, "Why, Clare? Why did you choose him?" and Clare felt like her heart would stop beating any second.

She saw Eli tearfully toss around a little, before an involuntary series of whines escaped his lips and he said, "Why, Clare? Why did you choose him over me?" and she just felt a sob overcome her as she responded "Eli – I tried – but you didn't want to talk to me, told me you had no feelings at all," and she knew that he understood her as his gaze locked with hers.

"Damn girl," he said in a strange tone, "I had already told you - you knew I couldn't just be friends with you – I liked you too much. Then you were making out with him left, right and centre, the next minute. But…I know…I know…why you chose him…because he was the exact opposite of me," Eli accused Clare as she sank her had down on his bed in shame.

"I know, I know, I was stupid. So stupid," she breathed, holding on to his hand tighter.

Eli just kept tossing on the bed before he settled down and Clare stood up and leaned over him so she could wipe his tears away with her hands. She was slowly doing so as she saw that his green eyes were clouded over but still managed to keep their focus on Clare's blue orbs, and she was taking her time because she wanted to take the best care of him that was possible. She knew that sounded ridiculous, because wiping his tears away would not heal his leg, but…it was all she could do and she was going to do it properly. She felt Eli place his hand on top of her arm as she was wiping another tear away, and she was convinced she had never heard him sound more utterly destroyed than in the moment in which he whispered, "Clare…she could have been ours". Clare let out a painful sob and whispered back, "Oh God, Eli…I wish she were. And…she loves you so, Eli. She's practically yours," but Eli just blinked and his voice was raspy as he said, "But she'll never call me daddy," and Clare drew in a sharp breath once she heard that. She was sure that her heart had indeed stopped when she heard him utter those words, and were it not for the team of surgeons and nurses that burst through the door at that very moment Clare was not sure she would have ever snapped out of her trance and come back down to an Earth that frightened her to her very core.

The doctors were chattering away amongst themselves as they checked Eli's chart and the chief surgeon approached Clare and said, "Ma'am, it's time now – he'll be back in about eight hours," but Clare couldn't utter the smallest syllable in response.

Clare watched in fear as two doctors pulled his bed away from its floor locks. She quickly leaned in next to Eli's face and softly kissed his cheek and whispered, "I'll be right here waiting for you, Eli. I'm not going anywhere," and she slowly sunk to the floor after watching the team of doctors take him away.

She heard Cece and Bullfrog enter the room and she felt Bullfrog lift her up off the ground but as he was about to cross the threshold out of the room, he heard Clare whimper uncontrollably as she choked out, "No. No. No. I'm waiting for him. Put me down, let go," and she scrambled out of his arms.

Cece gently grabbed her arm and said, "All right, baby girl, all right. We're waiting too. You want to wait inside the room?"

"Yes. Yes. Right here," Clare cried and Cece gently guided her to a chair as Bullfrog went to the hallway and pulled in two more chairs from the waiting room inside Eli's room.

Cece saw how distraught Clare was and she gently told her, "Baby girl, it's all right. This is a surgery the doctors have done lots of times before," but Clare just hid her face in the back of her chair and Cece saw her shoulders shaking.

"He'll be all right. He'll be better than all right – the whole reason why he is doing this in the first place is because he'll be more comfortable. He was…still in some pain," Cece told Clare and she then saw Clare meet her gaze.

"How much?" she slowly asked.

"Not a lot – ibuprofen every once in a while took care of it, but Eli didn't like taking it so much; he kept saying it wasn't good to take so many pills," Bullfrog explained, and Clare was relieved to hear that Eli hadn't become dependent on any medication. When he had first told her that he was never required to take any medication for his mental health condition, Clare had been able to detect the relief in his voice, and she suspected this pain management issue was rather parallel in Eli's mind.

"I'm staying," Clare stubbornly repeated, and Cece and Bullfrog exchanged worried glances.

"Baby girl," Cece asked, "Who is…looking after Emily?" being well aware that other than the little girl's mother and grandmother, the responsibility for Emily also fell on…Eli.

"She is with my mom – when I called I made sure my mom was staying for the weekend. Eli is supposed to be in here for a week?" Clare asked Eli's parents and they both nodded in response.

Clare begun thinking out loud as she enumerated, "So that takes care of the weekend, and I am taking the week off of work, I already called my boss-" and Cece interrupted, "Baby girl, you don't have to do that," but Clare shook her head and said, "It's fine, she already said it's not a problem," not telling Eli's parents that her boss had been able to pick up the panic and tears in Clare's voice and had encouraged her to take all the time she needed. Clare knew now that her boss was familiar with her long term plans and saw her as more than just a secretary, she valued her much more.

"And I'm still going to have Emily go to her daycare during the weekdays, and my mom is going to pick her up instead of Eli – she's arranged to leave her work a week earlier," she explained.

Bullfrog slowly said, "Eli...will be getting discharged Monday if all goes according to plan. He's…been waiting for the surgery for two years, and when he got the call, he immediately worried about what he would do with Emily. The only reason he said yes was because with Remembrance Day, he'd get an extra day of recovery – and although he has the week off work, he still planned on picking Emily up from daycare starting Monday; he said a ten minute drive would be fine," and Clare felt more tears stinging her eyes as she realized how Eli had still put Emily first.

"No, he's staying here for the week – or resting at home, whichever he wants, but there's no way he's doing more than that – and I have the week off, I'm going to make sure of it," Clare asserted, and Eli's parents just nodded in agreement, knowing there was nothing that she needed more in this moment than their support. Cece and Bullfrog both put their arms around her and she rested her head against them in exhaustion, but neither individual in the room closed their eyes for even a second for the next eight hours.

When Clare knew that the time was approaching for the eight hours to be over, she suggested to Cece and Bullfrog that they move outside so they could see the doctors come faster, and they accepted. Clare had been through some awful moments in her life previously – her parents' divorce, Eli's crash, her night with Jake, the sixteen hours of labour that she endured alone, terrified of the whole process without anyone there for her – and as she was waiting for Eli's surgeon to emerge she felt all of those same horrible feelings collapse onto her again. It was a good thing that the surgeon was right on time, because had he been just one second longer it was quite likely that Clare's nerves would have been completely unable to take it. However, the big smile he had on his face allowed Clare to relax just a bit before he said, "Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy and miss," clearly a little confused about who Clare was, "The surgery was a success. Everything went according to plan, and Eli should feel no more pain after approximately three weeks. He will have to use a cane for that period of time, but other than that, things will be a whole lot better for him than they have been so far. He will return to his room in the next half hour, Dr. Steinberg will bring him up. He will need his rest for the next week – I know he wants to get out of here as soon as possible, but it will be a step by step process that myself and my team will have to monitor closely. But Eli is doing great – congratulations," he finished, and Cece immediately hugged him and Bullfrog shook his hand. After allowing Eli's parents to thank the doctor, Clare shakily told him, "Thank you so much…just…thank you," and she gave him one of the warmest hugs that the doctor had ever received in all of the time that he had spent saving lives.

Just as the chief surgeon had specified, Eli was returned to his room about thirty minutes later, and Clare was told that it might take up to fifteen hours for him to wake up, once the effect of his anaesthesia had fully worn off. Cece and Bullfrog occupied two chairs at the side of the room, while Clare pulled one as close to the bed as possible and rested her head next to Eli's body and she moved his arm to wrap around it, deeply saddened that in this moment he couldn't twirl her curls in the loving way he always used to.

_I just want you to wake up. _

_Please wake up. _

Cece and Bullfrog watched the distraught girl and exchanged worried looks – Clare's distress and her earlier assertions had told them everything they needed to know about her new commitment, but no matter how much they continued to assure her that he would be fine, especially after hearing from his surgeon, they knew that Clare was unable to snap out of her frenzy…and they understood. They were Eli's parents, after all – they understood. Cece felt Bullfrog intertwine her hand with his when they saw Clare get up for a second, only to kneel beside her bed and interlock her hands as they knew she was saying a prayer to God. They also watched in amazement as Clare reached behind her neck at the end of her prayer, and she took off the cross necklace that they had never seen her without, and she gently placed it around their son's neck. Cece and Bullfrog understood her gesture at once, and tears stung both of their eyes as they saw the girl place a kiss on his cheek before returning to her original position, resting her head very close to Eli's body.

It was getting close to midnight now, and the hospital quieted down for the night as Clare snuggled her face closer to Eli's body and fell asleep.

She woke up the next morning when she heard a boy who she had missed so much over the past six years enter the room. Adam himself was quite shocked at the sight of the brown curls against the mattress. He was taken aback to see Clare sitting in a chair next to Eli's bed, her head placed right next to his upper body while his arm was placed around it. Eli had strictly prohibited Adam from visiting him before his surgery, so Adam just came as soon as he could after he was sure that Eli would be out of surgery, but Eli had also told him that Clare didn't know about it and that he meant to keep it that way, so he did not expect to see her here.

Adam saw her tear-stained face lift up and he sighed when he saw a flash of fear cross her face. He knew Clare must feel guilty about abandoning their friendship, so he just held his arms out for her and she burst into tears as she quickly ran to him and held him tightly, whispering "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," endlessly before Adam said, "Hey, hey, Clare – it's okay". Clare pulled out of the embrace and gave him a puzzled look as she said, "I didn't mean to, Adam, I was just…so ashamed and I didn't know what else to do."

"I know, Clare – and you shouldn't have been ashamed – but I know," Adam said, as Cece and Bullfrog slowly woke up and greeted the boy.

"Adam, you can't possibly just forgive me that easily," Clare whispered.

"Why not? I'm in charge of deciding who I forgive, and you my friend, are forgiven," he said as he flashed her a wide smile and Clare couldn't help but give him another hug.

"How's he doing?" Adam asked, and Clare noticed that he dropped a stack of comic books on the small table by Eli's bed.

Cece and Bullfrog filled Adam in on the situation, and when he heard all of the updates, Adam declared the situation "Boo-yeah" worthy, as Clare couldn't help but smile in response.

"No crazy clients to defend today?" Bullfrog asked Adam, and Clare remembered that Eli had told her that Adam had become a lawyer.

"Ugh, Bullfrog, I already told you – I'm not a litigator, I don't go to court. I work in an office," Adam said with a playful roll of his eyes.

"Whatever – all I know is that when I get in trouble, I'm calling _you_," Bullfrog joked as he playfully punched Adam's shoulder.

Adam soon pulled another chair from the waiting room into Eli's room, and he asked Clare,

"Where's your mini-me?" and Clare blushed when she realized Eli must have shared his description of Emily with Adam.

"She's with my mom," Clare explained.

"Well, I'd like to meet her soon, Clare," Adam said as Clare flashed him a smile in response at once, and he added, "Kid's been hanging out with Eli, God knows what this fool's been telling her, she needs someone to set her straight," and Clare just shook her head playfully at Adam.

"Of course, Adam. She'll love you. Just…as soon as Eli's better, okay?" Clare told him, and Adam agreed at once.

Adam could only stay until lunchtime, however, so he said an affectionate good-bye to Clare, and she promised she would tell Eli he had been here if he were to wake up before the next time Adam would come.

Cece and Bullfrog then went down to the lunchroom to get something for lunch, but regardless of how much they insisted, Clare refused to join them, so they just resolved to bring her something up, which she only very reluctantly agreed to. A few minutes after they left, Clare heard her phone ring and she answered it at once when she saw her home phone number flash across her screen.

"Mom? Is everything okay?" she asked immediately.

"Of course, sweetheart. I'm calling to see how Eli is doing," Helen said, and Clare quickly filled her in the situation.

"Oh, thank God, sweetheart. Clare, Emily's been asking about him," Helen informed her daughter.

"You told her?" Clare blurted out. She had strictly told her mother not to tell Emily anything – she knew Emily was a rather sensitive little girl and that she would be profusely worried for Eli.

"I did no such thing, Clare," Helen said. "But I think she can tell something is wrong. She keeps asking about you, and then about him, and then about you _and _him – where you are, what you are doing, when you will be back," and Clare felt a sharp pang in her chest when she heard her mom say that.

She took a deep breath and said, "Okay mom, I'm going to tell her. Put her on the phone, please".

"All right, honey, here she is," Clare heard her mom say and very soon, she heard a concerned little voice say,

"Mommy? Where are you? I miss you," and Clare's heart began to slowly break.

"Hi, sweetheart. Are you okay with Nana?" Clare asked firstly.

"Yes, mommy. But where are you? Where's Eli?" Emily's little voice inquired and Clare braced herself.

"Sweetie, Eli's sick and mommy is just staying with him for a little bit to help him, just like he stayed with you when you were sick," Clare explained.

"Does his throat hurt?" Emily asked and Clare felt tears stinging her eyes again.

"No, sweetheart. It's his leg. His leg hurts," Clare whispered.

"Oh no, not again," Clare heard Emily gasp.

Clare told her daughter, "Don't worry, sweetie, the doctors made it feel all better so it will never hurt again. But he needs to rest for a little bit, and mommy is going to stay with him to help. He's a little sick still, so he has to stay in the hospital".

"That's good that you are helping him, mommy. But…can I come?" Clare heard Emily ask, and she glanced at Eli, sleeping peacefully under the hospital blanket, his vitals monitor beeping regularly.

Clare thought for a minute before she answered, "Okay, sweetheart. You can come visit for a little bit, but a little later today, okay? Nana will bring you," she told Emily, and the little girl answered, "See you soon, mommy," before passing the phone to her grandma.

Clare gave her mother the directions to Eli's room once she would get to Toronto General, and then she quickly hung up and returned to Eli's bedside as she began slowly pushing his bangs back and running her fingers through his hair. Why was he not waking up? It was around one clock now…according to the timeline the doctors had given her, he only had two hours left, and they made it sound like it would definitely only be fifteen hours maximum. Was…something wrong?

1:14pm. _Why is he not waking up?_

1:23pm. _Why is he not up yet?_

1:59pm. _Please, God. _

2:00pm. Clare could no longer discern the time on the digital clock because of the tears that invaded her eyes, despite Cece and Bullfrog's reassurance.

2:13 Clare could feel her heart almost jump out of her chest as a team of doctors entered the room and one of them pushed something into Eli's IV through an injection. They told her that it was just something to help him wake up, and that it was not time to worry yet.

2:33 Cece and Bullfrog became too agitated themselves to be able to provide any attempts at comforting Clare.

Just as Clare watched the digital clock turn to 2:47, she heard a tiny, "Mommy?" from the other end of the room as a slightly alarmed Emily entered the room, Helen just behind her.

Clare immediately went over to her little girl and hugged her, as Bullfrog and Cece watched the scene a little awestruck. In that moment, looking at the little girl that seemed to be an exact replica of a tiny Clare, Cece understood just why Eli had been so concerned with picking her up from daycare after his surgery, and Bullfrog became the latest of victims to completely be charmed by the little girl as she shot him a shy little look before burying her face in her mom's shoulder.

Clare put Emily down and the little girl headed right for Eli's bedside as she shakily whispered, "Is he going to be okay?" and Clare immediately answered, "Yes, sweetheart, he'll be fine".

Emily replied, "That's good, mommy, because…I like him".

Everyone in the room then watched as a little frown crossed Emily's face as she studied all the tubes connected to Eli's body, and tears invaded every single pair of eyes as the little girl climbed up onto the chair that her mother had previously been sitting in and used it as a launch platform to climb onto Eli's bed and she crawled up along his side to the crook of his arm as she reached up and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before pushing his hair out of his face the same way he had done to her when she was feeling sick as she softly murmured, "I love you, I love you, please get better. We can go see the fishies again and everything will be okay with your leg". The little girl then crawled off of the bed via the same route she had taken to get there, and she went over to her mother and hugged her legs.

"Good job, sweetheart," Clare softly said.

"Can he hear me, mommy?" Emily asked, her little voice quivering a bit.

Clare was too overwhelmed by emotion to say anything, but Cece rapidly intervened as she said, "Of course, baby girl. He can hear you; he's just so tired he can't reply," and Emily watched her mom nod in response.

"Emily, sweetheart, these are Eli's parents," Clare told her, and the little girl shyly cast them a look as she said, "You're Eli's mommy and daddy?" and they nodded in response as they smiled at the adorable little creature.

"Okay," Emily said, as she shot them another bashful little look that melted both of their hearts.

"Eli's awake, mommy," the little girl then said, as she was the only person in the room that was not admiring the way she so resembled Clare in not only appearance but mannerisms, and Clare rushed to his bedside as Eli began to cough erratically. Clare poured a glass of water from the pitcher on his bedside table and she gently held the bottom of it as she brought it up to Eli's chapped lips and he rapidly drank it.

After he was finished, Clare saw the worry in his eyes as he took in everyone in the room, and she knew he was feeling guilty that so many people had found out and were here, so she quickly took his hand and held it gently, and as his gaze met hers she mouthed, "It's all right".

Emily then quickly scrambled back up to bed as she said, "Eli! Eli! You woke up," and she burrowed into his open arms, hiding her face away from everybody as her muffled voice could be heard saying, "Did you hear me, Eli?".

Eli coughed a few more times before he answered Emily in a hoarse voice, saying, "Of course. I heard you," and the little girl grinned up at him.

Eli saw her face fall soon after as she asked, "Does your leg hurt?" and he replied at once, saying, "Not anymore. Don't you worry, it's all better now".

His eyes scanned the room, taking in his father's tight grip on his mother and he softly said, "Thank you for coming, Miss Edwards," in Helen's direction as she reassured him that she wanted to.

Clare let Emily recount the latest episode of Dora for Eli as she kept pushing his hair back and giggling at the funny comments Eli made in response to what she was telling him, but she could tell that Eli was completely exhausted, so she soon told Emily it was time to go, and the little girl reluctantly agreed to go with her grandmother after giving Eli the most powerful little hug her body would allow her to, and she said a shy little goodbye to his parents as well.

Clare walked Emily and Helen to Helen's car, wanting to give Eli some privacy with her parents, but she quickly returned and when they saw her enter the room, Bullfrog and Cece excused themselves, telling Clare and Eli they were going to get some coffee downstairs.

After they left the room, Clare immediately took her seat right next to his bedside, and Eli noticed her red and puffy eyes, and the sight felt to him like a bullet in his heart.

"Hi," Clare softly breathed, taking his hand one more time, but Eli turned his head away from her as he whispered, "Was she scared? She shouldn't have come here," but Clare gently placed her hand on his chin and turned his head so his gaze could meet hers as she assertively said, "Look at me. She wasn't scared. She asked to come. She was asking about you like she always does and she wanted to come, Eli. It wasn't gruesome or anything like that; did you see her – she felt perfectly comfortable," and Eli gave Clare the smallest of nods as his eyes also developed a light film of tears.

Clare softly asked him, "Why didn't you tell me?" and Eli gave her the exact answer she had expected.

"Didn't want you to worry," and Clare flashed him a sad smile as she replied, "Eli, you've worried so much about all of my troubles. This is a two way street," she told him.

"It's not a big deal," he said, moving his head a little deeper into the pillow.

"It was major surgery, Eli, I would have liked to know from you and not from running into one of your students," Clare said, just a little bit reproachfully.

"I would have still picked her up on Monday," Eli assured Clare.

"That's not what I'm worried about right now, Eli, and that's not why I would have wanted to know," Clare insisted. She continued, "And you, mister," as she playfully poked his chest, "are not going anywhere for the next week. My mom switched her hours and she's doing Emily's pick up and drop off, and I am staying right here with you; or you can come home with me, or I am going to your house for the week –"Clare started, but Eli just shook his head at once.

"No, you're not. I'll be fine, I can manage. It's not your job to fix me," he said, echoing the words of _She Didn't Have To Be _quite potently, much to Clare's dismay.

"That's not what I'm trying to do here, Eli," she said tearfully, instantly making him feel bad for being so direct, as Clare continued, "But, please…just please…" she shakily whispered as she rested her head on his bed once more, "Please…Eli…for me," and she exhaled when Eli gave her a soft, "All right. Just until I'm back on my feet".

Clare was so overjoyed to hear him agree so quickly that she instantly moved to sit next to him on the bed, but she hesitated a bit when she saw Eli gently say, "Clare…you don't have to, please…"

She just gently pulled his blanket aside as she said, "I want to, Eli," and she crawled under it as he slowly put his arm around her and she rested her head on his chest, right above his heart, because she needed to hear its steady, pulsating rhythm to remind her that the boy that she cared for very deeply was here, and he was fine. Clare adjusted the blanket on top of their bodies as she felt Eli's body relax next to hers after an initial moment of tension, and she was overcome by tears of joy as she softly snuggled against him more, as she gently, but assertively told him, "I'm not going anywhere," as she felt Eli exhale deeply as he began to twirl her curls and she eventually felt him drift off back to sleep, and just a few minutes later she had done the same.

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Clare felt the sun's rays hitting her face and it took her a minute to realize where she was as the memories of the last day and night flooded her mind. She tightly gripped Eli's robe when she remembered it all, and as soon as she registered his heart beat she calmed down a little, just as she felt him stir, pulling her closer to him and keeping his arm around her back for just a second before he fully woke up and panicked at his action, thinking Clare would be horrified. But then he felt her gently running her hand over his chest and he raised an eyebrow in surprise…could this mean…?

"Hey," she gently said as they both stood up a little, and she took in Eli's flushed face.

"Hi," he replied, and with his next line, the Eli that Clare knew was back as he declared, "Thanks for spending the night with me, Edwards," and he winked mischievously at her as she gave him a reproachful, "Eli!" in response and she playfully hit his arm.

"Ouch!" he sarcastically said, "Sure, let's abuse the patient in the hospital bed," and Clare didn't know what came over her in that minute, but she leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and after, she shot back, "There. Kiss to make you feel better".

She watched Eli's lips spread into a smirk as he answered, "Hmmm, know what? I _do _feel better, Doctor Edwards!"

Just as he finished saying that, in walked Adam and he grimaced playfully at once as he said, "Goddamn it, twelve years later and I'm still walking in on the two of you making out on top of a bed," in reference to an accident when the friends were back in high school and Adam hadn't known Clare was in Eli's room, ultimately leading to a walk-in moment that had profoundly embarrassed Clare to the point where she furiously blushed in Adam's presence for three days continuously.

"No one's making out, Adam, shut up," Eli said in an irritated tone as Clare quickly scrambled off the bed and into the chair that she had left last night. Adam pulled up another chair next to her as he said, "Whatever. You two back together yet?" and Eli widened his eyes as he couldn't believe his friend's imprudence.

He just repeated, "Shut up, Adam," and Adam just rolled his eyes in response as he added, "Dude – this is the treatment I get when I come to visit you? Jeez," and Eli immediately flashed him a smirk as he said, "Sorry," as Clare was busy blushing furiously and pretending her fingers were the most interesting thing on the planet.

Adam's own mind was thinking about how…right it felt that if Eli was in the hospital, him and Clare were at his bedside…and he even thought it was right that now he was a lawyer, Eli was a literature professor, Clare was on her way to becoming a company executive from what Eli had told her, but…it wasn't right that these two weren't together, he reflected. Watching them interact…Adam felt just like they were in high school all over again, shooting Romantic Roulette blanks all over again. Sure, Clare had a child now, but she was single and he knew that Eli…Ugh, Eli was just as much of a love-struck fool now as he had been in high school, Adam thought, only now he was even more hesitant. But Adam couldn't blame him for that.

"Did you get my comic books?" Adam asked, gesturing towards the side table.

"I saw them, thanks man….those will get me through the next couple of days," Eli responded.

"Ugh - Clare, can you convince Eli that he's supposed to stay here longer than just a couple of days?" Adam told her, hoping they could work as a team like they always used to in order to get Eli past his stubbornness.

"I'm trying to," Clare said, elongating her words to highlight what a difficult thing that would be for Eli to agree to.

"Back off, you two, I hate hospitals. Don't want to be here for a second longer than I have to," Eli told them, and even if he didn't mean to come off harsh, Adam and Clare were both immediately plagued not only with thoughts of the night of Morty's crash, but also with thoughts of…Julia. Neither of them knew if Eli had to wait outside a hospital room for her, or how exactly he got the news of her death…and neither wanted to ask. Clare was secretly really curious about what Eli's feelings might be towards that night now, and how Eli's therapist had dealt with that issue with him, and she knew that if she ever got the courage to ask him he would tell her, but this was not the time nor the place for such a discussion.

"Okay, okay, we'll see," Clare said reassuringly.

"So, I'm glad at least one good thing came out my surgery deal – you two finally meet again," Eli said.

"That's right!" Adam enthusiastically said as he nudged Clare's elbow, "And now I just have to meet Emily," he added.

"Oh man, Clare, who knows what things she's going to start saying and doing now that she's going to start hanging out with Adam – what an influence he'll be!" Eli said, widening his eyes.

"Funny – that's the same exact thing he said about her spending time with you," Clare replied, giggling back at Eli as Adam gave her a high-five.

"Hey – I'll have you know the girl's taste in music has developed significantly since she's been hanging out with me," Eli shot back.

"It went from the Dora album to the Dora album – special features edition?" Clare couldn't help but say to Eli and he narrowed his eyes playfully in response.

"Oh my God, Eli and Dora – this I have to see," Adam barely got out in between wild laughter, and Clare saw the little blush on Eli's face so she decided to save the description of Eli's remodelled office for the next time that she would see Adam.

The three friends spent the next hours catching up – Clare heard all about how Adam got to be a lawyer, and Adam heard a lot of details about Clare's daughter from both Eli and Clare, and Clare congratulated Adam on his great relationship with Lana, a girl who had come to Degrassi at the start of Clare's grade eleven year. She knew her somewhat, and she was impressed that Adam and her had stayed together for so long, and she was absolutely delighted when Adam even shared with them that he was planning asking her to marry him soon. Clare watched lovingly as Eli agreed to be Adam's best man when the day would come, also promising him to deliver the most inappropriate best man's speech that had ever been written.

Eventually, Adam had to return to work, and right before he slipped out, he blurted out, "Oh, and by the way, nice necklace, dude," and Clare felt her cheeks flaming as she knew there was no way that Adam did not recognize the necklace to be her own. She had forgotten to take it off of Eli once he woke up! She saw Eli flash Adam a confused look as he moved his hand to his neck, but Adam playfully just said, "I'm out, see you soon guys" and exited the room before he could see Eli's surprised look.

Clare approached Eli's bed and blushed about ten different shades of red as she said, "Sorry…I know it's stupid, it's just that…you weren't waking up," breathing heavily at the end of her sentence.

"It's not stupid," Eli said at once, locking his glare with Clare's as he said, "Thank you".

Clare grinned up at him as she said, "Well, what it finally took for you to wake up was Emily's kiss, remember?"

"I remember," Eli said in a warm tone, "and that's because she's an angel. Just like her mommy," he whispered, and he reached for Clare's hand, pulling her back onto the bed into an embrace.

"Clare…when did you find out?" Eli softly asked her.

"I ran into Kate at the campus Save-on-Foods the morning of your surgery," she explained. "By the time I got here, you were just about to go into surgery," she carefully said.

"Huh. I don't remember seeing you, but I think they had me some pretty strong morphine," Eli said with a frown.

"They did," Clare confirmed, and Eli took in her slight blush when she said that.

"I didn't like…say something weird or anything to you, did I? When I was on the morphine?" Eli asked, hoping he hadn't shared something with Clare that he never wanted her to hear said out loud.

Clare adjusted her head on his chest as she softly said, "No…don't worry, you didn't say anything weird," before her eyes closed and the two spent the next few hours napping, occasionally interrupted by a nurse walking into the room to take samples of Eli's blood.

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"Emily, I told you, no bouncing on the bed like that - Eli is still sick, sweetheart," Clare told her daughter as she watched her toss around in an attempt to escape Eli's tickles.

"Sorry, mommy," she heard the little girl giggle.

"Aww, don't ruin our fun, _mommy_," Eli playfully told Clare, and she just shook his head at him in response.

"Eli?" Emily softly asked him as she settled down in the crook of his arm.

"Yes?" he encouraged her.

"What is your job?" the little girl asked. "We're talking about jobs tomorrow at daycare," she added.

"I'm a teacher, I thought you knew," Eli replied to the little girl.

"But how come you don't have a blackboard? Or sing?" the little girl asked in confusion, making both Clare and Eli chuckle.

"I'm a teacher for big kids," Eli explained.

"I know _that,_" Emily said with determination in her voice, "but I tried to explain it to teacher Melanie and she didn't understand, she said you must be a profacer," the little girl said.

"Profacer?" Eli repeated with a laugh, asking Clare, "So that means I am an expert at…like putting people's faces on or something?" as Clare giggled in response.

She explained to Emily, "Sweetheart, Eli is a _professor_ – it means a teacher for big kids. And he has a blackboard; the room you stay in is his office; he has a lot of different classrooms that he moves to, each with its own blackboard, but he also needs one room where his big kid students know they can find him".

"A…professor, okay," Emily said with a shrug before Eli captured her in another burst of tickles that sent her madly running on top of the bed all over again as Clare just kept shaking her head and organizing the many cards and flowers Eli had received over the past two days. Most were from the English Students' Association, and Clare also noticed one bouquet from Dr. Stevenson and his wife, the card and potted flower her mother had brought, a separate bouquet from Randall's law firm, many drawings Emily had made him – these were put up first – and Clare frowned at the flowers she saw Marry Anne sent Eli. What was she doing signing x's and o's at the bottom of the accompanying card? The sight infuriated her, and Clare silently asked for God's forgiveness before she turned around and told Eli,

"Eli, I'm allergic to lilies - I'm just going to toss this bouquet out – you have so many different ones already, okay?" and he just nodded in response. Clare never noticed him quickly read the card on the bouquet, nor did she notice the huge amused smirk on Eli's face after she left the room.

After Emily had been picked up by Helen, Clare spent some time reading out loud to Eli while she snuggled next to him in his bed – a habit that the two had developed when Eli didn't have any other visitors; one that they both adored but never addressed out loud for fear of breaking the spell. The nurses had made Clare go home the previous night, insisting that Eli needed to rest at night all on his own from now on, but she was always back in the morning before he'd wake up and she always snuck him a homemade breakfast and coffee when the nurses weren't in the room.

When the time came for her to leave, she placed a gentle kiss on his forehead like she always did before going, and she whispered, "I want you to stay here just one more day, okay? I know you wanted to go home on Monday, but just one more day with the doctors and nurses around, all right?" and as Eli took in the worry in her eyes, he didn't have the heart to refuse her.

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**Please share your thoughts with me in a review!**


	7. Barbies and Picture Frames

**Hi lovely readers!**

**I feel like I need to share something with you: the promos and episode descriptions are really getting to me. I am not sure if we are going to get an EClare reunion, I am afraid we will only get closure. I hate that it looks like the relationships with Jake and Imogen will take all season long, because I can't watch that for too long. I think if I knew that at least Eli would be happy with Imogen and Clare with Jake (although arguably I don't think I care about her as much because if she chooses to find 'closure' by making out with a new guy like that episode description suggests, I'd find it hard to respect her anymore), but Imogen's manipulative ways scare me, especially when it looks like she'll be the lead in the play Eli will write. If Eli's play is based on Clare and/or Julia and Imogen is the actress…ugh it would be so messy. So, lovely readers, I am a little sad at the moment, but it's not affecting this story as much bc it's a future fic. If you read my other story Love Does Not Take Offence…that's the one that writing after seeing all the promos/episode descriptions is hard. Anyway please share your thoughts/predictions with me. **

**But at least this story is happy and cute – please brace yourselves for a part of this chapter and remember that I don't like sad endings or chillhangers as you read, okay? It will all be fine. This is a happy fic and there won't be tension for too long – as in across chapters – so please trust me. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, or any other real-world references that I happen to make. **

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"When did I get so popular?" Eli sarcastically asked as he and Clare were carrying all of his flowers down to his Lincoln. Clare frowned when she saw him still carrying most of the load despite his cane, but she knew there was no point in arguing with him about that particular point.

"When you decided to teach young girls," Clare replied mischievously.

Eli just gasped at her horrified, however, and there was a bit of truth to his hurt as he said, "Okay, you can't make those jokes – it's disturbing, and people I've worked with have actually gotten in trouble for things like that".

"Sorry," she said with a giggle. "I know you're not like that. I just thought it'd be funny because most of the students in the English Lit major are girls," Clare pointed out.

"And another one is going to be added to that list soon," Eli replied with a smirk as Clare got in the driver's seat and Eli passed her his keys.

Clare took them from him and flashed him a huge smile as she assured him, "Don't worry, I'll be careful with your baby. It's a really nice car actually, I love it," she said, but she saw Eli's face contort into a slight look of pain at her words before he looked out the window. Clare knew it would be hard for the two of them to find trust again; she knew her words had echoed the sentiments she had first expressed towards Morty before yelling _'I hate the hearse'_ in a moment of intense stress and anger. She was well aware Eli was instantly transported back to that moment as she expressed her feelings about his new car, and she couldn't blame him for not knowing what to think.

He just quietly added, "It drives really well," and then Clare saw him shift in his seat and he locked his gaze with hers as he softly whispered, "I'm sorry I never finished teaching you how to drive," and the sadness in his eyes broke her heart. _That is what he was thinking of right now?_

She gently reassured him, "Eli…that's not important…things happened, really serious things – not all of which were in our control. I never held that against you, and I eventually learned how to drive, obviously".

Clare saw Eli's fists slightly clench as he looked out the window again and he asked, "Did _he _teach you?" not being able to stand that visual but for some reason desperately needing to know.

Clare started the car as she gently told him, "My dad, Eli. My dad taught me how to drive," and she saw Eli shoot her an apologetic look, probably embarrassed by his outburst of jealousy and disgust of Jake. Clare didn't add that one of the things that instantly seemed a little peculiar when her and Jake first started dating was that he pretty much refused to drive her anywhere; not flat out saying so, but just shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly – a little symbol of his that she soon came to know that he didn't want to be disturbed. Clare would always walk to his house and make her way back from dates alone, a few times upsetting her mother when it was dark. _Teach her _how to drive? Jake never even dropped her off or picked her up in his car, and having come from a relationship where Eli would pick her up and drop her off even if they were just doing homework at his house…it should have been a warning sign, even if it was such a tiny detail, she now reflected, bitterly thinking that hindsight really is 20/20. She pushed those thoughts out of her mind and furiously blushed when they hit a red light while Eli absent mindedly smirked at the fond memories of the two of them sharing tiny kisses in such timing moments back in their teenage days. Eli had never played 'the red light game' with anyone else; there was one moment in which Imogen had tried to kiss him at a red light and he had immediately physically jolted and even though he never wanted to be mean to her, he turned his face away and made up an excuse about needing to keep his eyes on the road that he knew Imogen never really believed.

"Thanks for coming with me while I get back on my feet, Clare," Eli softly told her while Clare parked in front of his apartment building, and she noticed that he was having just a bit of trouble getting adjusted to walking with his cane, so she gently took his hand, moving all of the flowers she had picked up from the back of the car to her other hand and she saw the flash of gratefulness in his eyes as she felt him lean into her as they made their way into the building and into the elevator. Clare smiled fondly when she saw that Eli had opted to live in a trendy, young neighbourhood that had a lot of nice coffee shops and bookstores, cinemas, and she tried to imagine him spending his weekends out and about and the visuals came easy to her.

Just as they reached his floor, a pretty girl about their age gasped in shock at the sight of his cane and immediately said, "Oh my God, Eli, what happened?" and Clare saw that as she took in the flowers she added, "Were you in the hospital? Eli! Are you okay?"

Clare saw Eli give her an uncomfortable smile as he said, "Kelsey, I'd like you to meet my good friend Clare," and she felt anger coursing through her veins at the epithet Eli had assigned to her…she knew she had no right to feel this way and she should ask Eli to be in a relationship with her if she wanted it to change…but she couldn't help it. Especially when Kelsey was standing right in front of her with her gorgeous sleek dark brown hair and…green eyes. Their babies would have green eyes for sure, Clare thought before she regained her senses and heard Eli continue after her and Kelsey politely shook hands, "It wasn't a big deal".

"Eli, you have a cane, how dare you lie to me that it wasn't a big deal?" Kelsey immediately reproached him. "Come on, tell me, what did you have done?" and she explained to Clare that out of all things, she was a surgical resident at Toronto General. Eli briefly told Kelsey about his operation while she kept shaking her head at him the entire time, telling him, "Eli Goldsworthy, I can't believe you went to my hospital and never told me," and she also assured him that apparently the surgeon who had performed his operation was the best.

"Well, expect me to check up on you – I should be really angry with you for keeping this secret, Eli," she chastised him, and Clare shifted away from Eli when Kelsey squeezed his arm. Before she could help herself she burst out, "Thank you so much, Kelsey. We'll be sure to contact you if we need anything; I'm just staying with Eli to help him get on his feet," and Clare saw Kelsey nod so slowly that Clare knew she was trying to make sense of the situation.

She saw Kelsey play with a lanyard that Clare soon saw revealed her hospital ID card as she slowly said, "Of course. Um, I have to go – long shift waiting," and Clare instantly felt a little guilty as they both thanked Kelsey once again.

Eli couldn't help but smirk at the exchange between the two girls, but after an initial second, he felt bad; Kelsey was no Marry Anne; Eli knew that she was a hardworking girl who had actually really wanted to return to her native Vancouver after medical school, but she had been heartbroken when she couldn't find a residency in the smaller city and she had to return to Toronto all over again. Kelsey was very caring and intelligent and Eli knew that all that time ago when she asked him to go for coffee with a very pronounced blush on her face, she had really put herself on the line only to be bitterly disappointed by his rejection. He had since worked really hard to recapture a semblance of a friendship between the two of them, but he knew that Kelsey was still a little hurt; he understood she rarely had time to meet anyone because he had been in the same position when he was working on his own career, but his reason for not wanting to start anything with her was really well-founded, he still believed. He knew the girl would be even more hurt if he strung her along only to have her realize his heart wasn't open for love.

"So…she seems nice," Eli heard Clare shyly say as they were walking to his apartment.

"She is," he confirmed, "We'd always leave and come home around the same time last year, and I guess you could say we're friends," Eli explained.

"Doesn't she do something like thirty hour shifts?" Clare asked, having just perfectly learned the rhythms of hospitals after spending four days with Eli in one.

"She does," Eli awkwardly added, "It's just that…I didn't really spend a lot of time at home, often I'd stay on campus late," not wanting Clare to know that despite the fact that he had never had any problems with being on his own for extended periods of time, lately, as he was watching his colleagues and old college friends settle down and spend more and more time with loved ones…the thought of his empty apartment was inferior to at least the U of T campus, where even surrounded by hundreds of people he still felt alone, but it was easier…to just _pretend_ he wasn't alone.

"You don't do that so much now, though?" Clare asked, curious about his use of past tense.

"I stopped eventually," Eli briefly answered as he inserted his key into the door's lock, not wanting to tell Clare that his nightmares had found him even after an initial period of not plaguing him if he stayed on campus late, and neither wanting to tell her that since having assumed some of the responsibilities for Emily, he really felt like he needed to join the rest of the world in a normal sleeping pattern. Eli worried a little that Clare might not want to leave him at night, but he soon shrugged those thoughts off because he thought she definitely wouldn't be comfortable sleeping over, regardless of the fact that they would be in different rooms.

"That's good, Eli. That's really, really good," Clare softly whispered, and although she did not realize it herself, Eli was instantly taken aback at the same words and softness overwhelming him in the same manner that they had twelve years ago, barely letting him get the door open.

"Is Kelsey…single?" Clare nervously asked, and she was displeased when Eli replied, "I think so".

"You could date her," Clare blurted out, and Eli just stared at her in response as Clare stuttered, "I mean…she's-she's young and smart, and pretty, and I think…she might like that," not sure why she was encouraging him this way. Eli just continuously stared at her as he replied,

"I don't want to date her, Clare. She's a great girl…but I just can't date her," he said, starting to get just a bit irritated with Clare's behaviour. He didn't understand why she was doing all of this.

Clare for one, was also nervously fighting back her own fears as she watched Eli struggle with the lock…she knew hoarding was not something that easily went away, and despite how much Eli had tried to hide it from her, she was well aware that the past twelve years of his life must have been…rather lonely and difficult for him. She held her breath as Eli held the door open for her, but a large smile crossed her face when she saw that Eli's apartment was…amazing. It had a lot of natural sunlight as it was on the east side of the building and all on the way on the fifth floor – she did notice that he had installed black blinds on every window though – and it was really elegantly decorated; although many band posters adorned the walls much like they did in the room in which he grew up, this time they were framed in sleek black frames and hung up. He had a black leather couch and a glass coffee table in front of a really nice plasma screen TV, and a sad smile crossed Clare's face as she remembered all of the times that they had snuggled under a blanket and watched movies together, commenting on their plotlines and character development passionately, especially if the movie had turned out to be a disappointment. She saw that he also had a fireplace and a dark maple kitchen with an espresso machine and a bowl of apples on top of the counter, and that he had…so many bookcases, all filled with novels and course textbooks, and neatly organized file folders.

"Eli…your place is beautiful. I love all the books," she softly said as he quickly thanked her and asked her if she would like something to drink. Clare was amazed to hear that he had her favourite berry juice, and Eli never told her that he had bought it because it was Emily's favorite as well, and always drinking it with the little girl in his office had made him want to buy some for his house as well. Clare also watched as Eli laid all of his flowers on the kitchen counter and only put the bouquet of black tulips that she had gotten him in a glass vase and she then smiled as she saw him search the cards so he could find Emily's drawings, which he immediately placed on his stainless steel fridge with a proud "Tadaa!"

She then saw Eli reach into the freezer and pull out a small tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream, one of her favourite flavours and she nodded with a smile as he raised an eyebrow in his direction. She watched him scoop some out into a bowl and he even placed some whip cream on top before handing it to her with a spoon and preparing a similar one for himself. She slowly studied the titles along his bookcases as Eli took a seat on the couch, but her heart stopped when her sight reached the mantle and she took in the framed photographs that Eli had there.

There was one of him with his parents at what Clare guessed was his graduation from U of T, one of him and Adam at a concert, one of him next to his parents in proximity to a beautiful woman in a wedding dress, and she knew at once that must have been at his aunt's wedding…and there was one of…Julia. A different photo than the one that Eli had kept in his room in his teenage years; in this picture Julia was wearing a gorgeous dark purple dress and her face was giving the camera a slight smile as she was turned away from a painting that was almost finished. Clare recognized the girl at once, and while it did not surprise her that Eli would have a picture of her, it did surprise her that she saw Eli start shaking as soon as he noticed Clare looking at the photo, and he immediately set his ice cream down as he moved to one corner of the couch, and Clare saw him focus on his fingertips as he slowly uncurled his fists.

She knew…why he was acting this way. She…had never handled the topic of Julia extremely well, and a small part of her thought that on that horrible night of Eli's crash…she had used Julia as a bit of an excuse; Clare knew she was a big part of Eli's concerns, but…sometimes….it was easier to blame things on Eli's past, and she wasn't proud that she hadn't tried to talk to him in a more gentle manner. When they had returned to school for the new semester right after Eli's car crash, Clare couldn't help but wonder if when he had coldly said to her, "I don't have feelings at all," he meant in a broader scope than romantic feelings for her. She couldn't help but wonder…if all of the traumatic feelings that had happened to Eli in such a short period of time…had left him numb, because being numb was sometimes easier than feeling something. She couldn't help but wonder…if he had felt like he had betrayed Julia by telling Clare about her only to have everything thrown back into his face in an overwhelming way. And now…just like the morphine had reduced him to a tortured sixteen year-old, his obvious feelings towards this issue were reducing him to a frightened boy all over again.

"My mom gave me those pictures," she heard him whisper, his voice barely discernable in the quiet apartment.

"Eli…" she softly breathed as she made her way next to him on the couch. "They are beautiful, every single of them," she told him meaningfully, but he just hung his head, looking just a bit ashamed.

She gently continued, "My favourite one…is the one of Julia," and she felt Eli immediately stand up, and this time his hands were visibly shaking.

"You don't have to say that," he immediately responded, and Clare gently took his hand and returned him to the couch. Despite the fact that Eli sat down at a significant distance from her, Clare placed her body right next to his as she gently continued, "I…there's something that's always bothered me, Eli," and she regretted her choice of words at once as she saw Eli flinch and he nervously whispered, "I'm sorry".

"I don't mean…Julia. I mean the way I behaved about her," and she wasn't all that surprised when Eli stared back at her in shock as he stuttered, "W-What do you mean?"

"I pushed you. And I'm really sorry. Eli…you weren't the only bad guy in what happened," she gently told him and it broke her heart to see Eli only more confused as she continued, "I…know it wasn't all about Julia. I was…jealous and stressed, and I should have just talked to you when you were trying. Instead…I didn't, and then things got all messed up so fast that I didn't even know where to begin fixing them," and she heard Eli exhale.

"Clare…you don't have to make any apologies. It was all my fault," Eli said, confirming what Clare had thought he believed all along.

"That's…not true, Eli," she said, and she could no longer abstain from holding his shaking hands. She wanted him to stop shaking and she knew if she held them, they eventually would.

"Yes, it is. It wasn't your job to fix me when you were fifteen and I was flying off the rails. And you know what bothers me most? That my mom and dad, and my therapist…they all write off my behaviour because it turned out that I was sick and I needed professional help. But it's not like that. It doesn't excuse what I did," Eli assertively said, and Clare slightly gasped in shock.

"Eli…it may not completely excuse it, but it does change things…it…explains them. And that is good; because you identified a problem that you had and you fixed it. Eli…that's one of the hardest things to do in life; to look so deep inside yourself and concede to your innermost self and admit that you need help and then graciously accept that help. I…saw you do it; I caught…glimpses of you slowly getting better in the year and a half at Degrassi that I saw you for, you know. And…now…now you're a professor, and you help students, and you help…a lot of people through your writing," Clare gently explained, as she gave his hands a squeeze.

"Thank you," she heard Eli shakily breathe. "Coming from you, Clare…you have no idea how much that means to me," he confessed to her.

"Eli…I really am sorry about how I did not listen to you," she repeated and Eli once again assured her that it was fine, because he wasn't so sure that in that time period he could really be talked to effectively.

Clare then laid her head on his shoulder as she softly asked, "Eli…can you…tell me about Julia? I'd like to know. And I don't mean about your fight, or her accident…I mean about…what she was like," and Clare felt his whole body shaking when she asked him that, so she felt the immediate need to apologize and add, "You don't have to".

It was a long and silent five minutes before Eli assertively said, "I want to," and Clare just gave his hands a squeeze in response.

"Julia and I…were friends for a long time before we started dating. She…was a girl who loved life. She really liked art and music, but painting was her favourite. In that photo, she's working on a piece that was her first one to get put up in an exhibition. Her…only one," Eli said as his voice broke for just a second, "But…I know that she would have had many more…if she would have had the chance to. She would have done so many good things if she would have had a chance. When we were still just friends, it was just her and her dad; her mom had died giving birth to her, and…the image in that painting, Clare, it was a portrait of her mother," Eli told Clare as she felt tears stinging her eyes. He gently continued, "But then…everything started to change when he met the woman who would eventually become her step-mom. He started missing her art class appointments, so I would just walk her there. He stopped picking her up from school, so I would just walk her home. And when…he introduced the woman to Julia, she just ran to my house so extremely hurt and upset, and things only got worse for her with her family from there. It was like her dad resented Julia for not allowing him to have the perfect little teenage romance; Julia told me she had overheard a phone conversation between them once where her dad complained about how they could never meet at Julia's house because she was always there and they couldn't spend their nights together," Eli continued as Clare felt him shake in anger, the same emotion that was overwhelming her at the moment.

"Eventually, as they got married, things got even worse. Her stepmom moved in, and she would hit Julia as opposed to before, when she would just only emotionally abuse her. We started dating just before they got married, and when she started to get all of these bruises on her arms…I was furious that she had never told me in the first place. You see, when Julia put her mind to something, she went for it full steam ahead; she was stubborn and impulsive, so you can only imagine how many fights we had. But…she also had a heart of gold. She hated bullying with a passion, and she always stood up for the slightly weaker kids at school. Whenever she saw that I was upset over the slightest thing, she'd always drop whatever she was doing and come comfort me, and she would always babysit this little girl in the neighbourhood for free because her mom was a single mom who couldn't afford daycare. She tried to come off as this rebel all the time, but really she was so compassionate and caring, and it kills me to this day that she felt she had to put this guard up and never let people see her this way. But this stepmom thing…it drove me crazy. I couldn't handle how she'd purposely put herself in danger like that, especially because I knew that despite this façade of bravado that she'd always put on…I knew that she never felt more alone in her life…she was losing everything, Clare, and she was so young. So I tried to be there for her, and my parents did do; we all did things together, but as happy as she was during the day, I knew she'd cry herself to sleep every night. I never could quite…take her pain away no matter what I tried – and I knew…I knew she wanted her dad. But not only could I not save her…I then only ended up literally killing her," Eli said, hiding his hands in his face in shame.

"Oh Eli," Clare said at once, and she immediately wrapped Eli in a tight embrace because she hated that he was torturing himself like this. She gently whispered, "Eli…you should never be ashamed of the fact that it hurts sometimes. But…I do think you saved her, Eli. I…think I understand how she felt…about her dad. I know our situations were different, but I think I understand, if only the slightest bit. And…Eli…you saved her by being there for her…just like you saved me through my parent's divorce," Clare told him as she pulled out of his embrace so she could meet his gaze. She softly continued, "And I don't know why she had to leave us so young, but…Eli…I do know that it wasn't your fault".

He shot back at once, "_I_ was the reason why she was on the street in the middle of the night. _I _was the reason why she wasn't safe at home; I took such pride in making sure she was always safe only to send her out to be killed by a car".

"Eli…if you hadn't been there, she'd already have died - years before that. She would have been dead the minute her dad married that vile woman. Maybe not literally, but Eli…she would have been dead. Trust me," Clare shakily told him, all of the pain of her parents' divorce collapsing onto her in that moment.

Eli just stared at her for what felt like an eternity before he softly, "Thank you, Clare. I…talked about Julia to my therapist a lot as well, and that helped me get some closure, but…I'm really glad you know now too," he specified.

"I know. Eli…the way you just shared everything so openly with me…it's amazing, really. Thank you," Clare said, wrapping him up in another tight hug.

"Does your leg hurt?" Clare gently asked him, because she was practically in Eli's lap at this point.

"Can't feel it right now," he honestly answered, because he didn't want Clare to move…not even a single inch, and his heart swelled when she didn't.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Can you take this to Eli, sweetie?" Clare asked a bouncing Emily as she handed her daughter a sliced apple.

She heard the little girl's footsteps eventually come to a stop as she had guessed she had reached the couch, and sure enough, she heard Eli chuckle as he said, "I could get used to this, Edwards – I don't even have to bite into an apple with you around," and she laughed in response as she poured herself a glass of juice and joined her daughter and Eli on his soft leather couch.

They had decided to keep Emily home from daycare today seeing how they both weren't working, and the little girl's cup of happiness was full. In the morning, Eli had insisted on going shopping at Toys R Us for a comfortable chair for Emily for his apartment, insisting that it was an essential purchase if she was to be dropping in over the next week, and undoubtedly, a trip to that children's paradise also resulted in Eli's apartment gaining Barbie bedding as the chair idea soon turned into a collapsible children's couch, Barbie pillows, and a new best friend for Ballerina Barbie. Eli paid no attention to Clare's attempts to pay, and Clare didn't have the heart to say no to him when she saw him smile consistently for so long after being let out of the hospital. When a new collection of Barbie jeans and T-shirts was also discovered by Emily, Clare turned a blind eye again as Eli encouraged Emily to choose a few outfits.

Emily was playing with her two dolls as Eli and Clare watched a movie off the PayPerView that they had both wanted to see for a long time, and Eli flashed Clare a huge smirk when the little girl started absent mindedly singing while playing with her dolls.

"She has a great voice," Eli mouthed to Clare, and she proudly mouthed back, "I know!"

When the movie was over and Emily had moved over to her little couch and her curls were buried in the soft Barbie pillows as she fell asleep, Eli reached for his laptop and flashed Clare a mischievous smile as he asked, "So…up for some course selection and schedule making, Edwards?"

Clare flashed him a strict look as she said, "Eli, I haven't even put in my transfer application yet, don't tease me," only to be met with a chuckle by Eli as she replied, "Silly Clare – you think all those rules apply to you; you're already in, check it out," and Clare incredulously looked at the laptop and saw that on the U of T Student Services Centre…her name and a student number were at the very top.

"How is…this possible?" she asked breathlessly.

"You've got friends in high places, Edwards," Eli told her with a smirk.

Clare got closer to him and poked his chest as she playfully shot back, "You mean you?" and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"I wish!" Eli exclaimed, "I'm just a lowly un-tenured professor. I meant Dr. Stevenson. He literally had you registered within three hours of me talking to him," Eli explained.

"When did you talk to him?" Clare asked, and Eli shrugged his shoulders as he answered, "Gave him a call yesterday after you left".

"But…you didn't even have my Queen's transcripts or anything like that," Clare pointed out, trying to make sense of how this could have all happened so fast.

"Oh, Clare – all it took was one call to the Queen's Dean and I assume he got those right away. He said you'd be receiving one of those Welcome to U of T packages in your mail any day now, but the online registration was ready right away, of course," Eli explained as Clare placed the laptop over her knees, and exhaled at the sight of her name and 'Registration Status: Open' button".

Eli added, "And the really awesome thing is that I see he's opened your registration right away; a full month before anyone else gets to even look at it, so you'll get first pick for sure," and Clare was so happy in that moment that she really wanted to kiss Eli, but she controlled that impulse.

"This is…amazing," she told Eli again, and she moved the laptop to the coffee table so she could hug him, and her body felt like it was going to melt any second when Eli placed a kiss in her curls…and kept his lips pressed to her curls for perhaps a few seconds longer than any other friend would have.

"Let's choose!" he said enthusiastically, and he proceeded to explain all of the classes to Clare as she slowly started putting them in her schedule, revelling in the fact that she would only be a few minutes away from her daughter come January.

Clare clicked on 'American Lit' and mischievously registered herself in Eli's class before removing it after he pointed out with a smirk that he would be fired for such a thing; but she was…so curious to see him teach that he promised that she could sit in on his lectures whenever she wanted; she just couldn't be his student officially.

"Okay, so just two more," Clare informed Eli. "Who should I take for British and Irish studies?" she asked.

"Buxton. Definitely Buxton; she's a fair marker and her lectures are interesting, and she'll love you because you'll participate. Guarantee your grade will be higher because of that," Eli expertly told her.

"Oh, perfect, she teaches a section right at 12, so that fits in great," Clare replied as she added the class to her schedule.

"And now for my early ages requirement – Milton….who is the best in that category?" she asked.

"Is Bentley teaching it next semester?" Eli asked as he leaned over to see the laptop's screen.

"Yep," Clare said after scanning the list of names. "Should I take it with him?" she added.

"Do it. All of the other Milton profs are a bit of a bore," Eli said, and Clare and him exchanged high-fives as she was now fully registered and Eli promised to pick up her course textbooks when he returned to work next week so she could get a head start if she wanted to.

He also told her, "Clare…you'll be taking six classes next semester; that's one more than a full course load; it'll be an important four months for you, so I just want you to know…I can take Emily sometimes, you know? I mean, we'll both be right on campus, but…I'd love to take her around midterms, finals, that sort of thing," Eli shyly added, and Clare remembered what he had told her in the hospital when he was on morphine and she immediately replied, "She'd love that, Eli. But won't…you be busy around midterms and finals?" Clare inquired.

"Oh, Edwards – I'm living the good life – midterms and finals are easy, all I have to do is photocopy and watch students nervously write," he added as he widened his eyes sarcastically at Clare.

"But then you have to read them all," she shot back at once.

"Dammit, that's true – but still, our timing will be good because it'll alternate," he pointed out, and Clare's heart swelled when she realized Eli's wording made them sound like….such a team. She loved that. They had always been a team, she realized.

"I can't believe….I'm a U of T student officially. I'm going back to school, Eli!" Clare said excitedly, the realization just sinking in as they got up and brought their dishes to the kitchen. Clare knew that without Eli's help, despite all of his insistence that Clare had apparently 'charmed Dr. Stevenson all on her own,' it wouldn't have been easy for her to get in. Her grades at Queen's…from her last semester were not her best, and her memory was at once flooded with those dark times, her belly growing every day, potent proof of the truth she could no longer deny, and Jake out with his friends as she spent night after night crying herself to sleep in fear or him ultimately leaving her all on her own. She felt herself tear up when she remembered those times, and as she watched Eli place the dishes in the sink and glanced at her daughter comfortably asleep on the Barbie bed Eli had bought for her in a heartbeat….she knew that…Eli was saving her all over again, and as she was overwhelmed with emotion she embraced him at once, feeling his initial surprise as she whispered, "Thank you," and Eli just tightly held her as he softly replied, "Of course, Clare".

After stepping out of their embrace, Eli glanced at the sleeping little girl and told Clare, "I hate that we have to wake her up now," and Clare just thoughtfully said, "I don't mind if she stays here tonight; I can sleep on the couch".

Eli was very surprised by her answer, but he just smirked in response as he said, "No way you're sleeping on the couch, Edwards. Take Emily and sleep in my bed," and after a few more minutes of convincing, Clare agreed to do so and she picked up the sleeping little girl as Eli led Clare into his bedroom, which was a little bit more messy than the rest of the house, but a normal messy, Clare reflected with a smile. She couldn't help but smirk right back at Eli when she saw his skull pillowcases and black sheets; she loved that in so many ways, Eli had not changed at all.

Eli pulled out two extra pillows for the girls and whispered to Clare that his bedroom had an adjoining washroom that was closer than the apartment's larger one, and Clare rewarded him with one last hug and a kiss on his cheek before he left the room and she changed into the T-shirt and shorts that Eli lent to her. As soon as she slipped into his bed next to her daughter…she felt herself drift off almost at once; Eli's bed was so soft and warm…but Clare's favourite thing about it was that…lying there in his bed, in his room, next to his half-finished novel laying on the night table, Eli's presence was everywhere, but most potently in his scent; his scent was everywhere in his bed, and Clare held on to Emily a bit tighter as all of a sudden her sleepiness evaded her and she studied Eli's desk. He had a lot of essays in different folders on it, and she knew right away that must have been work that his students had produced. She then saw a file folder labelled, _Publications_, and she thought that maybe if she re-read some of Eli's works…she could fall asleep easier. As she returned to bed with the folder, her heart broke when she saw that he had archived everything he had ever published carefully, but he had never included Stalker/Angel, and Clare knew why. She had robbed Eli of the joy of his first publication, and she knew that was something she could never give him back. She was trying really hard to focus on the present, however, so she pushed that thought out of her mind before she quickly realized that…there was another folder within this one, and this one contained typed letters…to her. There was one for every year…all adding up to a few years…on her birthday. She realized Eli had no intention of mailing them to her, but each of them started with the heading, _Dear Clare_, and her heart almost froze at the sight. It wasn't…strange or creepy the way she knew All I would have termed it…it was…heartbreaking. Eli had clearly felt the need to communicate to her, and the writer in him chose to do it this way. She tried to stop her hands from trembling as she started reading them, starting from the one just a few months after Eli had returned to school after his accident.

_Dear Clare, _

_I wonder if you know that I'm lying to you. It's what I do; I lied to you when I never told you about my hoarding, I lied to you about that gun in the back of Morty, and I lied to you when I said I had no feelings at all. My therapist says I have the right to find whatever coping technique works for me…and…numbness works right now. But…not on your birthday. I wonder what you're doing right now; I hope your mom and dad are being civil towards each other and putting together a nice dinner for you; I hope Alli and you do something fun together, and I hope…he takes good care of you every day, and especially today. Because he's the luckiest guy on the planet. Trust me, I know. You know how much I don't like melodramatic clichés, but you know how people say it's better to have lost and loved than not to have loved at all? Well, I beg to differ. It's having something and then having it taken away that can make humans do the craziest things. That pain…that's the worst kind of pain. _

Clare's eyes flooded with tears as the letters continued, various paragraphs being etched in her memory forever, as the little girl next to her slept soundlessly.

_Dear Clare, _

_I'm finally out of Degrassi, and as much as it saddens me that I won't be able to steal glances of you smiling, I…am glad. I had my last day of therapy yesterday, which feels like a huge weight off of my shoulders. I'll be leaving for U of T soon, and I hope I'll be able to make a fresh start. But I know better than that. I think you'll probably go to Queen's from the announcement made at my graduation ceremony…star striker, not bad. I hope you like it there; one of Sav's friends that I met one time went there and he said it was a great school, so I hope you find it to be the same. And I know that you'd hate me if I told you this, but it's not like you'll ever read it, so….I also hope…that you're careful. It would be a new town for you, and he'd be the only person you'd know there. I know how bad it can be to get too attached. I hope…he doesn't disappoint you. You've been disappointed enough in your life. _

This time, Clare gasped in shock at Eli's concerns…they turned out to be all too true. She noticed that the next letter was four years into the future.

_Dear Clare, _

_It's been a while since I've written to you; and that's not because I have forgotten you, but because…I tried to. I thought the change of scenery would make me completely forget you, but I realize now that's not ever going to happen. I wish I could have met you…now as opposed to in grade eleven at Degrassi. Now, I think I might be good enough for you. Well, almost good enough for you. In the eyes of doctors, I'm not insane anymore, or if you want to get technical, I don't suffer from post-traumatic stress leading to a psychotic break anymore – just your run of the mill PTSD now. But I think we're all a little more unbalanced than we like to think we are. I graduated a few months ago, and now…I'm going to Ottawa. Not that I necessarily want to, but because I have to so I can return to teach at U of T. I can't imagine permanently living in any other city than Toronto. _

_Ottawa is just close enough and has a good enough university to keep me going, and, Clare…I can't write these birthday letters to you anymore. I ran into him. He was wearing his soccer jacket so I guess his team was playing U of T, and I tried to walk out of his way, but I couldn't fast enough, and…he was on the phone…with you. It disturbed me that he was yelling at you about when he'd be coming back from U of T, and it was kind of strange he was here because I had heard the soccer season had ended last week when we lost to Queen's in the final, but who knows their traveling schedule. But…he was talking to you. He's…long term, I understand it now. He will get to buy you a diamond ring, and marry you in a nice church, your parents will be thrilled he's the one they're giving you away to, and you'll have children and be happy together. I can't write to you anymore. Recently I read in a book that happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes travel around the world looking for it. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don't, you will leak away your innate contentment. _

_Now, I've never been the brightest guy around, but even I have learned recently when it's best to let go. _

_I have a flight to catch in a few hours, and I'd like to start in Ottawa as best as I can. _

_One more thing. _

_Of course I loved you. I'll never erase you from my memory. _

Clare's eyes were flooded with tears as she read Eli's last thoughts before his professional career really began, and she realized that…Eli's work had saved him. His therapy, and his family, and his work had saved him. It had achieved what she was never able to do, and that thought was so overwhelming that she needed to feel him alive right now, so she ran out of his bedroom and headed towards the couch, expecting to see Eli sleeping peacefully. However, she gasped when she saw not only the gruesome scar on his leg for the very first time as he had changed into shorts for bed, but also that he was gasping for every breath, his chest heaving as he mumbled incoherently in his sleep. And she knew at once. She knew that Eli had nightmares every night…for twelve years. She knew that he had spent his days chasing some semblance of happiness, but that his nights were still taken away from him by his PTSD.

She gently lay beside him and intertwined their hands as he felt him stir, and when their gazes met, she saw Eli look afraid and embarrassed, and all of sixteen again as he whispered, "I'm sorry. Did I wake her up?"

Clare immediately held on to him tighter and replied, "Not at all. She's sound asleep," and she kept holding him until his trembling subsided and his breathing was once again back to normal.

"Eli," Clare shakily whispered, "I hate to see you suffer like this," she continued as a whine took over her voice and she gently ran her hand over his scar, stopping the trembling of his legs with her soft movements.

Eli hid his face in the crook of her neck as he said, "I'm used to it. It's just the way it is. "

Clare raised his head so she could look into his eyes as she said, "Eli – just because it's like this doesn't mean that's how it _should _be,"

Eli just exhaled and looked at the folder Clare brought in with her and he deadpanned, "You found them".

Clare immediately told him, "I wasn't snooping around, I swear. I couldn't sleep and I thought reading your work might help".

Eli believed her, and he wasn't mad…he was too exhausted to be mad.

"I'm a creep, I know, writing to you like that," he said as she turned around and faced the wall.

Clare wrapped him up in another hug as she squeezed him tight and said, "No, Eli, I loved them. You were right, in everything that you said in them, and I'm really glad I got to see them," she continued, and Eli watched as she stood up from the couch and held out the three letters and hugged them to her chest as a light film of tears flooded her eyes and she said, "They're my letters, Eli. They're for me, and I finally got them. I got my letters," and Eli just pulled her back into a tight embrace as they both softly cried for the years that they had wasted being apart, and now neither of them had the courage to suggest starting to make up for that time. Just as soon as they both calmed down, they heard a tiny voice say,

"Mommy?" and they quickly wiped their tears away so as to not scare the little girl. Eli knew that Emily didn't like the dark so he turned on a lamp at once, and the little girl ran to her mother and buried her face in her arms as Clare explained, "Sweetheart, we just fell asleep at Eli's because it was so late. So we're just staying here tonight, okay?" and Emily calmed down when she realized she hadn't done anything wrong and that her mommy and Eli were right here.

"Okay mommy. But let's go sleep on the big bed," she said, taking her mother's hand in one of her own, and shocking both Clare and Eli both as she also took his and she led them back to his bedroom. Emily got the same determined tone in her voice that Clare often had as she explained, "So - mommy you sleep on that side, and Eli you sleep on the other, and I'll sleep in the middle," but Clare noticed Eli's hesitation so she just took his hand and said, "It's okay".

Eli softly whispered, "I'll scare her, Clare, I can't," afraid that his nightmares would get the best of him.

"Look at me - you're going to be all right, Eli," he then heard Clare softly say, and he didn't know if it was the tone of her voice, the look in her eyes, or the fact that he knew he would have two angels looking after him in his sleep that caused him to agree, leading to the first restful sleep he had in twelve years.

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"Mommy! Eli! Wake up! Wake up!" a little voice said as she shook them both awake and was met with groans and tickle attacks that sent Emily running off the bed in mad bursts of giggles.

"It's time for daycare," Emily logically explained, being very fond of routines. The change of sleeping at Eli's house was about all the change she could muster for right now, although the fact that they all slept in the same bed seemed like the logical thing for the little girl, which is why she had guided everyone into it last night.

"Oh, sweetheart," Clare said as Eli admired just how beautiful she looked first thing in the morning even after a night of tears, "You can stay with us again today, you don't have to go to daycare," she explained.

"I know, mommy, but I want to. I have to make my picture today," Emily insisted, and Clare didn't push for any more details, knowing that Emily liked all the special projects that Barb lovingly organized for the children at the centre.

She felt Eli get closer to her so he could whisper in her ear, "Shh…you stay here, I'll get her ready. You sleep a little longer, okay?" and being met with this offer for the first time in Emily's five years of life, Clare took a gamble and…trusted someone. Because it wasn't just someone, she reflected, this was Eli; _her Eli_. So she slowly nodded as she moved her head, bringing her lips really close to Eli's as her eyes were still closed, and she didn't realize the proximity of their faces until she heard a little voice say,

"Eli…are you going to kiss mommy?" and both of them stood up with a jolt and their faces were as red as the other had ever seen them.

Clare saw Eli stutter, nervously saying "I-I w-as just telling her something," as Emily said, "Oh - I thought you were going to kiss mommy like Ken kisses Ballerina Barbie every morning," as if it was the most normal thing on earth and Clare quickly intervened and said, "Emily, time to go get ready". The little girl listened at once and Eli followed her, his face blazing as a list of profanities ran through his mind while he washed Emily's face gently, helped her brush her teeth, brushed the curls that he adored so much and helped her pick out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt from the ones they had purchased just the day before.

Soon after, the little girl was dressed and ready to go, and as Clare and Eli and her got into his car, the true instigator of all of their embarrassment this morning was the only one with her mind at rest as she once again began singing absent mindedly.

"What time do you have to be at daycare for the activity, Emily?" Eli asked the little girl.

"Eleven it starts, teacher Barb says," Emily replied.

Eli looked at the little girl in the rear-view mirror as he asked, "So it's okay if I take you and mommy to breakfast at White Spot? We have two hours," he pointed out, knowing Emily's love of knowing all aspects of a plan.

"Okay," the little girl said, shooting him a happy little coy look from her car seat before she reminded to add, "Thank you," words that completely melted Eli's heart as Clare shook her head in amazement at how Emily had managed to completely wrap Eli around her little finger without ever intending to do such a thing.

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"So he decided to go back to work a day early?" Helen asked her daughter as they were walking to pick up Emily from her daycare.

"Yes; he's all right by this time; still has his cane but he was just joking about how his students will get a kick out of seeing him meet such a broody writing professor stereotype," Clare explained to her mother with a laugh. "He said he needed to get back to catch-up, he's pretty worried about all the things he missed. But I'll have to give him a call later to tell him I won't need him to pick up Emily tonight. I never thought Rachel would close the office early so we could all go watch the Leafs Game," Clare added in surprise.

"Well, it is a miracle they are actually winning," Helen responded with a laugh, having been subjected to many more years of the trials and tribulations of the Toronto Maple Leafs than her daughter.

"And hopefully they keep on winning, I could get used to getting out of work at 4 every day," Clare happily told her mother as they walked into the daycare centre. Clare realized she had never been here in the afternoon, and the children had obviously been baking as the entire building smelled absolutely delightful.

She saw Barb walk towards her with a large smile as she said, "Oh, Mrs. Goldsworthy! So nice to see you in the afternoon," and Clare blushed furiously at the little curious smile her mom gave her upon hearing Barb's greeting.

Barb held out a brown paper bag with Emily's name on it as she said, "This is Emily's banana bread that she made right after lunch. But I'm afraid her daddy picked her up early today," Barb said, causing Clare's blush to get even deeper as she saw Barb look through a file folder and hold out…a cheque?

"But I'm glad you're here now, because Professor Goldsworthy came by at three today and by that time I hadn't done the accounting yet – I'm afraid that although he made things really easy for us payment wise," Barb said as Clare widened her eyes and slowly thought back to how Eli had quickly brushed off the topic of payment, "he accidentally wrote us a cheque for $200 for December instead of the $175 that is should be; I think he must have just made an error when he was diving the amount in half for the faculty discount. Anyway, I'm afraid I'll have to return this one to you and I'll need another one for $175," Barb finished with a smile.

Clare felt so much anger coursing through her veins, but she knew she only had to keep it together for a few minutes as she warmly told Barb, "Oh, I'm sorry about that. I think he must have gotten confused with the faculty discount as well," and she grabbed the cheque and quickly walked out of the daycare centre, leaving Helen really confused.

The minute they were outside however, Helen noticed her daughter's stubborn way of walking and she gently said, "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

That was all it took for Clare to explode as she yelled, "What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong is that at this moment, my daughter is hanging out with a lying, manipulative man who I never should have let her even talk to!"

Helen quickly grabbed her daughter's arm gently as she said, "What do you mean?"

"You know very well what I mean, mom. Eli lied to me; he told me because there was no charge for faculty kids! Alli was right! He is the same! He hasn't changed! And now my little girl is in his care! For all I know there is no stupid faculty program anyway," Clare burst out.

Helen had caught on quickly to what Eli had done, and unlike her daughter, she did not think it was the end of the world. Knowing their past, doing it without telling Clare was definitely not wise on Eli's part, but she also understood that Eli probably didn't want to humiliate Clare so he just chose to write out the cheques himself.

But Clare was taking it too far, Helen knew, so she told her, "Sweetheart, you just heard the daycare lady tell you about the half-price program. Don't be ridiculous, Emily got in specifically because of the faculty program exists," but Helen saw her daughter stubbornly shake her head.

"Mom, he lied. He lied. He's a deceptive, manipulative liar who has now spun my little girl into his messed up webs," and no matter how much Helen tried to calm down Clare on the walk over to what Helen only assumed was Eli's office, her attempts only seemed to make Clare more agitated, so Helen decided to keep quiet.

Clare soon led the way into a tall office tower, and Helen was shocked to see her normally perfectly behaved daughter yell at a secretary in the English Department Office, "Is Eli Goldsworthy in his office right now?" as the secretary nodded in shock.

The moment in which Helen saw an older man greet Clare, but she only shot back, "I'm busy Dr. Stevenson, I really can't talk right now," and Helen read a name tag that he was wearing to reveal the fact that this man was the Department Head and therefore Eli's boss, she knew her daughter had crossed a line.

As the old man said, "I believe Eli is in his office, dear," and Helen saw Clare ready to burst at the older man as well, so she gently took her daughter's arm, kindly thanked the old man and led Clare to a staircase as she strictly told her daughter,

"Clare Diana Edwards, your behaviour is appalling! It's bad enough you are about to break the heart of a man who has done nothing but support you, but I will _not _stand by and let you also ruin his career. This is where he works, Clare. It's a university, everyone will hear you yelling and lose all respect for Eli. I heard him talking at dinner; this job, Clare…it's all he's got. He doesn't have a girlfriend, or a wife, or a child. You do _not _get to also ruin this for him," Helen finished, gravely disappointed in the fact that Clare was on her way to ruining something that Helen had greatly hoped would come together.

She saw Clare's face fall as she walked over to the railing and exhaled deeply, softly saying, "You're right. But mom, he is just so…ugh! Why did he do this?"

Helen gently told Clare, "Sweetheart…I know this is a shock for you. I know….you're not used to others looking after Emily," but Clare interrupted her at once.

"He's not her father," she coldly said.

"I know that, Clare, and by what you told me he said when he was in the hospital on morphine, he knows that too. So I hope you won't go in there and throw that in his face, because that would be the cruellest thing you could ever do, Clare. But it's not a crime for him to care about Emily and to want to help out. He never told you – he never wanted a reward or an obligation from you. I…don't think this is as bad as you are first registering it. I think you're overreacting," Helen said, and she watched her daughter shake her head, but she knew she was getting through to Clare, at least on some small level.

"So he made a mistake. Forgiveness is something we all deserve, honey," Helen gently reminded her.

"I…he's so unpredictable, mom. It's the same problem all over again," Clare said in exasperation.

"Sweetheart…I've gotten to meet Eli all over again, and if I am going to characterize this move of his as anything…I would actually term it…very predictable," her mom honestly told her.

"I'm still mad at him," Clare stubbornly said, as she rushed out of the hallway and Helen just shook her head sadly as she followed her daughter.

She saw a door labelled with Eli's name and title, and she watched her daughter open the door in fury, revealing Emily sitting on Eli's lap as he sat in his office chair, a book resting right in front of them.

Clare was a little surprised that neither of them looked up at once, but when she took in the way they were leaned over his desk, she noticed…they were studying a big…children's book and Clare remained frozen as she heard Emily's little voice have a confidence in it that she had never heard before as she heard her say, "…and, t-then Dora..tttold…Diego..to go to the o-oc-ocean to find the dol-dolphin so…they could all…g-get ready to m-meet the pi-pirates once…the c-coins would…get there," and Eli gently praised Emily in response saying, "Good job, Em! That was amazing," and only once she closed the door behind her did they both look up.

"Oh, hi mommy," Emily quickly said as she came over and hugged the legs of a breathless Clare.

Clare took a deep breath as she said, almost whispering, "Emily, go with Nana," and she saw Eli raise an eyebrow at her, so she angrily threw the cheque Barb had given him on his desk as Eli nodded his head sadly, understanding the entire situation at once.

"Can I have a good-bye hug, Emily?" he sadly asked, thinking it would be the last time he would see the little girl, and that thought completely broke his heart. Emily enthusiastically replied, and Helen smiled sadly at Eli, knowing that he understood everything and wanted a final moment with the little girl he had come to love so much. Helen gave him a small wave before she took the little girl with her, as Eli turned around to face his office window, bracing himself for Clare's attack. He was so tired of yelling and fighting that he at once resolved to just listen to her, and he began thinking of other universities that might be hiring next semester, knowing that UBC was the only one with job postings for January. He didn't want to move all the way to Vancouver, he sadly thought…but that what would have to be.

"Eli Goldsworthy, why did you do this?" Clare shot at him. "You lied to me. Again".

"I'm sorry," was all Eli said, and soon he felt Clare grab his arm and turn him around to face her.

"Why? I didn't ask if you're sorry or not, I asked why. You think I don't have enough money to take care of my own daughter? News flash, Eli, I was doing just fine until you came along and started messing up my life again," Clare bitterly shot at him, and she saw Eli flinch and close his eyes at those words, and she instantly felt bad.

Clare saw Eli start to pack up all of Emily's things in his office and she bitterly added, "I don't want them! I can buy her enough toys! I don't want your things!" and she saw Eli just let out a shaky breath, looking so…utterly defeated.

He locked his gaze with hers as he said, "I…won't be able to look at these things in my office after today, Clare. They would only remind me of her, and that would hurt too much. Not all the therapy in the world could change that. I never meant to insult or humiliate you; I've told you time and time again I admire so much the happy life you have created for Emily," he said, and Clare was in awe of how calm he was keeping and how logically he was explaining everything.

Eli added, "And I'm very sorry that I did this behind your back, I really should have known better. But I never meant to humiliate you, and I understand if you want nothing to do with me again. I'll get a teaching job at some other university next semester so I'll be out of your way here," and when he said that, Clare bit her lip as she realized her mom might have had a point.

"But I never did it because I thought you didn't have enough money to cover it; I knew you did. I was just…so excited that maybe we could be friends again that I let myself get carried away in that happiness, and I just wanted her registered fully already, so I just wrote the damn checks on the spot. Clare…here's the deal," he continued, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jacket as Clare was beginning to calm down and think a little bit more rationally upon hearing his explanations, "I am lucky I have a good job that I love. I'm even luckier that it comes with a pretty nice salary and the things I publish make that salary even higher; I can have nice things and pretend they help me be happy. And they did help me be a bit happier; when it was just me. But…I wasn't stupid - my friends and colleagues, Clare…I always knew they are the ones with the real happiness; they get to spend their money on their kids, on their kids' piano and ballet lessons; on making the people that love them happy. I…don't have anyone to make happy. And I'm not trying to make Emily my daughter, because I know you don't want that," Eli said, his voice breaking as Clare listened to him in shock, "but…paying for her daycare…I just felt….I felt like for the first time since helping my parents pay off the remainder of their mortgage…my money went to…something real, something good…something important. Like…I had a real reason too, just like some of the other people in this office building right now. So flog me in the town square, because, yes, dammit, I wrote the damn cheques," Eli said, tossing the toys he was holding onto Emily's couch in a final gesture of resignation.

Eli's explanation had rattled Clare…it made perfect sense, and…she believed him. Alli was wrong, she knew it now. Eli had been honest with her, not to mention,

"Eli, you…you taught her how to read…she was reading really _really _well," Clare breathed.

"Yeah, yeah I did. It was just…a lot of practice and then all of a sudden it was like a light shone on her or something, she could just…do it," he explained, tears stinging his eyes when he realized he'd never watch her learn how to write. He had lost her, just like all that time ago he had lost the little girl's mom.

Just as he hung his head in extreme sadness and loss, Eli felt Clare push him back onto the couch in his office, and he watched with a look of total confusion on his face as Clare approached him and…straddled him. He felt like his heart was going to stop as she slowly ran her fingers through his hair just one time, looking at him with her blue orbs as if she could see right through him, and she then leaned in and Eli felt her soft, glossy lips on his at once. Responding was too much for him for a few seconds, but he felt Clare push him even further into the couch as she pressed her chest against his and moved her lips against his before his senses kicked in like a lightning strike and he deepened the kiss at once as Clare gasped in shock, and Eli's hands traveled to her lower back at once, pulling her even closer to him. For both of them, this sole kiss represented the chance to unleash twelve years of frustrations, missed opportunities, and repressed desires, so it was no wonder that when the two finally pulled away, their faces were completely flushed, their hair was a mess from each other's hands, and Clare's dress strap had even fallen off her shoulder before Eli gently brought it back to its original spot and placed a kiss on Clare's shoulder that made her reward him with a little moan and before she could control herself, she placed an aggressive kiss on Eli's neck. When she finally pulled away and both of their breathing had calmed down, they just looked at each other for a long time before Eli finally said,

"Wow. You have a funny way of expressing your anger, Edwards," and he flashed her a smirk and widened his eyes playfully as he added, "I like it!" and before Clare knew what was going on, Eli had flipped her onto the couch and he was placing a series of butterfly kisses all over her neck and exposed chest, and the trembling of Clare's body underneath his and her little moans drove him absolutely crazy. It took all the strength he had in him to pull away, remembering he was at work and that he had bought the couch they were on for Clare's little girl.

He helped Clare stand up and he rested her head on his chest as they both struggled to recover their breath. A few minutes later, Clare could detect the worry in Eli's voice as he said, "As amazing as this is….I need to know what this means, Clare. I can't…I can't be kissing you unless it means something. I can't be kissing you…just to lose you again. You mean too much to me to do that".

Eli felt Clare tightly grab onto his dress shirt as she said, "I want us to start over, without forgetting everything we've been through, if that makes any sense. I only want to be with you," and Eli replied at once, "It makes perfect sense".

Clare then slowly reached up and engaged Eli in a much more patient and tender kiss that seemed to communicate that she wasn't in any rush, and Eli loved that. All he had ever really wanted was to be with her and treat her right. As she pulled away and she hung onto his collar, she whispered, "Eli…Emily…I have Emily now," thinking aloud.

Eli placed a series of chaste kisses on her lips as he reminded her, "And – I – love – Emily. We'll figure it all out one step at time".

Clare snuggled in his embrace as she grinned up at him and said, "Eli…this is amazing. I'm so happy you trust me," and he replied at once, "I'm so happy _you _trust me. You saved me Clare," he told her, and Clare teared up when she heard that perhaps she hadn't been so wrong when she reflected on the role she had played in Eli's life all those years ago, and she buried his face in his neck as she felt Eli playing with one of her curls.

After what seemed like such a short time to the two lovers but was rather an entire hour, Eli heard Clare softly ask,

"Let's go get our girl now," and this time Eli was the one to tear up as he replied, "Yeah, let's go get our girl".

**Please let me know your thoughts in a review! My shattered Eclare heart could sure is, those promos are messing with my head.**


	8. Screens and Fires

**Hi lovely readers! So, at the insistence of my friend iloveeliandclare and the recommendation of my friend musiksnob…I got twitter. Please feel free to follow me and to talk to me – westcoasttrees1. **

**I am still heartbroken over the direction season eleven seems to be taking but I am doing all I can to not watch those horrible promos too much or to listen to rumours. I have strong beliefs that EClare will get back to each other, but I will be mad if it takes too long – that will ruin it – or if Eli and Clare do things with Imogen/Jake that transform their characters too much. There's not much point in them getting back together if they are no longer the Eli and Clare that we all fell in love with. Anyway, the story must go on! **

**Thank you to all of my lovely reviewers: Iloveeliandclare, ilovetaylorswift13, samcabral, xxtechno3loverxx, Lovely'Henae, MelissaIsLame, Sophia, legitdegrassi, ToDecember, kittycat12353, EmandEms, Deena, .cute, Katra, eclare luv, ., degrassiifann14-jennifer, degrassiluver15, ginbug14, TheCrazyUnicorn, eligoldsworthy-is-life10, EpicNinjaChica, CheapNovelty, MartinaAxi and my friend StalkerAngel (are you still out there?)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the real world references I happen to make. **

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"Oh baby boy, come here," Cece said as she wrapped Eli in a hug, adding, "I'm really happy for you".

"About time, son," Bullfrog told him as he slapped his shoulder. Eli was visiting his parents for dinner, and he had nervously shared his news about getting together with Clare. Cece and Bullfrog had originally had their concerns, of course, but after seeing Clare in the hospital and how she fiercely stood by Eli's side, a lot of their questions had been answered without them even having to ask them. They both also had seen Clare's little girl, and just the sight of her and how her impeccable mannerisms were an almost identical copy of her mother's was sufficient for them to realize that she was a really sweet, well-mannered little girl who genuinely loved Eli – they had both been shocked upon hearing her affectionate declaration of her own free will when she had visited him in the hospital.

"Thanks," Eli said with a smirk as he helped his mother clear the table, and despite the fact that he tried to hide his blush from his parents, they both realized just how excited their son was feeling. They never expected Eli to date a girl who had a child, but the fact that that girl was Clare Edwards changed everything, and they both knew it.

"So, when do we get to meet the little cutie better?" Bullfrog asked impatiently, already planning a trip to Home Depot for tomorrow morning.

"Clare and I…we don't really want to rattle her world all of a sudden; she's never really known a life with someone else but her mother, so we thought we'd take it slow and see how it goes. We haven't even told her anything, we keep it really platonic around her," Eli explained.

"Good thinking, baby boy," Cece praised him as she flashed him an encouraging smile.

Eli continued, "But Clare did mention she'd like to bring her over to this house soon," as he flashed his parents a smirk and he heard his mother squeal excitedly. Eli knew both his mother and father were fond of children, and Cece especially loved little girls, so a big part of him couldn't help but be tremendously excited to have them meet Emily.

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"Oh, sweetheart; that's wonderful," Helen said as she embraced her daughter, breathing a huge sigh of relief. "But how on Earth did you get from where you were when you were on a rampage through his office building to this point?" she asked curiously.

Helen watched her daughter as she shakily breathed, "He…taught Emily how to read, mom. She can _read_. _Better _than the average level for her age. _Much _better," and Helen gasped in response.

"You're not serious!" she exclaimed.

Clare nodded with a shy smile as she said, "I don't know how…but he did it, mom".

"But he's a university professor…teaching pre-school children isn't really the same; it's quite different actually – I'm amazed he did it," Helen said, having tried herself with Emily so many times.

Clare's smile got more pronounced as she said, "Well, teaching _Emily is _his thing, apparently," and Helen affectionately reached over and squeezed her daughter's hand.

Clare continued, "And then…he explained why he did the whole cheque thing and I realized you were right. I did over react and Eli didn't mean as manipulation; he explained to me that…he didn't have anyone to meaningfully spend his money on, and he wanted to get Emily registered as soon as possible, so he just wrote the cheques".

Helen said, "I know, sweetheart. I'm glad you two worked that out; it was such a silly thing to fight over," she remarked poignantly before continuing, "So, what does this mean for Emily now?"

"We were talking about that; we decided to just take things slow and see how it goes," Clare answered, nervous about this subject herself.

"That's a good plan sweetheart, but don't be too afraid, either," Helen cautiously told Clare. "It's…Eli. He's a long term kind of guy, especially when it comes to you. And he knows Emily so well. He knows what he's getting himself into," Helen told her daughter with a smile.

She also added, "And I know that Eli always arranges activities that include Emily as well, but if you and him ever want a night to yourselves, I'd love to have her over, you know that. But I do want you to be careful in that respect…if there's any precautions you need to take, be sure you do so," Helen warned her daughter. Helen secretly desired for Clare and Eli to get married and have a child perhaps, but…Clare's school was just getting back on track; this was not the time.

"Mom," Clare said as her blush got deeper, "Eli…has always been really patient when it comes to doing _that…_we haven't even discussed it. We've just…kissed," she admitted.

"As you should, Clare. I know that what happened with Jake…well, I know that you didn't…want it. I'm not saying you didn't want Emily – that's a completely different issue and I know you did – but it's a conversation you should have with Eli, soon. Just to…see where he's at in that department," Helen advised her daughter.

"I know," Clare bashfully said as a small blush appeared on her cheeks, and Helen decided that was enough of that particular conversation for the moment - she saw her daughter getting a little flustered already.

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"Did you see me, mommy? Did you see me, Eli?" Emily enthusiastically asked. "Uncle Adam even picked me up and twirled me up in the air!" the little girl added as her mom handed her a cup of chocolate, pulling her onto her lap.

"I saw you, sweetheart, and I can thank Uncle Adam for the heart attack that sight of you in the air caused me," Clare said, playfully narrowing her eyes at Adam as he raised his hands in defense.

"You were almost flying, Emily," Eli said as he adjusted the little girl's wool hat as she giggled next to him on the bleachers next on the side of the skating rink.

"But is it my turn now?" Eli sarcastically whined at the little girl as she pulled him onto the skating ring and Eli spun her around until Emily's wild laughter attracted a small audience.

Adam moved to the higher bleacher that Clare was sitting on and he said, "So, couldn't tell you how happy I am to be back to my official third wheel position," but as Clare looked at him and took in his huge smile, she knew Adam was really happy for her.

Adam shook her head as he said, "Twelve freaking years and I can finally have my number one relationship cheerleader position back," as he playfully nudged Clare's elbow.

"Adam!" Clare giggled as she added, "So, have you asked her yet?" and she saw Adam immediately blush a little as he said, "I'm taking her on vacation in the Caribbean over Christmas and I plan on doing it then".

"Lana's an amazing girl, Adam. She'll say yes, don't be nervous. I'm so happy you found someone who deserves the incredible guy that you are, and I'm so excited for your wedding!" Clare happily said, clapping her hands at the end of that sentence.

"Whoa, one step at a time!" Adam immediately retorted. "She hasn't even said yes yet," he shyly pointed out.

"Oh, but she will," Clare encouraged him at once.

"Well, what about you and Eli, Clare? The boy is dying," Adam pointed out and Clare blushed about ten different shades of red upon hearing that.

"It's…a little more complicated, Adam. I have Emily, and school in January," Clare explained.

"So maybe after you finish school?" Adam pushed.

"Adam," Clare said, trying to bring herself back down to Earth as she pointed out, "Talking about this is ridiculous; we _just_ got back together. Emily doesn't even know that we are together yet, and I don't even have the slightest clue about how I would tell her such a thing; if she would even understand. You're way ahead of yourself. Besides, Eli probably doesn't even think about that," Clare slowly said.

"Ha! Yeah right!" Adam said with an incredulous laugh. "He doesn't think about it! We're not teens anymore, of course he thinks about it, especially since most of his friends and colleagues are. And as a matter of fact, pretty sure Eli was looking forward to marrying you since high school," Adam correctly pointed out.

"It's only been a month, Adam. It's too early to make any assumptions," Clare replied, because she did not want to let herself get carried away in visions of her and Eli and Emily as a family…visions that she already entertained quite a bit.

"Whatever – all I know is that the fact that you two will be coming to my wedding together, it's just…right, you know? Definitely _boo-yeah_ worthy," Adam told her and Clare couldn't help but laugh in response.

Then as the vision of her and Eli together at Adam's wedding invaded her mind, Clare was at a loss for words for a few seconds as she simultaneously watched Emily skating ahead of Eli, and just as she was prepared to give some semblance of an answer to Adam, her heart plunged upon seeing Eli stumble and fall, his left leg giving in. Clare was a strong and experienced skater herself, so she rushed onto the ice at once and helped him up as Eli assured her, "Hey, hey – I'm okay, don't worry about it," and he skated a few circles around Clare to prove his point, leaning in close to whisper in her ear, "But later you can give me a kiss to make me feel better," and he also winked in her direction as Clare shook her head at him sarcastically. After Clare had cleared Eli for continuing to skate, happily noting his leg was back to its normal vigour, they both took one of Emily's hands and took her for a few high speed loops around the rink that excited the little girl to giggles.

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Cece was excitedly running around her kitchen making sure the cookies she had just baked were laid out neatly on a plate and that some of them had actually made it past Bullfrog when she heard her doorbell ring. Bullfrog couldn't help but laugh at his wife when he saw her actually run to the door as she let out a tiny excited squeal.

"Baby girl!" she happily exclaimed when she saw a smiling Clare on the other side of the door, and upon glancing at her mini-me, she gently said, "Hi Emily, it's so nice to see you again! You've gotten so much taller since the last time I last you!" and the little girl shyly hid behind her mother's legs for just a second before some encouragement from Clare caused her to flash Cece and Bullfrog her characteristic coy little smile as she said, "Hi, Eli's mommy," and upon glancing at Bullfrog she added, "And Eli's daddy," and Cece immediately asked everyone in and rushed to bring Emily the warm cookies she had just made, a sight that caused the little girl to utter a polite thank you, and as Cece also poured her some chocolate milk and Eli made his way into the kitchen that he was so used to storming into, Cece didn't stand for his distractions and she said, "Out of my way, Eli," when Eli tried to reach for a cookie himself. Cece's son just laughed at his mom as Bullfrog beat him to the chase and snuck a cookie himself before Cece was finished attending to Emily's needs, causing his wife to cast him a disapproving look as everyone in the room just giggled in response. Cece wanted to make sure everything today would go perfectly, because she really wanted Emily in her life – little girls delighted her so, and she never got to have one of her own as after a difficult labour delivering Eli, her doctors had told her it would be best for her to not have any more children. Cece was just taking in the little girl's pink face, bouncy brown curls, and huge blue eyes when she heard her speak,

"Yummy cookie," Emily said as a few crumbles remained stuck to her face, pieces that Eli diligently brushed off. The girl's declaration caused Cece to cast everyone in the room an electric smile, and she relaxed at once as she told the little girl,

"Thank you sweetie. And you can call me Cece, and Eli's daddy's name is Bullfrog," and Emily couldn't help but giggle as she turned to Eli's dad and said, "Your name is Bullfrog?" with a fit of more giggles.

"Sure is," Bullfrog responded, and he was taken with the sound of the girl's laughter at once. Whenever she laughed, Emily's little face would scrunch up with humour at once, and her breath would even come out a little more laboured, and everyone in the room loved to see her so overwhelmed by happiness.

"So, what have you crazy kids been up to lately?" Bullfrog asked Eli and Clare as everyone got the approval from Cece to help themselves at this point.

"Prepping for finals and writing a story," Eli answered, giving a fair account of the recently busy period in his life.

"Clare, you're heading to U of T yourself soon, right baby girl?" Cece asked her warmly.

"In January," Clare answered, and Eli picked up on the tiny sparkle in her eye as she proudly announced that.

"Good – maybe now Eli can actually step out of that office of his every once in a while," Bullfrog said as she playfully punched Eli's shoulder.

"I have a lot of stuff to do, dad," Eli appropriately justified himself.

Clare moved her chair a little closer to Eli as she said, "Well, I've already had my campus tour so I do think there are a couple of places I'd like to check out when I'm not in class and when he is not teaching," and Eli's lips involuntarily formed into a smirk as he realized Clare had already made plans for the two of them.

Emily piped up, "Mommy's going to school by my daycare after Christmas," and Clare bent over to place a kiss in the girl's soft reddish brown curls and she said, "That's right, sweetheart".

Emily's face then formed into a questioning look as she said, "But mommy, will Eli still pick me up from daycare?" and Clare looked at Eli meaningfully as she announced, "Actually, sweetheart, me and Eli are both going to be picking you up," and she waited curiously for the little girl's reaction; would she ask why both of them would be needed for a task that could be achieved by only one person?

Emily just politely asked if she could have one more cookie and after she got the approval from Cece she declared, "That's good, mommy. Then you can see the fishies too," and Cece and Bullfrog watched as their son flashed the girl he loved a smirk and she coyly blushed in return. In that instance, the two parents felt as if they were watching their son and his girlfriend at the ages of sixteen and fifteen all over again, and Bullfrog couldn't help but squeeze his wife's hand.

Eli felt the need to explain, "Emily's favourite place on campus is the marine biology aquarium," and Cece and Bullfrog nodded in understanding.

As soon as the little girl had finished eating and Clare was telling Eli's parents about her future education plans and they listened politely, being already extremely familiar with their details as they had been a major concern for their son for months now, Bullfrog got a smirk on his face that reminded Clare of her favourite expression of Eli's as he focused on Emily and asked her,

"So, Emily, do you want to see something special that I just put together in the backyard?" and Clare and Eli both looked at Bullfrog in surprise; Cece just cast him a smile as she had been the only one to have been privy to Bullfrog's plans.

"Okay," Emily agreed at once, starting to feel more comfortable among the Goldsworthys with each passing minute. The little girl hadn't been afraid to come to their house as she often was of strangers' houses because she reasoned that if they were Eli's mommy and daddy, they must ultimately be all right, and she knew that her mommy and Eli would all be staying with her the entire time as well.

As soon as Clare, Eli and Emily had reached the sliding glass doors that led to the Goldsworthys backyard, the two young adults were equally surprised, and Emily let out an adorable little gasp as she said,

"Wow," taking in the off the ground tree house and the little adjoining playground, containing a set of the little girl's most favorite things in the world – swings.

"When did you put this up, dad?" Eli asked as Bullfrog laughed when he saw everyone's reaction and he answered, "Put it up yesterday, no big deal, only took me a couple of hours in the morning," and Cece narrowed her eyes at her husband, knowing very well that he had spent every free minute of the entire last week letting out various profanities at inanimate pieces of wood as he tried to figure out the complex assembly task, but she never said anything out loud, knowing very well that Bullfrog had a reputation to protect.

"It's amazing," Clare said breathlessly, as she gave Bullfrog a warm hug that took him by surprise but that he quickly responded to, and Clare then also immediately hugged Cece, and the two girls shared an empathetic smile that was only possible between two mothers; Cece could only imagine how difficult the last five years of Clare's life had been. She thought back to the time when Eli was a baby and she just couldn't imagine doing everything on her own, in a tiny university town where she knew Clare must have felt so utterly alone; that boy she had been with was clearly good for nothing but running and she had been glad to hear that Clare had at least returned to Toronto where her mother could help her when Emily was just a few months old, but…as she hugged the young girl's fragile body, tears invaded her eyes thinking about how life had not been easy on the sensitive, beautiful and intelligent girl…not easy one bit. Cece was very proud of her son for many different things; for the way he had been able to successfully recover from the trauma that had plagued his teenage years, for arranging such a good education for himself, for progressing into a career she knew he loved…but perhaps the thing that she was most proud of in connection to her son was the way he had stood by Clare since re-uniting with her – Cece knew that if he'd be given the chance, he would stand by her with the same devotion for his entire life. Just like her own husband had stood by her, she reflected as she gently intertwined her fingers with Bullfrog's and gave him a gentle smile.

Bullfrog then clapped his hands and said, "Oy vey – what good is a playground if no one will play on it?" and Emily shyly looked up at him and asked, "I can play here?"

Bullfrog shook his head at the little girl's innocence and politeness as she said, "Of course – it's yours, Emily. I built it for you," and Emily's little eyes widened at that piece of information and she shyly, but purposefully hugged Bullfrog's legs and the normally cool and collected man's demeanour came crashing down as he lifted the girl up into a playful hug that she giggled into as she said, "Wow, thank you, Eli's daddy," instantly correcting herself, "I mean…Bullfrog," and she couldn't help but look him up and down and giggle again after saying a name that seemed so strange to her.

Bullfrog quickly set the little girl down and after putting on her appropriate outdoor clothing, he led her to the playground, where Emily instantly selected the swings first, and everyone else watched with a smile as Bullfrog delicately pushed the little girl as she would often look back at him and reward him with little laughs as her curls were pushed in and out of her face in function of the draft of the wind. Clare and Cece stood together as they watched the scene, but the person most impressed by the vision on the playground was Eli. He couldn't believe that his dad had gone out to buy this playground and put it all together without him even knowing. As he was watching Bullfrog push Emily's swing, lightly touching her back…he was thinking that he had never seen his dad ever act more gently than he was doing in this moment, and for a minute, Eli let his mind wander and he realized…Bullfrog would really like a grandchild…maybe even two?

Eli knew that Clare really valued the opportunity of returning back to school, but that she was also a little stressed out about balancing everything, and Eli was determined to make everything as easy as possible for her, and he didn't want to Clare's stress by springing conversations about long-term plans on her. He had allowed himself the vision of marrying Clare, and maybe even giving Emily a brother or sister, a few times, but…he was extremely hesitant of sharing such thoughts with Clare, especially at this relatively early point in their relationship. His vision of a future with Clare nowadays was much more balanced than locking themselves in a room and writing a novel together, but Eli was still extremely hesitant of having Clare perceive him as inappropriately confining; he wanted to make sure Clare could still have all the space in the relationship that she wanted. Eli knew she must think of their relationship as a significant risk, especially as he and Emily had gotten so close, and he wished he could let Clare know just how much he never planned on leaving…but he was scared. Scared that a serious discussion, if sprung on by him, would cause her smile to drop, her gaze to avoid his, and her hands to keep busy by writing or by resting in her lap as her body would freeze up in the cold expression that had been so prevalent on her face during the last few horrible weeks of their relationship – an expression he had never been able to erase out of his mind, no matter how much he had tried. An expression he never wanted to see again; he didn't know if he could handle it – he knew it would leave him completely shattered and grasping at straws to re-achieve a sense of balance and happiness.

Eli soon joined his dad and Emily outside in an attempt to shrug the thoughts that were rummaging through his mind, because despite all of the therapy he had had and all of the coping techniques he had perfected, there was only one thing in the world that was able to perfectly clear his mind and allow happiness to wash over him like a wave – Clare's smile and Emily's laugh; and as he took over pushing the little girl in the swing, Eli was rewarded with both.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So you say you've been dating him for a month but you haven't actually been out on a date yet?" Alli asked with a frown as she perfected Clare's make-up.

"We've been extremely busy; Eli has had final essays to write and mark and a publication to work on, and I'm wrapping things off at work before I head back to school. And it's not like when we do miraculously have a free night we can just head out at the drop of a hack – we have Emily obviously," Clare explained.

"Right, no, I know. I just thought you would have gone out already," Alli replied, placing her final touches on Clare's now smoky eyes.

"Well, we have – we've taken Emily to the proper Toronto aquarium, to Science World, to that Go Bananas indoor playground, to-" Clare enumerated as Alli playfully rolled her eyes.

"Those don't count; I meant just one on one time. I think it's great Eli loves Emily so much, but I do think he's pretty excited to finally get some alone time," Alli correctly pointed out.

"And since when did you warm up to him so?" Clare shot playfully.

"Since you told me more about how he's changed, everything he's done for Emily, and since I had a little talk with him that time that we took Emily to see Disney on Ice," Alli pointed out.

"That's right – I saw you two chattering away in the corner there; after you and Sav switched spots so you could sit next to Eli, I knew something was going on," Clare said, "and I couldn't help but wonder what Eli was explaining to you so passionately".

"Oh, just how much he _looooves_ you," Alli tortured Clare, being perfectly able to predict the red blush that formed on the curly haired girl's cheeks.

"Stop it, Alli," Clare bashfully responded.

"So you're going to the movies? Keeping it nice and simple?" Alli asked as Clare confirmed with a nod.

"Yeah – I wanted to. I miss all of the things Eli and I did together, but I don't know…I just wanted to head to the theatres with him and just watch a good movie – it's been so long since I've been out to a movie and I really missed doing that with Eli, so when we were talking about our first official date, I just asked if we could do this and he agreed at once," Clare informed Alli.

"Well, I hope you have a lovely time. You look fantastic," Alli encouraged Clare, because after talking to Eli she was able to note the improvements he had made and just how much he loved Clare and Emily, and Alli knew that after the Jake disaster Clare would need a lot of support and she planned on giving it to her.

"Thank you," Clare responded, and she hugged Alli just as the girls heard the doorbell ringing, and Alli let out an excited squeal as she realized it had to be Eli.

Sure enough, when she opened the door, she was met with a smirk and she was surprised to see Eli hold out a single yellow flower to her as he said, "I had a feeling you'd be here".

Alli shot back, "So Clare gets that huge bouquet and I get _one _flower? Are you sure that's a smart move there, Professor?" but Eli just shook his head light-heartedly as he said, "Clare's special, Princess Alli," and just as he said that Clare appeared and her cheeks flushed red at once as she stuttered a thank you upon accepting her beautiful flowers from Eli. Alli rolled her eyes as she took in just how little had changed between the two, and she gave Clare another hug before sternly asking Eli,

"So, just what _are _your intentions with Clare tonight?" a remark which made Clare widen her eyes in shock but which was met by Eli with amusement and the clear response, "Rest assured, they are only the best".

The answer proved satisfactory to Alli but she still shot Eli a playful warning glare as he raised his hands in a defensive gesture with a chuckle.

As soon as Alli had left, Eli took Clare's hand and gently pulled her in for a soft and patient kiss that Clare felt her entire body melt into as she held her breath. Eli huskily whispered in her ear, "I've been waiting for our first official date – part two - for a while now," and Clare just grinned and blushed in response.

As they exited Clare's apartment, Eli asked, "Is Emily asleep yet, did your mom let you know?" and Clare loved that Eli wasn't just looking at tonight as a free pass and ignoring Emily's existence.

"Well, she doesn't usually text me to tell me that, Emily's so used to being over there, but we were talking on the phone earlier and she did mention that Emily had gone to bed," Clare informed Eli and he smiled in response as she softly said, "Good".

Eli held the passenger door of his Lincoln open for Clare as he took in her delicate black dress and soft blue cardigan, and just how beautiful her extra bouncy curls looked among her shiny blue headband and how much the dark make-up around her eyes made them pop out even more than usual, and as soon as him and Clare were in the car he gently said, "I never told you how beautiful you look tonight," and a deep blush formed on Clare's cheeks as she leaned in and gave him a playful little kiss that Eli deepened at once, causing Clare to let out a tiny gasp that Eli found extremely seductive.

"You don't look too bad yourself," Clare told Eli as she pulled away; she had secretly hoped he'd wear a grey dress shirt and a black blazer with a black tie. As soon as Eli stopped at a red light, Clare moved to do what she had been dying to do for the entire last month, something that could not be done with Emily in the back seat; as Eli turned around to face her and he widened his eyes playfully, she leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips, and she swore she could feel Eli slowing down at every yellow light for the rest of the drive, and by the time they had gotten to the movie theatre, almost all of the lip gloss that previously rested on Clare's lips was now on Eli's cheek, temple, ear, lips, and even neck. She shot him a fit of amused giggles as she reached for a tissue and gently got him to be presentable again as Eli teased her with a smirk and the announcement that, "If you keep that up Edwards, not only will I not be able to drive, but you'll run out of lipstick in a week".

After Eli paid for their tickets, he guided Clare to the concession counter, and she inhaled deeply when Eli asked her, "Is it still popcorn, ice tea and M and Ms?" perfectly remembering Clare's favourite movie treats, leading to an eager nod from her and _just one more kiss _that sent Eli over the moon. He could hardly believe that Clare Edwards was kissing him as he was taking her to the movies; to Eli the whole thing still seemed like something out of a dream. Except he had not had a happy dream since well over twelve years ago, so he knew it must be real. His nightmares had been much more rare since that extraordinary night when he slept with two angels by his side, but he had not yet had a happy dream either…but the reality of dating Clare was all the happiness he needed. Adam often teased him about being a love struck fool, but all Eli had to say was that Adam needed to carry around a mirror whenever he was around Lana in order to see his own behaviour and then he could talk, a comment which Adam knew was all too true, so he didn't tease Eli too much, realizing he wasn't in a position to do so. After all, Adam had been one of the many people who had noticed a discernable change in Eli since he had officially begun dating Clare again; he was just so much...happier.

After paying for the treats, Eli took Clare's hand and they walked into theatre number four.

"Where do you want to sit?" Eli asked Clare as he gestured towards the almost empty theatre – despite the fact that they were going to see one of the most popular movies of the year, it had already been playing for several weeks, and Clare loved that Eli understood that her life no longer allowed her to do whatever she pleased on an impulse, but most of all she loved that this didn't seem to bother him at all; Eli comprehended and she knew it. She also knew that despite the fact that he didn't have a child of his own, his life was also extremely busy with work and meetings and writing, and she adored that congruency in their lifestyles.

"Let's sit over there," Clare said as she guided Eli towards the back of the theatre as a smirk crossed his face at the realization that Clare was selecting very similar seats to the ones she always favoured their high school days. He secretly hoped that Clare would sit just as close to him now as she always did back then, and his heart skipped a beat when, after they had each settled in their own sear, Clare flashed him a mischievous smile as she raised the arm rest in between their seats and burrowed her body as deep as possible into Eli's, making him feel like he was on cloud nine.

He intertwined the fingers of their left hand as Clare held up her drink to him and he took a sip through her straw, and he soon heard her whisper, "I've missed this," just as the lights dimmer and the screen flashed, 'Cineplex: Escape With Us,' and Clare felt Eli place a gentle kiss on her forehead. Clare delighted in his comforting and loving touches all throughout the movie, and her entire body shivered when Eli was able to appropriately judge her responses to his touches and he decided to be a little more adventurous and he planted a trail of soft kisses along the back of her neck. When Clare cheekily decided to take off her cardigan just a few minutes after, Eli continued the trail to the tip of her shoulder as she squirmed in delight and rewarded him with tiny giggles, which caused Eli to make a mental note to further investigate if Clare was ticklish; he had suspected this back in high school but as Clare began slowly pulling away from him after Fitz' arrival, Eli became afraid of even placing the lightest touches on her, afraid he would scare her and then lose her. But tonight…tonight she was different, and Eli knew it.

To him, the fact that they were now adults didn't change how careful he always reminded himself to be when it came to the physical aspect of their relationship – if anything, he was actually a little bit more worried about it now than he had been as a teenager. After Clare had told him about the circumstances surrounding her only night with Jake, Eli realized that without the reassurance and patient trust and guidance he knew Clare would have needed in those moments and with the fear and pressure that had been cast on her…that night…Eli feared that it had traumatized Clare to a significant extent when he remembered the way she was shaking in his arms as she tearfully told him about it. What should have been a beautiful, gentle and intimate experience was something that Eli could tell had completely shaken Clare up; something that she was still not over. Eli often feared that during some of his more intimate caresses of Clare's body she would recoil in fear, but as he hadn't been all that bold with her yet, he took comfort in the fact that that hadn't happened with him at all.

So Eli just resolved to be very patient and receptive to her needs, and he desperately hoped that as time went on he could shoe Clare how physical contact could successfully and intimately work to further develop a successful emotional relationship. But he promised himself to never push or pressure Clare. Eli knew that that would make him no better than the monstrous jerk who had damaged his girl, who had broken her – and Eli wanted to fix her so desperately and to have her realize that all the things Jake had taken away from her and the way he had acted towards her didn't need to define the new life Eli wanted to give to Clare. Getting accepted into U of T and being able to finish her degree had already greatly reinvigorated Clare, and Eli could tell at once, and he knew that after she'd graduate and do her Master's degree as well, Clare would only grow more confident. He didn't mind that he would have to wait a year and a half until he knew he would have the right to discuss a future in detail with her – he had waited twelve years, and if he had to, he would twelve more for his girl. But he really hoped that he wouldn't have to…because he wanted Clare by his side as more than just a girlfriend, and Emily as more than just Clare's daughter. Such thoughts were rummaging through Eli's mind as the movie came to an end and Clare giggled as she gently brushed off all the popcorn bits that had ended up in his lap – she knew they were there in the first place because she had dropped them in moments of suspense, times when she was immediately comforted by Eli's grip on her becoming just a bit tighter and more reassuring.

"But my favourite thing was the childhood friendship theme," Eli watched Clare explain as he was in a bit of a rapture, still thanking his lucky stars he got to take her out as his date.

"J.J. Abrams' work always had solid writing – it's so refreshing to find a movie these days that has an actual proper storyline," Eli was commenting as they made their way out of the movie theatre and he was thrilled when Clare moved closer towards him, and he knew the chill the air caused that action on her part, so he quickly took off his leather jacket and she saw Eli turn on the hear as they entered his Lincoln. This was just one of the many small things he'd always do for her in their high school days that she never had to tell him to do in the first place but that he just somehow instinctively detected and that Clare appreciated so much,

"Are you tired or would you be up for a piece of cheesecake and a latte?" Eli asked Clare as she joined her hand with one that Eli never used for driving and their interlocked hands rested on the divider between their two seats.

"I'd love that," Clare responded as she gave Eli's hand a squeeze and pressed a kiss to his temped as he stopped at a red light.

After a short ten minute drive, the two entered _Death by Chocolate _and selected differently flavoured pieces of cheesecake as they settled into a booth and Clare chose to sit next to Eli as rather opposite of him so this way she could continue snuggling against him – doing this around Emily wasn't an option yet so Clare revelled in every minute that she could do it tonight.

"Mmm, try mine, it tastes like real raspberries," Clare said after she took a bit of Eli's espresso slice.

"So good," he declared after tasting it.

"Eli?" Clare asked thoughtfully.

"Yeah?" he responded in an encouraging and curious tone.

"Do you think we should tell Emily about us soon?" Clare asked before taking a sip of her latte.

"I think that…whatever you chose to do, I'm on board with it," Eli answered perfectly, continuing, "But…would she understand? Does she know about this stuff?" Eli asked, a little confused.

"I'm not really sure; I think she only does to the extent of that Ken belongs with Ballerina Barbie and that it's okay that he kisses her every morning," Clare answered with a giggle, and they both blushed slightly at the memory of the morning in which Emily seemed to be perfectly at peace with the thought of Eli kissing her mommy.

Eli's voice gained a serious tone as he replied, "Clare…listen; I just want you to know that this thing that we're doing here – me and you…I'm all in. But I consider you the authority on all decisions that involve Emily. I don't want to turn her world upside down; maybe it's best that we don't complicate things; maybe we should wait until she mentions something or asks us point blank before we tell her something that she won't understand – because then it might become this huge thing that she's faced with and she'll feel like _she has to _understand and then trying to understand it might seriously disconcert her," Eli honestly said and Clare gently stroked his arm warmly when she heard his concerns.

"You're right, Eli," she said at once. "Let's give it some time," and then she gave Eli a smirk of her own as she playfully added, "But one of these days you'll have to get better at saying 'no' to her wishes and maybe even discipline her from time to time".

Clare then studied the concerned look that formed across Eli's face, something her light-hearted comment never meant to put there, as his voice gained a raspy tone and he answered, "I can't. I can't discipline her. Not right away, and probably not ever. I see my job as just listening to her and helping her with whatever issues she has," and Clare listened awestruck as Eli's voice broke for a second and he whispered, "I don't want her to…to hate me. She doesn't have to like me, and I don't want her to hate me," Eli admitted and even if he didn't have the heart to add "Because I'm not her dad," to the end of his sentence, Clare knew that's what he was thinking of, and the more she thought about the role that Eli considered the right one for him to occupy in Emily's life, the more she agreed with him, so she warmly told him,

"Okay. Okay, Eli," and she gave him an empathetic smile.

Eli then added with a pronounced smirk, "Besides, Emily's a little angel. I've never actually seen her needing discipline – not even once," and Clare's heart swelled with pride and happiness.

Clare then stole another bite of Eli's cheesecake as she said, "What Emily needs is more like…calming – when we fall behind schedule," and Eli laughed immediately in response.

"The little girl sure loves her scheduling," he got out in between chuckles, and seeing Eli so captivated by her daughter's ways touched Clare so much that she captured his lips in a passionate kiss at once.

"She loves _you_," Clare breathed as she pulled away. "She told me so," she added, and Eli was too overcome with emotion to reply. He had heard the little girl's hospital declaration but its content never ceased to amaze him – so he just pulled Clare closer to him and held her tightly as he placed a kiss in her curls.

After finishing their desserts, Clare and Eli headed back into his Lincoln and they drove through the now dark streets as the radio station was playing Eli's favourite music, making Clare realize that despite the fact that it was so different than the soft Taylor Swift melodies she loved so much…she had really missed having it as the background to her and Eli's adventures. Just as Eli was saying good-bye to Clare at her door, she flashed him a shy smile and told him,

"Thank you for tonight. It was…perfect," words of praise that caused Eli to flash her an instantaneous amused smirk.

As soon as she saw that, Clare slowly leaned in for a gentle and tender kiss that Eli soon took the lead on, deepening it calmly as Clare's knees almost buckled as she pulled away. She didn't want to let Eli gain the upper hand, however, so she initiated a rather fiery kiss of her own that caused Eli to raise an eyebrow and smugly say,

"Mmmm. So glad to see first date Clare – part 2 – make an appearance," and Clare laughed in response before she cast him a mischievous look and grabbed his tie and pulled him abruptly, stopping just millimetres away from his lips to say, "I lied to you. The date was _almost _perfect," and as Eli gave her a sarcastic shocked gasp in response, she tugged on his tie a little more forcefully and whispered, "Can I interest you in some contraband kissing?" as Eli immediately captured her lips and Clare separated the two of them just for a few minutes so they could go inside her apartment and sit down on the couch.

Eli's mind was reeling as he was urgently internally reciting, 'Don't get carried away. Push her, and you'll lose her,' but the soft kisses Clare was giving him were making him feel like he was in heaven, and the notion of heaven wasn't one that Eli Goldsworthy habitually entertained. He quickly realized he didn't need anything more than that and that realization quickly sunk in he relaxed at once and just melted away in Clare's soft but sharp breaths, her glossy scented lips, and the perfect curls that his fingers were deeply tangled in. When they finally pulled away and Eli settled Clare down, resting her head on his chest and gently running his hands up and down her arms as his body recuperated its own regular breathing pattern under hers, he decided it was time to share something small with her. Clare's own mind was undergoing a realization of its own; she realized that while Jake's touches on her body and her kisses were ones that she had eventually gotten used to and learned to tolerate…Eli's passionate but gently kisses and touches were ones that her body madly wanted to respond to, to challenge and advance…she realized that's how _it was supposed to feel_, and the thought didn't unnerve her at all; it rather…electrified and energized her.

Eli took a deep breath and slowly pulled the velvet box from his pant pocket and as Clare raised an eyebrow at him once she noticed his movements, he somewhat shyly explained,

"Clare…I got you something," and she softly smiled in response as Eli gently placed the box in her hands and he just said, "Open it".

Clare slowly did so, and once the small, round and exquisite object entered her line of vision, Eli heard her softly gasp and a small smile formed over his lips at her reaction.

"It's not an engagement or promise ring or anything like that," Eli quickly stumbled to explain, knowing that that would be too much too soon, but Clare didn't panic as she could tell by the ring's design that it wasn't such a thing. She widened her eyes a little as she realized at once that the thick band was made of gold, but when she took in the beautiful embedded blue shiny jewels - there were six of them, perfectly placed at equal distances all along the band – she realized that had she been with Eli when he had picked the ring out, she definitely would have opted for this same one. It was one of the most unique pieces of jewellery that Clare had ever seen.

Eli delighted when he saw Clare literally remain breathless as she studied the ring and he soon asked,

"May I?" and Clare gently nodded in response as Eli slipped the ring onto the fourth finger of her left hand.

He slowly explained, "I just…walked by it in a store display window on my way to work one morning…and the pretty blue obviously reminded me of you," and he inhaled deeply before deciding to tell Clare everything about what had made him buy the ring as he continued, "And…the past month, and don't get me wrong with this, Clare – holding your hand is the best feeling in the world, but…having always been able to feel a ring there before, I don't know, I just thought that there should be one there, because…that time…it didn't count, Clare," Eli whispered, and Clare embraced him at once upon hearing that.

Eli gently continued, "I just…I think a ring belongs on that finger," he deadpanned. "I don't mean for this one to completely replace your purity one because I know that one was very special to you, but…just because that was taken away from you doesn't mean…that your purity is gone. I know I'm no authority on spiritual or religious matters, but…I've thought about this a bit and I just think…that purity – and good - is a lot more than a cut and dry physical or anatomical definition," Eli explained so beautifully, telling Clare exactly what she needed to head and more.

Eli added, "And I wanted this ring to also be a congratulations present on U of T, Clare. I want it to remind you of the fact that…I'm all in, Clare, but I'm…patient too. I want the rest of your time at U of T to be special, and…not pressure-filled. This ring…it's a token of the fact that I don't want you to worry. About anything. We're a team; anything U of T throws your way, we can deal with together. I did my own undergrad there and I've worked there for a couple of years; I know the ropes. And I have nothing but time; it's a symbol of my U of T girl," Eli said with a smirk, quickly adding, "Royal blue is the official school colour you know. Even the sports teams are referred to as the Blues," and Clare quickly blinked away the light film of tears that had surfaced over her eyes upon hearing Eli's words.

She was so overwhelmed with happiness that all she managed to shakily whisper was, "Eli…it's so beautiful. _The _most special piece of jewellery I've ever been given," she honestly told him as she intertwined her fingers with his and Eli immediately placed an eager kiss over her ring. He then held out her hand and a slow smirk spread over his face as she whispered, "There we go. So beautiful".

Clare placed a gentle kiss on his lips as she intertwined their fingers again, and after they separated, she head Eli say with a tone of humour and excitement, "But I also know I'm not the only one who hangs onto this hand nowadays," and Clare shot him a curious look in response. She then saw Eli reach into his pant pocket again and this time Clare gasped even louder when she saw a tiny gold ring with just one blue stone on it, realizing who it was for at once.

Eli playfully said, "Like mother, like daughter. I hope it fits her – I was able to guess your ring size because of all of those times back in high school when you'd steal my skull ring – I knew that that one fit you perfectly so I brought it with me to the jeweller's," he explained as Clare smiled fondly at the memory of the skull ring and later giggled at Eli's sneakiness.

"But with Emily I really had no clue; her fingers are so tiny, but the lady at the store just told me she would give me the average size for a five year old girl. If it doesn't fit her well, we can exchange it," Eli already planned but then he watched with a smirk as Clare inserted the tiny ring on her little finger and after smoothly sliding it off, she declared, "It's perfect for her finger, Eli, she's going to love it. Are you sure you don't want to wait for tomorrow afternoon after daycare so you can give it to her yourself?" Clare asked, but Eli answered at once,

"No; I want her to be able to wear hers as soon as you wear yours – promise I won't tell her about the head start that you're getting tonight," Eli said with a wink as Clare agreed.

Eli noticed that Clare kept stealing glances at her ring throughout their conversation, and that thrilled him to no end. She gave him a warm look as she quite appropriately pointed out, "You know those little fingers of her have spent a lot of time in yours as well," and she leaned in to give Eli another kiss that it took every ounce of strength in his body to pull away. He then said a gentle "Good night," to a Clare who felt like the luckiest girl on earth as she thoughtfully closed the door behind Eli, stretching out her hand in front of her to admire the exquisite ring one time, and to note that…Eli had been right; her hand did feel a lot more…right now.

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"It's gorgeous, sweetheart. U of T celebration ring," Helen remarked as she finished pouring the water into the coffee maker as Emily got dressed in the next room over on the sunny Saturday afternoon. Helen was pleased to hear the things Clare recounted to her that Eli had told Clare about her ring, and while Helen was well aware that it was not a promise or engagement ring – Eli had made that clear, and she suspected he had done so because he did not want to place pressure on her daughter knowing her life would be changing so much already with her return to school – Helen couldn't help but feel that the whole thing was a good precedent for Eli and Clare; Helen thought of it as a sort of…trial run.

Emily then entered the kitchen and quietly navigated her way to her favourite stool in her grandma's kitchen as Clare praised her daughter for putting together such a pretty outfit – consisting of a jean skirt, navy tights and an eloquently knitted blue sweater – all on her own. Clare then placed a plate of pancakes arranged in Mickey Mouse ear shapes, with strawberries on top, in front of her daughter and she began to carefully but them in appropriate bite-sized pieces for her little girl.

Emily, for one, studied her mother's movements carefully and she quickly remarked, "Pretty new ring, mommy. It's so shiny," before she took a sip of her apple juice. The little girl noticed her mother blush as she explained, "Thank you sweetheart. It was a present from Eli", and Clare saw her daughter smile a little before a thoughtful look crossed her face. However, Emily didn't say anything further as Clare found her purse and Emily soon watched her mom hold out the prettiest ring the little girl had ever seen and say, "Sweetheart, he got one for you too. Let's put it on," and Emily grinned at her mom's touch as her grandma watched the scene fondly.

"For me? It's so pretty," Emily breathed, feeling so much older with a ring so similar to her mother's on her finger, and she quickly added, "Mommy, it's prettier than the ring Sarah wears," before Clare saw her smile quickly fall as she said in a worried tone, "Mommy, is it bad that I just said that?" and Clare smiled at her little girl's innocence as she came over and placed Emily on her lap as she gently explained,

"No, sweetie, it's okay. But don't share these thoughts with Sarah, because it would hurt her feeling and I know you don't want to do that to anyone," and Emily nodded assertively in confirmation of her mother's assumption.

Clare continued, "Just mommy and nana and grandpa – just us. We're okay," and Emily asked at once, "And Eli? He's okay too?" and Clare soon answered, "Eli too. Just me, nana, grandpa, and Eli," and Emily nodded in understanding. The little girl then turned her full attention to her tasty strawberry pancakes, but both Helen and Clare couldn't help but amusedly notice the way that Emily would stretch out her fingers in front of her, waving them around playfully as she chewed thoughtfully, and softly humming the latest song that 'teacher Barb' had shared with the little girl.

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"Eli Goldsworthy, you have a serious problem. You need to stop," Clare told him in a perfectly serious ton as she stepped in front of his shopping cart and locked gazes with him, but a single smirk from the black-haired young man brought her façade down and she burst into giggles as Eli's face broke into a smug satisfied look.

Once Eli led her down a different aisle and she had re-gathered her wits, Clare said, "No, but seriously, Eli, this is enough, we are getting out of control now," and if she were talking to anyone else but the most devoted of Emily's conquests, they would have admitted that Clare had a valid point indeed. Eli Goldsworthy, however, just stole a kiss from her and he huskily whispered in her ear,

"You knew I was never one for societal norms when you attacked me in my office and sprung that extremely hot make-out session on me," a comment that caused Clare to blush furiously and playfully push Eli away from her after lightly slapping his shoulder.

"I have _no idea_ what you're talking about," she shot back sarcastically, "Must have been a dream of yours, Eli".

He immediately got close to her again and replied, "Not true entirely – but damn right it's been _in _my dreams lately...I had real life events to go on, Edwards," and the subject Eli unintentionally introduced caused Clare to soften at once as she took his hand and started pushing their cart further down the aisle and she guided Eli to keep his hands on the cart, just outside of hers as his scent completely surrounded her as she walked perfectly in tandem with her, his body just inches behind hers.

Clare glanced at her ring as she slowly asked him, "Eli…do you still have any more nightmares?" and she felt him place his left hand on top of hers as he softly said, "No. They've been replaced with much sweeter dreams". Clare had a feeling these new visions included her and Emily, but she didn't know that Eli's sweetest dreams included a blue eyed beauty in a white dress walking down a church aisle that had been sprinkled with flower petals just a few seconds earlier by a little girl who was the perfect mini-me of the bride.

"No, but Eli, she now has three dresses, two other outfits, five books, two of which are taller than her for heaven's sakes, two new Barbies and their corresponding ponies and convertibles and all that chocolate. You have to stop," Clare told him.

"Edwards, you're forgetting the crucial thing here – we're not the ones buying her this, not my fault _Santa _decided to properly reward Emily for being such an angel all year," and Clare just playfully shook her head in response at Eli's argument.

Eventually, after Eli had selected an art set and a few more Disney princess books, Clare eventually dragged him to the cash register where Eli of course, refused to let her pay, and she eventually gave in, making Eli promise to accept some money from her later. He reluctantly agreed, but he knew he would do no such thing when the time came for it.

The two then headed to Eli's apartment where they spent a few hours wrapping up the presents – his apartment would be the hiding place for Emily's Christmas presents until he would deliver them to Clare's apartment late on Christmas Eve so Emily could awaken to them under the tree -and having a relaxed pizza lunch together and Clare even proofread Eli's course outlines for the upcoming semester. She was just about ready to burst with excitement as she realized that she was now just days away from being back in a university classroom.

As Eli and Clare made their way out of his apartment, they saw Kelsey walk towards her own apartment as she was giggling and holding hands with a young man who was also wearing hospital scrubs, just like she was, and a large smile crossed Eli and Clare's faces when she excitedly introduced him as her boyfriend and fellow surgical resident Derek.

After Eli and Clare had played several rounds of the red light game as he drove her home, Eli was dropping her off outside her door and he heard Clare contentedly sigh, "Kelsey looked happy," and Eli nodded in confirmation because he knew she deserved a nice boy who would treat her right and help her get more used to life in Toronto so she wouldn't miss her hometown so much. Clare also gently added a soft, "Eli?" and he squeezed her hand as Clare added, "I love you, you know. So much," and he instantly replied, "I love you too, Clare".

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_BANG!_

"Eli? Are you okay?" Clare shrieked, turning around to see Eli rubbing his forehead much like a little boy who had just been hit with a baseball and as she got closer to him she could hear him muttering, "Dammit".

He whispered, "Did I wake her up?" worried that their Christmas present drop-off plan would be ruined at once, so Clare quickly went to her bedroom, and she was able to sigh a huge relieved breath when she saw Emily sleeping soundly, her tiny lips parted just slightly, and her brown curls spread out all over her red Snow White pillow.

Clare then heard Emily quietly come in and she soon felt him wrap his arms around her waist and he placed a kiss on the shell of her hear as he whispered, "Wow…she's so beautiful," the sight of the little girl at rest being one that never ceased to mesmerize him. He softly whispered "She looks most like an angel when she's sleeping, I think," and Clare intertwined her fingers with Eli's in response as she softly sighed as she rested her head in the crook of Eli's neck. Eli gently rotated her ring absent mindedly thinking how right it felt to feel a cool metal there again.

He gently added, "I kind of wish she could…stay like this forever. I've only known her for a few months but it's like…I don't want her to grow up," words that moved Clare to her very core because she felt the exact same way.

She playfully joked with Eli, "No boyfriends?" and Eli immediately widened his eyes in genuine horror at that thought and immediately responded, "Not until she's twenty-eight – at least," and Clare had to really control her laughter upon hearing Eli's response as to not wake up the little girl sleeping soundly in the next room.

Clare felt Eli exhale and inhale deeply, his chest rising and falling against her back, and she gently said, "Let's go get you an ice pack for that forehead. And _then _you can also explain to me just what monstrosity that you carries into my home and hit yourself with as you were trying to set it next to the tree," she said in a sarcastically strict tone as she turned around in Eli's arms, catching the playful little smirk that he sent her way.

After they quietly slipped out from the room, Clare grabbed an ice pack from the fridge as she instructed Eli to take a seat on the couch, and when she returned she gently placed a kiss on his somewhat swollen forehead and told him to rest his head on her chest as she pressed the ice pack to his fore head.

Eli kept leaning up to steal small kisses from her until Clare strictly drew the line, telling him he really needed the constant contact of the ice pack, but Eli just slightly pouted and said, "I'm not even allowed a kiss to make me feel better?" and Clare couldn't really argue with that logic so she indulged him in a slow but passionate kiss.

"Okay, but, Eli – you still haven't told me – just w_hat on Earth _is that huge package that did this to you?" Clare asked, taking in the mystery box that came up to her waist.

"Edwards, that's classified information between Santa and me," Eli tried, but when he was met with a stern, "Eli," from the girl he loved, he caved and admitted,

"It's a…Barbie house," as Clare sighed and pursed her lips playfully at him as he continued, "It's made by the same carpenter who made the one at the daycare. I know she already has one, but since she's getting a few dolls from Santa as well, I thought it'd be best they all get their own living quarters; I don't want to create a Big Brother reality show-type situation between the Barbies, you see," he cheekily answered as Clare sighed and shook her head at him, gently chastising him,

"Elijah Goldsworthy, I thought we were done shopping that time you refused to listen to me at Toys R Us. Emily's going to be so spoiled," Clare said, but Eli responded at once,

"She deserves it. It won't spoil her," and Clare couldn't help but softly agree, knowing her daughter all to well.

She still didn't understand one thing, however, so she asked Eli,

"Where on Earth did you find a custom carpenter to make you that thing just like the daycare's?"

Eli shot Clare a smirk as he answered, "I asked my student Kate to ask her mom Barb who made the one at the daycare, of course, and then when I called the guy he said he'd gladly do it. Did you know he only makes children's furniture?" Eli asked in surprise.

"Never mind that, Eli. How long were you planning this?" Clare asked him, looking at the sheer size of the thing – it was clearly bigger than Emily.

"Um, just a few weeks," Eli shyly admitted, and Clare leaned down and removed the ice pack from his forehead for a second so she could give him a gentle kiss.

"Edwards, my forehead is totally frozen, I can't feel that," Eli mischievously argued and he lifted Clare's fingers to his lips, sending her a message as to where her kisses should be directed, and she obliged with a few giggles.

"Okay, okay, that's enough, Eli," Clare said after Eli had stolen a few more kisses from her, "you just focus on feeling better," and she pushed his head lower to the level of her chest, and she heard Eli say,

"Wait, don't move…that's perfect, right there," when his head was buried right in between the two contours of her chest, which caused Clare to exclaim, "Eli! Oh come on, that's enough ice pack for you, that's enough now, you're all better," but she allowed him a few more minutes of comfort as she ran her fingers through his hair before pulling his head away from her chest and chastising him gently just once before she gave him a tender good night kiss before whispering, "See you for Christmas tomorrow, don't be late," and Eli assured her he wouldn't be tardy for the world. He was counting down the minutes until Christmas morning just as intensely as the sleeping little girl had all month – he couldn't wait to see the look on Emily's face at her presents.

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A very bouncing Emily ran into the living room at full speed and quickly hugged the legs of her mother, Eli, her grandparents and Eli's parents, delighted that everyone had arrived on time for this very special event.

"Santa came," she breathed in amazement as she ran over to the tree and she was overwhelmed at once.

"Mommy, which ones are mine?" Emily asked as Eli chuckled and everyone else in the room smiled.

"I believe all of them are yours, sweetheart," and Emily gasped in shock as she said, "No, mommy, you're wrong. I've never gotten this many presents from Santa before".

Emily then moved to sit in between her mom and Eli, making them separate from each other in order to create room for her and she soon after crawled onto Clare's lap and softly said, "They can't _all_ be mine, mommy".

Clare then heard Eli speak up, "But Emily – you're forgetting something," and the little girl looked at him in surprise.

"We exchanged presents already," Eli explained, "Look at the pretty book your mommy got me," but the little girl couldn't appreciate the special edition of _Romeo and Juliet _Eli held out to her to the extent that Eli had – he couldn't believe Clare had managed to find the one present for him that meant more to him than anything else in the world. "And she also got me this nice tie," Eli continued, not sharing the cheeky card that Clare had inserted – containing the message 'this special tie is only meant for our dates, the ones leading to contraband kissing sections,' – "and she even made me this book," Eli continued to explain to the little girl, as he held out an amazing scrapbook that contained all of Eli's publications archived in chronological order. It had touched Eli enormously that Clare had gently explained that she had added 'Stalker/Angel' at the very back, because it was a special achievement that Eli should not forget, and Eli was even surprised with himself; as Clare gently held his hand as she was explaining her rationale, he was able to dissociate the story from the awful circumstances in which it had been produced. Bullfrog and Cece marvelled at the breath taking presentation that Clare had arranged Eli's works in, and Clare's own parents were also impressed to see just how many articles Eli had published – he was after all, one of the youngest professors at the university.

Eli gently continued telling Emily, "So, Em, it's just you who has to open her presents still – but of course you have more this year – Santa always makes sure to drop off a few extra presents when little girls who have been as nice as you all year learn how to read," he said, winking at Clare as her face lit up with a smile upon hearing Eli's explanation.

"Really, mommy?" Emily gently asked as Clare and everyone else nodded and smiled in response.

"Okay," Emily agreed, and she jumped off the couch at once and started opening her presents. Eli made sure to set his camcorder on, and the next forty-five minutes were the most magical he had ever experienced. Emily delighted in every single present, to the point at which when she finally opened her Barbie house, she was so struck to see that her favourite piece of equipment at her daycare could now be her own possession, that tears flooded her little eyes.

"What's wrong, Em?" Eli asked at once, panicking that he had done something wrong, but Emily just purposefully walked over to him and crawled into his lap at once as she said, "I love it. It's Ballerina Barbie's new house," leaving everyone in the room to wonder if the little girl knew more than they were giving her credit for.

Clare then saw her daughter gently pull out of Eli's embrace and she whispered, "Time for mommy's surprise?" and she raised her eyebrows in Eli's direction.

"Yep, mommy's turn now," he answered Emily and she saw that her mother and Eli's parents looked pretty confused themselves.

Clare giggled and said, "Emily, what did you and Eli plan? He already gave me this beautiful necklace," Clare told her daughter as Emily took in the delicate gold necklace and its blue angel pendant and appropriately declared, "It's so pretty mommy, and it matches your ring," with a smile. "But we planned a secret," the little girl said with a giggle as she took Eli's hand and whispered, "Let's go get it, Eli," and the two of them disappeared to his car for a few minutes, returning back to the apartment with a large box that Clare could tell was rather heavy and that Emily announced she had wrapped herself. Clare took a look at the beautiful paper and bow and suspected that Eli had helped her daughter, but she gave Emily a big hug at once and said,

"Most beautiful wrapping I have ever seen, sweetheart," and the little girl excitedly said,

"Open it, mommy," and Clare slowly walked over to the box as she shook her head playfully at the huge smirk that crossed Eli's face.

"Will you help me, Emily?" she asked, and the little girl agreed at once, and they undid the huge red bow at the top before tearing the wrapping paper away and being able to see what Eli and Emily had conspired to get her, she gasped in shock and soon she heard a little voice say,

"Do you like it, mommy?" and Clare replied at once, "I love it," and the little voice insisted,

"So give Eli a hug, mommy," and Clare did as her little girl sternly instructed her to, stepping into Eli's open arms and whispering in his ear, "I love you".

As Clare stepped away, Eli explained, "I…thought you might it," in reference to the large rocking chair he had gotten her. It was wide enough for two people, and as Eli had seen it in a store when he was looking for a lamp after Emily had accidently pushed his off his table when Clare and her were over for a visit. The minute he saw it, Eli just had a vision of Clare holding Emily on her lap and Emily's confident little reading voice speaking to her mom, and he had also bought the set of alpaca cushions and a matching blanket that the chair was displayed with in the store.

"Perfect for reading," Clare said to her daughter, and Emily replied at once, "That's what Eli said, mommy, and that's what I want to do".

That Christmas day, after everyone stayed for a dinner that Clare, Helen and Cece had prepared together, Clare and Eli's parents took their goodbyes early, leaving only Eli, Clare and Emily together as night fell. While Clare cleared the table, Emily got Ballerina Barbie and her new friends installed in their new living quarters and Eli started a fire in the fireplace and assembled the rocking chair expertly…there was more love and happiness in the apartment than there had ever been. When everyone had finished their appropriate tasks, Emily pulled both her mommy and Eli to the double rocking chair, instructing them to sit down before she crawled up to the chair herself, one of her legs draped over Eli's while the other was draped over her mother's, as she diligently read them one of the fairy tales contained in her 'pretty new music book,' as she so referred to the musical book that had been a recent Toys R Us purchase.

**Please let me know your thoughts in a review.**


	9. Flowers and Ribbons

**Hi lovely readers, **

**So bad news. My computer is dead, not sure why or how, but it's just the way it is. If you read my stories, and particularly Love Does Not Take Offence, I know I said they would end before the season starts, and I think they still could, but things have changed a bit as I'm not using my own laptop anymore. I'm not sure where things stand and will need a bit of time to figure everything out. As if those stupid make out scenes between Jake and Clare we're crushing enough….now this happens. Sad. **

**I made it a particular point to re-write these next two chapters for my friend iloveeliandclare because she is wonderful and keeps me up to date with everything Degrassi. The fact that this is also a DOUBLE UPDATE is also thanks to her. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

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"SHE SAID YES!" Eli heard a very excited Adam scream into the phone – so loudly that Eli had to actually distance his iPhone from his ear so as to not have life-long hearing damage.

"We were banking on the girl you've been dating for the past twelve years to say no?" he sarcastically replied to Adam, but when he was only met with silence on the other end of the line, he rolled his eyes and added, "Kidding, man. Congratulations, that's really amazing news. I'm so happy for you and Lana," Eli sincerely told his best male friend before continuing, "Can't believe you're going to be a married man, Torres," and he heard Adam laugh in response.

"Thanks, Eli. Any chance you'll going to join me in the ranks of guys gaining a ball and chain soon?" Adam asked, eager for Eli and Clare to properly commit to each other. Adam knew how much Eli wanted such a thing, and he knew Clare had quite a bit of schooling left to go, but having become an engaged man himself, he wanted nothing more than to see his best friend take the same step as well.

"She's hasn't even started her last semester of undergrad yet," Eli pointed out, as Adam had expected. "First day of classes is tomorrow. Besides, highly doubt Clare's thinking about marrying me," Eli added, and this time Adam was the one to roll his eyes on the other end of the receiver.

"Yeah right; that's not what she told me when we took Emily ice skating that time," Adam blurted out, thinking a bit of a push on both sides would be necessary here – God knows that they'd always needed it, he reflected, flashbacks of their Romeo and Juliet project running through his mind.

"What? What did she say?" Eli asked at once, perhaps a little more rushed than his usual nonchalant façade, not that Adam was really surprised.

"Just…Eli, dude, don't be afraid. It's Clare," Adam pointed out.

"Precisely," Eli countered at once, causing Adam to clearly see the difference between how he saw he couple and how Eli saw their relationship. Adam knew that of course it would be different for Eli; he was actually inside the relationship, but he wanted nothing more than for Clare and Eli to break through their all walls and not let something break everything down _again_. Adam knew that they both loved each other, but he also knew that what had happened had caused Eli to have major trust issues and a significant amount of insecurities as well.

"Eli," Adam said in a serious tone, "You and Clare will find trust again. Soon. Really soon," he deadpanned, the sincerity in his tone taking Eli back.

"I hope so," Adam heard his best friend sigh, and he then decided that he had tortured Eli enough on this topic so he decided to ask the wedding-questions he had meant to ask Eli in the first place.

"So now you're officially my best man, you know that, right?" Adam asked.

"Drew's all right with that?" Eli double-checked.

"Are you kidding – that fool is excited he doesn't have to try to rack his brain and string three sentences together for an attempt at a best man's speech. Bachelor's party – yes, he could do, but a speech, not so much. He's one of my groomsmen along with Lana's brother, but no man, you're it. You're my best man," Adam replied, and he knew that Eli was smirking at the other end of the line.

"Well, I do believe I _did_ promise you the most inappropriate best man's speech that has even been delivered," Eli replied smugly and Adam laughed in response.

"Just imagine saying it to my mother, because that's basically what you will be doing – she'll be staring you down the whole time," Adam replied, and he heard immediate silence on the other end of the phone, and he knew Eli was grimacing at the visual of the killer Mrs. Torres glare.

"Promise I'll deliver her a nice shock," Eli said after a minute, but Adam trusted him to write a humorous, yet appropriate piece.

"Sounds like a plan," he confirmed, and then he moved on to another detail, "So, dude, Lana and I decided we don't want to wait until the summer; we're going to do the wedding in February".

"Wow…that's in a month," Eli said, before adding, "Not bad Torres, looking forward to that honeymoon?" he teased Adam, having been the one to originally calm Adam's massive insecurities on a dark Toronto college night when Adam had entered their dorm room in a panic after Lana had told him that she wanted him to spend the night with her the coming weekend. It had been a struggle for Eli to get Adam to see that after two years of dating, Lana wouldn't be surprised or 'freaked out' about everything as Adam chose to refer to it, and Eli had told his best friend everything he knew from his experiences with Julia in an effort to make Adam feel a little more confident. Eli had been a nervous wreck himself all that next weekend, and when Adam had returned and shyly told Eli that everything had gone very well, Eli could have sworn he was almost just as relieved as Adam..

"Shut up, man," Adam countered at once.

"You're still doing the wedding in Toronto, though? Not heading down to California or anything like that?" Eli asked, knowing that Lana still shared a pretty deep connection with her home state.

"No, her family is all coming up here and staying at the Maritime Hotel downtown; our parents are splitting the cost of the wedding, and I actually need to talk to you about something else – we're having the rehearsal dinner on Saturday night and then the actual ceremony is on Sunday, so I wanted you and Clare to stay over at the hotel with us, and Lana and I would love it if Emily would be one of our flower girls – Lana's two little cousins are doing that as well, they're nine and ten," Adam told Eli.

"Yeah, of course," Eli confirmed at once. "And I think Emily would love that, Clare and I will tell her".

"Perfect," Adam replied. "So how many rooms should I book for you guys? Our families and friends are going to pretty much take over the entire hotel – it's not really that big," Adam specified, not really knowing the status of Eli and Clare's physical aspect of their relationship…but taking a guess that Eli had been cautious with Clare. Adam thought that would be the safe route to take considering her only major intimate experience had been one that she hadn't really wanted.

"Um," Eli hesitated, remembering that Clare _had_ technically slept over at this apartment – but he felt that that was such a different experience; Emily had practically dragged both him and Clare to bed and wanted them all to share sleeping quarters. If he sprung a one room, one bed deal on Clare Eli was scared that…he would be pushing too far, even if he had no intentions for anything to happen in that bed. And he knew that pushing too far would mean messing everything up and losing Clare. But…he also didn't want Clare to feel undesired, knowing that had also been a bit of a misinterpretation in their past, so he stumbled,

"Maybe you should ask Clare?" but then he tried to imagine that conversation between Adam and Clare and he knew that that would make them both uncomfortable so he quickly corrected himself, "Actually, wait, no, that's a bad idea. Just get two rooms," he told Adam.

"Maybe it's best to play it safe," Adam confirmed and told Eli he would book two rooms, and told Eli to keep his mouth shut and not tell Clare anything as he planned on calling her next and didn't want Eli to 'steal his thunder' as he chose to explain it.

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"Wow, I am just so happy for you, Adam. This is so amazing, and Emily is going to _love _having that special part in the wedding. Do you need her there for the rehearsal dinner or should I just have her on Sunday?" Clare asked, and she could practically hear Adam beaming on the other end of the line – to Clare, wedding glow truly did add a characteristic tint to one's voice.

Not that such a thing was present in her voice on her wedding day to Jake – if that could even be called a wedding, she thought sadly. Jake had simply rushed her to Kingston's City Hall one day, before his practice, telling her he wanted to have his 'done and over with so I can report it to my dad when he calls me tonight'. Clare had tried to look through stores earlier, looking for an affordable white maternity dress to wear to City Hall, but whenever she tried one on, it just didn't feel right, so she had opted for a red dress that she had found instead - one that she had later felt like burning when she had packed up the little possessions she had in their house in Kingston, but had opted to just throw out instead, afraid of starting a fire around her little girl. Clare could still remember sinking down to the ground in desperation after tossing the red material into the garbage bin outside. Alli had come down that weekend, not wanting to leave Clare with the job of packing by herself and Emily was with Alli inside as Clare went outside and remained with her knees buried in the snow for half an hour as tears ran down her face – she could still remember thinking that if her fifteen year old self could have walked by her in that moment, she wouldn't even have recognized what she had become.

Eventually Alli had come out looking for Clare and upon discovering her state, Alli just took her hand and guided her back inside the house, got her changed into some dry clothing, made her a cup of tea, and just softly said, "We just have two more hours here. Two more hours until Sav comes with the truck. Then we're out of here forever," uttering the most comforting words that Clare had heard in a long time. Clare remembered how for the three days in between the time that Jake had left and Alli had arrived, she couldn't stop her chills – she would turn the heat up in the little house, scared that Emily might be cold as well, but the thermometer read a very warm 20oC, and no matter how many hot baths she sunk into whenever Emily would fall asleep, she just couldn't stop her body's shaking. Once Alli had arrived, her friend's warm hug had subdued it somewhat, and Sav's strong embrace and promise to kill Jake if he ever saw him had comforted Clare a little further, but it wasn't until she got to Toronto and her mom held her the way she always did when she was little and Darcy would upset her over something small, patting her curls and gently whispering that this wasn't the end of the world and that they would find a way through it when her chills had truly minimized, and she practiced writing out Eli's stories as she printed them all as they would come out in the U of T magazine in order to calm her almost permanently shaking hands, the final drop that was necessary to get her shaking under control for once and for all.

But now…now things were different, Clare thought with a smile as she thought happily of the coming weekend – she would take Emily out to buy her a pretty dress she could use for her flower girl duties, and she also needed to choose a nice dress for the wedding for herself. Clare knew that Eli would be the best man, and she couldn't wait to hang onto his arm and Emily's little hand at the same time at Adam's wedding. She was no longer afraid of making such an unplanned purchase, because the money she no longer had to hand over to a daycare centre had allowed her a recent nice stability. Of course she no longer had any money coming in because she wouldn't be working but was rather heading back to school, but Clare had insisted to her dad that the money he gave her for the year, even telling her he would be giving her more soon, was just a loan until she could repay him. Randall had tried to tell Clare that she was his daughter, and that all parents did this for their children, and he was determined to never let Clare pay him back – he had worked a lifetime at a successful law firm, he tried to reason with her, and he knew Clare would still attempt to return the money, but he knew he would only accept that over his dead body. However, to please his daughter for the moment and to make her actually accept the money, he just simply replied, "We'll worry about that once you're all finished with school," and Clare reluctantly agreed.

Clare snapped out of her trip down a very unpleasant memory lane when she heard Adam reply,

"No, I don't need the little one on Saturday, just on Sunday – she'll find all the speeches and stuff boring, don't want to subject her to that," and Clare thought aloud, "Okay, then she'll stay with my mom Saturday and Saturday night, and I'll pick her up in the morning. Is her dress supposed to be a certain colour?" Clare asked.

"Lana says white if possible – I think the other two little girls doing this with Emily, Lana's cousins, will be wearing white – but she also said that if Emily wants to wear another colour, all that matters is that this day is fun for her; Lana doesn't really care," Adam said, and Clare felt instantly regretful that she never got to know Lana better while their time at Degrassi had overlapped – she had just been simply too wrapped up in Jake; she had even dropped out of the Drama Club, not wanting to be around Eli as he had been selected to write the school's play that year.

"She'll wear white," Clare said at once, wanting Emily to fit in with the rest of the wedding party.

"Awesome," Adam replied. "And I spoke to Eli earlier, and I'll get your hotel rooms booked today," he informed Clare.

"Rooms?" Clare asked in slight confusion.

"Eli said that I should get two rooms for you guys," Adam told Clare.

"Adam, that's a waste of money, just get one room," Clare told him at once, but she felt the need to clarify, "Maybe it could just, um…have two beds," hoping that Adam wouldn't find her ridiculous. Obviously Clare was in a different situation than the one she was in when she first knew Adam twelve years ago, but…she just wasn't ready for that yet, regardless of the fact that there was no one else on the planet to whom she wanted to give herself to in that way but Eli. Her life was changing really fast; being just a day away from being tossed back into the hectic rhythm of university, she felt like a passenger on a speeding train…she just needed a bit of time on the platform.

"Of course, Clare, I'll make sure of it," she heard Adam reply and the warmth and understanding in his tone told her everything she needed to know. She heard Emily finish her breakfast, so after another heartfelt congratulations to Adam, she said goodbye to him and turned towards he daughter to explain to her one more time that their routine would be changing a bit. After she went through the weekly plan with Emily, she decided to ask in confirmation,

"So because I'm going to be busy with school, Eli will be here a little more; at dinner and in the morning, all right sweetheart?" Clare asked her little girl.

This was something she wanted to do so as to not unnerve her little girl, especially knowing how fond Emily was of routines, and Clare had appreciated Eli's thoughtful offer of support greatly. She knew that the next four months would be crucial for her if she wanted to gain admittance into the Master's program and therefore get promoted at work and get her career finally going, and it meant the world to Clare that Eli was supporting her in such a wonderful way. After everything that she had been through, being looked after so well by Eli had already worked wonders for Clare; it made her more confident in her own abilities. Even on her weakest days, one glimpse at her beautiful ring and Eli's words would resonate through her mind – his words of encouragement that he would stand by her and that whatever U of T threw her way they could deal with together…these words would resonate in her mind and with one deep breath…even on her weakest days, Clare was slowly getting stronger. As she was waiting for her little's girl's answer, Clare realized that after all of this time…she was finally starting to feel like herself again. It might have taken a really long time, but…her strength and confidence and love of life were all returning to her.

"Okay mommy," Emily said at once, and then she picked out a tiny jean jacket as her mom nodded in confirmation at the final piece of clothing the little girl would need to complete the day's outfit. Clare helped Emily slide her little arms through the sleeves of the jacket just as she heard a knock on the apartment door. She knew Eli had arrived to bring the girls to the U of T campus; he had offered to be the girls 'chauffer' as he had humorously said, now that all three of them would be spending their days on the university campus.

"I like it when he's here, mommy, he's fun," Emily added to her approval of Eli spending more time at the girls' apartment, and the two girls walked over to the door, opened it, and Emily controlled her impulse to ask Eli to be lifted up when she saw that he was carrying a tray of drinks. The little girl's eyes widened as she saw the kids' size drink, knowing it contained her favorite whip cream hot chocolate.

"Good morning girls," Eli said with a smirk and Emily giggled as she saw her mom hug the dark-haired boy, wishing she would have heard what Eli whispered into her mommy's ear. Emily was a smart little girl and the glances she would throw her mom and Eli's way sometimes left Clare wondering if her little smiles were plastered on her fact at strategic moments for particular purposes. Clare thanked Eli for her perfectly flavoured vanilla latte, and Emily took a sip of her hot chocolate and rewarded Eli with a faint blush and a shining smile that accompanied her soft, "Thank you".

Emily then followed her mom down the stairs as Eli walked behind her and once they were out of the apartment building, the little girl made her mom pause for a minute while she waited for Eli to catch up and she then held out her free small hand to Eli, who took it at once as Clare smiled widely at him. Eli was playing with the little girl's ring as he held on to her hand, and when Emily let go of his hand just for a second so she could admire the pretty ring that she loved so much, Eli playfully gasped and asked,

"When did you get such a pretty new ring, Em?" causing the little girl to burst into fit of giggles as her face scrunched up in delight and she shot back,

"So silly. You gave it to me, and mommy has one too".

Eli only gasped again, sounding even more surprised as he answered, "What – no way!" and when Clare held out her own hand, freeing it from Emily's little fingers just for a second so she could also hold it out, the little girl laughed and said, "See? I knew it!" pleased that she had emerged victorious. Clare let out a few giggles of her own as Eli shot her a smirk as they approached his elegant black Lincoln. When they reached the car, Emily held out her little arms for Eli to put her into the car seat.

The roads were a little busy in the morning traffic, and everyone in the car was comfortably silent until Clare's jaw dropped in shock when she heard Emily sing along with AC/DC's _Thunderstruck_, a tune she had definitely picked up from driving around with Eli.

Eli smirked in return at Clare and shrugged his shoulders so as to absolve himself of any guilt as Emily's little voice piped up again, and she said,

"Who sings this song again, Eli?" and he answered at once, "AC/DC".

Clare looked in the rear-view mirror and saw Emily smiling as she said, "He plays guitar so good," and Eli chuckled as he explained, "It's not just one boy; it's a band," and Emily nodded in response as she corrected herself, "They play guitar so good," and Eli asserted at once, "They sure do. One of the best rock bands the world has ever had," and Clare shook her head with humour at witnessing the exchange between Eli and her daughter.

The drive to the daycare complex only took about ten minutes, and as soon as Eli and Clare made their way into the centre a little blond girl with wavy hair and pretty green eyes who Eli had seen in Emily's vicinity before and who Clare soon identified to Eli as Sarah, Emily's best friend, ran up to Emily. The little girls giggled about something together as they began taking off their coats and shoes and inserted them into the cubbies that were labelled with their names.

Eli then saw a man and woman who looked to be just a few years older than him and Clare approach Clare and she smiled at them brightly and said,

"Oh, so good to see you again! We haven't run into each other in such a long time! Eli, these are Sarah's parents – Liz and Eric," and then Clare locked gazes with the couple and Eli's heart swelled when Clare held onto his arm and proudly announced, "Liz, Eric, this is…my Eli," and Clare saw Sarah's mom smile brightly at once. She was extremely glad to see Clare with a young man who she knew wasn't Emily father – something she was actually glad at, because she knew Emily's father had never been there for her, and because Clare had told her the particular circumstances about just how exactly Emily had come to secure a spot at the U of T daycare, and she had approved of Eli at once. To Liz, it was obvious that he meant to take care of Clare even by the way she noticed that he would place his hand on her lower back and gently guided her out of the doorway as other parents and children were making their way into the daycare centre during the morning rush hour.

Liz was also happy to see the mother of her daughter's best friend so…energized and confident. Liz could always tell that Clare was a very determined young woman, and even though she hadn't known her before she had Emily, she got the feeling that his much more confident Clare represented her…getting back on her feet. Liz also got the feeling that this change in Clare had something to do with the young man who was looking at her so lovingly as she continued, "Sorry, Eric, I already told Liz that Eli is an English Lit professor at U of T here – that's how Emily got into the daycare," proud to introduce Eli's achievements to Sarah's accomplished parents.

"Fantastic," Sarah's dad said as he shook Eli's hand. "My wife and I both did our undergrads here at U of T," he shared with Eli.

"Me too," Eli responded. "What did you both study?" he politely asked.

"We were in the commerce faculty together – both finance majors," Eric said and Liz added, "But I did an English minor as well – just because I loved it so much and also because I wanted to make sure I had a good grip on my writing. What do you teach in particular, Eli?" Liz asked as Eli felt Clare rest her head on his shoulder for a second, taking in the warm the proud smile on her face.

"American Lit," Eli responded.

"Lovely," Liz said and just as she moved her purse away from the front of her body and she began taking off her elegant trench coat, Clare exclaimed, "Oh my God, Liz – you're pregnant! Congratulations!" and Eli flashed Clare a smirk as Eric got a grin as wide as his entire face when Liz smiled and confirmed the news. Just in that minute, Emily and Sarah came over to the adults and Sarah pointed to her mother's belly and said, "Emily, look – I'm going to have a baby brother or sister," and Emily smiled and looked at Liz' belly shyly, with a slight look of confusion on her face.

Liz smiled at Clare's little girl, knowing Sarah's best friend was really sweet but a little shy sometimes, so she gently asked her,

"Do you want to touch my belly, sweetie?" but Emily just looked at her mom at once, and after Clare nodded with a smile, Emily shyly approached Liz and placed her hand on Liz's protruding belly for just a second, following the lead of her best friend who was touching her mom's belly for about the hundredth time. Emily couldn't help but giggle at the strange sensation as she laid her hand on top of Liz's thin jersey dress, and she was so nervous that her touch only lasted a second, after which Emily quickly headed for Clare's arms and hid her face in here mom's shoulder. Clare hugged her little girl tightly and fixed her jean jacket after she put her down.

"Have a good first day of school, mommy," Emily said as she pushed her brown curls out of her face, and she then headed over to Eli and he dipped down so he could meet the little girl's outstretched arms with his own and the little girl gave him a tight hug as she said, "Bye, Eli. Take good care of mommy at school, play with her," not really understanding that Clare and Eli had their own agendas for the day. In the little girl's mind, mommy should just stay with Eli for the length of the day until she could join them as well, at the end of daycare.

Eli quickly answered, "I will, sweetheart," to Emily, because he sure meant to do so, even if indirectly.

Liz had overheard the conversation, and she immediately asked, "You're going back to school, Clare?" and she smiled brightly when Clare confirmed the news, and even gave her a hug.

"That's so wonderful," Liz added as she shot Eli an approving smile, suspecting he must have had something to do with Clare's good news.

"Thank you. I'm really excited. I love this campus and this whole university already," Clare shared with everyone, words that absolutely delighted Eli as he knew she didn't necessarily have fond feelings towards Queen's. He determinedly thought that things would be better for her at U of T. He would make sure of it. Eli had already ensured that she had selected the best profs for each of her courses, so he knew her classes would be the best possible, and he planned on carefully reading her assignments to make sure they didn't include any of the typical mistakes he saw undergrad students make – that would be really easy for him to do, after all. He would also be just a few minutes' walk away if she ever needed anything, and Eli wanted to make sure that he wouldn't overwhelm her – he had allowed himself visions of taking her to Bulldog Coffee and to many gorgeous place on campus that he never previously felt an inkling to go to when he was all by himself, but he always quickly shook them away, the horrible feeling of when Clare called him suffocating washing over him like a tsunami and ironically, not allowing him the luxury of drawing air into his lungs. Eli knew that Clare knew his schedule – they had printed copies for each other at Clare's suggestion, but he didn't want to make the same mistake twice, so he constantly reminded himself to not let himself get carried away in the recent happiness that had entered his life.

Eli and Clare said their final goodbyes to Sarah's parents, and when the two of them got back into his Lincoln, Clare didn't want to wait for a red light to give Eli a kiss, so she did so at once, the surprise leaving him grinning. Eli drove them into main campus and after parking, he asked Clare,

"Can I walk you to your first class?" knowing that he'd still have a full hour after Clare's first lecture started and the time that he'd have to deliver his first lecture of the day.

"I'd love that," Clare responded with a smile before leaning in and placing another gentle kiss on Eli's lips.

Clare interlocked the fingers of their left hand and she soon felt Eli playing with her ring as he walked her to the Buchanan complex. He pointed to the room numbered A202, knowing the layout of the building practically by heart after hearing and delivering so many lectures himself in the well-equipped hall.

Eli was patiently waiting with Clare outside the lecture hall, when she asked him,

"So, coffee at our first break? I know you like Bulldog Coffee, and I really want to go there," and his heart soared at Clare's use of a plural pronoun, so not only did he agree at once, but he also decided to take a risk and he held out a key from his pocket as Clare flashed him an inquiring look.

Eli explained, "I just thought…it's kind of crazy on campus a lot of the day; the libraries are so packed it's sometimes even hard to find a spot, so are the coffee shops, and there's this constant…white noise everywhere from the students," and as he saw Clare nod encouragingly he gained more confidence as he continued, "So, if you ever need a quiet place to get some work done, feel free to go into my office – you know where it is – whether or not I'm there. Anytime, Clare," he finished, and Clare just immediately embraced him in a tight hug, impressed by Eli's thoughtfulness. She knew at once that he was doing everything possible to make everything as good and pleasant for her at U of T, and that meant the world to her.

Clare almost couldn't believe her luck – she wasn't used to being treated this way – after the way in which Jake had made a fool out of her, Clare was now finally able to appreciate the miracle specimen of a guy that Eli was. She knew that Eli made promises that he kept, that he would never leave on a whim when things got hard…she _just knew _that Eli was the kind of rare person who treated a girl like a real man should. Compared to Eli, Jake sure didn't look much like a man from where Clare stood, a sentiment she was all too correct in. As she slowly pulled away from Eli's embrace, she truly felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

"Eli?" Clare then heard a voice say, and she took in the older man's briefcase and that fact that he was tightly clutching the same novel that was the first assigned text on her course reading list and she realized at once that the man was her professor, and quite logically, he knew Eli.

Clare watched as Eli casually greeted the man, "Hi, Brad," then Eli was asked,

"Are you teaching in one of these classrooms now too?" by the man who Clare knew would be teaching her about 19th century lit.

"No, actually – not right away at least, I'll be down here in an hour for my third year class – but I'd like you to meet Clare," Eli warmly said as Brad, or Dr. Southampton, as Clare knew him by the course schedule in her hands, flashed her a smile.

Eli continued, "She's in your class, I'm just dropping her off," Eli said with a smirk as the professor took in their intertwined hands and he warmly addressed Clare,

"Oh, that's wonderful. Hope you find my lecture not too boring and don't report them to Eli as being so," he said as Clare smiled in response and said,

"I know they will be no such thing, Professor. I'm really looking forward to your class," Clare honestly told the older gentleman, giving him an answer which seemed to please him, judging by the smile that his lips formed into.

"Let's hope so," he countered, and Clare then watched as he locked with Eli's and said, "All right then, I'm going to head in and get the course off the ground – I'll take good care of your Clare, don't you worry, Eli," an answer that made Clare blush at once while Eli flashed his co-worker and Clare a smirk, and now that he was much more at peace with Clare's return to her first university classroom of the semester, he took his goodbyes from the both of them before heading to the café downstairs to spend a little more time on a new piece of writing that he had started over Christmas.

An hour later, he headed to the third floor of the building, entered his assigned classroom, smirked to his students when he realized that the classroom was overflowing with students who had obviously not all been able to register but had come to the first class in order to get on a waiting list. Eli knew that the popularity of his classes was an important factor in him obtaining the tenure he desperately needed. Without it, he knew he had to treat each semester at U of T like it would be his last, so his classes always had interesting subject matter and new novels on the reading list – he knew the fresh material was one of the main reasons that students flocked to his classes. He thought with nervousness that he would be receiving an answer on the tenure question at the end of the semester, and he couldn't help but be even more desperate about the job offer now. Eli reflected that his situation was very different now – it wasn't just him anymore, packing up and leaving town whenever he pleased in order to find a new position at another university. Now…he had Clare and Emily and Eli felt utterly destroyed whenever he remembered the very plausible possibility of him not getting tenure; his job was unique – it wasn't like he could just find another position in Toronto; if he didn't get tenure, he would have to move out of the province for sure – the other major university in Ontario was U of Ottawa, but as Eli had completed his PhD from that university, he was ineligible to teach there. After everything that he and Clare had been though, the thought of this major life factor on his part not proving congruent with Clare and Emily's life…it completely broke his heart.

So Eli knew he had to do an outstanding job this semester – he was well aware that both he and Clare were headed for a crucial four future months, and he was determined to do so. He pushed his fears about the end of the semester to the back of his mind as he came to the front of the desk at the front of the room and sat on it – he always ran his classes in a pretty casual manner. Silence fell over the lecture hall as his students stopped their chatter and they all turned to face him, and Eli threw a pleased smirk in the direction of a particular student when he saw her in his class again – Kate Spring; he knew that the girl was only in her second year and she was taking his third year class regardless. As the girl shyly smiled back he was glad that she had opted for one of his classes again; Eli knew that Kate often helped her mother at the daycare in addition to working at White Spot, and she often played with Emily. He then addressed his class,

"Good morning, everyone. This is Contemporary American Lit, so if you're in the wrong room and you're looking for the chemistry lab or something like that, now's the time to get out before I subject you to literary torture," he said, but no one left and a small laughter could be heard throughout the room.

"Right then," Eli continued, "It's showtime. I'm afraid that if you are here today but you're not actually registered in the course, the best I can do for you is to have you sign this piece of paper – please print your names and student numbers neatly so I can decipher it later, but I can make no promises as to whether or not any spots will open up. Can I get a show of hands if you are not registered in the class?" he asked, and he frowned when about fifteen students put up their hands. He could only stretch the admission rate to about three students max – the Department wouldn't let permit him any more than that. Sadly he knew he would have to disappoint some students, but if he had tenure and would return next year obviously he'd teach this course again…they didn't seem to be fourth years, so they could always take it then.

Eli's first lecture only really lasted just under twenty minutes as he just went over the course outline and took questions, the standard routine for the first day of the semester. When he was the last person to exit the lecture hall, he was absolutely thrilled to find Clare outside, waiting for him, and brimming with excitement about how her first class had gone. Eli continued his practice of walking her to class all throughout the day and the following one, making sure to introduce her to each of her profs, and Clare instantly knew why Eli was doing this, and contrary to the fears Eli had that she might find it to be too much, Clare was actually really appreciative for the fact that Eli was doing such a thing. She knew it would help her if her professors knew her name from the very first day, so just after Eli had introduced her to the last one she had yet to meet and before she was going to pop into the lecture hall, she gave his hand a squeeze and told him,

"Thank you so much for making sure I'm off to a good start; I really appreciate it, and I also can't believe you went out and got me all my textbooks all that time ago," and she turned around to double check that the hallway was clear before she gave him a quick kiss, knowing such a sight wouldn't be appropriate if anyone was around. Eli just shot her a pleased smirk in return and encouraged her to have a good class and added,

"Don't worry about it Edwards, I had most of those books at home on my bookshelves any way. And…just twenty more minutes and then we can go get our girl," he shyly said, very aware that this was the first time that he would be referring to Emily in this way, but Clare's face just erupted into an electric smile when she heard Eli say such a thing, sending him over the moon.

After both Eli and Clare were free from their second day on campus of the semester, they headed into his Lincoln, and after three rounds of the red light game and Clare wiping a tissue across Eli's lips and temple so as to ensure that Emily wouldn't ask why he had taken a sudden affinity to the same kind of lip gloss that mommy wore, they headed into the daycare centre two hours earlier than normal; they didn't see a need to keep Emily there longer; it would be best to just head to Clare's apartment and both begin the work that they had to do.

Eli shot Kate a smirk when he realized that she was helping out today, and as Emily was in the girl's vicinity, as she always tended to be – this time drawing something on a large sheet of paper that neither Eli or Clare could see as it was rather far away – Kate immediately told the little girl, "Oh, Emily, it's time to clean up, mommy and daddy are here," and Clare's heart froze when she heard Kate utter those words. She did not want Emily to ask about Jake in front of Eli, or worse, think she is about to see her father and have a meltdown that he wasn't here after all - in front of Eli. Clare knew it would shatter Eli's heart completely, and she wasn't sure she could live through something like that herself. Emily had never asked about Jake, but…what if she did want to see him when she heard he was here? Clare felt her entire body shaking and as she quickly looked over at Eli, she saw that he just had a blank look on his face as he stared off to the corner, not meeting her gaze and sticking his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket rapidly. Clare braced herself for Emily's questions as the little girl walked purposefully towards them, opening her mouth and saying,

"Mommy, you're early!" in a very joyous tone, instantly making Clare relax as Emily gave her a hug and then moved over to Eli, asked to be picked up and started playing with the buttons on his shirt as she softly asked, "Did you take care of mommy at school, Eli?" and Clare answered at once, "He did, sweetheart. He took very good care of me".

Clare then saw Eli hug Emily tightly as he gently planted a kiss in the little girl's curls and after grabbing her coat and Dora backpack and sliding her shoes on, he carried her out of the daycare centre, trying to position her in his arms so as to prevent Clare from seeing the light film of tears that had formed in his eyes, ones that he was sure to blink away quickly.

Just as they were walking in the parking lot, Sarah's parents caught up with them, and Eli lowered Emily so that she could talk to her best friend, who was now changed in a pink tutu and whose blond wavy hair was pulled back into a neat little bun, tied together with a delicate pink ribbon. Sarah was also wearing really pretty pink ballet shoes, and Eli noticed Emily staring at her best friend in a trance as she breathlessly told her,

"Sarah, you look so pretty for ballet class. Just like Ballerina Barbie, but with a pink dress," and Sarah thanked Emily politely as she pulled up her white tights gently and Emily kept looking at her. Eli looked at Clare with a small frown on his face, and once they had chatted a little with Sarah parents, Clare telling them that she was off to a good start at U of T and Liz and Eric congratulating her, Eli decided to not beat around the bush, and Emily saw him once again whispering something in her mommy's ear, and she became even more puzzled when she heard her mom say to Eli, "I think so – why don't you ask her?". The little girl had a feeling the 'her' was a reference to herself, so she paid close attention as she ran back over to Eli and her mom and grabbed the hands of each into her own and Eli asked her,

"Hey, Em, would you like to take ballet class like Sarah?" and the little girl's eyes widened with a smile before she quickly composed herself and gave Eli a sad, "No".

"Why not?" he pushed, confused by her initial excitement that was later accompanied by a negation.

"Mommy says not now, maybe later," Emily sadly said, the words breaking Clare's heart. Eli understood the reasons for that choice at once, and he just wrapped his arm around Clare's shoulder. He lost track of who they were with for a minute as he placed a kiss in Clare's curls, a sight that caused Emily to widen her eyes and giggle again – she had never seen anyone do that to her mommy before, but mommy smiled and closed her eyes, the little girl thought to herself, so she must like it when Eli kisses her hair, she reasoned - and Eli quickly said, "It's later now, sweetheart," and Emily looked up with doe eyes at him and at her mommy and asked,

"Really?" as Clare laughed and nodded in response.

"I really want to," Emily confessed, and with that declaration on her part, a trip to the ballet studio close to campus was the next thing on the agenda, where Emily was able to register easily into the same class as her best friend.

"So now we just need – point shoes, a tutu, tights, a black bodysuit, a cream bodysuit –"Eli enumerated as a look of complete confusion stretched across his face as he made his way down the list, and Clare gently placed her hand over his, a motion that didn't go unnoticed by Emily and said, "I know what those things are, and where we can get them from," as they walked back to the car.

"Phew, thanks for finally spitting that out, Edwards, or else Emily would be going to ballet class wearing all black – skinny jeans and a band T-shirt," Eli playfully said as he started the car and drove to Clare's apartment, as Emily sang along with AC/DC all over again, causing a proud smirk to spread on Eli's face for the entire length of the drive and a sudden idea to come over him as he asked,

"Hey, Em, do you want to maybe do singing lessons too?" as Clare nodded and smiled at Eli in return.

"Can I?" Emily asked, trying to look at the mom, and when Clare turned around and said, "Of course, sweetheart," to her daughter, telling Eli that the only way she would approve is if he let her pay, and after much back and forth that confused the little girl in the backseat, Eli finally caved.

"But…Eli, will the singing teacher also teach me how to play guitar?" Emily asked, and Clare knew that Eli was exploding with pride and joy in that moment.

"We can find you one that will, Em, of course," he confirmed as he shot Clare a huge smirk and as they hit a red light, Clare was so delighted with all the happiness surrounding her that she completely forgot about everything but the impulse to press a kiss to Eli's temple, and upon seeing such a sight, Emily couldn't help but shout out,

"Mommy! You kissed Eli!" causing Clare to blush about ten different shades of red upon coming back down to Earth, and leaving Eli unable to drive until he snapped out of his trance as the car behind them honked, now that the red light had turned to a green one.

"J-Just a friendly kiss, sweetheart," Clare quickly defended herself, relieved she had opted for his temple and not for his lips, and as she turned around to see her daughter's expression, Clare saw that Emily had a little frown on her face as she first stared at Eli and then at her mommy, trying to piece together everything she had noticed between the two.

"Ken kisses Ballerina Barbie on the lips," Emily poignantly said, expressing her desires as most clearly as she thought possible, although Clare and Eli dismissed her comment as just an observation, and the little girl's frown returned to her face upon seeing her mommy and Eli not react to her comment.

A few minutes later, everyone got out of the car, two out of three faces madly blushing and as Emily grabbed Clare and Eli's hand on the short walk to the apartment building, the same little frown crossed her face as she announced,

"I want to run ahead, can I mommy?" and as they were just a few feet away from the door, Clare said, "All right, sweetheart," causing Emily to shoot her a little clever smile as she said, "Thanks mommy". After removing her hands from Clare and Eli's, she used all the force in her little body to draw her mommy and Eli's hands closer to each other and she rested Clare's palm in Eli's as she strictly told him, "Eli, you walk with mommy," and he nodded at once while Clare looked at her daughter with a thoughtful look on her face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Wow, you look so beautiful tonight, Clare," Eli said breathlessly, taking in Clare's soft blue satin dress and matching blue earrings. He loved the way her curls seemed to be extra bouncy and her eyes seemed to stand out even more than usual among the silver and black outlines that Alli had perfectly created.

"Thank you, Eli," Clare replied, while the young man was still in complete awe at her fair coloring, dewy complexion, and shy, out-from-under gaze; despite all of the moments in which he had studied every detail of her face, he felt as if he was seeing Clare for the very first time again tonight, not really being able to fully comprehend that he was indeed taking her to Adam's wedding rehearsal dinner tonight…it just seemed too good to be true.

"I can't believe Adam's getting married tomorrow," Clare softly sighed as they entered Eli's Lincoln.

"Yep, he's off the market officially – kind of hard to believe considering the guy's bachelor party consisted of paintball festivities," Eli said with a smirk, although he was rather proud that the activity that he was in charge of organizing had turned out to be enjoyed so much by everyone there.

Clare herself was rather pleased when she had heard the bachelor party would be something that she believed to fit Adam so well, and not some crazy affair at a bar. She didn't need Eli heading there; she definitely trusted him and she couldn't really imagine him next to a stripper in a bar; the very image infuriated her, and then she rapidly tried to chase the thoughts away from her mind about how Eli felt knowing that she had spent a night with Jake; Clare knew she had put on a display of public affection in the hallways of Degrassi not necessarily being cautious of Eli's presence – it was Adam's opinion that her displays were rather well timed with Eli's locker visits and his classes – but…she couldn't imagine how Eli felt knowing such a thing. She tried to comfort herself by reminding herself that Eli had worked for a long time with a professional therapist on focusing on the present and future, and not on the past, but…she couldn't help but wonder. She also wondered if Eli…had been with other girls in the long twelve years that they had been apart. She knew that he said he didn't date anyone, but…reading the letters he wrote to her on her birthdays, it was obvious that Eli had thought about her a lot during their time apart…what if he had tried different ways of getting her off his mind? Unfortunately, Clare knew how easy it was to give in to something if you thought it would fix everything; she had naively thought sleeping with Jake would magically fix everything in their relationship.

The thought of Eli with other girls drove her insane, so she just did all she could to push it aside, choosing to focus instead on the nice hotel that Eli had just pulled up in front of. Seconds later, he pulled out his and Clare's small bags, and carried the three hangers containing his tux for the wedding the next day, the dress that Clare was wearing to the ceremony, and a tiny little white dress with a pink waist ribbon that was hung up on a small hanger for a little girl who had been counting down the sleeps impatiently until she would get to be a flower girl, after Eli had explained to her just what a flower girl was. In order to get the little girl to understand, he had shown her pictures of the little girls at the wedding of England's Prince William and Kate Middleton that he remembered his mom watching obsessively when he was a teenager – Eli had selected those particular images because he knew all too well of Emily's love for fairy tales, and a British royal wedding really was the closest thing on Earth to such a thing. Much to Emily's delight, the little girls that had served as flower girls at that wedding were around her age and they also had white dresses, and after asking Eli to find her a video of the actual wedding on this computer so she could study the little girls' movements and prepare for her own duties, Emily had diligently practiced walking in a straight line, in her dress, holding a bouquet of flowers every night for the past week before going to bed. She sensed that she had an important job to do, and she felt so honoured to be selected and she wanted to be a good part of the pretty wedding and make her mommy and Eli proud, so she was determined to everything properly.

"Hey! You're here!" Clare heard Lana exclaim joyfully when she saw them entering; despite that fact that they had only had a few conversations, Clare recognized Lana at once – they had both been at Degrassi for two years after all – and she marvelled in the fact that time only seemed to make Lana more beautiful. Lana was strikingly beautiful as a teenager; she was a very athletic California girl with very long blonde, shiny hair, and to Clare's delight she had kept her hair long to his day, but her body was even more toned and she had a soft tan that made Clare wonder if she had been on a recent visit to her hometown.

Lana politely said hello to Clare and thanked her so much for having Emily help, but Clare noticed how close she was to Eli at once; she gave him a big hug as Eli lifted her even higher off the ground and said, "So – you've finally taken the plunge," and Clare watched affectionately as she teased him,

"I'm going to be a married woman tomorrow, Eli – can you believe it? And now you get what you've always wanted – a sister. Except without the work of scaring all potential boyfriends away," Lana teased Eli as he smirked in response, and watching the two of them interact in a manner that really was similar to that of a brother and sister, Clare couldn't help but be sad at realizing…how much of Eli's life she had missed.

Lana had been Eli's new English partner after he had kindly asked Mrs. Dawes to assign him a new one, partly because he wanted to respect Clare's request for space and partly because he knew just sitting in the same room as her for eighty minutes every other day was killing him; just looking at her hurt him – how was he supposed to spend one on one time with her on assignments? Luckily, kind-hearted Mrs. Dawes hadn't pushed Eli for reasons for his request – Eli knew Mrs. Dawes had heard about what had happened before spring break – and she gently told Eli there were no more partner projects for the rest of the year. When the new school year came, Mrs. Dawes thought that partnering him with the new student whose writing was clean and crisp and not too difficult to improve with a few corrections here and there would be best; she watched Eli struggle every day in class and the sight broke her heart. She didn't push him when his assignments became cold and impersonal for a short period, knowing the young man was completely rattled; it just took one look at the blank face he had plastered on his face all class long to realize he was desperately clinging on to a method of coping that was the only thing that he knew how to do. In the first few weeks after spring break, Mrs. Dawes truly regretted ever partnering Clare Edwards with Eli Goldsworthy, because she thought it ultimately ended in the possible ruin of one of the most talented students she had ever had. She would approach Eli at times and ask him if he would like to talk, but he just pretended that there was nothing wrong as she mentored him through writing the school play that year, another experience that didn't prove easy for Eli, breaking Mrs. Dawes' heart all over again.

She didn't know what to do to help the young man that she felt partly responsible for, and when she noticed a fun and energetic girl, the lead actress in the play Eli was writing, approach him, she thought that maybe she might help Eli get out of the funk that he had been trapped in, but that all came crashing down quickly, and Mrs. Dawes then regretted ever thinking such a thing might be good for Eli; it seemed to leave him…if nothing else, even more tortured for a while. She watched as Eli's movements each class seemed to become more and more laboured – while he was usually early to her class, he now showed up just before the bell rang, a few times even after it rang, and she only gently chastised him once, realizing that it now hurt Eli to be in her class in comparison to the joy he previously felt coming to his favourite class that also contained his favourite girl once. Eli never spoke up in class anymore, and Mrs. Dawes would call on him at times, and his answers would be insightful, of course, but the love of literature that he had once had seemed to be…gone. The fire inside of him when he would argue a point of view seemed to be extinguished, and Mrs. Dawes would steal glances at Clare Edwards in those moments, and the worried look on her face didn't surprise Mrs. Dawes; she knew Clare was able to tell that something was going on with Eli as well. Then she would turn and face Adam Torres, and out of the three, Adam was always the most visibly nervous, and Mrs. Dawes also felt bad for him. But ultimately, Lana had turned out to be a great partner for Eli, and Mrs. Dawes knew that Eli had played matchmaker himself that year, once he had found out about Lana's love of comic books, and as time went on, she saw Eli gradually get back on his feet; his writing returned to being emotional, his in class discussions were passionate again, and Mrs. Dawes knew that this was the product of the new balance that therapy had provided for him.

Seeing his progress had calmed Mrs. Dawes down substantially, but not when she once entered her room in the early morning to find Clare Edwards pressed up against the wall and going to town in a kissing session with that new boy whose name Miss Dawes didn't know; he wasn't in her Advanced English classes. Mrs. Dawes was appalled to see a girl she cared for deeply behave in such a way, and she had immediately sent the boy to Principal Simpson's office for being in a classroom without teacher supervision. No longer being able to control herself in that moment, Mrs. Dawes sharply told Clare, "You know Clare, you're not hurting _him_ more by doing such things than you are really hurting yourself," being able to read the situation at once, and not explicitly stating who the _him _was referring to, knowing full well that Clare would understand; she might have been dropping a letter grade or two lately due to her lack of focus, but Mrs. Dawes knew she was still a very bright girl. Mrs. Dawes couldn't help but be angry at Clare's little show, being glad she had opted to skip her morning tea that particular day and had consequently been back in her classroom earlier, as the boy who had been intended as the central audience to Clare's performance piece entered the room just a few minutes later in his red uniform top and grey sweater, and just quietly headed to his own seat and began looking through the play script until class started.

To Eli, nothing had made him happier than the happy progression of the relationship between his English partner and his best guy friend, and he had really changed roles with Adam as she became the number one relationship cheerleader for Adam and Lana, and now it was only fitting in Lana's eyes that he was Adam's best man.

"Well, head on up to your room and I'll see you guys at dinner – let me know if there's anything you need, all right?" Lana said, flashing Eli and Clare one of her trademark beaming smiles. Clare headed to the washroom first, and when Lana followed her in, she wondered if there maybe was a purpose to her action.

"I'm so happy for you and Adam," Clare warmly told Lana, and the girl smiled in response, but Clare could tell that something was on her mind.

"Thank you, Clare. I'm so excited for Emily too," Lana said and Clare nodded her head enthusiastically, imagining her little girl walking down the aisle already.

Lana then shot Clare a sad smile as she said, "You know Clare…you're Eli's first relationship that I've seen, and I know there's some history there, and I just wanted to say…" Lana started as Clare gave her a curious look, "Just…please be careful with him, okay? I don't want to see him get hurt. It took him a long time and a lot of work to get to a good place, and he deserves to be happy," and Clare nodded, feeling just a bit ashamed. Lana was clearly meaning to protect Eli because she cared for him after all the help he had given her and Adam, and Clare couldn't blame her for the warning.

"I love Eli," Clare said emphatically, "And I don't plan on ever hurting him," and the conviction in her voice made Lana squeal excitedly and give Clare a tight hug at once.

"Good. Because, Clare…this is the happiest I've ever seen him. In twelve years," she told Clare poignantly, and the young woman's heart skipped a beat as she heard that, and Lana quickly said goodbye and left the washroom.

Once Clare got up to her and Eli's room, he met her with a gentle kiss that he decided to deepen at once, catching Clare by surprise as Eli's hands wrapped around her waist and drew her closer. She then saw him slowly pull away as he whispered, "Clare…tonight…this one room thing…I just want you to remember what I told you about how…I'm patient," as he twirled her ring slowly and Clare couldn't help but capture his lips at once upon hearing how considerate he was.

"Thank you," she whispered as she pulled away, and she sat down on one of the two beds in the bedroom of the nice hotel suite as she patted a spot down and Eli joined her quickly. Clare intertwined her hands with Eli's as she tried to explain, "I…know it's different now, I've obviously had sex," and she felt Eli flinch at once, and she knew he was getting a visual that broke his heart, making her scramble for words at once, but proving ultimately unable to find them.

"It's not all that different," Eli reassured her, but Clare noticed he was still disconcerted.

"Eli…when the time is right…I only want to be with you in that way," Clare confessed, and Eli gave her a slow and gentle kiss as his hand traveled soothingly up and down her arm.

"Okay, Clare," he softly said. "Maybe someday,"' echoing the promise they had made to each other all those years ago.

Clare felt like a mess, however; there were so many thoughts racking through her brain that she could no longer control them and she burst out, "Did _you_ sleep with anyone? In all this time?" and her heart ached when she heard Eli sigh again and he ran his fingers through his hair slowly.

"I'm not going to lie to you," he said, and Clare felt her heart drop at once. She knew it would be the very definition of hypocritical to be mad if Eli had done this – he had every right to do so – but she still couldn't help the desire to want to burst into tears.

Eli continued, "I came really close to doing that one time," and she narrowed her eyes at him upon finding out he actually hadn't done so. He explained, "You know that letter I wrote to you…how I ran into Jake on campus at U of T after graduating and he was talking to you on the phone, which told me you were still together?" and Clare nodded, remembering how she had been yelling at him about what was taking him over a week to do on the U of T campus when the last game of the season was already over.

"Well, that night was pretty rough. I was bummed out; I really wasn't looking forward to leaving town and moving to Ottawa for four years; I didn't know anyone there – my good friend Daniel who I met in English class in undergrad - he was from Ottawa but he ended up staying at U of T for law school – and that night, I let him take me to a bar because I was so mad I wanted to just forget about everything, and even if earlier I knew alcohol wouldn't solve my problems, there was just something really bad about that night," Eli said. Clare knew at once that it was the fact that he had run into Jake, and she said a silent thank you to God that Eli hadn't overheard the part of that phone conversation in which they were arguing over the baby, because she couldn't handle the thought of Eli knowing about her pregnancy without her at least having the chance to explain.

"So…what happened?" Clare asked, not really wanting to know, but also being really aware that there was no way she would miss out on the full information here.

"We went out to the campus bar and we ran into this girl Audrey who I had a history class with one semester…and I knew how she felt about me when we did this partner presentation together but I just…never felt the same way. But that night, once I had a few drinks in me, I danced with her when she asked me to, trying to get my mind off of everything, and when she whispered in my ear that we should go to her place after, I thought about it for a minute, but the next…her perfume came over me and it was…wrong, so wrong. It just felt wrong. I tried to imagine myself walking out of there with her, and…I couldn't do it. I knew that one night of lust would only make everything worse, and…I've always thought that being with someone that way should mean something and it shouldn't be something you regret…so I just…apologized to Audrey for leading her on…and I left. But…I was bad in another way that night. I…had this box of your things; just tickets from stuff we've went to together and a lot of other crap that if anyone else sees they'd think it's just garbage. My therapist said it was okay to keep it, but not to look at it all the time…well…that night, I went through everything. Twenty-seven times," Eli said, his voice breaking as Clare embraced him at once and buried his wet face in her neck.

"Shh, shh, Eli, it's okay, it's okay," she gently cooed him. "That's not being bad. That's being normal," she said, and she took in his wide eyes when he gently pulled out of their embrace and stared at her in surprise when she said, "I have an Eli box too, and it has your headphones, and some movie tickets, and our Chuck Palahniuk bookmarks…and every story you ever published. And I guarantee you that in the past five years, I have been through it _many more _times than twenty-seven," she shared with him, feeling his grip on her become tighter as she continued to hold him, resolving to do so for as long as he needed.

Eli then slowly whispered, "Are you…mad…about my bar night?" and Clare kept rocking him slowly as she said, "Of course not, Eli. Of course not," and she slowly brought Eli down with her on the bed as she rested his head on her chest and wiped his tears away, being taken aback at how hot his face was. Clare kept him resting like that for a few minutes as she slowly ran her fingers through his hair and his shaking subsided with each kiss she gave him.

"I love you," she whispered to him, and they both jolted when her phone rang and she answered it at once, knowing it would Emily wanting to say good night.

"Mommy?" a little voice said before asking, "Is Eli there too? Put me on the loud phone," and Clare did as Emily instructed.

"Hey, Em," Eli said, the sound of the little girl's voice bringing a smile to his face at once.

Emily giggled into the phone – she always marvelled at the speakerphone setting – and she asked, "Are you and mommy going to bed?" which caused Eli to widen his eyes but Clare just shook her head at once, suggesting Emily's question was nothing but innocent.

"No, sweetheart," Clare answered for Eli, "Not yet. We still have a dinner. But _you_ should be tucking in soon," Clare reminded her.

"I am - Nana says two minutes," Emily told her mom, "And mommy, Eli, just one more sleep – I practiced my walk real good tonight, I think I'm ready," Emily said proudly.

"You're gonna be great, Em," Eli said reassuringly and Emily gave him a little giggle as she instructed him, "Take care of mommy until I come tomorrow morning, Eli," and Eli promised he would. Clare had no idea where this recent sudden impulse of Emily's had come from, perceiving that she needs to be taken care of, but she chose not to worry about it, knowing if she asked Emily the little girl would simply tell her.

"Good night mommy. Good night Eli," Emily softly said, and she was met with a chorus of "Good night Em," from both of the adults before two sets of phones were hung up.

"She's so precious," Eli softly said, as Clare noticed him opening his bag and pulling out another shirt, and she knew he was doing this because the one he was currently wearing was tear-stained.

Emily's phone call had helped Eli greatly with the task of putting himself together, and as he saw Clare sit down in front of the vanity mirror and start to fix her make-up as the small tears that had invaded her eyes had messed Alli's original work up a bit, he quickly told her,

"I'm just going to go shave, I need to," and Clare nodded as Eli headed into the bathroom.

A few minutes later, he heard Clare knock on the door and she said, "I never brought a hair brush, forgot to. Do you have a comb or something?" and Eli opened the door as he said, "Yeah, go ahead". He returned to stand in front of the sink and ran the shaving blade smoothly over his face as Clare stepped behind him in the small bathroom and grabbed his comb and Eli stepped to the left side of the mirror, allowing her to see her reflection. However, Clare was more drawn to the reflection of Eli's shirtless body, and after she finished combing her hair she gently laid her hands on his back and she began gently kissing his shoulder blades as Eli closed his eyes at the overwhelming sensation of Clare's lips against his skin, and he hung onto the bathroom counter a little tighter, put the razor blade down and stopped all of his shaving motions.

"E-Eli," he heard Clare breathlessly moan softly, feeling her hands creep to the front of his chest as he interlocked their fingers and she pressed her chest against his back, continuing her soft trail of kisses across his shoulders.

As Clare let go of Eli's hands and she grazed his back with her fingertips, she opened her eyes and Eli heard a sharp gasp come from her, and he moved away at once, unable to believe what a stupid idiot he had been, letting Clare see him shirtless. How could he forget…?

He wanted to leave the bathroom at once, but Clare stepped in front of the door immediately and she took his shaking hands in her steady ones and guided him over to sit on the edge of the tub as she draped one arm over his shoulder and ran the other softly up and down his chest, making Eli's muscles quiver with her every touch. After a few minutes, she slowly tipped her head back, and moved her entire body and Eli's at an angle…and she gently kissed…the two scars that ran across his left shoulder blade, feeling Eli's body tremble at once.

She then wrapped her hands around to the front of his chest and brought him face to face with her and gave him a slow and tender kiss, afterwards wiping a little bit of shaving cream that had transferred onto her face away before returning both of their bodies to face the mirror as she placed a series of soft kisses all up and down his shoulder blade. She then tightly pulled Eli close to her as she rested her chin on his shoulder and stared at their reflections in the mirror, Eli's gaze refusing to meet hers.

"Eli," Clare softly breathed, and she saw how humiliated he looked when he finally looked into the mirror, and all she chose to say was, "That night? The crash?" and Eli nodded as he closed his eyes again.

"Oh, Eli, why…why are you so ashamed?" she gently asked him, intertwining the fingers of their hands again.

"Because…how can I not be? I can't ever escape it, Clare; I got therapy and I coped with it, I had a second surgery so I could be normal and go through an airport decently, but…I just don't seem to be allowed to ever…be free, to completely put his behind me…the permanence of what I did…it's even translated in marks on my body that…won't ever go away," Eli slowly told her, and as she stared into the mirror, Clare was able to see the sheer fear in Eli's eyes for the first time since re-uniting with him.

She slowly turned him around and tangled her fingers in his hair as she softly, but assertively told him, "Look at me, Eli," and he did so quickly as Clare continued, "You _got out_ of that car. It's over now," telling him exactly what he needed to hear. She scanned his worried eyes as he whispered,

"Really? Is it really over?" and Clare nodded at once, repeating, "Yes, it's over. You have a new life now, you're not the sixteen year old boy you once were – just the best parts of that boy are left now – the parts that I've loved ever since I was fifteen, and now there's all these wonderful new parts as well…like how good you are to Emily," telling him that because it was how she saw him now, and she could not have been more correct.

"Okay?" she gently asked him, and Eli nodded as he shut his eyes tightly and Clare took his hand, and stepped to his side and turned him around to face the mirror once again. She then reached for his razor and rested her free hand on his chest as she precisely, but gently finished the job he had started as Eli stared at her gentle movements completely mesmerized. After she rinsed his face completely, she leaned in and gave him a slow but passionate kiss that Eli soon took the lead on, raising Clare onto the edge of the counter as her legs immediately wrapped around him, pulling him as close into her own body as possible while her hands tightly clutched his hair, and neither of them could no longer control their soft moans as Clare's frantic kisses moved to Eli's neck and chest, and in all of his shock at Clare's boldness, he realized that if they kept this up he would lose all control, so he gathered up all of his strength and stuttered out, "C-Clare…we-we can't be late for that dinner," and she took a deep breath, gave him a warm smile, and ran her hands down his chest before agreeing. Both of them needed more time to make themselves look presentable again, but they managed to arrive in the restaurant on the main floor of the hotel five minutes early and catch up with Adam, who was slightly nervous but most visibly excited.

Eli then directed Clare to their table after he had checked the seating chart, and Clare's heart froze when she saw that they would be seated at the same table as Drew and Bianca…Drew had been a friend of Jake's all throughout their Degrassi years, as they both loved sports so much, and Clare was scared that Drew might bring him up, and make Eli feel uncomfortable, and Clare sadly thought that Eli had already had a tough night. When she had asked him if he was nervous for the delivery of his best man's speech on the drive over to the hotel, Eli had just shot her a smirk and told her that he has had so much practice with speaking in front of crowds that he really wasn't, and Clare had believed him…but if it was anything that could upset him tonight, she knew it was the topic of Jake, and Drew had never been the most prudent guy around.

Eli and Clare sat down and exchanged greetings with everyone at the table, and Clare saw Drew shoot her a warm look when he saw Eli pull out her chair for her, and Bianca flashed her the sassiest smile Clare had ever been seen as she also exercised her characteristic lack of prudence and loudly said to Clare,

"So, back with Dr. Doom…interesting," making her blush at once and look over at an Eli who had an impatient scowl on his face.

Clare was extremely annoyed with Bianca's belief that she had a right to comment on her dating life, so she immediately retorted, "Actually Bianca, Eli is a real doctor now," making a reference that the girl obviously did not understand, as she grimaced and said,

"People let you cut into them? How can you _do_ that?" and Eli just rolled her eyes at her as he said, "I'm a professor, not a medical doctor. I'm a PhD-kind of doctor," and Bianca nodded in understanding.

"Cool," she declared, "Better than a small-town soccer player I guess - nice upgrade Clare," Bianca continued as she winked Clare's way, and Clare felt Eli put his arm around her and place a small kiss in her curls.

"Bee," Drew said, as he laid his hand on top of hers and gave her a long stare. Clare then saw him nod Eli's way as he said, "Hey, man," and Eli returned the greeting.

"You ready for the big speech? Can't tell you how happy I am I don't have to do that," Drew said with a grin and Eli and Clare watched with a smile as Drew and Eli bumped fists.

"Should be all right," Eli responded with a shrug as everyone's food arrived, and they began eating and various conversations sprung up around the table. When Adam came over to borrow Eli for some best man duties, Clare watched nervously as Drew came over and sat next to her, and he said,

"Hey Clare. Long-time no see. How are you doing?" and Clare knew that Drew was aware of Emily's existence.

"I'm doing fantastic," Clare honestly answered with a genuine smile.

"Your little girl all right?" Drew continued and Clare proudly replied, "She's great. Just learned how to read and now does it every day – a whole year earlier than she is supposed to," and Drew flashed her a big smile upon hearing the good news.

"That's awesome, Clare. I just wanted you to know…how happy I am for you and Eli, when I saw your names on the guest list as his date, it was such a great surprise," Drew continued, "I think it's wonderful. Eli would make a great dad, Clare," he said, getting right to the point as he saw Clare deeply blush. He gently continued, "He really would. I just want you to know that none of us on the Athletics Association talked to Jake after we heard how he walked out. That idiot really was a pathetic excuse for a man," Drew said, and Clare looked up in shock upon hearing Drew express the same sentiments that she felt.

"I heard Coach Carmichael at Queen's wouldn't play him for the entire next semester, and when Jake finally exploded at him, asking why, I heard the coach said 'Because this uniform and the players that I choose to wear it on the field are also role models off the turf. The name on the front of the shirt is more important than the name on the back, and your choices don't represent what the Queen's Gales stand for'. Heard he's playing in this tiny division in some small city out in the prairies now because obviously, if he missed that crucial last semester, no big team would recruit him. Small price to pay if you ask me," Drew continued as he gently touched Clare's shoulder and continued, "But…I'm glad it happened, Clare, the whole thing. Now Emily has Eli, and Eli's a real man," Drew continued, as he had heard about Eli's love for the little girl. Clare listened to him a little in shock, and when Drew finally finished his little speech she smiled at him and said,

"Thanks, Drew," and she reached up as he was getting up to head back to his own seat and gave him a small hug.

"What was that about?" Clare heard Eli ask as he returned and she noticed that he had thoughtfully picked up a refill of her white wine.

"Just saying hi," she said with a smile, discreetly grabbing Eli's special black tie, the first public appearance of the Christmas gift Clare had gotten him, and pulling him in for a quick kiss.

Everyone then heard Adam's dad tap a glass with his fork as he introduced Eli, and he shot Clare a smirk before he got up and Clare beamed proudly up at him.

"Thank you Mr. Torres. Now, I've had the pleasure of knowing these two as a couple ever since Lana transferred to the freezing and gritty city of Toronto from the home of sun and surf," Eli started, shooting Lana a confused look as he audibly whispered, "What were you thinking?" and Lana's entire family burst into laughter and a few "I told her she'd freeze to death"s could be heard throughout the room.

"While Adam has been my closest guy friend since I first came to Degrassi, I got to meet Lana when she became my English partner towards the end of grade eleven," Eli continued as Clare couldn't help but feel a sharp pang in her chest, "And through Lana telling me just how fabulous my work was," and Clare heard a few chuckles from the people who knew Eli's current profession, "and me trying to teach her once and for all that 'favour' really _is_ spelled with a 'u' in Canada and 'centre' really _does_ end in an 're,' particulars that I know to this date she still refuses to employ in her writing as an homage to the land of freedom and a subversive message to the true north strong and free, that did after all, bring her the greatest gift of all – love," Eli said with an amused little smirk in the room as laughter came from both the Canadian and American sides of the room, "Well…somewhere between all of that, I quickly realized this was the girl for Adam when in the moment that I asked her if she really was named after teenage Superman's girlfriend, she instantly knew what I was talking about," Eli continued as Lana's parents high fived each other exaggeratedly and Eli laughed in response.

"And from then began my twelve yearlong saga of waking up every post-Adam and Lana-date morning to hearing how she sounded, the descriptions of how her heir blew in the wind, how she looked at him, how she laughed at his jokes – well, you've always been an overly nice girl, Lana – we both know that in me and Adam's bromance, I am the one blessed with the gift of humour," Eli said mischievously as Adam shot him a playful glare, "and I do believe my _extra human_ patience has been rewarded as twelve years later, here I am, expert matchmaker, toasting to Adam and Lana at their wedding," he continued, and the slight inflection in his tone told Clare that the direction of his speech was changing, and the room became silent.

Eli slowly continued, "And there is not a doubt in my mind that I am the happiest friend in the world today. Today – I get something that I've always wanted – a sister," and Clare noticed Lana's eyes tear up as she looked directly at Eli, "But it's more than that – today me and all of you get to see the power of love. Adam and Lana are best friends; you see, while I am his best male friend – I am not completely dethroned from an honourable position, thank you very much – she is his best _female_ friend. It is no secret to anyone in this room that sometimes, people try to put definitions and barriers on love," Eli said as Clare looked around the room and saw everyone nodding, "but…that's wrong," Eli deadpanned,

"Because love is not something to be restrained, but something to be fought for, maintained, and worked at every day – and when you get to do that with your best friend, you truly are the luckiest person in the world," Eli said in a raspy voice as his gaze locked with Clare's, "and that's why everything that we are all fortunate enough to witness tonight, and tomorrow will last a lifetime – of that I am sure. Because what Adam and Lana have knows no barriers; it is the most honest and connected type of human relationship that exists. It exceeds the abstract boundaries placed by judgemental individuals of our society; because when one is willing to stand up in front of God," Eli said, and Clare became even more fascinated as he approached this topic – she knew Lana's family was religious and Adam's a little as well, and her heart swelled when she realized that Eli must have really thoughtfully planned to include this, "and commit oneself in that type of partnership, for better or worse, in sickness and health – _that_ is a marriage; _that_ is real; and _that_'s all that matters. And anyone who may not agree just…hasn't caught up with God yet," Eli delicately said as she saw Mrs. Torres flash him a smile, and Clare felt herself tear up at the beautiful way Eli was explaining everything; he had clearly done his research and presented his own interpretation in such a beautiful way.

He flashed a wide smirk to the entire room as he continued, "Tomorrow we will all gather to celebrate love and happiness and loyalty and in my opinion…a little bit of magic; to bring together two exceptional and beautiful individuals who deserve all the happiness in the world. To Adam and Lana," he finished, and the sound of colliding glasses filled the room as Eli toasted with Clare himself and she leaned in and whispered, "I love you," in his ear, and Eli stole a kiss before telling her, "I love you too".

Adam and Lana quickly came over to Eli afterward, and Eli bumped fists with Adam as he said,

"Well done, Professor. Now I can see why they pay you the big bucks," and Eli playfully rolled his eyes in response.

"Thank you so much, Eli," Lana said, a little overcome with emotion as she gave him a tight hug as Clare watched fondly.

After everyone had finished eating, Adam and Lana began the dance portion of the evening with a beautiful bride and groom first dance, and much to Clare's delight, Eli asked her to dance right after and he kept her out on the dance floor for a long time, eventually separating from her to share a dance with Lana while Adam took over for Eli. The night ended relatively early as everyone was well aware they should get a good night's rest for the wedding the next day, and Clare and Eli made their way back to their room filled with happiness and excitement about Adam and Lana's big day tomorrow.

"It's so beautiful, that they're getting married," Clare sighed as they entered the bedroom of the room and Eli took off his jacket and laid it on the chair, and then he awkwardly looked around and politely said,

"Um, I'll let you change, let me know when you're done," and Clare saw him grabbing a change of clothes as he headed for the bathroom, but she softly told him,

"Eli, Eli, it's okay," and she walked over to him, guided him to one of the beds and after he sat down on the edge with a look of confusion on his face, Clare gently said, almost in a whisper, "I…want to be with you for a bit first," and then she slowly straddled his lap, causing Eli to widen his eyes and nervously stutter out, "I-I…remember…about how we have all the time in the world…and I-I'm…p-patient?" and he reached for her hand and laid a gentle kiss on her ring finger.

Clare placed a playful kiss on Eli's lips and responded, "And I want to do that too…I just thought…I might interest in you some contraband kissing," and she saw a smirk spread across his face at once as she fumbled with his tie, slowly undoing the knot and sliding it off. Clare then felt Eli's arms wrap around her waist and bring her closer as he took the lead on a gentle but extremely passionate kiss, and she couldn't help but softly moan and tangle her fingers in Eli's hair, tugging at the roots as she pressed her chest against his, wanting to be as close as possible to him.

Eli was completely overwhelmed by the way in which Clare was unconsciously rolling her body into his, and he was trying to get a grip on himself and remain in control of his body, not wanting Clare to feel uncomfortable due to the proximity of their bodies, but he knew he had a tough struggle ahead of him, and when Clare pulled away and softly grinned at him as she slowly undid the buttons on his dress shirt and guided him to slide out of it, Eli lost all control of his breathing, feeling that there wasn't enough air in the room for him to draw oxygen into his lungs. Clare ran her hands slowly down his chest, feeling its every muscle twitch underneath her touch and she then planted a series of warm kisses on Eli's neck as she felt him quiver a bit, running his hands in circles over her dress as the smooth satin material of the dress moved under his touch. Eli couldn't help but gasp when he felt Clare's teeth tugging at his skin a little more forcefully in one spot, and as Clare moved her trail of kisses down his chest she heard a small series of gasps constantly escape him. When she placed a kiss just above his belt buckle, she felt Eli gently place his hand in her curls and he guided her lips to his and gave her an urgent, loving kiss before he said, "God, Clare…you're so beautiful," his voice laced with so much emotion that Clare realized that what she was sharing with Eli, even if it was just kisses, was so much more than anything she had ever experienced.

Clare heard Eli whisper, "I love you," as he paused right before her lips for a second, and she replied, "Eli, I love you so much," before he captured her lips in a kiss so full of tenderness that it moved Clare to her very core, and as Eli gently laid her down on the bed, he asked, "Is this okay? Just…kissing, don't worry," he choked out, wanting to change positions because the reaction of his body at Clare's kisses was something he couldn't control, and he didn't want to scare her off. Eli knew that after what had happened to her with Jake, intimacy must not be easy for her, and it meant the world to him that she trusted him like this, initiating such a special moment.

"It's perfect," Clare confirmed, and the confidence in her voice told Eli everything he needed to know to rest his mind, and he felt Clare return her fingers to his hair, holding on a little more aggressively as he engaged her in a series of deep kisses filled with trust, mesmerized by the spread of her curls against the pillow. As Eli moved to gently kiss her neck, he took care to not leave a mark because he knew Clare wouldn't like dealing with the possible questions that might arise out of such a thing, and the effect of his trail of soft kisses all along the exposed part of Clare's chest was fascinating Eli; he could hear the most intriguing soft little moans coming from the girl he loved, feel her fingers tightly clutching her hair, and her fair skin would turn pink with the rush of blood to each spot that he kissed. Eli was completely overwhelmed by the silky texture of her skin, almost as silky as the dress he caressed, running his hands up and down her sides. Her lilac scent made Eli lose his senses as he felt himself completely drowning in Clare.

"I love you," she heard him utter as she slowly stood up and straddled his waist once again as Eli's hands traveled to her waist in order to properly support her, and his breathing was erratic as he managed to choke out,

"Clare…I love you so much…I…it means so much to me that you trust me like this," Eli confessed, and she felt Clare gently caressing his chest and place a few more kisses on it, kisses that when combined with her proximity and being alone with her like this almost sent him over the edge, and as he could feel Clare rolling her body along his, he heard her softly gasp when he knew she felt his body's unavoidable reaction, so he just apologetically placed a little bit of space in between their bodies as he choked out,

"Dammit, I'm sorry…I can't really," but he then felt Clare get even closer to him as she whispered, "It's all right, Eli, it's all right," and she gave him a passionate kiss as Eli softy caressed her legs keeping his gaze locked with hers, the motion gently lifting the light satin material of her dress further up. He heard Clare softly moan at his actions, and saw her eyes close as she threw her head back and Eli moved his hand to his curls to support it, her reactions bringing him so close to the edge. Clare leaned in for an urgent kiss and she reached for Eli's hands, encouraging him to massage further up her thighs as she nodded in response to his questioning look. Clare threw her head back again, her moans becoming more pronounced as Eli's hands traveled further up her legs, and just as he was about to pull them away, he felt Clare hang onto his shoulders and she whispered in his ear, "I…you can…just that way…not too far," moving his hand to her very centre as she heard Eli let out a deep exhale and respond, "Y-you said…just kissing," wanting to double check before he would do something that Clare didn't want.

Eli watched as Clare looked up at him with her sparkly blue eyes and ran her fingers through his hair as she whispered back, "E-Eli…I want you to," and he captured her lips in a tender, but urgent kiss. Clare's heart swelled when she saw that Eli didn't just head for the finish line, but that he rather slipped the straps of her dress down and placed another series of kisses along her exposed chest before she felt his hands gently caress higher and higher up her thighs. Eli felt Clare hang onto his shoulders tightly and he could feel her rapid breathing against his shoulder as he gave her a deep kiss before studying every aspect of her face in order to appropriately judge the movements of his fingers. Clare's initial gasp was one of sweet surrender, not surprise, and her soft but increasingly pronounced moans guided Eli as he watched her breathing increase and she felt his grip on him get tighter and tighter until she heard Clare call out his name blissfully, and then Eli felt her entire body softly collapse against his. He held her shaking body tightly and gently kissed her hair for a few minutes, her erratic breathing calming somewhat as he laid her down on the bed, keeping his eyes locked with hers the entire time, taking in her completely flushed face, and gently pulling her into a tight embrace. Clare cuddled into Eli at once, and she felt his strong arms wrap around her as he caressed her entire trembling body, his gentle movements restoring her dress properly along her body and subduing the vibrations of her body as she heard him whispering, "I've got you, I've got you, Clare, just hang onto me," the perfect words that she needed to hear. She could feel Eli's own chest heaving as she rested her head against it and he ran his fingers through her curls constantly repeating the comforting words until Clare reached up and gave him a gentle kiss. When Eli felt her hand creep down his chest, he took it, intertwined his fingers with Clare's and whispered, "Tonight has been amazing Clare…I want it to stay about you," remembering her look as he guided her down onto the bed and appropriately judging that she was a little overwhelmed. "We'll have plenty of time, we have so much time," he told her meaningfully as he kissed each finger on her hand and pulled her a little closer to him, noticing that her breathing was still a little heavy.

"E-Eli…" Clare said, running her fingers through her hair as he placed a kiss on her cheek, "That…that was…it was…amazing…I've never…had one…it was…I'm glad I can still have a first with you…I've never…felt that way," she stumbled as Eli raised an eyebrow in slight confusion. From Clare's description of her night with Jake, Eli knew there was no way that he had made her feel good that night, but she had also said that they had first…done other things, and that that had turned into a gateway that had progressed until their night together…Eli considered Jake to be the biggest asshole on the planet, but he'd never even succeeded in…making Clare feel good? Not even once? Eli was really shocked to hear that, and even more touched that Clare was so emotional at being able to have a first special moment with him…because he felt the same way. But his mind still really couldn't believe it…not once had she…?

Clare knew what Eli was thinking and that he'd never voice his thoughts out loud, so she hung onto him a little tighter and softly said, "He…said he didn't have all night," and Clare saw the look of anger that flashed across Eli's face and felt his entire body shake in fury before she gave him a slow kiss and explained, "I…don't want to think about him…ever again, and especially not now. This…tonight….is ours". Clare's words moved Eli so much that he couldn't help but lean in and steal a deep kiss from her, holding her tightly for a few more minutes until he felt her breathing completely return to normal and he excused himself, knowing that as embarrassing and obvious as his trip to the bathroom was, it was also necessary. He came back to find Clare changed into a silky golden, small nightie and he was delighted when Clare insisted on helping him change into the shorts and T-shirt he was going to wear to bed, her movements playful and cheeky as she changed his shirt.

"Come on," she said, patting the spot next to her in bed as she lay down, and Eli responded,

"I…can sleep on my own bed," not wanting to place any pressure on her.

"You won't just…hold me tonight?" Clare asked with a playful pout as she saw a huge smirk spread across Eli's face and before she knew what was happening, he had already picked her up from her bed and laid her down on his, embracing her gently as she rested her head on his chest and pulled the covers over them. She felt Eli reach up and twirl one of her curls between his index and middle finger, an action that caused a small smile to form on her lips before she sighed contently.

"Clare…you're okay, right?" Eli whispered, realizing he had never asked this question.

"Eli…I'm a lot better than okay," Clare honestly answered, finding his hand under the blanket and intertwining it with her own as she added, "You're so…patient and good to me. How you treat me, Eli…it means the world to me, you know," she whispered, and she felt Eli place a kiss in her curls at once.

"I love you," he plainly told her, trying to explain why he meant to do the best by Clare…thinking back to everything he had put her through in high school.

"I love you too," Clare whispered back, burrowing her body further into Eli's as she inhaled deeply, wanting to remember everything about lying so close to him and spending a night in his arms.

**Please let me know your thoughts in a review.**


	10. Essays and Cards

**Hi lovely readers, **

**So bad news. My computer is dead, not sure why or how, but it's just the way it is. If you read my stories, and particularly Love Does Not Take Offence, I know I said they would end before the season starts, and I think they still could, but things have changed a bit as I'm not using my own laptop anymore. I'm not sure where things stand and will need a bit of time to figure everything out. As if those stupid make out scenes between Jake and Clare we're crushing enough….now this happens. Sad. **

**I made it a particular point to re-write these next two chapters for my friend iloveeliandclare because she is wonderful and keeps me up to date with everything Degrassi. The fact that this is also a DOUBLE UPDATE is also thanks to her. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

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"Sweetheart, you look so pretty," Clare told her daughter in the back of the church, tying together the elegant pink bow on the waist of her dress as Eli looked on. Emily was staring at her reflection in the mirror, and she was as nervous as Eli and Clare had ever seen her…the two other little girls that she had been told were also flower girls, just like her, were…big girls. She knew she had to walk in first, and even if she had practiced a perfect walk in her outfit, as her mom handed her the bouquet of flowers she was meant to walk with, Emily couldn't help but be nervous for her big moment.

Then she felt Eli fix her curls gently and he tugged a little on the puffed sleeves of her dress, making sure they were parallel on each arm, and he smirked at her as he said, "Just like a real live princess, Em. You're so beautiful," and the little girl blushed in return and gave him a quick hug. Eli and Clare both grinned as Emily took a deep breath that moved her entire body and said, "Okay, I'm ready," looking just as determined as they had ever seen her, and just one quick kiss from mommy and she felt okay with watching her and Eli say goodbye. Emily watched as Eli headed to the front, close to the priest, while mommy sat down on the bench directly across from him, and when she had practiced the walk this morning, the little girl had panicked a little, not understanding why mommy and Eli weren't sitting together. Then mommy had explained to her that Eli had a special part in the wedding, just like her, and he needed to stay close to Uncle Adam. Emily wasn't pleased that mommy appeared to be the only one without a special part, but then she had heard Uncle Adam say something about how he was mommy's special partner in the wedding, and that had pleased the little girl.

The two big girls that were the other flower girls smiled at Emily, and she was pleased that Eli had whispered in her ear earlier that she was the prettiest girl here along with mommy, because otherwise…the sight of the two big girls with their pretty long blonde hair might have intimidated the little girl. But if Eli said so, she knew it was true. Emily stood next to the big girls patiently, and when she heard the song she had come to memorize now start, she felt excitement take over her entire body. As the large doors opened and everyone stood up and turned to look at her, she began carefully walking, slowly, just like she had practiced, as the big girls came up behind her. Clare and Eli's gaze was fixed on the little girl, and both of their hearts melted when they saw her coy out-from-under gaze scan the room quickly before locking with Eli's and mommy's, her little steps of perfect length and her trajectory perfectly straight. Her face was at the reddest that Eli had ever seen it, but as she progressed further down the aisle Emily began to feel more comfortable and an adorable smile appeared across her little face as she walked down the aisle towards where Eli and mommy were, eventually taking her seat next to her mom. Emily watched as Eli handed Uncle Adam a ring that he placed on the real princess' – the bride's – hand. As she saw that, Emily stole an immediate glance at her mom's hand, looking at the ring that she knew Eli had placed there.

The ceremony was just as beautiful to everyone as it was to the little girl who was certain she was living a real live story; Lana was absolutely beaming and Adam felt the luckiest guy on Earth. Emily didn't even squirm or fuss once, enraptured by the beauty around her, and when she saw that Uncle Adam kissed the pretty lady who Emily knew was now her Auntie Lana, Emily took note that he did so on the lips and wondered why her mommy and Eli…didn't understand that that's what they were supposed to do. Not on the cheek. On the lips.

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"Girls? Are you ready?" Eli asked as he was coming down the stairs from the room that he had grown up in, having headed in there to grab a book he had promised a student to bring. He smirked at the sight of Clare having a cup of tea with Cece as they watched Bullfrog push two little girls, one in each swing, at the same time. Both little girls were wearing white tights, pink bodysuits and had their hair tied back in neat little buns. Once they made their way through the sliding glass door into the kitchen, Cece helped Sarah as Clare took over the duties for her own daughter; both little girls needed to slide their tutus on and a pink ribbon needed to be added to their hair so they could be ready for their first ever ballet recital. Sarah's parents had been extremely grateful when Clare had offered to have Sarah come with them on this Saturday morning, as they had to be in an emergency product development meeting. Sarah had been over to the Goldsworthy home before, making Clare really proud that Emily now had a really nice place to invite her best friend too; not even Sarah's parents had a playground in their backyard, and they had been very impressed when they had arrived to pick up their daughter for the very first time. The playground, but even more so, Bullfrog's energy, was a major attraction for both little girls, and they had squeezed in as much time as possible on it this morning, after conscientiously practicing their routine.

Eli drove Clare and the two little girls to the performing arts centre, while Cece and Bullfrog took their own car, and upon arriving, Clare's parents had already gone in and saved seats for everyone including Sarah's parents, who arrived just in the nick of time.

Eli was convinced that the performance was perhaps the most hilarious thing he had seen in his life; Emily was really a graceful dancer and she shined up on stage, but if one were to watch all of the little girls as an ensemble, it was clear that everyone was sort of dancing to their own tune. Clare found it just as amusing as she held on to Eli's hand the whole time, the two of them only really having eyes for Emily, who clearly loved dancing and who they remarked, quite correctly, as the most stylized little girl out of the entire group.

As they headed out for ice cream after the show, Emily had a special request to ask of her mommy, one that she was hoping would be met with a 'yes'.

"Mommy?" Emily started as she felt Eli brush a napkin across her face as she was sitting on his lap, her ice cream dripping onto the sidewalk as its size was simply overwhelming for the little girl.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Clare replied, and Emily noticed that mommy held her ice cream out to Eli as she took a bit of his.

"For the next ballet performance," Emily continued, already planning ahead, "I don't want to be the only one without this….thing," she said.

"What thing, honey?" Clare asked, wondering what she had missed. Emily had all of the ballet equipment that was on the shopping list the centre had given Clare, and she even had a special collection of ribbons from Eli that he had picked up somewhere, Clare by now having long given up asking Eli wherever he found all the little things he'd always give Emily.

"All the other girls," Emily said, but her confidence faltered, not being used to asking for things, so Eli gently pushed, "They have what, Em?" and the little girl responded,

"They have their ears pierced," she burst out, and she saw her mom give her a smile and she noticed that she also looked over at Eli funny.

"You want to get your ears pierced, Emily?" Clare asked, and the little girl nodded enthusiastically.

"Well, all right then. Nana pierced my ears for me when I was much younger than you," Clare permitted, and Emily scrambled out of Eli's lap to quickly hug her mommy, and she then heard her continue, "Besides, Eli and I need to get a piercing as well," and Emily saw her mommy wink at Eli.

"But Eli's a boy!" Emily protested at once, and she heard Eli utter a sharp gasp.

"Hey! Don't you think girls are the only ones allowed to have fun," Eli sarcastically told Emily.

"Boys can have one piercing usually," Clare explained, and a few days later when Eli and Clare took Emily to have her special request fulfilled, the little girl understood that sometimes boys had pierced ears. She watched as Eli told the man who worked in the shop he wanted a hole up high along his ear, and Emily was pleased when she saw her mommy ask for the same kind of piercing as Eli.

Eli was the one to sit in the chair first, and Emily quickly walked over to him and placed her little hand in his as she said,

"Don't worry, Eli. I'll hold your hand and it won't hurt so much," words that melted Clare's heart and caused Eli to flash Emily a smirk and a wink. Clare knew that Eli actually found the whole ear-piercing process to be a rather painful experience, but she didn't hear him complain not even once, and she knew that was because the most easily impressionable person out of the three of them was having her ears done last.

Emily watched as mommy went next and she approved with a smile of mommy reaching for Eli's hand, and when it was her turn to sit in the big chair, mommy and Eli each took one hand. Although it was quickly over, Emily screamed as loud as Eli had ever seen her scream – a rather unusual activity for the little girl – and he was horrified at the many tears that ran down her face. He had never seen Emily so distraught and he immediately regretted bringing her here and doing such a thing to her; it all seemed…so cruel.

"Eli, she'll be fine, it's all right," Clare re-assured him as she picked Emily up from the chair and wrapped her in a tight hug, being able to pick up on Eli's thoughts before he ever had to voice them.

"She never cries like that," Eli said in bit of a panic, an astonished look completely taking over his face.

"I know – she's never been a crier, but she'll be fine," Clare said as she held her daughter tightly and whispered comforting words about her pretty earrings, rocking her in her arms. It took a long while, but eventually Emily settled down, and Eli's heart gained its regular heartbeat back. Once he had collected himself after seeing Emily so distraught and she had been put to bed for the night, Eli was able to steal many kisses from Clare as they both settled down and did their night's work. He made sure to place quite a few gentle kisses on Clare's piercing, something she loved doing in return to him as she realized that…she was finally starting to feel okay again. All she had ever wanted over the last five years, and arguably really twelve years, was to feel okay again.

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Eli was lying on top of the covers of Clare and Emily's bed as the little girl's mother was frantically working on an essay that was due the next morning in the living room, and as Emily had done her fair share of reading for the day, Eli had rewarded her with reading her her favourite fairy tale, and he was just now coming to the end,

"'If you allow me to take her to the Castle, I'll call in famous doctors to waken her from this peculiar sleep. She's so lovely…I'd like to kiss her…" He did, and as though by magic, the Prince's kiss broke the spell. To everyone's astonishment, Snow White opened her eyes. She had amazingly come back to life! Now in love, the Prince asked Snow White to marry him, and the dwarfs reluctantly had to say good bye to Snow White. From that day on, Snow White lived happily in a great castle. But from time to time, she was drawn back to visit the little cottage down in the forest. The End," Eli softly said as Emily studied the illustrations in the nice book curiously.

Eli pushed a stray curl away from the little girl's face before Emily laid her head down on her pillow and she thoughtfully asked Eli,

"Eli, do you think…that mommy is lovely?" remembering the word that she had just heard Eli read.

"Your mommy is _very _lovely, Em," Eli answered at once, and the little girl smiled when she heard such an answer, and although she wanted to say something else, sleep over took her in just a few minutes.

When Eli stepped out of the bedroom and brought a glass of berry juice to Clare, he widened her eyes at the sight of tears in her eyes.

"What happened?" he asked at once.

"My essay…Eli…it's gone! Everything's gone!" Clare said in a panic, and she proceeded to explain how her laptop must have picked up a virus.

"I…it's a comparative paper, Eli, and I had planned to write about the second novel tonight, but now that I have to start all over, there's no way I will have enough time…I might not even have enough time to even re-write what I already had," Clare frantically explained, madly pushing the power button on her laptop…but the girl's assumption had been correct, and her computer was completely fried. This was a bad situation and she was well aware of it.

"E-Eli," she asked, "If I e-mail my prof and tell her what happened…will she believe me?" Clare asked, knowing how that e-mail might look.

"Ummm," Eli awkwardly stumbled, having received a few similar e-mails from his students that were like that, "I…she might dock off the ten percent for being late, still," he honestly answered, and as Clare his her face in her hands upon hearing that, he gently brought her into a tight embrace, patted down her curls and said,

"It's okay, it's okay," and after Clare had calmed down a bit, he pulled out his laptop, turned it on and placed it in front of her, explaining,

"We have twelve hours. We need to focus and not waste any time. Twenty five hundred words in twelve hours is doable. Very doable," he argued.

"Eli…you have to go home and sleep. You have lectures to deliver tomorrow. You've already helped so much with Emily every night, leaving me time to study," Clare started arguing, but Eli wasn't having any of it. He just stared at Clare at once, and plainly told her,

"We're a team, remember? Trust me, I have produced many essays in a night, it is definitely doable. Do you think you can remember what you wrote about _Native Son_?" Eli asked her, being very aware of the particulars of Clare's essay.

"I think so, but I'll never be able to write enough about the second book – I haven't even picked out my evidence yet," Clare specified, glancing at the clock with a sinking heart.

"Edwards…I taught _Their Eyes Were Watching God _last semester, hand it over, I'll pick out the evidence," Eli said at once.

"Eli…you don't have to do this," Clare insisted, knowing it would mean an all-nighter for both of them.

"Team," Eli softly whispered, and Clare realized in that moment that letting him help…meant something more to Eli than just completing the essay, so she embraced him at once and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

Eli smirked as he pulled away and sarcastically said, "We've gotta focus, Edwards. You can kiss me _after _there's twenty five hundred words in that Word document," and Clare passed him the text that he needed as Eli started thinking of appropriate quotations that would fit Clare's argument and he took note of the time – 9:08pm.

** 12:30 am – 700 words**

"No, that sentence won't work in there, Clare, we're trying to say that it _wasn't_ well received by the critics," Eli pointed out.

"You're right," Clare caught on, and they decided to take a small coffee break, needing to talk through the particulars of the paper as a whole…they were both getting confused.

** 3:30 am – 1 700 words**

"How about this quote?" Clare asked Eli and he quickly exclaimed,

"That's the one I was looking for – perfect, slide it in there, and then two hundred words explaining it," he instructed.

**6:00 am – 2 000 words**

"Okay, listen to this, for the conclusion," Eli said with an exhausted yawn, "The Afrocentric standards of evaluation were equally important to the rediscovery of _Their Eyes_, for such standards provided readers with the tools to recognize and appreciate the black folklore and oral storytelling traditions Hurston incorporated within her work. Although Richard Wright wrote that _Their Eyes _had 'no theme' and 'no message,' most critics' and readers' expectations of black literature rendered them unable to appreciate Hurston's subtle delineation of the life of an ordinary black woman in a black community, and the novel went quietly out of print'".

"Oh my God Eli, that's amazing," Clare exclaimed.

"All right then, type in there," he said with a tired smirk, handing Clare the piece of paper he had scribbled it on.

"Done!" Clare said happily, as Eli grimaced and said,

"Not exactly – title page, bibliography, be careful with those – Buxton will deduct a percent if something's wrong with them," Eli informed Clare and after she finished making those as well, Eli double checked them, and fixed some of Clare's references, pointing out,

"If you accessed a journal on the internet it's referenced a different way than a print journal," quickly making the corrections as Clare thanked him profusely.

One final read-through later, the essay was printed and both Clare and Eli took a deep breath, and collapsed onto the couch together.

"Thank you, you're a lifesaver," Clare repeated to Eli for about the millionth time, and she finally leaned in and captured his lips in a heated kiss that both were surprised they still had the energy to engage in.

"I love you," Clare breathed as she pulled away, running her hands through Eli's hair as she watched him close his eyes, guilt washing over her for him being this way. He knew that while all she had to do for the rest of the day was to just sit in lectures, Eli had to actually _deliver _them.

As if Eli could read her mind, he gently told her, "I think today would be a great day for all of my students to have nice long discussion sessions in class," and Clare giggled in response as she lovingly tapped his nose and said, "Sounds perfect".

Clare heard the bedroom door open and Eli and her separated at once as Emily surfaced, dressed in her Disney princess pyjamas, and she gave her mom a good morning kiss.

"Hi, Eli," Emily said as she rested in Clare's embrace, assuming that he had arrived in the morning, and Eli replied,

"How's my favourite little girl today?" and Emily simply responded, "Tired".

"Join the club," Clare said with a smile laugh. "Come on, let's go get some breakfast," and Eli slowly got up to get the little girl her food, but Clare gently told him,

"You have a nine am class," having learned his schedule by heart quickly as the two had been spending all their breaks together, visiting all the places that Eli had never had the heart to go to on his own. "You stay here, I'll get you some breakfast," Clare pleaded with Eli, and after a few initial disagreements, he finally agreed, sinking back into the comfortable couch and letting Clare take care of him for the morning.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Let's go sweetheart," Clare told Emily as Eli and her were picking up the little girl from daycare, both of them being rather comatose and zombie-like. After successfully handing in her essay, Clare had checked out mentally from the rest of her classes that day, and Eli's students had indeed engaged in a lot of discussion as he occasionally interjected when the more passionate students in the class would veer off on a tangent.

"Okay, mommy," Emily said at once, and Clare helped her slip on her little light-up princess shoes as Eli guided her little arms through her jacket.

Eli insisted on picking up a pizza for dinner, a solution that Clare was very grateful for, because the last thing she felt like doing was cooking, and Emily had agreed at once. As Clare and Eli both tucked Emily in that night, the little girl assumed reading responsibilities, making both adults delighted as they were unsure they had the strength in them for such a thing – Eli had even insisted that they cab today, not trusting himself to drive in his state of exhaustion. After the little girl quickly fell asleep, Eli dragged his body off the bed as Clare and him sat down on the couch at her request. Clare's mind had been reeling ever since she saw Eli's scruffy look when they had picked up Emily from daycare – she felt as if she was seeing his exhaustion for the first time, and a frightening thought washed over her like a tidal wave when she allowed herself to think about how much Eli's life had changed since she had re-entered it. Eli had been spending his money, his time, his energy…and seeing him so completely wiped out made Clare…worried. She wanted to talk to him, and she knew she couldn't wait any longer, even in their exhausted state.

"Eli?" she shyly started.

"Yeah?" he encouraged her as he reached over and twirled the ring on her finger.

"I…what we're doing here…it's too much too soon," Clare said, the exhaustion making her phrasing not very clear, and causing Eli to freeze up at once. He felt all of sixteen again, sitting on a special bench with Clare, his desperate, but honest arguments not getting through to her.

Eli removed his hand at once as he whispered, "I'm suffocating you. You and Emily. I'm here too much, I'm always around…" Eli said frantically, and as soon as Clare heard him utter those words she realized he had misunderstood, so he grabbed his shaking hands and immediately said,

"_Not _for me. I meant for you. You have put aside everything in your life to always be here for me and Emily. Last night you didn't even sleep because of a mistake I made. You make sure she's on time for ballet, for guitar and singing lessons, you make sure everything is oaky with my school….I just…I'm worried that I am pushing you into a lifestyle that is beyond your age," Clare explained.

"Clare…I'm twenty-seven years old now, what are you talking about?" Eli rightly pointed out. "My colleagues, they have similar lifestyles – Adam and Lana just got married and are looking at their medical options to have a baby, this…isn't beyond my age at all. Do you think….that I'm not….mature enough to handle this?" Eli asked in horror.

"Not for one minute," Clare replied at once, and the honesty and strength in her voice caused Eli to take a deep breath, "But…I'm just looking at you today…you're this exhausted because of me," Clare said, guilt invading her tone.

"Oh Clare," Eli sighed as he pulled her in and rested her head on his chest, "It's just one day. I…have been like this many times before. I was a mess, Clare…for twelve years. I barely slept; my nightmares never escaped me until your love and patience chased them away. Please, Clare…" Eli shakily said, "…don't push me away. This, right here, this is what I want. Please don't push me away," he whispered, tears forming in his eyes.

"I don't want to push you away – ever," Clare told him. "I just…wanted to make sure you're okay. I realize Emily and I are a lot, Eli," she continued, but Eli brought his finger to her lips and gently whispered,

"You and Emily…are perfection. I love looking after my girls," Eli honestly said, bringing tears to Clare's eyes as she slowly nodded, and he then gave her a passionate kiss that Clare responded to at once.

"I'm just…worried," Eli soon admitted, knowing the time for him and Clare to talk about an important subject was approaching.

"What do you mean?" Clare asked at once.

"Clare…if I don't get tenure…my job; it's not like I can just find another one nice and easy; the other university in the province is U of Ottawa, and I don't qualify to teach there because I've done my PhD there…I'd have to leave provinces, leave you guys…all alone," Eli said, sharing his deepest fear with Clare. He had no idea what would come of their relationship then.

"Oh, Eli…Dr. Stevenson adores you," Clare pointed out, "and your classes…students are killing themselves to register in your section; all my friends in my classes – when we talk about course selection, they ask if I have American Lit with you, telling me it's the best class ever," Clare shared with Eli, taking in the small smirk on his face.

"And what do you say?" Eli asked her back.

"Hmmm," Clare answered mischievously, "That I can have all the private lessons I want," leaning in for a series of teasing kisses.

"Edwards, I'm definitely not getting tenured if _that's _what the word around town is about me," Eli joked, and Clare giggled at once, giving him just a few more kisses.

"I'm kidding, silly – I just say your class didn't fit in my schedule," Clare admitted, even though she had snuck into Eli's lectures almost every day. She loved seeing him at work, and it only took one lecture for her to realize why he was so popular with the students. His lectures were on topic, organized, passionate and funny – he gave out two-day extensions to everyone whenever a due date was approaching, making students erupt in applause for him, and she knew several of his young students definitely had crushes on him, which only made her smile to herself at the thought that as evening would come, Eli would be in her house, playing with and reading to Emily and doing his work alongside of Clare.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sitting on the stage in the large Rideau Hall, looking down at Eli, Emily, and her parents…Clare wasn't sure if she was dreaming or really living. She was…finally going to graduate from her undergrad. Her life…was back on track, and she knew it wouldn't have ever happened without Eli's help and patient guidance.

As Dr. Stevenson kept reading the names of graduates from his list, Clare saw Emily move to Eli's lap as he carefully held the little girl's hands and brushed her dress in place, the sight making her almost tear up. Whenever she would catch a glimpse of her little girl moving to Eli of her own accord, which was always the way it happened – Clare noticed that Eli never forced Emily into anything, reflecting back on what Eli had told her about how he sees his role in Emily's life as someone to help her with whatever issues she has and just to support her – Clare almost forgot that Emily…wasn't Eli's. She only remembered when memories of Emily growing up surfaced her mind…Clare knew that had she really been Eli's, she never would have been so scared during her pregnancy, so alone in the delivery, and so worried during Emily's first five years of life. Clare knew Eli was waiting for her to finish school before putting any discussions of the future forward to her, and she appreciated that so much, but whenever she would watch as a scene as the one unfolding before her very eyes in this moment, she couldn't help but wonder if Eli wanted to…

"Clare Goldsw- um, my apologies, Clare Edwards," she heard Dr. Stevenson say all of a sudden, and she made her way across the stage in her black robe and purple sash, the colours of her faculty, and the older gentleman not only gave her a handshake, but a hug as well, an honour he only bestowed on her out of all the English graduates. Clare caught the playful smirk on Eli's face when he took in that scene and she threw a quick wink his way.

As she pulled out of the embrace, Clare gracefully accepted her diploma from Dr. Stevenson, and her heart skipped a beat when he also handed her an envelope and gently told her,

"I hope to see you return to us next year, my dear," and she knew at once that he was handing her an acceptance offer into the Master's program at the university.

"Thank you so much," Clare replied enthusiastically, and Dr. Stevenson picked up on the gratefulness reflected on her face, adding,

"Now don't run away just yet; I have an envelope here with your husbands' name on it; and my apologies for my earlier mistake when I called your name; I'm from a different generation, darling, once upon a time changing your name when you got married was the norm, but I know now it's just easier to not do so – my daughter just got married over Christmas, and she kept my name, said she didn't feel like changing every piece of ID she ever had," Dr. Stevenson explained, making Clare blush at once. She didn't correct him, and she liked to believe it was because she knew that Dr. Stevenson believing in their nuclear family unit might help Eli's chances of being offered a permanent position at U of T…and Clare had a feeling there were some news for Eli in the envelope Dr. Stevenson chose to hand her.

The older gentleman gave her a humorous wink as he placed the envelope in her hands, having been instructed to deliver the news in this manner by an amused Mrs. Stevenson who was also at the ceremony, watching her husband hand out every diploma patiently, like she did every year. She was delighted to see the beautiful young couple who she had instantly become fond of at the Gala dinner, and as her husband was writing up job offer letters last week, Mrs. Stevenson suggested being a little more 'creative' this year, hence the little manoeuvre being born.

After all of the names had been read and all of the diplomas had been received, Clare met her family in the university's rose garden, where all the grads headed off to after leaving the stage as it was the perfect site for pictures.

"Go give mommy her flowers," Eli told a very excited Emily who was dressed in a gorgeous orange dress for her mommy's special graduation day as they approached Clare. The young woman embraced her little girl at once and enthusiastically said,

"Oh, what pretty flowers you got me, sweetheart! I love them!" words of praise that delighted Emily to the core as Helen and Randall encouraged Clare to keep her flowers with her as they took a picture of Eli and Clare, placing Emily in their arms and giving her the honour of holding Clare's diploma. Eli also took a picture of just his girls, and then one of Clare and Emily and Clare's parents, and Helen later requested for a photo of just Eli and Clare. Eli's gaze drifted from the camera to the way the sunlight made Clare's eyes seem that much brighter, and after the image showed up on the camera's display and Helen inspected it, she decided she liked this photo much more than a traditional one where both of them would simply be staring at the camera…Eli was staring at her daughter so lovingly…like Helen always watched him do, so she was rather happy that now this moment had been captured on film.

"Eli – open this," Clare said, barely able to contain her excitement any longer.

"What is it?" Eli asked with a look of complete confusion on his face. "The envelope Dr. Stevenson gave you – Master's acceptance, right?" he added with a smirk as Clare nodded and Eli picked her up into a hug and twirled her around the rose garden, saying, "Congratulations, Clare! I _knew_ you could do it!"

Emily giggled loudly at the sight of Eli twirling mommy like Ken twirled Beach Barbie when they learned that she was going to be a mommy, covering her little face with her hands so as to hide her giggles, and Randall and Helen even embraced upon hearing Clare's good news. They knew that their daughter…was back. For good. Once Clare would get her Master's degree, they knew she would be unstoppable, as they both looked at the dark-haired boy in his black dress pants and blue dress shirt, seeing Emily clutching his hand tightly…they both couldn't help but think that life had a funny way of working itself out.

"But open yours!" Clare told Eli enthusiastically, explaining that she had also received an envelope for Eli from Dr. Stevenson, a piece of information which caused him to widen his eyes at once.

"You don't think…he'd tell me that way, right?" Eli asked, and Clare picked up on his nervousness despite his attempts to hide it.

"Come on," Clare gently said, taking Eli's hand, "Let's open it together," and they slowly did so, Clare's parents being well aware that the sentences printed on the piece of paper would also have a large impact on their girls' lives. The importance of the letter went right over Emily's head – she was much too preoccupied by hiding behind Eli's legs so the few bees approaching the roses wouldn't approach her. Emily had been met with the aggressions of a bee that had once made her way into her sandal two summers ago, and it was an incident that had rather petrified the little girl, the shock of the intrusion of the bee into her shoe terrifying her more than the actual pain.

Clare nervously unfolded the pages as she began softly reading,

_Dear Dr. Goldsworthy, _

_ The University of Toronto English Department is pleased to offer you a tenured position starting in the upcoming academic year…._

…and Clare didn't continue reading any further before squealing excitedly and jumping into Eli's arms, a move which caused Emily to have to move back a bit under the impact, but the little girl was too busy giggling at the sight of mommy being spun around by Eli again as she kept saying "Congratulations," and she knew that something good had just happened. Emily wondered if they would go celebrate, but then she remembered that Eli had already promised her they would, because today was mommy's special day.

"I'm really happy," Eli breathed as he put Clare down, his sincere admission meaningful on more than the career aspect of his life.

"Me too," Clare softly replied as she kept her gaze on the boy she loved.

"Me three," Emily pronounced, not really aware of all of the recent developments in her mommy's and Eli's life, but…mommy was obviously happy, Eli was happy, Nana and grandpa were happy…so of course Emily was too.

"Well then, let's go celebrate!" Emily heard Eli declare with his funny smirk that amused her so much, and she quickly positioned herself between mommy and Eli, taking each of their hands in one of her own as she grinned up at both of them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well pretty soon, it'll be summer so before I head to school in June, I was thinking I'll pull her out of daycare for May," Clare explained to Eli as they were walking to the daycare centre.

"That was good timing, that the Master's program had an option of starting in June – now you won't have to wait until September," Eli pointed out as he held out the door to the daycare building open and Clare walked through it.

"I know, I will finish so much faster now," Clare said with a big smile, in awe of the fact that just in a year and a few months…her life was…about to be where she would have imagined it to be as a high school girl.

"You'll be brilliant," Eli encouraged her, sharing with Clare exactly what he was sure would happen as she felt him squeeze his hand one more time before letting it go as they headed towards the section of the centre that the children of Emily's age played in.

"Good afternoon, Dr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy," they heard Barb greet them as she met them with her warm smile and the politely answered back, neither of them having the heart to correct her…and delighting that the other didn't as well. Not that they had not already had plenty of chances to do so and never had.

"Emily is out with a few other kids and staff at the playground, I will just ask Kate to bring her in," Barb told them before speaking into a walkie-talkie and asking her daughter to bring in the little girl.

"Let me just give you her picture," Barb said, guiding Eli and Clare to the arts and crafts section of the centre, a routine that both of them were rather used to by now – almost every day Emily participated in the special projects at the centre, and Barb kept them all neatly arranged and handed them to parents as they made their way in.

The experienced child care worked explained, "Today we did Father's Day drawings," and Clare's heart dropped. She had completely forgotten about this day – and she _just knew _that Emily would now for sure pepper her with questions; how could she not…all of the other children were probably talking about their dads all day long at the centre. And…Emily's questions would not happen in front of Eli, and as Clare looked over at him, she saw that he was not only avoiding her gaze, but staring thoughtfully into a corner. Clare wanted to burst into tears when she thought about how Eli had been more of a dad to Emily in a day than Jake had been in years, but…she knew that Eli's mind was reeling now, with memories of how…Clare had chosen Jake over him, and how…regardless of the fact that Eli and her had found their way back to each other…their separation had still happened. She knew all the pain Eli had ever felt was collapsing onto him in this moment, but…she didn't know what to do. She knew she at least had to make it out of the daycare centre, because she didn't want Barb to be a witness to the words that Clare knew Eli needed to hear right now.

Barb continued, "The children's instructions were to make one of these big cards for their dads – drawing their dad at work, and…" Barb trailed off as she looked through the pile of drawings and finally came to Emily's, "here's Emily's. A rather popular choice at the U of T daycare, of course," she said with a smile as Clare's eyes did finally develop a light film of the tears at the sight of the picture.

Emily…had drawn a figure wearing black pants and a grey shirt…standing in front of a classroom, teaching big kids. She had neatly written 'Professor' at the bottom, while 'Happy Father's Day' was printed in the little girl's shaky large writing at the top.

Clare exhaled shakily as she thanked Barb, and she was glad to see Barb take her good-byes quickly, and as she turned to look at Eli – Barb had handed him the card – Clare noticed his teary eyes and took his hand at once as she wrapped him in slow, warm hug. Clare knew that words were too much for either of them in this moment, so after they finally pulled out of the embrace Clare gently took his hand and they started walking towards the playground, meeting Emily and Kate halfway.

"Hi, Dr. Goldsworthy," the girl said shyly, and Clare saw Eli collect himself a bit as he said, "Hey, Kate. Thanks for looking after her, Kate. Fine term paper as well," and the young girl blushed even deeper as she assured Eli that Emily was a joy to spend time with and thanked him for the compliment on her paper.

Emily headed for Clare's open arms as she softly said, "Hi mommy, you're early – good," and then turned to Eli and said, "Hi, Eli".

"Hey sweetheart," Clare heard Eli say, not calling her Em as he usually did, and he got closer to Clare so he could place a gentle kiss in the little girl's curls. After he did so, Kate headed back to the playground to help supervise the other children, and Emily held her little arms out to Eli. Clare passed her over to him and they walked past the daycare grounds, through a little park area that separated the daycare from the parking lot. Eli didn't want Emily's card to get bent as he held the little girl, so he passed it over to Clare, making Emily finally realize that her mommy and Eli had seen the card, and Eli heard her gasp and immediately burst into wild tears.

"Em, what's wrong? What's wrong?" Eli said at once, not having the slightest clue that the card had anything to do with it, and being in a panic upon seeing the little girl so distraught. Emily was usually a very calm little girl, and the only time that Eli had seen her cry so much was the day she got her ears pierced, the memory of her desperation still one that Eli couldn't shake off from his mind.

"Are you mad?" Emily whined between wild sobs that shook her entire body as Eli sat down on a bench, Clare sitting right next to him as they both attempted to calm the little girl down.

"Why would I be mad, sweetheart?" Eli asked as he ran his fingers through the Emily's tight little brown curls, his heart breaking at the sight of her large blue eyes filled with tears.

"My picture…you weren't supposed to see it. Not you and not mommy," Emily said, crawling over to Clare's lap as she kept softly crying.

"Em, I love your picture. It's the most amazing picture that I have seen in my entire life," Eli honestly told the little girl in a soft voice.

"Sweetheart," Clare spoke up, "why would we be mad at such a beautiful card?" she asked, wanting to know what was running through her daughter's mind. Clare knew Emily was very disconcerted right now, and she meant to make her little girl feel all right again, but she needed to know what was wrong first.

Emily's entire body was shaking as she choked out, "I know…we were supposed to draw our daddies," as Clare saw Eli's eyes get red all over again, "and I know…Eli's not my real daddy," Emily said as Clare's own body shook with a tremor, "but I don't like my real daddy," the little girl said, shocking both Clare and Eli.

Clare slowly asked, "Do you know…about him, sweetheart?" knowing that Emily couldn't possibly remember anything from when she was just a few months old. Clare had torn every single picture of Jake that she owned and everything that reminded her of him, not in attempt to hide those things from Emily, but because she couldn't stand to look at them. It wasn't like…her Eli box that she had kept over their long twelve years apart. It was different. Clare had taught Emily to say that her daddy wasn't here right now if someone asked, and she did find it a little suspicious that Emily never even asked where he was…and the little girl's words in this moment were making Clare wonder if Emily perhaps knew more than she gave her credit for.

"I…heard you and Nana talking about him, at night," Emily confessed, causing Clare's mouth to open in shock, and she soon felt Eli's arm wrap tightly around her as he placed a kiss in her curls, his eyes still very red.

"I hate him, mommy," Emily went on, and both Clare and Eli were shocked to hear Emily express such powerful feelings – she had never said she 'hated' anything in her entire life, Clare knew.

"I hate him because he made you cry. When you talked about him to Nana. I know his name is Jake. Whenever you talk to Nana at night about Jake you cry," Emily explained, and Clare felt Eli place another kiss in her curls and hold her tighter as Emily continued,

"He made you cry, mommy, so I hate him. I didn't want to draw him. I…like Eli, mommy. Eli makes you smile and laugh, mommy, he takes care of you," Emily explained, "Eli makes you laugh, so I like him. So I drew him instead, mommy," the little girl said, her tears having subsided by now, but Clare knew that Emily still felt like she had done something wrong.

"Sweetheart," she said at once, "Eli and I love your picture. You didn't do anything wrong," she plainly told her little girl.

"I didn't?" Emily asked again, and she then glanced over at Eli and heard him say,

"Not at all, Em," and Emily watched as Eli looked funny at mommy and she nodded in response. As he held his arms out and Emily headed into them, she heard Eli said,

"Em, I love your mommy," making the little girl ask, "How? How do you love her?"

Eli softly responded, "I love her like…the Prince loves Snow White. The happily ever after kind," explaining things perfectly for the little girl, and he saw Clare look at him lovingly as she wiped a tear away. Eli then looked at Emily, and through the little girl's tear stained face, a big smile lit up all of her beautiful features.

"That's good, Eli. That's really, really good," the little girl softly said before she burrowed face in his neck, as Eli was in complete shock at hearing those exact words uttered his way twelve years later, Clare's comforting tone reincarnated in her little girl .

After Emily took a few minutes to calm down in Eli's arms, he softly asked,

"Em, I wanted you and mommy if you wanted to come on a summer vacation with me before mommy has to go back to school and I have to start teaching my summer class," information that was also new to Clare.

"I've never been on vacation," Emily softly said, "But Sarah always goes and she says it's the best," and Eli saw Clare smile fondly in his direction. "Where?" Emily questioned.

"I was thinking we could go to Ottawa for Canada Day. I used to live there, you know, and they always have a big party on Canada Day – lots of music, and food, and games," Eli explained, not adding that when he lived in the city, he had never been interested in going…on his own. But now…with Clare and Emily…he knew they would all have fun.

"I want to," Emily said at once, another big smile appearing on her face. "Mommy, you too, right?"

"Of course, sweetheart. Me too," and after Clare smiled at her daughter, she leaned over in Eli's direction, giving Emily what she had always wanted.

"Good, mommy – kiss on the lips," the little girl muttered as she watched mommy and Eli share a kiss like the magic kiss that woke up Snow White, not being able to control her giggles at the sight after mommy and Eli pulled away and Eli had the funny smirk on his face, while mommy's cheeks were bright red.

**Please tell me your thoughts in a review. **


	11. Parties and Fridge Letters

**Hi lovely readers, **

**Update is dedicated to my good friend iloveeliandclare. Thought we could all use a bit of happiness right now.**

**She has been my patient Adam to my many Eli twitter freakouts after basically every new episode. Speaking of the new episodes – let's not. I don't even know where to start grasping at them, because they don't make much sense to me. What happened to my kind, compassionate Clare and why is she going to town in so many makeout sessions with new boy? And where is my confident Eli who would never let a girl control him the way Imogen seems like she will? Arguably I am more sympathetic towards Eli because I just feel like he has done less wrong, but what used to be fun for me, watching the episodes, is now almost torture. **

**I am sorry this has taken me so long, but there's something you need to know: If you read Love Does Not Take Offence, much like that Eli had to go to Toronto while he was in England, I have to rush over to London for a couple of weeks. So…look for the end of this story and Love Does Not Take Offence and a one-shot that is also thanks to my friend iloveeliandclare THE WEEK AFTER THE NEXT. We have one chapter of each story left. I'm very sorry to keep you waiting, but it is truly a situation that is out of my control and I will finish my stories. It will just have to be after I get back to Canada.**

**Anyway, I hope you like the chapter. **

"A-and Cinder-ella said, 'Let…m-me try per-haps it may fit me'. It sli-pped on in a mo-ment," Emily confidently read as she snuggled closer to Clare among the fluffy and warm alpaca blanket that was draped over both girls. Clare was gently moving the rocking chair as an impressed smile stretched across her entire face at the realization that once Eli had crossed over the threshold of teaching Emily how to sound words out loud, the little girl's progress had persisted at an astounding speed. Emily would be entering kindergarten in September…and she would already be able to read. Eli and Clare had also been working with Emily on her writing, and the little girl's letters had also been forming consistently.

As Clare glanced over at Eli, who was sitting on her couch carefully studying whatever he had brought up on his laptop, she exhaled deeply and allowed the happiness of this moment to fully sink in. Clare knew that a large part of the reason why Emily had learned to read so fast was not only the fact that Eli had taught her so patiently, buying her so many pretty books that had fascinated the little girl at once, but also because the environment that Emily was in with Eli was one that was extremely conducive to learning. It seemed that Eli was almost always writing, reading, or marking, and Clare didn't fail to notice the way in which whenever Eli would pull out his own work and Clare would be doing her own coursework, Emily would diligently bring one of her books to the table or couch as well. Clare couldn't help but feel her smile get even bigger when she studied Eli a bit more closely, taking in the black sweatpants and grey band T-shirt that he had changed into – he now kept a change of clothes at the girls' apartment as Clare knew that he found the more formal clothes he had to wear to work a bit uncomfortable to keep on during the hours that he would come over and help put Emily to bed while Clare was getting ahead on her work for her Master's. Eli had just submitted all of his final marks to the university yesterday and he now had a week of vacation before Clare knew that he would have to start teaching a third year course on American modernism; Clare knew he was thrilled to finally be able to slow down a bit. She was also glad to be able to go to Ottawa with Eli and Emily before her own Master's program started; Eli had told Clare exactly what to expect of the program at each point and she knew he would help her with every step, but she was still a bit nervous. She had dreamed of finally getting to do this second degree ever since she started her undergrad all those years ago, and now it was just a few days away.

"Hey, Clare, you and Emily have passports, right?" Clare heard Eli ask as he raised an eyebrow in her direction. She nodded at once in response as Eli shot her a pleased smirk in response and said,

"I know Ottawa is in Canada so apparently you don't technically need anything more than a driver's license, but the customs officers would always ask me for one," Eli explained. Clare's mind instantly tried to imagine Eli traveling back and forth to Ottawa each semester as he completed his own Master's and PhD, but…she just couldn't, regardless of how hard she tried. She absolutely hated attempting to imagine Eli in a place that she had never been to, talking to people she never met, studying things she had never read – she hated every minute of their long separation with feelings so powerful that they scared her. She couldn't help but think that…the slightest thing could have happened at any point, and Eli's life could have followed a completely different trajectory and would have never intersected with hers again. Whenever this thought registered in her mind, she felt the most urgent need to hug him tightly and never let him go, and as Emily had reached the very end of Cinderella's adventures, Clare picked her up and both girls gave Eli a warm hug that caught him by surprise, but happily smirking nonetheless.

"What was that for?" Eli asked, a pleased slight smugness in his voice.

Emily piped up, "For taking mommy and me on vacation," a rather appropriate answer that caused Eli's smirk to get even wider.

"I just want my girls to have fun," Eli sighed as he rested his head along the side of the couch, a proclamation that was more like thinking out loud on his part rather than a line of dialogue.

"We will," Clare asserted at once, her blue eyes shining as she added, "Because we will all be together," uttering a phrase that Eli found to be the most beautiful sentence out of anything he had ever written or read himself.

Emily crawled over to Eli's lap and tugged on the short sleeve of his shirt and she softly asked, "What's vacation like?" as she rested her head on Eli's chest. The little girl had a very vague idea of the concept; she knew Ken and Ballerina Barbie had gone on vacation to the beach after their wedding – much like her Uncle Adam and Auntie Lana – and Sarah would disappear every summer for what she called vacation, coming back a little darker-skinned each time and giving Emily a little present on each occasion.

"Vacation is the best, most fun thing ever," Eli enthusiastically told the little girl, wanting her to be excited for the week ahead. "You only have _one_ job to do on vacation," he continued as Emily looked up at him and asked, "What?" at once.

"Your job – and mommy's and mine – is just to _have fun_. Mommy and I don't have to work, or cook, or drive around from place to place – and neither do you," Eli said as Emily giggled in response and thought how silly Eli was – she never had to do those things. She felt Eli pat her curls down as he continued, "And we can sleep in as late as we want every morning and go to bed as late as we want every night – there are no schedules; you don't have to go to daycare, and whenever little girls go on vacation, it's a special rule that they can have all the special treats their little hearts desire". The last piece of information on Eli's part had captured Emily's attention even more than everything else he had previously said, and Emily caught the way her mommy narrowed her eyes at Eli when she heard him say that.

"Really?" Emily asked, looking at both her mommy and Eli, and erupting in laughter as soon as mommy did, and Eli soon joined them, exaggeratingly saying, "Of course. On vacation – your wish is my command".

Clare shook her head at Eli as she shot back, "Like Emily has ever had a wish that you _haven't _granted," causing Emily to blush at once. The little girl never really asked anything of Eli directly, being too shy to do so, but she loved that Eli always seemed to read her mind – knowing what she would like in the exact moment that she wished it. To Emily, Eli felt like a very important part of her family, the group of people that mommy had explained that it was all right to ask things of, and…after Eli had seen her Father's Day card, Emily was wondering if…she could call him daddy now. But the little girl's instinct told her that he wasn't really her daddy yet; Sarah's daddy lived in the same house as Sarah and her mommy, and Emily knew that Eli still had his own apartment. Emily knew that it had a Barbie collapsible couch/bed and a lot of toys and books of hers, but…it was still Eli's apartment; he lived all on his own, not even with his mommy and daddy – _that_ was the house with the big playground. She wondered why mommy and Eli and her didn't live together now, and she made up her mind to ask mommy the next time that Eli wasn't around, because Emily didn't want Eli to think that she didn't understand things. Emily reflected that she was a big girl, and she could understand everything…if people told her.

Clare watched as Eli gently hung onto Emily and pressed the print button on his Internet Explorer browser, and she then heard her wireless printer – a present from Eli that he insisted Clare needed for her return to school – turn on.

Eli then walked over to the printer, carrying Emily in his arms the entire time, and then exclaimed,

"Voila – we have our boarding passes for tomorrow morning," and Clare responded with a big smile as she said, "I'm so excited. Now we just have to pack a _certain_ little girl's bag," in a suggestive tone that left Emily blushing again.

"About that," Eli started, "Em, I have something in my car that I need to show you," and the little girl excitedly urged Eli to take her down right away. A few minutes later, Clare watched Emily grinning as Eli returned with her in his arms and also carrying a small Dora the Explorer suitcase with wheels, and all Clare could do was roll her eyes in response and say, "That's a really pretty suitcase, sweetheart," and Emily shot her a pleased smile in response.

Clare continued, "But we have to get up really early to get on the plane tomorrow," and Emily widened her eyes a little as the realization that there was now just one more sleep until her vacation fully sunk in. The little girl was also unsure of her feelings towards airplanes…she had never been on one, and even though mommy and Eli assured her that it was fine, Emily still thought it would be a little bit scary. Emily heard her mommy continue, "So it's bedtime, sweetheart," and she diligently followed her mom into their bedroom and got changed into her Disney princess pyjamas. After a few minutes, Emily shyly opened the door and called Eli in; Eli had changed Emily just one time, when he had helped get her ready for the day the time that they slept over at Eli's apartment – the little girl was still a little shy and she was happy that only mommy usually changed her outfits.

"Can I have a story?" Emily asked Eli with her usual heart-melting out-from-under gaze, and he nodded at once, Emily's ways never failing to bring all of Eli's shields down in a single second.

"Which one, Em?" Eli asked as Clare began placing little T-shirts, shorts, and skirts in the Dora suitcase.

"Can I have…this one?" Emily asked, holding up _Hansel and Gretel_ and Eli assured her that was a very good story as Emily crawled into bed and Eli lay down next to her.

As he started reading,

_Once upon a time there lived near a large wood a poor woodcutter with his wife and two children by his old marriage, a little boy called Hansel, and a girl named Gretel…_

Clare glanced over at her little girl and at the boy she loved, and she smiled when she saw Emily burrow her body deeper into Eli's as her little finger followed each word that Eli was slowly, but emphatically reading. Clare's heart swelled even further as she saw Eli reach over and neatly place Emily's loose curls behind her ear as the little girl yawned and Eli moved the blanket further up her small body. It wasn't long before Emily was fast asleep, and Clare was placing the last few things that Emily would need for the trip in the nice little suitcase that Clare knew Emily would love dragging through the airport. Clare understood that Eli must have realized that the little girl would like a rolly suitcase just like hers and Eli's – Emily so loved to be included – and her smile only got larger when she noticed that throughout the course of the story, Emily had crawled over so much that she was right on top of Eli. Now he was gently placing her in her bed and tucking her in, and after the little girl was completely at rest, Eli came over to Clare. As he stood behind her as Clare was double checking Emily's suitcase, he slowly ran his hands up and down Clare's arms and placed a few kisses along her neck.

"E-Eli, stop it," Clare giggled, but Eli knew he had won in the moment in which Clare turned around and engaged him in a series of slow and tender kisses that Eli had to take a deep breath after so he could calm down a little, knowing there was no chance they would be able to get any further.

Clare then saw Eli pull out a shiny toonie from his pocket, and she gave him a little smile at once – Emily had just lost her second tooth, and they had a difficult operation ahead of them; being so caught up in getting ready for the trip, they had forgotten to forward the Tooth Fairy's delivery the easier way – placing it under Emily's pillow before she entered the room for bedtime.

Clare shook her head playfully at Eli and whispered, "The Tooth Fairy is so rich these days – I thought kids were supposed to get a shiny _quarter _under their pillows, not a shiny _toonie," _and Eli just short her a smirk before he answered,

"What's the fun in that? What could she possibly get with a quarter? You forget that you have to account for inflation; it's been a long time since we were kids, Edwards," Eli expertly argued as Clare had to hold back a loud giggle.

"Like Emily has to _ever_ save up for getting anything – all she has to do is shoot you her little longing look," Clare added, and she noticed Eli getting the faintest of blushes on his cheeks.

Clare then watched as Eli awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and said, "Um…how do we do this?"

"There's not a lot of choice," Clare said with a frown. "You just have to…try to not wake her up," and Eli got a panicked look in response.

"All right…" he reluctantly agreed, but he was able to successfully insert the coin under Emily's Snow White pillow, letting out a huge relieved exhale afterwards.

"Good job," Clare praised him, taking a risk and rewarding him with another kiss.

"I'll let you get your rest, we have to be up so early tomorrow," Eli breathed as he pulled away, and Clare stole just one more kiss before she walked Eli to the apartment door, feeling all of fifteen years old again as she closed the door behind her after Eli left and a love struck look stretched across it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Mommy, don't get it on my skin," Emily said with a little frown as Clare assured her,

"I won't, sweetheart," a little sad that the one time that Clare had accidentally let a bottle of nail polish fall onto Emily's little foot had never escaped the girl's mind.

Emily had woken up especially early and asked her mommy to paint her fingernails and toenails a nice shade of red in order to prepare for the Canada Day celebrations in Ottawa. Clare had agreed at once, and after Emily's nails were done and the little girl stretched them out on front of her looking rather pleased, Clare also did her own.

"When is Eli coming?" Emily asked impatiently, wishing to get on with the special vacation already.

"He should be here anytime now," Clare said, and just a second after, Emily jumped up in joy as she heard a knock on the door and pulled her mommy to the door at once. Eli shot the girls an excited smirk and handed them their appropriate coffee cups as Emily boldly placed a kiss on his cheek after Eli picked the little girl up at her request.

"Look at my nails," Emily asked shyly, and Eli complimented them at once, "Such pretty nails, Em. And they match mommy's," he continued as Clare felt her cheeks blush immediately – Eli had noticed that just in a few minutes of being in the apartment?

"How was your night?" Clare asked Eli as he pulled out Clare and Emily's bags from the bedroom.

"Could barely sleep I was so excited," she heard Eli reply as he widened his eyes at Emily and the little girl giggled in response. Eli then saw her entire body be overtaken by a huge gasp as she continued,

"Eli! I forgot to tell you! The Tooth Fairy came last night and she gave me this –"Emily said as she pulled out a shiny toonie from her shorts' pocket.

"No way!" Eli playfully exclaimed as Clare was now the one to giggle. "That's great, Em. Keep it and you can use it to buy something on our trip," he added and Emily smiled in response.

"So, passports, wallet –"Clare began enumerating.

"I have our boarding passes and tickets," Eli continued and Clare smiled in response, confirmed that they were ready to do, and just a few minutes later, Emily was bouncing around in front of the apartment building, playfully repeating, "Vacation time! Vacation time! Vacation time!" as Eli was calling for a cab.

As the cab arrived, Clare noticed Eli's frown as she got in the back with Emily, and being able read his thoughts at once, she reassured him that it was okay for Emily to go without her car seat just this once, but Clare's assertion that she had driven with her grandma like this a few times only made Eli more worried. Clare noticed how relieved he looked when they arrived at Pearson International Airport and the gentle, but extremely protective way in which he held Emily in his arms. Eli reached into his wallet and paid the cab driver as the excitement of the early morning was finally getting to Emily, and she leaned her head into Eli's neck, and Clare caught the smirk that stretched across Eli's face. Clare knew that the little girl's curls were probably tickling Eli – there were so many times when Clare's own curls had caused Eli to laugh uncontrollably, and her heart warmed when she saw that Eli never moved the little girl, not wanting to disturb her.

A pleasant flight attendant with a large smile greeted Eli and Clare at the Air Canada counter, and a quick check of the boarding passes that Eli had printed caused her smile to get even wider.

"Can I just see some identification, please?" she asked as Eli felt Emily stir a little.

Eli pulled out his passport and Clare passed him hers and Emily's, and as the flight attendant scanned them, Eli felt a nervous energy take over his entire body. He couldn't help but sadly think that…no matter what he did, it would always be like this. People would realize that –

"So the child is your daughter, miss?" the flight attendant asked as Clare confirmed, her cheeks red as she added, "Full custody," and she reached over the counter to flip to a page in Emily's passport. Eli watched as Clare unfolded a piece of paper that was stapled to one of the pages of the passport, and he recognized it as a court order signed by a judge that indeed recognized Clare as the sole and ultimate authority on all decisions involving Emily. The flight attendant gave Clare an understanding smile at once, and she then politely thanked them for checking in and informed them that the flight was scheduled to leave on time.

Clare noticed Eli's uncomfortableness and she shyly told him, "Emily…just has my name on her passport," and Eli understood at once, but he didn't exactly know what Clare wanted him to say in response, so he just gave her a sad smirk in response. Emily was fast asleep by this point, but when Eli sat down in a chair in the waiting lounge, she woke up with a jolt at once.

"Shh. Shh," Eli gently told her as he patted her bouncy curls gently, "Go back to sleep, sweetheart. We still have to wait an hour for our plane," he tried to tell her, but Emily was up at once and she announced,

"I don't want to sleep. I want to go shopping," eager to use her toonie, and Clare couldn't help but giggle as they all headed towards the direction of the many stores in Toronto's Pearson International Airport. Clare watched fondly as Eli picked out two books with Emily, both from the Dora series of course – remarkably Eli found one titled 'Dora goes on vacation,' and she saw Eli smirking when he flipped through the book and saw that there was a page devoted to airplane travel. Emily then rushed over to her mom to show her the selections, and Clare lifted her up into her arms and listened attentively as Emily justified her decisions. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Eli studying the 'New Releases' section of the fiction portion of the bookshelves. Clare watched as he studied the back of several novels with a thoughtful look on his face, and she felt the same rush of emotion that had captured her as Eli was printing the boarding passes in her apartment just a day earlier overtake her at once.

Clare held Emily a little tighter as she realized just how amazed and proud she was of the way Eli had managed to overcome his troubles…all on his own. Clare had always known that individuals like musicians, artists, and writers had a greater sensitivity than others; they just felt emotions and analyzed behaviours on a deeper level than your average person…and she regretted not realizing that back when she had first met Eli. On top of this more sensitive personality, Eli also had such tragedy enter his life so early…but now here he was, just a few feet away from her, his life so well put together and his recovery complete. Eli had stood up for himself and he had used his voice to stand up for others through his writing as well; even if they had not talked about it yet, Clare knew that he had donated a large part of his proceeds from _She Didn't Have To Be _to the Kids Help Phone society. Clare knew the charity focused on helping high-school age children with such stresses as bullying – another thing that had plagued Eli's childhood, she reflected sadly – and mental illness. When she had Googled his name as she often did after her separation from Jake, and an article on the society's page had come up thanking Eli for his donation – it had apparently allowed the Toronto offices of the charity to accept thirty more children into the program – tears had flooded her eyes.

There was also a small interview with him, and his answers were short, just the way Clare had anticipated them to be – Eli's main point was that children should _not _read his book, something that the interviewer had laughed at, but a thought that had deeply saddened Clare. He had just explained that the sales of the book had caught him by surprise, joking that he only expected a hundred copies or so to be sold – to his students, and only because the English Department had made him put it on their reading list. Eli had then told the interviewer that he had been faced with some of the issues Kids Help Phone helps youth with in his own high school years, and Clare's tears only became more frequent at his response to the interviewer's request that he elaborate on that, and if he could talk a little more about whether or not the female character in _She Didn't Have To Be _was a real person. After much insistence from the interviewer, Eli had admitted that the novel was drawn from his own experiences, but he had also strictly said that he will never go into detail about his personal life, making it clear that just because someone knew him at one point or other should mean that their privacy should be disrespected. Clare knew at once this was a reference to her, and just the memory of the first time she had read the interview and realized that even from a distance, Eli was still so protective of her had caused her to break into sobs.

"Are we ready, girls?" Eli's voice snapped Clare out of her trip down memory lane, and she hung on to his arm at once, giving it a squeeze as she confirmed. Clare watched with a smile as Eli encouraged Emily to give the cashier her toonie towards her purchases, and the little girl was so delighted with the transaction, that Clare knew that Emily never even realized that Eli's credit card completed her purchase.

Clare heard Eli ask, "Are you hungry, Em? Want to have some breakfast?" and Eli told Clare that Air Canada domestic flights were basically a disaster when it came to customer care, and they were better off eating in the airport as opposed to paying for a meal on board.

Just as Eli was finishing his not-incredibly-stellar review of Air Canada's services, he felt Emily tug on his shirt sleeve as she was back to resting in his arms and she softly said, "Can we have apple juice and pancakes?" Eli assured Emily at once that she could have whatever she wanted, and after a visit to one of the many restaurants in the airport, the hour that they had to wait had almost passed and it was time for them to go through security.

Eli placed all of their bags on the conveyor belt so they could pass through the X-ray scanner. Clare was the first to pass through the metal detector, not having any issues, and she saw Eli's hesitation just as she was about to walk through. Her heart ached as she saw him pull out a piece of paper that he was so used to carting around with him; the medical explanation that he had presented to security officers on every flight during his studies explaining the metal plate in his leg. Clare knew how relieved Eli was to finally be rid of it, but she knew that this would be the first time that he was trying an evaluation since his surgery.

Eli quickly walked through the detector, and Clare didn't miss the relieved exhale that he let out once there was no ringing. She headed right for his open arms and whispered, "I love you," in his ear, well aware of how much this new sense of normalcy meant to him.

Eli whispered back, "Twelve flights to Ottawa…and finally," and Clare understood at once. However, all of a sudden, they heard the metal detector ring loudly, and they turned around to take in Emily's falling face.

"Mommy?" she softly let out as she saw the security guard approach her, and Clare rushed over to her little girl at once, Eli right behind her.

The security guard gave them a pleasant smile at once, however, and he said, "Not to worry, I'm sure she just forgot something".

Eli frowned in response, well aware that Emily no longer had her toonie, and as the security guard looked over the little girl Eli saw him smile at once and he declared, "It's all right, sweetie – I think it was your ring," and after a quick check, he determined that the ring had been the culprit after all.

"Why did mine not set off the detector?" Clare asked with a puzzled look on her face as she held up her left hand to the security guard.

"I noticed you forgot to take off your wedding band, ma'am, and I turned the resistance on the machine up a bit as you walked through – happens all the time with women," the security guard informed Clare as her cheeks turned bright red at his innocent assumption.

"Oh, okay, t-thank you," she stumbled, as Emily took her mom and Eli's hand and impatiently pulled them ahead, wanting to see the airplane already.

Emily's wish would have to wait a while, however, as Eli explained to the little girl – their next stop was another half hour of waiting at the gate. He did however, walk Emily to the window and held her in his arms as he showed her the luggage handlers insert all the bags into the bottom compartment of the plane. Emily was still reeling from the change in schedule, however – it was eight am currently, the time that the little girl would normally just be getting to daycare – and Eli felt her head softly fall into the crook of his neck. Upon noticing this, he walked back to the chairs that Clare had remained at, and shot her a smirk as he sat down next to her.

Eli felt Clare take his hand and intertwine their fingers, an action on her part that caused his smirk to get even bigger. He scanned the gate and shared with Clare,

"They always put the morning flight to Ottawa at this gate," and Clare smiled fondly, despite the fact that she felt a sharp pang at trying to imagine a slightly younger Eli making this commute at the beginning and end of every term while she was trying to cope with her troubles all on her own in a cold and grey Kingston.

Clare saw Eli sink deeper into the seat as Emily stirred in his arms a bit, and she then watched Eli fix his stare on the TV set on the CTV news channel. As one story ended and the coverage on another began, Clare felt a deep sadness overcome her, but her own emotions were nothing compared to the look of horror on Eli's face – as the reporter was speaking each word, his face only got more pale.

…_and in breaking news, Toronto police have at this time issued an Amber Alert for a five year old little girl who went missing from her Yonge Street home last night. Police believe the girl's father, who is not legally allowed to see her, is responsible for her disappearance. He is believed to drive a red Ford truck with Ontario plates and to be headed out of the city to cottage country. If anyone has any information about the little girl's whereabouts, you are urged to call nine-one-one immediately. _

Clare watched Eli hang onto to Emily just a bit tighter as he placed the most gentle of kisses in the little girls curls, and she knew that as Eli was new at looking after a child, and Emily's circumstances were not your average ones, she had to speak up, and she did so at once.

"Eli – look at me," she urged him as she turned around to face him. Much to Clare's relief, Eli listened at once and she continued,

"That's _not _going to happen to her. We won't let it," and Eli nodded at once. "Eli – I have sole custody – just me," and Eli whispered out,

"Clare…so did that mom. And he took the little girl anyway," Eli gritted out.

Clare gave his hand a squeeze as she said, "It's different, Eli. He doesn't _want her_, Eli. Never did. He couldn't get away fast enough. He's not interested," Clare said, and she felt Eli move his hand to her hair, gently running his fingers through her curls.

Clare assertively continued, "Eli, listen to me. Emily is _always _with someone; _never _alone. And not just with anyone; she's _only _ever with me, or you, or my parents, or your parents, or at the daycare where you know Barb watches her closely in addition to all of the other staff who watch her directly," she logically explained, and she saw the color in Eli's face return as he nodded in agreement.

She heard him softly say, "Okay – but only with these people. Never alone, and only with us or our parents, or at daycare," Eli repeated, and Clare leaned in for a gentle kiss, creating a bit of an Emily sandwich.

"Only with us, Eli," she breathed as she pulled away, and she felt Eli's arm protectively wrap around her. They remained like that for a long time, until everyone waiting by the gate arrived and then they heard a smiling flight attendant instruct over the loudspeaker,

"And at this time, we would like to invite passengers with small children to board the aircraft," and Eli looked at Clare a bit puzzled, not sure if they qualified, but Clare expertly nodded at once, and Eli stood up slowly, not wanting to wake up Emily, but she got up nonetheless.

Emily glanced around her, seeing Eli carrying both of their bags, and as soon as she saw him and mommy heading down a gray tunnel she asked,

"We're going on the plane now?" excitement and nervousness both detectable in her voice.

"We are, sweetheart," Clare confirmed, and she saw Emily shyly smile.

Once they completed the walk through the tunnel, Emily could definitely tell that they were entering the aircraft, being able to see its outside and looking down in slight fear at the gap between the plane and the tunnel that she saw Eli's shoes quickly cross.

"It's okay, Em," she heard Eli whisper to her, and as she gazed at one of the pretty ladies that looked just like Stewardess Barbie, Emily was met with a smile and the blonde lady asked her,

"Hello there, cutie. Would you like a pair of wings?" holding out a shiny name tag in the shape of airplane wings and after her mommy encouraged her to take them, Emily softly let out a blushing "Thank you," and the little girl reflected that maybe being on a plane wasn't so scary after all.

Emily was quickly directed to a seat by her mommy and Eli, and she was pleased to see that she had been assigned the window seat, while her mommy sat next to her, and Eli sat next to mommy. Emily watched as Eli placed her books in the pouch in front of her seat and she raised her little arms up high as he laid out a soft blanket over her legs and placed a pillow behind her neck. As soon as the captain had greeted everyone and the plane began making its ascent, Emily began to feel a little nervous but she tightly hung onto her mom's hand and as she saw the things outside her window get smaller and smaller as the front of the plane was higher than its back, she giggled excitedly and took deep breaths as her mommy instructed her to.

The plane quickly rose above the clouds, and after the initial excitement, Emily now took a deep breath and wondered what she was to do next; but she saw mommy playing with the screen in front of her, and Emily smiled when she saw that mommy had set up a few episodes of Dora on the screen, so she snuggled under her blanket and stood still as mommy put earphones on her head. After a glance that allowed the little girl to see that her mom was reading a book and Eli was typing really quickly on his laptop – as he always seemed to be doing lately – Emily felt at peace with the entire plane situation and she focused on her video.

"Eli – are you writing a new story? Or a book?" Clare asked curiously, but Eli just flashed her a smirk and said,

"What I'm doing is top secret classified information, Edwards," but all it took was one pout from Clare for Eli to no longer be able to resist her.

He admitted, "I…just hope to have something published soon, that's all," not knowing Clare to know what he was working on until it was complete. His only concern was that…he didn't know exactly how the story would end. A question would be asked by the male protagonist, but Eli had no idea what he should make the female protagonist say in reply. In his mind, he really could imagine everything from 'yes, of course,' to her turning around and running faster than the speed of light, never sparing even a second to look back. Eli knew that if anyone else heard the thoughts that were running through his mind as he was trying to finish writing they would think he was missing the obvious; that as the author of the novel, he could have the characters do whatever _he _wanted them to do. But…it wasn't that easy. The story could either be right…or…all wrong. He had never published anything that hadn't felt right, and he didn't want to start now. But he also figured that he had enough time to figure out the ending; he had a lot of catch-up writing to do on plot points that he did feel confident about.

Clare's voice interrupted his thoughts as she said, "That's amazing, Eli. I know it'll get accepted," and he smirked in response. As a flight attendant approached them and asked if they would like to order any drinks, Eli encouraged his girls to go first, and by the rest of the flight, his Word document had increased by seventeen thousand words. Eli stood up and stretched sleepily as the plane came to a stop, and he got out all three bags and folded up Emily's blanket and made sure to insert her books into her Dora bag.

As Clare was hanging onto Eli's hand in one of her own and to Emily's in the other, she heard her little girl ask "This is Ottawa?" and Eli chuckled as he answered, "This is the airport, Em. We're going to take another cab and get to downtown Ottawa". Clare felt herself smile when she realized that she would _finally _get to see the city that Eli had spent his grad student years in, and even is she knew it might sound silly to others, the ability to imagine him in Ottawa that would come with getting acquainted with the city made her feel…just a bit better about their separation.

A thirty minute cab drive later, Emily and Eli and Clare entered a nice Marriott hotel, and the smiling woman at the front was able to quickly pull up the reservation that Eli had made on her computer.

"Perfect, Mr. Goldsworthy. Would you like a room with one bed or two or three? We have all the options available right now," and Clare saw Eli hesitate as he looked at her, but both adults were unable to answer, as in that moment Emily was able to overcome her characteristic shyness and ask,

"Can we have the room with one big bed?" and the receptionist smiled at once and handed Eli two key cards.

After a five storey elevator ride, Emily was reserved the honour of opening the door to the hotel room, and the little girl approved of the nice, large room with a smile. The big bed was carefully arranged – its deep red covers were complimented by darker brown pillows that were beautifully embroidered. All of the other furniture was of a deep mahogany, and Clare told Eli that she loved the room at once, causing a happy smirk to spread across his face. He carefully put the bags down in a corner of the room and afterwards he plopped down on the bed and opened his arms for both of his girls to crawl into, which they both did at once, with identical giggles that delighted Eli to his core. As he laid there and felt Emily snuggle into his left side and Clare into his right, he truly felt like he was on cloud nine.

"What should we do first today?" Clare softly asked, eager to see and get to know Ottawa. Canada Day was the next day – Eli had specified that the best course of action was to come into town a day early so they could be rested for the large celebration.

"Whatever you want to do," Eli honestly answered, a little in awe of how Ottawa was feeling to him all of a sudden – when he had lived here as a student…it just felt like a necessity. Looking back on it, that period in Eli's life now seemed to him as one huge grey blur full of readings, essays, annotated bibliographies and fear of whether or not his results would be good enough to get him a job at U of T. But returning now, as a tenured professor with long term job security, with Emily in his arms and Clare's hand in his, it was…as if he was seeing the beauty of Ottawa for the very first time.

"I'd like to…see the university. Where you studied," Clare gently said, wanting to catch-up on everything that she had missed.

"Gladly," Eli responded at once, but then he added – "But I don't think Em would find that very fun or interesting," Eli added with a small frown.

Clare just giggled back, "Depends. Is there a cookie store?" a question that did cause Emily to pay just a little more attention to the conversation that her mommy and Eli were having.

"Sure is," Eli answered. After taking a few minutes to freshen up, the girls were ready to go and Eli's heart swelled as he walked out of the hotel with one of his girls on each arm.

U of Ottawa was a short walking distance away from the downtown hotel that Eli had booked their room at, and after seeing the campus, Clare understood the impressions that Eli had shared with her mom at dinner a while ago almost instantly. U of Ottawa had a very nice campus and Clare knew that it was a really good university, but it really was significantly smaller than U of T. Clare knew that Eli thrived in of U of T's ambitious environment, and in the great writing, theatre and music scene in Toronto. He just…belonged in the much more urban and fast-paced environment of Canada's largest city. However, as Eli gave Clare and Emily the tour to a second Canadian university and pointed out the buildings that he had spent the most time in, as he delivered on his cookie promise, also buying the girls lunch before, Clare…began to be able to imagine Eli living and studying here. And she was happy. The ability to imagine him during the years that they had been separated…was all she ever wanted.

As they made their way off campus and they were walking alongside Ottawa's Rideau canal, Eli asked,

"Do you want to go for a canal cruise, Em? See those nice boats?" pointing to thirty passengers low cruise boats that Clare immediately thought looked very fun.

"We can?" Emily softly asked.

"Of course," Eli replied at once as Clare nodded encouragingly at her daughter.

After purchasing tickets, Eli held Clare's hand as he helped her onto the boat and he then picked up Emily and they all took a seat as the boat slowly made its way down the Rideau Canal. Clare listened in fascination as a tour guide pointed out major landmarks and enumerated Canadian history and trivia. Eli watched Clare's interest with an amused smirk on his face at the same time that he was holding Emily back safely. The little girl was rather fascinated by the movement of the water as the boat's edge broke against the waves, and many amused giggles escaped her as the boat increased its speed and the wind blew her curls out of her face. Emily had never been on a boat and the little girl judged that it was by far one of the most fun things that she had ever done.

Forty-five minutes later, both girls' sets of curls were rather messy from the boat ride, but Eli patiently fixed them both, lightly chuckling the entire time. They decided to have dinner at a restaurant that Clare selected and that Eli had always desired to go to in his previous time in Ottawa. He just simply hadn't had the heart to walk in there alone – he had lived on only rez food and cinnamon buns in his student days.

As the summer sun was fading out of sight and Eli and Clare and Emily were slowly walking back to the hotel. They began hearing excited cries from a series of carnival rides that had been set up close to Parliament Hill. Coupled with the sound of the pinball bells and the skiball slides, Clare and Eli smiled at each other at the realization that an amusement park had been set up for Canada Day. Upon being asked by her mommy and Eli, Emily declared at once that she'd love to go.

The amusement park was bursting with people and excitement, and after playing a few games, Eli finally managed to win a teddy bear for Clare and another one for Emily. The little girl thoughtfully ate her pink cotton candy, getting her entire face, hair and hands sticky as she studied most of the rides as Eli raised her onto his shoulders. Clare couldn't control her laughter at the sight of Emily tightly clutching Eli's dark locks – Emily had never had a shoulder ride before, and Clare could tell that she was tugging on Eli's hair rather strongly, but Eli's exaggerated looks Clare's way told her Eli was simply loving it. In the end, Emily only turned out to be adventurous enough for the spinning tea cups, a selection that both Clare and Eli didn't find the least bit surprising – Emily's favourite thing in life other than her love of reading and dance and music was to be spun around in either her mommy's or Eli's arms. Clare didn't want the night to end in another Emily-throwing-up-all-over-Eli incident, and Emily had had a lot of treats all day long, so she didn't allow Emily any more rides than necessary, but the little girl didn't object. Emily had already had more happiness squeezed into one day than she had ever experienced, and she knew there were still quite a few more sleeps until vacation would come to an end.

When they reached their room, exhaustion crept up to each of them and it wasn't long before Eli headed into the washroom to change, allowing their girls their privacy inside the large room. Once he was sure he had given them enough time, he came out slowly and smiled when he saw Emily wearing a brand new Disney princesses pyjama dress that Clare had clearly gotten her little girl for this special occasion.

Eli's gaze then switched to Clare, and he choked back a gulp when he took in her small black boy shorts and satin blue tank top. Even if they had shared an intimate moment the night that it was just the two of them in their hotel room for Adam's wedding, Eli had appropriately judged that the best course of action to follow in that moment was to keep Clare's dress on and simply move all fabric that was creating a barrier aside as he did what Clare had wanted him to do. But now…this was the most exposed that Eli had ever seen her, but he was well aware that even a chaste kiss would be a big deal. Eli had noticed that after they told Emily about their relationship, Clare didn't show the slightest hesitation in giving him kisses in front of the little girl, but Eli hadn't yet initiated one of his own in front of Emily…he just wasn't sure if that would be okay yet. He took a deep breath and with a rather massive conscious effort he moved his gaze away from Clare's body and felt Emily tugging on the leg of his shorts and heard her little voice ask,

"Can I have a story, Eli?" and as always, he agreed instantly, pulling out the Dora book they had purchased in the airport. Just a few minutes later, Clare was deeply smuggled into Eli's right side and Emily was fast asleep at the other end of the bed.

"Mmmm," Eli heard Clare softly moan, "I love big hotel beds, they're just so nice," and she leaned in for a deep, long kiss that drove Eli all sorts of insane at once.

"Edwards, there's a child just at the other end of this bed," Eli teasingly whispered as Clare giggled in response and stopped her hands' caresses of Eli's chest. She then moved out of his embrace just for a second as Eli moved to turn off his bedside lamp. Clare pulled the blanket higher over all of their bodies, retreating back into his arms immediately. As she felt Eli's arm confidently wrap around her waist, Clare searched for his hand and intertwined their hands under the covers and sleep overtook them in a matter of minutes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Mommy! Eli! Wake up!" Emily shrieked, and both adults groaned and tried to reach for the little girl, Clare in order to hold her and buy herself a few more minutes of peaceful sleep and Eli in an attempt to giggle her, but Emily bounced off quickly and expertly evaded both Eli and Clare.

She giggled excitedly as she shot, "It's Canada Day! We have to go to the big party!" obviously excited for the day ahead. Clare and Eli both got up, and waited for Emily and Clare to come out of the washroom before getting out of bed. He played with a shining-faced Emily as Clare took her time in the washroom, and after she came out, Eli went in.

As she was shaving and getting ready for the day ahead, Clare was getting Emily into a tiny Team Canada hockey jersey that she had purchased for the little girl just for this occasion and a part of white shorts. She then arranged the little girl's curls in low pigtails and inserted a shiny satin red headband to complete her look. After Clare slipped on Emily's red sandals, she took Emily over to the mirror, and Emily smiled excitedly at her special outfit. She then moved to the bed to patiently wait for her mommy. Emily always loved watching Clare dress for special occasions – the little girl noted that her mommy never used to do that before Emily met Eli – and Clare's Canada Day outfit certainly didn't disappoint Emily.

Clare had slipped on a gorgeous red cotton dress – it came up to just a few inches above her knees and it had delicate white flowers embroidered along its neckline and bottom. Clare paired it with white sandals and a white flower headband. She quickly put on her make-up, well aware that the smoky black lines she was creating were accentuating Eli's for features of hers – her eyes. Clare quickly sprayed on a bit of her lilac perfume on both herself and on Emily, and as Eli made his way out of the bathroom, the vision in front of him literally took his breath away.

"You look so beautiful, Clare," he said at once, adding, "And so do you, Em. Such a pretty girl," comments that left both girls blushing furiously. Clare herself was taken aback at Eli's own look; the hot Ottawa summer had led him to opt for a pair of black shorts paired with a red polo. Clare felt like she was instantly transported back in time to her grade ten year when she would see Eli in a red polo on a daily basis and she couldn't control her impulse to kiss him at once, her kiss quick and chaste, but taking Eli by surprise nonetheless.

"Too much kissing," Emily said with a little frown, intending her remark not as a critique of the frequency of this occurrence between her mom and Eli, but as a comment on the fact that they needed to get going to the big party now. Clare and Eli pulled apart at once upon hearing Emily's comment, and even though Clare knew her own cheeks were burning, she was also aware of the fact that they couldn't possibly be any redder than Eli's in this particular moment.

Clare then watched as Eli put in two water bottles and two blankets into his backpack, and she noticed that Eli made sure to bring Emily's sunscreen and hat along as well – it was moments like these that still caught Clare a little off guard; she always marvelled at the fact that although Eli couldn't have possibly had had much contact with children, he knew exactly how to anticipate Emily's needs. But then Clare's mind flashed back to all the times in high school in which she would find Eli waiting for her outside her church, without ever being asked to provide her for a ride to her house, the many times he would be waiting for her with a coffee outside her locker in the morning or meet her with one after a day which he knew had been particularly difficult for her, the way in which he always refreshed her iPOD's music collection without ever being asked to do such a thing…and his behaviour no longer surprised her. This was her Eli, after all. Just the way she had always wanted him. Or…perhaps even _better _than the way she had always wanted him. When Clare exploded at him in their only argument to date – concerning Emily's daycare payments – s_he _had been the one to behave much like her high school self, while Eli had remained perfectly calm and explained things very rationally to her.

"And we're off," Clare heard Eli say as Emily was bouncing around excitedly, and a short walk later they had arrived at Parliament Hill, and it was clear to everyone that Ottawa was indeed ready for one huge party; there were a ton of people all dressed in red and white, and a large stage had been assembled in front of the Parliament Building. Eli guided Clare and Emily to a special tickets-only section, and when Clare flashed him an inquiring look, he explained,

"There's going to be a special musical guest I've heard – and if it's who I think it is by an article I read in _Billboard _magazine last month, I wanted to make sure Emily had a chance to see him – he's one of the best guitarists of our generation," Eli said, and Clare knew that he wouldn't share the name with her, wanting to keep the moment a surprise for the two girls. Clare was once again touched at Eli's thoughtfulness – Emily had really taken to her guitar and singing lessons, and Clare knew that whenever children found something they loved doing, it was always good for them to be exposed to the work of the best people in that respective field; so many different writers had inspired Clare's own passion as a child.

Eli then spread out the blankets on top of the soft dry grass as a band began playing, and the three happy individuals spent a nice hour just basking in the sun and enjoying the music, and soon after, Eli went to get some breakfast for everyone, returning with a selection that had delighted Emily. The little girl was pleased that everyone was wearing red and white, and she would often steal Eli's sunglasses as it really was a sunny day in the nation's capital, an action which resulted in Eli and Emily and Clare soon taking a walk to the many stores close-by, and a very happy little girl returning to claim her spot on her blanket as her eyes were safely protected by a pair of new Barbie sunglasses.

Clare then soon pulled Emily up to the dance area while Eli opted to stay behind, wanting to just watch his two favourite play enjoy a happy moment, and his wish soon came true. Eli absolutely adored the way that Emily was running around the dance area; he wasn't sure if it was a habit that Emily had picked up from ballet or if it was something she had always done, but the little girl had a way of running on her tip toes that he found really amusing. She would take her sunglasses off frequently as she giggled at her mom, and Clare eventually captured her, and Emily spent the rest of the time happily resting on her mom's hip as Clare danced around to the upbeat music, and Eli watched enraptured, fascinated by the way that the summer sun would sparkle off of Clare and Emily's identical brown curls. It wasn't long before the band switched to a slower song and Eli approached his girls, wrapping an arm around Clare's waist while he supported Emily with the other, the little girl happily resting in the middle of their embrace. The dancing had wiped out Emily and Clare, and when Eli suggested that they take a break from the sun and head to a restaurant for lunch, both girls happily obliged.

An hour later, Eli and Clare and Emily reclaimed their spot in the tickets-only area, and this time Clare was the one to sit back and watch as Eli lied down across the blanket and lifted Emily in his arms, her little arms stretching as far out in 'airplane mode' as she so termed it. Her entire face would scrunch up with wild giggles as Eli would lift her up high, then bring her down quickly, but all the while being extremely careful and gentle with her. Clare watched as after their play session came to an end, Eli reapplied Emily's sunscreen carefully, and her heart skipped a beat when Emily leaned in and gave Eli a quick kiss on his cheek, the little girl being overwhelmed by the happiness of the moment.

As the ceremonies hosts returned to the stage, Clare saw Eli get a wide smirk as the speakers announced…

_And to close off our Canada Day Festivities on the Hill, we are joined today by one of country music's most talented artists – four time CMA Entertainer of the Year and five time Male Vocalist – Ottawa, give it up for…Mr. Keith Urban!_

Eli's smirk only got larger as he saw Clare's jaw quite literally drop in shock – Eli knew that she would recognize the singer's name – he had been rather famous in their high school days and he had kept a steady and consistent career ever since. Eli had never been a fan of country music per se, but he leaned in to Clare's ear and whispered,

"That article in _Billboard _Magazine was a list of summer tours; and when I saw that he was playing two shows in Ottawa so close to Canada Day, I knew he'd be asked to come to this, and he's a pretty easygoing guy, so I also knew that he'd say yes. I know he's no Taylor Swift for you…but the man isn't just a country singer; he was in a kick-ass rock band for many years, and he's one of the best guitarists alive right now. Em might like seeing his solos, that's all," he modestly said with a shrug, but he was quickly cut off with a kiss.

"I _love _him, Eli. This is amazing!" Clare exclaimed excitedly, and she lifted Emily up at once, as Keith Urban was now making his way out onto the stage as everyone erupted in loud cheers and applause.

"How are you doing, Ottawa – make some noise!" the rockstar joyously exclaimed, and Clare noted with a smile that out of all the performances that she had seen him do on TV – this was the first time that she ever saw him wearing a red shirt; usually he was just like Eli when it came to his clothing – it was hard to catch him in anything but a pair of fitted black jeans and a simple black T-shirt. However, the Australian-born, American-resident had clearly caught Canada Day fever as he continued,

"Happy Canada Day to you! So glad I can be here on this great day, celebrating this great country of yours – I just thought I would drop by and sing a few songs, if you don't mind?" and the crowd's applause and cheers only got louder in a show of support.

Clare was absolutely beaming – she had wanted to see him live – she had heard that it was nothing compared to how amazing he already was on record, and she suspected that had something to do with the guitar skills of his that Eli praised so. And as soon as he played his very first chords and began singing one of Clare's favourite songs of his, she knew that Eli had been right. Everyone started dancing at once all around Eli and Clare, and Emily stared at the man with an intensity that was possible only between two individuals connected by a passion for creating music.

As Keith came to his chorus, perfectly singing,

_I wanna kiss a girl, I wanna hold her tight, and maybe make a little magic in the moonlight / Don't wanna go too far, just to take it slow…Because maybe tonight, it could turn into the rest of our lives / Are you ready, are you ready, to cross that line / Put your lips on mine, _

Clare sang along loudly and watched as Keith's hair flowed as he banged his head. The talented guitarist then lifted one foot off the ground and she heard Eli perfectly time a comment to Emily, saying,

"Watch his fingers on his guitar now, Em," the little girl's eyes widening as she stared at the man who played guitar the exact way she desperately wished she could one day.

Clare then watched as the very second that Eli's remark ended, Keith began a guitar solo that he poured such tenacity and talented energy into – it was a solo that lasted a long time, and that left anyone with the slightest bit of musical knowledge in the group shaking their head in disbelief. One final head bang later, Keith's travels across the stage led him back to the microphone as he took up the final verse of the song and Emily breathlessly declared,

"Wow. He plays guitar so good," and Eli chuckled in response, happy that he had accomplished his mission. He had exposed Emily to many different kinds of music in their time together, and he was by now very familiar with the melodies that the little girl seemed to prefer – just as Keith's Urban career had maintained a steady upward trajectory since Eli was in high school, so had Taylor Swift's, and just like her mom, Emily did have an affinity towards that softer type of guitar playing. However, unlike Clare, Eli had noticed that Emily had also taken to classic rock quite easily, being a fan of AC/DC, and always complimenting the guitar work on the type of music that Eli loved most. This was something that had impressed Eli, and he always smugly asserted to Adam that Emily's switch to what Eli termed 'real' music from her earlier Dora the Explorer album preferences, was a credit to the time the little girl spent with him, an opinion he was rather correct in.

Keith Urban played two encores in the only Canada Day party that he ever played for the rest of his career, being a sensitive artist who understood what it was like to never want your idol to leave the stage, and after he eventually had to – the event staff telling him it was an absolute must, a wave of exhaustion swept over Eli and Emily and Clare, caused by the excitement of the day and the long exposure to the sun.

As they made their way back to the hotel, Eli's mind was reeling with the thoughts of how, when accompanied by Clare and Emily, Ottawa seemed like a completely different town – he had never felt even a slight inkling to stay in town long enough for the Canada Day party when he had been studying at the University of Ottawa, always wishing to get on the first possible flight out after his last final of every semester. However…today was definitely going down in history as one of the best days of his life – the same thought that Clare was having as she reflected back on the day's adventures. While the two adults kept these thoughts to themselves, Emily joyously exclaimed,

"Best party ever, Eli!" and Clare smiled as she saw her daughter and the boy she loved exchange a high five. The same smile crossed her face that night as when she came out of the bathroom in her pyjamas, she noticed Emily already asleep, lying perfectly across Eli as he was also soundly sleeping, her little hands clutching his black T-shirt. The smile rather became a permanent feature over the entire next three days, as Eli took Emily and Clare to waterpark, the Ottawa zoo, and to the aquarium of course, giving both girls a week of pure fun, something that they desperately needed after…five years of hardship. However, Eli didn't realize this; to him, the week in Ottawa represented his girls giving _him _the most joyous time after…twelve years of loneliness and a slow process of coming to terms with the past that he regretted. Eli had always hoped that forgiveness would find him somewhere down the road, but he wasn't so sure that it would…until the moment in which he held a sleeping Emily in his arms on their last night in the hotel and Clare's piercing blue eyes were staring right him as they were both lying on their sides, facing each other. In that moment, Eli conceded to his innermost self that he was convinced that Clare could look right through him…and that she liked what she found.

Eli felt Clare's hand make her way to the back of his neck as she delicately played with the strands of his dark hair and she softly whispered,

"Eli…do you know what you've given Emily?" knowing that Eli might not realize the things Clare had recently; he just didn't have the perspective of Emily's first few years of life to go on.

"Cavities?" Eli playfully shot back as Clare immediately rewarded him with a soft giggle, but her voice immediately became laced with emotion as she felt Eli caress her cheek as she softly continued,

"No, Eli…a childhood. You've given her the perfect childhood. Do you realize that Emily…Eli, she's changing. For the better. Did you see how she spoke up and answered the hotel receptionist? Before she met you, she would have been way too shy for that. Her ballet, and singing, and guitar, and all the love you have shown her…has pulled her out of her shell. Eli – you're doing for her what you did for me all those years ago". Clare couldn't control the tear that made its way down her face, a sight that caused Eli to give her a sad smile at once and pull her into an embrace.

"Clare," he gently sighed, "Emily always already had the perfect childhood. Long before I came along. She has the most loving mommy in the world," Eli said, sharing his honest perspective of things with Clare.

"I love you," Clare softly sighed, as Eli returned the sentiment immediately. Clare however further explained, "No, but, Eli, I'm serious – you've made her childhood…above and beyond. It's better than perfect".

Eli softly replied, "Well…childhood is special. I know that…it won't be like this for long. Whenever we finish a bed time story, when I'm just lying down beside her…just watching her, it breaks my heart because…I know that it won't be like this for long. Someday soon, we'll feel like all we did was blink, and she'll be a teenager all of a sudden," and Clare pulled out of his embrace just a little as more tears stung her eyes when she heard Eli thinking of…_their _future so potently.

Eli slowly continued, "So…I just - I want her to look back on these years and have good memories, that's all. I just feel like…kids have to almost…fight for the right to a childhood, for the right to be happy and innocent for as long as possible. I want Emily to grow up...good and slow," he shared with Clare as she watched him phrase his thoughts with large doe eyes in shock at Eli expressing the exact same sentiments that she always felt.

Eli felt Clare's entire body shake with a soft tremor, and he raised an eyebrow in confusion as he slowly ran his hands over her body, calming her trembling. He felt Clare hang onto him a lot tighter as he heard her whisper out,

"You're right. Everyone deserves to grow up good, to grow up slow. But…_you _didn't get to," Clare said tearily, shocking Eli at once. He didn't know that…Clare would realize that part of the reason why Eli wanted to fiercely protect Emily's childhood was because…his own childhood had been tortured by bullying, and…the trauma of Julia's death had forced any semblance of idyllic peace completely out of his life. Fifteen might not be exactly considered childhood age, but Eli had always admitted to himself that Julia's death had absolutely severed him from any possible return to innocence, or an uncorrupted outlook on life as a whole. But he never wanted Clare to think this way, so as he gently caressed her shaking body, he softly said,

"Oh, sweetheart, don't worry about that. I had a great childhood – you know my parents; I had nothing but freedom. My dad taught me to drive way before I should have ever been behind a wheel, even if he did so in the country roads behind my aunt's house, and I got to go to so many cool rock shows every year. It was an awesome time," Eli reassured Clare.

"It's still…not right, Eli," she insisted, and Eli knew that he couldn't fool her. He knew that Clare realized everything at once, and that…she understood Julia in a way that she was never quite able to as a teenager. Eli never held it against her back then; he…just felt like no one could properly understand why his emotions towards Julia were so powerful, but…he had a feeling that when Clare came to visit him at the hospital and stayed with him during his surgery…that maybe, someone in this world…finally understood.

"Clare…it _was _a great childhood. But I want Em's to be even better," Eli said assertively, and much to his relief, he finally felt Clare's trembling subside.

"I love you, Eli," was all Clare came up with in response, because the simple, yet so complex thought was the only thing flooding her mind as she burrowed her face in his neck and held on to him tightly.

_This is my Eli _was the last conscious thought that Clare's mind formed before she let sleep overtake her. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Go brush your teeth, sweetheart," Clare told her daughter and Emily pulled away from Eli's embrace in the rocking chair in the girls' apartment and did as her mommy asked, returning to find Eli with a funny look on his face as mommy was shouting,

"Oh my God, Alli! Congratulations!" into the phone. After a few more minutes, Emily saw her mom hung up and she then told Eli,

"Alli's pregnant," with a big smile on her face. Emily had just recently learned what that word meant from Sarah's mom, and she asked in confirmation,

"Auntie Alli's going to be a mommy?" and Clare nodded at once. Emily then reminded to tell her mom, "Mommy, Sarah loved her present that I got her from Ottawa, and her mommy said to tell you thank you for her little brother's t-shirt as well," and Clare smiled at her daughter in response.

Eli flashed Clare a smirk in response to her new information, "Wow. Well, please pass on my congratulations to her and Chris," Eli said.

He then asked, "When did she get married, Clare?" out of pure curiousity. Timelines concerning life plans…had been on his mind a lot more lately, despite the conscious effort that he made to _not _think about such things…he didn't want to get his expectations up and have them come crashing down. Clare might be done with having children, he kept repeating to himself.

"Pretty much right after college – she met Chris working in the neuroscience lab, her parents approved of him; he's got a great work ethic and he's very much a family type of man," Clare informed Eli.

He flashed her a small smile in response, as he approved, "Sounds like a great guy".

"But mommy – if Auntie Alli got married, why wasn't I a flower girl at her wedding?" Emily asked with a small frown on her face; she had loved that duty and Emily was eager to perform it again. But Emily didn't know who would get married next; all of mommy's and Eli's friends were married now and Teacher Kate at the daycare had told Emily that she was too young to get married when the little girl had asked. To Emily, the answer to the marriage question was really obvious, however – but she didn't want to say something wrong, so she chose to keep quiet…for now.

"You were too little, honey," Clare repeated and Emily didn't look pleased, but she couldn't really object. Emily asked to have a glass of milk before bed, something with Clare approved instantly, and Eli led the little girl into the kitchen and poured her her drink. Clare took a seat at her small kitchen table next to Eli and handed him the final version of her first essay for the Master's program for proofreading, a task that he got started on right away. However, Eli only got through the first two pages and was trying to analyze the thesis that Clare had presented when he felt Emily tugging at his shirt and she announced,

"Can we play letters?" referring to the set of large plastic magnetic multi-colored letters that Eli had bought for the girls' fridge in an effort to progress Emily's writing. Eli was well aware that the little girl's writing was well above par for her age now, but Emily had taken to learning how to write quite well recently, and putting words together via the magnetic letters was a really beneficial exercise for the little girl.

Eli agreed to Emily's request immediately, knowing that he would have plenty of time after Emily would go to bed to finish fixing up Clare's essay and to do more of his own writing as well. Clare watched as Eli lifted Emily up so she could reach the Y that had moved up to the freezer level somehow. The little girl slowly picked out the letters that made up her name and arranged them in a neat line as Eli praised her patiently.

Emily then scrambled up the letters and Clare watched as Emily smiled mischievously and arranged the letters of her name to spell out "MY ELI". The sight made Eli shoot Clare a huge smirk and an inquiring look at once, and Clare felt her entire face flaming instantly. It hadn't been an exactly fully conscious decision on her part five years ago…the name had simply jumped out at her as she was reading her baby book; she would be lying if she were to insist that she never realized that particular trait of the name…but she just had chosen not to dwell upon it at the time. It was a pretty name, and the minute Emily was born and Clare looked at her tiny creature…it just seemed to fit, so she chose not to think about any implications.

Eli, however, _clearly did _consider the implication at once, but he waited until after Emily was safely tucked in bed and him and Clare were seated on the couch in the girls' living room to teasingly ask her,

"So…Edwards – thinking about me much?" making Clare's cheeks develop a deep blush as Eli widened his eyes and pulled her closer, huskily whispering in her ear, "I like it".

Clare chose to answer Eli with a passionate kiss, soon straddling him and pushing his body deeper into the couch as she unconsciously rolled her body onto his, making him feel light headed and overwhelmed at once. Her warm body drove Eli insane and Eli wrapped his arms around her waist gently, pulling her even closer as he slowly kissed her neck, obtaining the softest of moans from the girl he loved and causing her body to quiver ever so slightly on top of his. Eli had to choke back a surprised gasp when Clare not only slipped off his black T-shirt in one fell swoop, but also her own flowered blouse, letting Eli see her in only a thin black lace bra, a sight that Eli felt just about ready to explode at.

"C-Clare…do you even know how beautiful you are?" he softly whispered as Clare only blushed deeper and embarrassingly said, "E-Eli…come on, I've had a child," making Eli stop all of his movements at once, shocked to hear Clare say such a thing. He caressed her cheek gently and gave her a deep, slow kiss before assertively telling her, "Clare – that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," as he ran his fingers through her curls and continued, "I…I never would have thought that it would be possible for you to ever look more beautiful than you did in high school, but…I was wrong. You are…unbelievable," Eli told her, and the girl's eyes shined with love for the boy that she cared so deeply for.

"I love you," Clare breathlessly moaned as she felt Eli's lips slowly make their way across her chest, and Eli pulled away for just a few seconds so he could confirm that he felt the same way. The emotion in Eli's voice as he uttered those words caused her to softly collapse against him for just a moment as Eli placed a series of kisses all over her shoulders. As she slowly pulled away, Eli let out a soft moan of his own as Clare placed many light kisses on his chest, feeling its every muscle quiver underneath her touch. Eli's hands gently travelled down her sides and after the two lovers spent a few minutes happily lost in the loving and explorations of each other's top bodies, Eli felt Clare trying to regulate her breathing as she gently pulled away, her entire face flushed and she refused to meet his gaze as she stumbled in a whisper,

"E-Eli…I'm sorry that…I'm not even ready to do _that_, and we hardly get any alone time to anything else –" but Eli slowly pulled her into a tight embrace as he gently calmed the trembling of her body with his patient touch. After giving Clare a few minutes to stop the erratic vertical movements of her chest and Eli had recovered his own regular breathing pattern, he gently kissed her forehead and whispered,

"Clare – please believe me when I say that we have no problems in this area," as he played with the ring that he had placed on Clare's finger and leaned in to gently kiss her piercing. Eli softly continued, "I…I don't want to scare Emily for life any more than you do. As for…being ready – do you…do you feel like I'm trying to rush you into something? Because I'm not," he said as panic now invaded his voice.

Clare could detect Eli's distress and she replied at once, "No, Eli – you're amazing. You're not pressuring me at all," and she sealed her commitment with one final kiss before helping Eli slide his shirt back on and he did the same for her.


	12. Fly With Me

**Hi everyone, **

**Sorry for the hiatus, but the new season has completely destroyed me. After Ex machine last night, I don't even know what to think. I don't approve with making Eli so insane, because that he is now, that the direction we're going in seems to be...like, so incredibly extreme that I don't see him continuing in school. It's upsetting, because I'm sure that at some point he will embrace help and get better to be better for himself, but we'd better get a hint of that in Ex Machine pt two because I cannot watch this as someone who worked with kids like Eli. The level they have taken him to...it is the complete loss of his faculties. The scene with Clare at the Dot still haunts me, and...I can't believe that he is actually losing his mind. Because that is what's happening here, it is VERY VERY extreme.**

**I worked for BC's Children's Hospital and...I don't understand. I would really like a diagnosis because whatever is going on is clearly NOT just anxiety issues. I hate the Imogen involvement, because regardless of the fact that she might or might not know enough about Eli, I definitely still feel bad for the poor girl. No one deserves that, and Eli is causing a tornado of hurt everywhere he is going. I pray that this comes to an end tonight and Eli has a heart to heart with his dad where he takes responsibility for the disastrous choices that he has made, and puts an end to them. **

**My worst fear about him has come true, and it is totally affecting my writing. **

**So if you read Love Does Not Take Offence...I have tried. Trust me, I have. A lot. But every word makes me think of how...I am afraid I have been reading Eli wrong this entire time. I am afraid that they like the sensationalism of crazy Eli so much that he will be around forever, and if the last scene of today's episode isn't Eli EMBRACING help, because Bullfrog sure has been damn trying so hard and doing everything right, I won't even know what to think anymore. It highly depends on tonight's episode, but I will need time. I am very upset. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. And I can't believe I always forgot to say this, but this story is inspired by Brad Paisley's song 'He Didn't Have To Be,' lines at the end are from that song. Also inspired by Terri Clark's 'She Didn't Have Time,' which you should youtube because the little girl in the video is how I picture Emily, except with Clare's curls.**

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"So we will get you a new dress for that recital, okay sweetheart?" Clare confirmed with Emily as the little girl was showing her mom a permission slip that her ballet teacher had given her.

"Okay, mommy," Emily said with a delighted little smile before she crawled onto Eli's lap and asked him,

"What are you doing, Eli?" as she frowned at the rapid movement of his fingertips over his laptop's keyboard.

"I'm writing a book, Em," Eli answered, taking a little break to push Emily's tight brown curls behind her ear as Emily played with the buttons on his black military shirt.

"Why?" Emily asked, wondering what had caused Eli to cause to spend so much time in front of his computer lately.

Clare smiled as Eli and he chuckled before answering Emily, "It's part of my job - to write," but the explanation only confused Emily more as then asked,

"I thought you were a professor, so a teacher for big kids that doesn't need to sing," Emily replied, remembering all of the descriptions of Eli's job that she had given and all of the moments that she had spent in his office.

"I am a professor, but a big part of my job is to write as well as teach. And besides, I _like _writing," Eli replied.

"Can I read your story when you finish it?" Emily asked, her curiosity getting the best of her.

"Maybe a little bit of it, yes, but I think most of it we can save for when you are older – see how long it is?" Eli answered, avoiding the real reason why he didn't think it would be okay for Emily to read his novel-in-progress. He then set his Word document on Print Preview and showed Emily how it was over one hundred and fifty pages, which caused the little girl to widen her eyes and conclude,

"Maybe I can read it when I go to school," as she rested her little head on Eli's chest, creating a sight that warmed Clare's heart. What Emily didn't know however, was that every time that she would show such sincere affection towards Eli, his own heart would start beating faster and he would feel overwhelmed by pure happiness, with Emily in his embrace and Clare next to him on the couch.

"That sounds like a great plan, sweetheart," Clare approved as she put down the course reading that she had just finished.

Clare really enjoyed being back at school, and now that the school year was only a few weeks away, she knew that Eli's daily routine was about to get a lot more jam-packed, so she suspected that he had increased the speed of his writing because he was trying to get as much done before he would have to go back to teaching and marking more than just one summer class.

After they both Emily to bed that night, Eli and Clare went back to the couch and cuddled under the alpaca wool blanket that was usually resting on the rocking chair that Eli had gotten Clare for Christmas. As Eli was slowly running his fingers through Clare's curls and leaning down to teasingly kiss her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, and all other areas of her face besides her lips, he gasped all of a sudden as he remembered,

"Oh, Clare – I can't believe I forgot to tell you – but I just got an email back from the elementary school on campus, and Emily is good to go for September as soon as we send back the forms that they e-mailed us," Eli informed her.

Emily wasn't exactly in the catchment area for the university's elementary school, but it was better school than the one that Emily would have had to go to otherwise, and it really was still very close to Emily and Clare's apartment, and Emily's daycare had a pick-up service from the elementary school as both buildings were on campus. When Clare had discussed the subject of where Emily should go to kindergarten and Eli had explained to her that the elementary school, much like the daycare, always accepted faculty members' children, Clare had immediately smiled brightly in response, a sight that had made Eli wonder...if he could start a conversation that he had wanted to have with Clare for a long time in the near future. However, the fact that Clare still had eight more months of her Master's program and that Eli knew that she was already juggling so much made him reconsider, not wanting to place any additional pressure on Clare. Eli was deathly afraid of doing such a thing, because regardless of all the time that had passed since their high school days, Eli still had a fair amount of lingering insecurities – of being perceived as suffocating, over bearing, and...of Clare realizing that he is not what she wanted after all. Often Eli felt a little silly when these thoughts overwhelmed him because him and Clare had talked about their relationship since they had gotten back together, but Eli had a deep fear of placing Clare in a situation where the added stress of things he was doing would cause her to explode with stress. No matter how hard he tried to tell himself that the situation was really different now, the memory of a very angry Clare after Eli had done some things which he now recognized as stupid in an attempt to break her and Jake up all those years ago in high school was one that he still hadn't been able to chase away. _We are never going to get back together_ sometimes ran through his mind just as potently as if Clare had said it yesterday, and Eli knew that it had been bad enough to try to get himself together after hearing that for it to ever happen again. Eli could still remember the look in Clare's eye and every twitch of every muscle in her face when she had uttered those words, and how...low they had made him feel. They had made him feel like he would never be worthy of her love, that he would always be just...wrong. All wrong. Eli knew that he was older now, and he had been able to overcome the trauma that had plagued his last years of high school, but he knew that if Clare were to ever shout such a thing at him again...he couldn't even imagine staying in Toronto after a thing like that. He knew he would have to make over his entire life, and essentially run away and try to forget...start a new life in whatever university city would be hiring. But...as he sat on the couch and watched his two girls, both tired at the end of the day, something told him that perhaps he was worrying too much. He knew that he had done many misguided things as a teenager, and he had put Clare through a lot, but he also knew that he wouldn't do any of those things again.

All he had ever really wanted to do was to make her happy, and be there for her and help her when she needed it – ever since high school that was all that Eli had wanted to do, and what Eli loved about their reunion was that he was in a position to help his girls with whatever they needed, but Eli couldn't help but wonder about their future. He had no idea if Clare just saw him as a boyfriend, or a life partner and friend, or as someone who she would like to marry. Eli didn't know if she would be open to marrying again, and he _certainly _didn't know if...she wanted another life milestone that Eli had realized he would like to accomplish in his own life when he had held his university friend's Daniel baby. Daniel had remained a close friend to Eli since the two boys had met in a second-year English class while they were both in first-year and simply taking the class one year early. Eli had actually been the one to introduce Daniel to the lady who was now his wife and the baby's mother – none other than Imogen Moreno, the girl who had developed a bit of an intense crush on Eli in high school at the same time that Clare had first met Jake. While Eli made his feelings to Imogen pretty clear from the start, telling her that he simply was not over Clare and not in the right place for a relationship, Imogen had been very persistent, which ultimately led to fight between her and Eli over her manipulative ways. Although the two never shared more than a kiss for a play in which they were acting together, Imogen was the closest thing to dating after Clare that Eli had embarked on, and after their confrontation, the two remained friends throughout high school, and when they both started at U of T and Eli introduced the two of them, it became pretty clear to Eli that Daniel was completely captivated by Imogen at once and Eli encouraged the relationship. Over the years, Daniel turned out to be the wall of support that Imogen often needed to lead on; Eli had always recognized that she was hiding a lot of pain behind her confident mask, and he had been really thrilled when he saw Imogen and Daniel get to know everything about each other and the way in which Daniel always stood by her side and helped her overcome a lot of her issues. When the two got married and had a baby what seemed like the next minute to Eli, he was extremely happy for the two of them. Eli could still perfectly remember the night that he came home from Ottawa for a Christmas break and he immediately headed over to their house and discovered the tiniest pink bundle of joy. In that moment, as he looked at both of his friends, he could tell that there was...something different about them. Not only did every touch that Daniel placed on his wife's back just look more intimate, but...just the way they looked at each other seemed to hold a different, even more connected feeling. And motherhood had really suited Imogen; coming from two parents who did not care much about her, the little girl her and Daniel had really was one of the most well-loved children in the entire world. Imogen had dedicated herself completely to being the best mother possible, and Eli had been able to tell at once that she had been really successful in this task. Despite the fact that Daniel and Imogen had soon moved to Ottawa as he had been offered a job working as a government lawyer when their little girl had just turned one, they would sometimes return to Toronto so the little girl could see her grandparents, and Daniel would always call Eli when they were in town.

It was such thoughts that often made Eli think of his own future, but more intensely of what Clare thought about her and Emily's own future and if he was a part of it. Eli knew that it was normal for a man his age to think of such a thing, and he couldn't help but to interpret the gesture of enrolling Emily in the university elementary school a very positive one. It was true that Clare and Emily lived really close to the university, but Eli loved that it was another connection to him, and he wished for nothing more than for Clare to have the same long term thoughts with him that he had; not just enrolling Emily in the university elementary school because she had eight months on her Master's left and then later pulling her out. Eli knew that he had gotten so attached to Emily that he loved her like his own child, and despite the fact that how much he loved Clare scared him at times of insecurity, he didn't even try to control his feelings toward Emily. Ever since he had seen the little girl walk down the stairs of her and Clare's apartment building in her beautiful green dress, her brown curls bouncing with every step and her little fingers tightly clutching her mom's hand, Emily had completely stolen his heart and Eli knew she would have it forever.

"What? That's amazing – just like that? Even if she's not in the school's catchment area?" Clare asked as she stood up in surprise.

"She's close, and there's the university connection through me teaching there, so – yeah. As soon as we fill out the forms and email them back, yeah," Eli confirmed, pleased that he was able to make Clare happy.

"That's amazing, Eli! I love that this way, she gets to stay at the university daycare, and they'll even pick her up in the afternoons from right outside her classroom. That place is like a children's paradise, " Clare squealed joyously before she leaned in and gave Eli a slow, deep kiss that he responded to at once. After they pulled away from each other, Eli replied,

"Yeah, it's really neat. I'd like to play there even now, and I _definitely_ would have loved it as a kid. You can tell that basically, it's all Barb's doing. When I complimented her on the centre once, she told me that she was one of seven children to a single mother on welfare and that she told herself that her 'kids' at the daycare as she calls them all, would never have to do without a single thing. And they really don't at that centre. You can tell Barb makes sure of it; even her daughter spends so much time there helping out," Eli informed Clare, well aware that his top student, Kate, was Emily's favourite daycare 'teacher' as the little girl called her.

Eli saw Clare grin up at him in response and he felt her grab his hands and move them under her shirt, so he took the very welcomed hint and slowly undid the buttons of her blouse, placing gentle kisses all over her neck and chest as Clare let out the softest moans in response and her back arched off the couch and closer to Eli's touch.

"Mmm, I love you," Clare softly let out breathlessly as Eli's kisses moved to her stomach, his head disappearing under the soft blanket and Clare's breath hitching as her fingers gently massaged Eli's scalp.

"I love you too," Eli responded with a slow smirk as he raised his head and his gaze met Clare's. Despite the fact that he was getting completely lost in Clare's moans and the soft movement of her heaving chest, Eli found the strength in him to take a deep breath and to resume his kisses up Clare's body, being very aware that at any moment, anything could cause Emily to wake up and over the door to reveal a sight that Eli was afraid would scar the little girl for life. So he enjoyed getting lost in Clare's feel, scent, and sounds for as long as he could before he pulled her into a tight hug as Clare leaned in and rewarded him with many patient and deep kisses.

"Eli..."Clare started in a soft tone, wanting to express to Eli just how much she appreciated his patience and sensitivity. Clare hadn't really been taken aback when she had first started being just a little more intimate with Eli; it did not surprise her that with Eli there was no hesitation or fear on her part; all she wanted to do was passionately respond to his every touch, but their situation just didn't leave them with the luxury of ever being alone. However, before Clare could voice any such thoughts, she felt Eli place a gentle kiss on her forehead and lovingly rub her arms with his hands before he whispered,

"Shh. Shh. I know. It's okay. I'm with you. We don't have any problems in this area," knowing exactly what was running through Clare's mind and not wanting her to feel any guilt. For his own part, Eli was being very cautious with Clare, but his intimate knowledge of even the slightest movement on Clare's part helped him figure out when it was best to continue and when it was best to stop. When he was ever the slightest bit confused, Eli erred on the side of caution, and tonight was the farthest he had ever gone with Emily in their proximity. So he slowly buttoned up Clare's shirt and ran his fingers through her curls as he whispered, "Don't worry about anything. Just holding you is my wish come true," unintentionally jogging both his and Clare's memories to a special hammock, secret party moment.

"Eli?" Clare asked as her piercing blue eyes fixed on Eli and he nodded, raising an eyebrow in her direction.

"I...you're so good to me. I'd like...our someday to come soon, you know," Clare confessed and she saw Eli's widen and felt his strong arms give her a tight squeeze. Eli then whispered, "Okay, sweetheart. No rush. When it feels right. It should just...feel right," and this time, a vision, as opposed to a memory ran through his mind in this moment. However, what Eli did not know, was that the same white-and-lace-dominated vision was also running through Clare's mind before Eli worked up the strength to say good-night to her and return to his own apartment.

XXXXXXXXX

"Thank you for a fun visit," Emily enthusiastically told Bullfrog and Cece, hugging Bullfrog's legs first and then being lifted into Cece's arms for a final hug. Emily's cheeks were bright red from an afternoon of running around and swinging with the two adults who had by now long ago began thinking of her as a grand-daughter.

"Thank _you_ for coming to play with us," Cece replied as she prepared a Ziploc bag of her homemade cookies for Emily to take with her. Cece handed the bag of cookies to Eli and Bullfrog and her walked Emily, Eli and Clare to Eli's Lincoln.

"We'll see you at your ballet recital next, Em," Bullfrog told the little girl as he gently placed her in the back seat of Eli's Lincoln.

"This really has been such a wonderful afternoon," Clare told Eli's parents, gesturing at Emily and adding, "She always gets so excited when she knows we are about to come over here. She loves you," Clare plainly told Eli's parents, a comment that delighted them both and caused them to immediately assert that they felt the exact same way towards Emily.

Cece then stepped forward and gave Eli a hug, adding,

"Good luck with the start of the semester, baby boy. Take it easy, okay?" and Eli nodded in response to his mom with a small smirk.

Cece then moved over to Clare and gave her a quick hug as well, telling her, "Oh, I love it when you're over here, baby girl," and Eli's sensitive mom was just about ready to cry at the sight of Clare and her Eli so happy together.

"I love it here too, Cece. Always have," Clare honestly Cece, being very fond of the house in which she and Eli had built pleasant memories as teenagers, most of them centered around English homework and stolen kisses that went along with that work.

"See you guys soon," Eli told his parents one last time before everyone was off, Emily telling Eli and Clare just how excited and nervous she was for her very first day of school the next time for the entire length of the car ride home.

That night, the little girl's excitement and nerves became very clear as her usual bed time story did nothing to calm her down, nor did the episode of Dora which Eli had declared to be the best one. By now his repeated exposure to the character's adventures having caused him to memorize virtually every line to the point where Eli was sure that if he ever ended up in Mexico, he'd know how to make a best friend and teach them about sharing.

Emily, however, eventually fell asleep after a second bedtime story, and as Clare typed up the beginnings of an essay, the sound of fingers against a keyboard was doubled by Eli's continuation of the sixteenth chapter in his book.

When they both took a break for some coffee and croissants, Clare cheekily pulled away from Eli's attempts at a kiss, pouting as she told him,

"Not until you tell me what your book is about," as Eli had up to date only given her playful and sarcastic answers to that question, all of them developing a theory that he really was not a university prof after all, but that that profession was only his cover for some top confidential CSIS work.

"Not a chance, Edwards," Eli shot back, and as he leaned forward and tried to capture Clare's lips in a kiss, she upped their game and moved off of his lap completely, feeling just a big regretful when she saw Eli shoot her a perfect destroyed look. Eli knew he had gotten the upper hand in their playful banter when Clare came back over and sat down on his lap and locked her hands behind his neck and leaned in for a sweet, apologetic kiss.

After Clare pulled away and Eli was left happily smirking, he shyly confessed, "It's just that...I want it to be a surprise. When or _if_ it ever gets published," Eli shyly admitted.

"Eli," Clare gently said, drawing out his name emphatically. "You've been published many times. And didn't you already get an advance to write the book?" Clare asked, reasoning that someone as successful as Eli at his relatively young age would be valued by the university publishing house.

"I did – hence our little celebration trip to Ottawa, but there's no guarantee that they'll like it. And my editor will _undoubtedly_ be all, 'writing is re-writing, Eli'. Most annoying advice ever – because it's so damn true,_"_ Eli answered, a small frown appearing on his face at the end of that sentence.

"What?" Clare asked, lightly slapping his shoulder playfully before giving him a kiss to eliminate his sarcastic wounded look. "Why didn't you tell me?" she reproached him.

"Because it wasn't really about that; we would have gone on that trip anyway. But when it happened, it was just like a little boost of good news. But the trip was mostly about Emily finding out what vacation was," Eli added as his smirk only got larger.

"She loved it, Eli. I did too. You...I just..." Clare started, but she ended by just burying her face in Eli's neck and whispering, "She loves you. I love you".

Clare's words absolutely melted Eli's heart, and he gently caressed Clare's arm before slowly pulling her out of their embrace just a little and replying, "And I love my girls. More than anything. I'd do anything for you and Emily," confessing his innermost realizations to Clare.

But Eli didn't need to say it out loud. Clare had realized that just like Eli had always done everything to make her happy all those years ago, he was simply doing that all over again...but now for _both _of his girls.

After many good-night kisses to Clare, Eli returned home to his own apartment where he organized his bag for the first day of the semester, a day that was always exciting but also incredibly stressful. He had had way too many Department meetings for his taste the week before classes started – as always – and by this point he was just itching to meet his students and get classes underway. Eli was finally assigned only third and fourth year classes this year – one of the luxuries that came with being a full tenured professor, he realized – and he was delighted at the fact that this way, all of the students in his classes would be either English majors or minors and at the very least, they should submit papers without any grammatical errors, and if one were to think optimistically, papers with very insightful arguments and observations as well.

The next morning, Eli appeared at Clare and Emily's doorstep right on time, meeting a very excited but visibly nervous little girl as well. Eli took in her pretty new dress; it was red with navy and yellow stripes, and he noticed that Clare added a navy jean jacket on top. Emily also had adorable red tights to keep her warm and light-up Disney princess shoes, and Eli was thrilled to see that she had on the Snow White backpack that he had bought her for kindergarten, as well as the pretty red ladybug clips holding her curls back that he had bought her when he had noticed Emily looking at them in a store.

"Em! Big day! You look so pretty – all grown up for your first day of school," Eli encouraged Emily as the little girl coyly tipped her head and blushed a little.

"Thank you," she said as she reached for Eli's hand while her mommy locked their apartment door.

"You excited?" Eli asked, not wanting to use the word 'nervous' and scare Emily more than she already was.

"I'm nervous," Emily whispered as she fixated her gaze on the lights on her shoes.

Eli flashed Clare a sympathetic smile and lifted Emily up into his arms and told her, "That's okay, Em. I was really nervous too, on my first day. So was mommy. Everyone is. But it won't be that different from being at daycare. And all the boys and girls will be new, but you have your best friend with you – Sarah will be there, so you can play with her. And mommy and I will pick you up in just a few hours, okay?" Eli attempted to comfort the little girl.

"Okay," Emily replied with a small smile, because when she was presented with the facts in that matter, it really didn't sound all that bad.

After they had entered Eli's Lincoln and he began driving, Clare reached for the hand that Eli never used to drive and intertwined her fingers with his and sighed deeply, thinking about...how much could change in a year. In just a few weeks from now, it would be a full year from the time that she had first ran into Eli in the London Drugs pharmacy parking lot, and...as she looked over at the relaxed and confident look on his face, and then glanced over at her excited little girl in her car seat who was tightly clutching the backpack that Eli had gotten her for her first day of school...Clare could hardly believe how much could change in just a year. This was a realization that had crossed her mind on Emily's first birthday as well, but this situation was at the other end of the spectrum. While on that particular occasion, the birthday party that her parents and Alli had helped her organize for Emily didn't manage to chase away the fear, uncertainty, and sadness that the last year had instilled in her...this one year landmark caused Clare to wonder how much safety, comfort, and happiness could be brought into her life into the same time interval. But as she saw Eli glance at her with a small smirk at the next red light, Clare...realized how. She realized that she had always known how. Eli had proven to her a long time ago that he deserved her full trust. That he would never leave her alone.

"Here we are," Eli declared ten minutes later, after he had carefully parked in a school parking lot, the school's entire parking lot bustling with young children and their parents. Clare and Eli looked at Emily in amusement; she was hanging onto her back pack with both hands while her striking blue eyes were inspecting everyone around her. Emily was used to being in large groups of children of her own age and older than her because of the time she had spent in daycare, but she understood that school would be different. Emily was excited for school, mostly because Clare and Eli had worked really hard to paint it as a fun and rightful place for a little girl of Emily's age, but while the adults had enough knowledge to realize that Emily would be more than fine, the little girl knew no such thing, and her shyness sometimes got the best of her.

After Eli helped her out of the car, Emily took her mommy's hand in one of her own and Eli's in the other, her backpack now having been placed around her shoulders by Clare.

"Okay, so first floor at the end of the hall is the kindergarten room apparently," Clare said as she re-read the newsletter that had been sent to her apartment a week ago.

"That's what I remember reading too," Eli absent mindedly said, and just at that moment, Emily got a huge smile on her face as she saw Sarah run up to her and the little girls started talking excitedly among themselves while their parents greeted each other. Clare studied Eli closely as Sarah's dad proudly showed him the baby he was holding – Sarah's parents had had a little boy, and Clare knew that Sarah's mom was staying at home for a few more months before returning to work. Eli's face displayed a little smirk as the baby gripped his fingers, creating a sight that made Clare wonder if perhaps Eli would like –

"And the best thing is that the daycare will pick them up from right outside their classroom," Clare heard Sarah's mom tell her, interrupting her thoughts.

"I know, isn't that perfect?" Clare replied, studying the classroom that they had now entered and being very pleased to see how lovingly it was arranged, many large pictures and letters being prominently displayed in the bright and sunny classroom.

A smiling young woman then approached the group, introducing herself as Miss Spencer, and Sarah and Emily both realized at once that this would be their teacher, so they greeted her politely and after hesitant good-byes from their respective parents, the little girls followed the kind teacher's instructions and went to hang up their coats and backpacks in the cubbies that already had their names inscribed into them.

Miss Spencer talked to Sarah's parents first, and then she turned to Clare and Eli and brightly said,

"And you must be Emily's parents. What a sweet little girl, I can't wait to start getting to know her better," as Clare and Eli both proudly smiled in response.

Eli then quickly replied, "Emily's in the university daycare, and they said they would pick her up after school every day from right outside her classroom, but please make sure that –" Eli started, and the young kindergarten teacher flashed him an understanding smile and immediately said,

"Don't worry, I won't release her to anyone but Barb. I've known Barb for a long time, even my own little girl has been looked over by Barb. I will make sure your daughter is safe, don't you worry," and Clare leaned into Eli a little more upon seeing him so concerned and protective. Clare knew that not even being a parent, Eli was already much more protective than your average one, but she no longer minded this like she did when she was an impatient teenager. Emily was so little and alone in the world without Clare and Eli around, and she needed to be fiercely protected. She was just a little girl.

"Bye, mommy. Bye, Eli," Clare and Eli heard Emily call and with one final hug and good-bye wave, Emily was off to start her first day of kindergarten while Clare and Eli walked hand in hand down the hallway, down the stairs, and outside onto the school grounds.

"I can't believe she's in kindergarten," Clare sighed, and Eli was able to immediately pick up on the sadness in her tone and he placed his arm around Clare and gently pulled her in so he could place a kiss on her forehead.

"I know, Clare. I know," he softly said, adding, "She'll be fine. She's well prepared to do this".

"I know that," Clare said with a soft smile, "She's...grown a lot over the past year. In a lot of ways. Because of you," Clare told Eli before she leaned in for a kiss.

"Because of _us_," Eli softly offered as he held the door to his Lincoln open for Clare. She was headed to another day of classes while Eli was off to start the first day of lectures and meet his new students for the semester.

XXXXXXXXXX

"And this is an E," Emily expertly said before strumming on her guitar. The little girl's lessons were progressing very well, and at the moment she was showing Eli her knowledge while Clare was finishing up the cue cards she would need for a presentation. Emily had commandeered Eli's attention ever since him and Clare had picked her up from daycare, and Clare waited until a break in the conversation she was having with Emily to tell him,

"Eli – I forgot to tell you, but you'll never guess what happened today. Remember that paper for Canadian Lit that you helped me with?" and Eli nodded in response as his eyes met Clare's.

"Well, apparently Dr. Buxton would like me to present it at that upcoming Canadian Lit conference in Montreal next month," Clare said with a proud smile on her face.

"Actually, I definitely would have guessed that, Edwards," Eli confessed, not being all that surprised at Clare's news. "It was a solid paper," he complimented as Emily lost interest in her mommy and Eli's conversation and began strumming on her guitar for her own amusement.

"I can't believe she would choose my paper out of all of them, it was so exciting," Clare said as Eli flashed her an amused smirk. Clare then continued, "But are you going to that conference too, Eli? I was hoping you would," she asked.

Eli shot her a quick frown though, and he replied, "No, I've never been to that one. You know Canadian Lit isn't my thing at all, I only go to the twentieth century and contemporary American Lit ones. The head of Canadian Lit in the faculty is Mary Anne, so I'm pretty sure she'd be the one going," Eli said, as this time Clare was the one to frown and look very obviously displeased.

"Marry Anne? Really? Ugh, it is a cruel world after all," Clare muttered, jealousy steaming from her every pore at the thought of the English professor who had clearly put the moves on Eli many times before Clare re-united with him.

"I...never talk to her," Eli awkwardly added, wondering how he could best let Clare know that he avoided Mary Anne like the plague.

"I just wish it wasn't her going, that's all," Clare sighed.

"But it's actually a good thing I'm not going," Eli pointed out, and Clare raised an eyebrow when she saw him get up from the armchair that he was sharing with Emily and come down to sit on the couch next to her.

Her confusion was then rapidly cleared when Eli shot a glance in Emily's direction before whispering, "This way...I could look after Emily while you're gone. You know, if you want me to," Eli shyly said, wondering if Clare...trusted him enough for such a task. He wanted nothing more than to be the one to make sure that Emily was okay while her mommy was at her conference.

Eli saw Clare's face gain a thoughtful look before she broke into a soft smile and asked, "You'd be okay with that?"

"I would _love _that," Eli answered.

"Emily's never spent overnights with anyone but my mom or dad," Clare added thoughtfully, and she saw Eli's face fall at once as he stumbled, "Right, no, yeah, of course. Forget about it," but Clare then gently took his hands and said, "Eli – I want you to look after Emily while I'm gone. If she's not with me...she should be with you," uttering words that made Eli's heart almost skip a beat.

"I'd like it if...we ask her. It needs to be okay with her," Eli emphatically said and Clare nodded in agreement and called Emily over at once.

Clare then began explaining, "Sweetheart, mommy has to go on a trip next month, for three days. It's for my school, and unfortunately, you can't come," and her heart ached when she saw Emily's face fall at once. Clare continued, "And I was hoping that you could stay with Eli," and she watched Eli give Emily a smirk and the little girl smiled a little in response.

"Are you going on vacation, mommy?" Emily asked, her lower lip trembling just a little.

"No, sweetheart, I would never go on vacation without you and Eli," Clare said at once, and Eli's smirk got a large larger when he heard his own name included in the company of Emily's.

"It's a school trip, for two sleeps. And you can stay here at our apartment, or you can go to Eli's – whatever you want," Clare said as Eli nodded in agreement.

"Okay, mommy. I can go to Eli's apartment, it's okay," Emily assured her mommy as she moved from her lap to Eli's and softly said,

"It's okay, Eli?" and he nodded at once adding, "We're gonna have fun, me and you, Em," wanting to encourage Emily a little.

Clare then shot them a mischievous little look and said, "I bet you will – with weak old mommy out of the way, Eli will spoil you rotten for three days straight," and Clare's heart swelled at the way Emily giggled and hid her head in Eli's chest before shyly remerging and coyly saying, "No, mommy, we'll be good, we swear". Emily then laughed even louder at Eli's bold action of crossing his fingers right in front of Clare and sarcastically saying, "Yeah, mommy, we'll be good," and all three of them broke out in laughter before getting ready for dinner.

As Eli was setting down a glass of apple juice for Emily, both he and Clare looked at Emily when they heard her gasp all of a sudden and shout out,

"Mommy – when is your trip – are you going to miss my ballet recital?"

Clare immediately replied, "No, sweetheart, I come back three days before it. Don't you worry, I wouldn't miss it for the world," she assured her little girl and Emily smiled brightly in response before taking a sip of her apple juice.

That night, after Clare and Eli had put Emily to bed, they snuggled together on the couch and watched a movie that they had both wanted to see for a long time. Once the credits were rolling and Eli was absent mindedly placing a series of kisses on Clare's exposed shoulder, he heard her breathless ask,

"Eli?" and he stopped his motions and sat up a little, running his fingertips up and down Clare's arm and smirking when he observed that his touch caused excited goose bumps to form all over Clare's skin, a change that his kisses later corrected.

"You said you never go to the Canadian Lit conference, but...have you been to others?" Clare asked him.

"Of course. I already told you how I spent a year of my PhD studying at Oxford in London when the U of T prof that I TAed for asked me to go over there to help with his research. But I also went to one large American Lit conference or other basically every semester of my Master's and PhD," he informed Clare, before he asked, "Why?"

"I just...wanted to know. Because I feel like...I missed so much of your life. I just wanted to know now," Clare softly replied, and Eli leaned down to capture her lips in a deep kiss. As he pulled away, he gently told her,

"Clare, sweetheart, all that matters is that I'm here now. We're young, and we found each other again," knowing exactly what was running though Clare's mind and then adding, "And...you have no idea how much of your life I feel like I've missed," Eli confessed.

"I love you, Eli," Clare breathless said as she tangled her fingers in his hair and brought his face down to meet hers for another kiss. "Where else have you been? Where did you travel to?" Clare asked, wanting to at least know everything about Eli's past that she had missed. It...just made her feel a bit better, even if she was not there.

Eli cast Clare an amused smirk and he began twirling one of her curls between his index and middle finger as he said,

"Aw, Edwards, you haven't read my book of poems," and Clare stood up in shock.

"You have a book of poems? I never saw that online," she shyly admitted. Clare knew that Eli was rather flattered knowing that she had searched for his writing after her separation from Jake, but her cheeks still developed a rosy tint when she had to admit that to Eli.

"I do, strangely. Poetry has never been my thing really, but when I taught a class on it – the department made me – they also suggested that I should try to get just one collection out there, and I thought it was a definite tenure suggestion, so I did so," Eli said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I never knew that," Clare replied, sad that there was again, something else that she had missed.

She then saw Eli get a worried look on his face and he quickly asked, "Clare...with reading my writing...were you ever...unhappy with how I portrayed the female protagonist? I...always changed her name and stayed evasive, I didn't want you to feel...targeted, just in case you did ever find out about my writing. I had no idea you were reading it," Eli confessed.

"Eli...every single thing that you wrote...it was beautiful. Your female protagonist...is always the hero. Even in _She Didn't Have To Be_, even if she leaves," Clare whispered, not proud of all of her actions in high school, "you...always made her the hero. It was...so touching, and it meant the world to me that...June was always the hero," Clare softly said.

"That's because she _is _the hero," Eli poignantly said, and Clare reached up to kiss him at once.

"Eli...you named her June," Clare softly told him as she settled her head on his chest.

"That's because –" Eli started, but Clare interrupted him at once.

"I know why," and she felt Eli's chest tremble at her declaration. "Because...right before it all went downhill, we kept talking about June, when school would be out and I could spend the long hot summer with you, on urban adventures, with my feet up on the dashboard of Morty, singing along to the radio," Clare sadly said, hiding her face in Eli's neck and placing her hand over his heart, because she needed to feel its steady, regular heartbeat in this moment.

"Shh. Shh. It's okay," Eli softly cooed her. "We can do that this next June, okay? Me, you, and Emily – on vacation somewhere, okay?" Eli asked, and the perfect confidence in his voice when referring to future plans absolutely delighted Clare.

"Your volume of poems. There's one in there about...June?" Clare then asked.

"Um, there's a few in there about June," Eli admitted. "But one of them in particular is connected to what you asked me – where I've traveled to," and Clare asked Eli to show it to her at once. She then patiently waited for Eli to pull out his laptop and he brought up the image of a scanned book – his volume of poetry.

"I'd like...I'd like a print copy," Clare told him, and Eli assured her that he would bring her one the next day.

"Complete with an autograph," Clare teased before holding out the book to Eli and softly asking to guide her to the right page. And as Eli did so without saying a word and Clare's glance fell on one of the pages as Eli was confusedly flipping the pages, she placed her hand on top of his. All she needed to see was the title and...she knew.

She knew that was the poem that Eli had written for her.

Its title was enough...

_Everywhere_

_ We were born in the same town_

_Soon I was counting down_

_Every single day_

_Until we'd find our way_

_But you said you could only see yourself_

_Trying to make a life with someone else_

_That would be your home_

_And I was on my own_

_But ever since you said good-bye_

_I've been out here on the wind_

_And, June, you'd be surprised _

_At all the places you have been..._

_I've seen you in... _

_Albuquerque, waiting out a blizzard,_

_Arizona, dancing across the desert,_

_Watching the sunset in Monterrey,_

_June, I swear, just the other day_

_You were..._

_Down in Georgia, picking pink peaches_

_In Carolina, barefoot on the beaches,_

_No matter where you choose to be,_

_In my heart, I'll always see you..._

_Everywhere_

_And these days when I'm passing through_

_The conversation sometimes turns to you_

_And I hear you're doing fine_

_Living outside this city's line _

_Got the kind of life _

_That you want to lead_

_Guess you could say the same for me_

_But you and I made our choices_

_All those years ago_

_Still I know I'll hear your voice_

_And see you down the road_

_Maybe in..._

_Oklahoma, dancing across the prairies_

_Or Toronto – isn't that where we_

_Always said we'd like to try_

_Never did, so maybe that's why_

_You're on every highway_

_Just beyond the white lanes_

_Right beside me_

_In all of my sweet dreams_

_No matter where you choose to be_

_In my heart I'll always see you..._

_...everywhere. _

"Eli," Clare sighed emotionally when she came to the end of the poem, adding, "It's so beautiful," and he shot her a sad smile in response.

"That means a lot to me...that you like it," Eli softly said as he gave Clare's shoulders a squeeze.

"I love it," Clare asserted as she leaned a little deeper into his embrace.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Emily tightly hugged her mommy good-bye, knowing that by time that Eli would be picking her up from daycare, her mommy would already be gone for her school trip. After Emily had rushed off to the daycare's Barbie house to meet Sarah – it was the girls' first professional day and they had no school – Eli and Clare were politely greeted by Kate, who was Eli's student once again this semester.

"Hi Professor Goldsworthy," the girl shyly said, her respect for Eli's work always making her act this way. Secretly Kate was really happy that whenever she put her hand up in class, a frequent occurrence, Eli always called on her first...she interpreted this as a sign that Eli liked to have her in his classes as a student, and Kate was correct. Although subconscious on Eli's part, Kate's final percentages for Eli's classes were just a few points higher because of the good care that she took of Emily.

"Hi, Kate. I was hoping you'd be here," Eli said as Clare smiled at him, knowing exactly what he was about to say.

Eli continued, "This swimming field trip that you guys have today...Em can't swim, and she has a lifejacket, but please don't take her in too deep, and please always keep her with you," he pleaded, and Clare gave his hand a squeeze, loving how protective Eli was of her little girl.

"I won't keep her out of my sight, I promise," Kate told him at once, determined to make sure Emily always held her hand on the field trip. Kate absolutely adored Emily and the little girl was practically her shadow, so the task would be an easy one to achieve.

"Thank you," Eli emphatically told his student, and him and Clare were then off to begin their own days.

"I still don't like that I don't get to drive you to the airport," Eli told Clare as they were just about to go their different ways on the U of T campus. It was the day that Clare would be leaving for Montreal, and Eli's car contained a bag full of Emily's clothes for the three days that she was going to stay with Eli for.

"I'm going on a shuttle from campus to the airport with everyone else going to the conference, Eli. It's okay, I'm well looked after," Clare pointed out before leaning in to place a sweet kiss on Eli's lips and play with the hair at the back of his neck.

"Well, all right then," Eli reluctantly agreed.

"I'll text you when I get to the hotel, okay?" Clare asked him with a smile and Eli nodded in response.

"And I'll keep you posted on how Em is doing," Eli assured Clare. Eli really wasn't nervous about taking care of Emily because he was so used to doing that anyway, he was just...more nervous about Emily having fun with him in the three days that they had together. Eli wanted Emily to look forward to spending time with him and to always want to do so of her own free will, and not out of necessity. He wanted Emily to...want him. But Eli's worried were really rather unfounded; Emily logically thought that after her mommy, Eli was the next person with whom she wanted to spend all of her time with.

Clare and Eli then shared another final kiss and as they pulled away, Clare breathless said,

"I love you. I'm going to miss you," giving Eli a tight squeeze.

"I'm going to miss you too and I love you so much. You're going to be brilliant. Call me if you have any questions about anything, okay? I've been to tons of those things. You're going to rock their socks off, I know it," Eli encouraged her and they shared one final kiss before they both went their separate ways.

XXXXXXXXX

Eli walked into the daycare centre at four pm, being grateful that the first week of classes always meant no office hours; this signified that he could pick up his girl an hour earlier. Eli knew Emily might be a little sad knowing that her mommy was so far away – he had shown Emily where Montreal was on a globe when the little girl had asked – so he wanted to take the best care of Emily that he could.

As he stepped through the doorframe of the daycare, he was greeted by Barb with a warm smile.

"Hello, Dr. Goldsworthy. First day of classes went well?" she asked him.

"No complaints," Eli replied. "Glad to see your daughter in my seminar class," he added with a smirk.

"Oh, she was really excited about that. She said it was quite rare to get to take so many classes with her favourite prof," Barb answered.

"I think what happened was that Kate moved up through her years as I moved closer to tenure; when she was in her second year I taught that class and I...sort of moved up as she did," Eli explained with a smirk.

"That's fantastic. Well, your little girl is at the playground outside. I'll just tell Kate to bring her in," Barb said as she reached for her walkie-talkie. Eli, however, waved his hand in a dismissive gesture and said,

"Don't worry about it. I'll just go get her," and after grabbing the small navy jean jacket that he knew was Emily's from the daycare's neat little cubbies, Eli walked to the playground and the minute that Emily saw him, she ran into his arms at once with many giggles.

"Hi, Eli. You're early," Emily excitedly said, surprising Eli when she even gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I am. I was excited to see you," Eli confessed.

"We're going to your home now?" Emily asked as she rested her head on Eli's shoulder. Eli then noticed that her curls were wet and made a note to get Emily home quickly.

Just fifteen minutes later, Emily was resting in his lap with a coloring book and pencils as Eli was thoroughly running his fingers through her curls, exposing each strand to the heat of his blow dryer. Eli had asked Cece for advice on the three days that he would be looking after Emily all on his own, and once he had told his mom about Emily's swimming field trip, Cece had immediately told him to make sure her hair wouldn't stay wet for long, or the little girl might catch a cold. The possibility had truly horrified Eli, especially when he remembered Emily's history with colds, so just to be sure, after getting her hair dry and marvelling at how it felt and looked exactly like Clare's, Eli made Em a bowl of hot chicken noodle soup that the girl accepted with a smile. Emily's smile had the power to awaken feelings in Eli that he was sure that he had never seen before because...the little girl had _Clare's smile_, and on her little face it was even more prominent.

And as Eli prepared the chicken strips and fries while Emily slowly ate her soup, both of them listening to Eli's large music collection...both felt perfectly content and relaxed. Eli then quickly cut up some veggies to make up a salad for Em's dinner plate – he might have had a weakness for getting Emily treats, but he was also aware of how to keep a little girl healthy. He then also poured some plum sauce onto a plate for her, knowing the little girl liked to dip her chicken strips in that type of sauce and got Emily a glass of apple juice.

Emily politely said, "Thank you," when being presented with the plate, and Eli's smirk got larger after Emily dipped a chicken strip in the sauce and declared, "Yummy," making Eli chuckle in victory.

Eli then put together a plate for himself and popped open a Coke that Emily took many sips of before Eli got another can out of the fridge and poured Emily her own glass with a wink, feeling a little guilty that he didn't know Emily liked Coke.

"Mommy says no pop with dinner," Emily said with a cheeky smile, long after she had already had many more sips.

"Mommy would be okay with it – just this once," Eli declared with a perfect confidence that convinced Emily at once.

After Eli and Emily finished their dinner to the background music playing from Eli's iPOD speakers, Emily comfortably moved over to the Barbie couch that she had in Eli's apartment and pulled out the large Disney Princess sticker book that she kept next to it. Emily pushed the oversize book over to the soft blue carpet that Eli had purchased after seeing Emily uncomfortably fidget on the hardwood floor when she had first spent time at his house. The little girl had approved of the soft fluffy carpet in front of her little couch with a blushing smile the next day, and it had become one of her favourite spots in Eli's apartment ever since.

Eli took advantage of Emily's peace to do a little bit of work on his computer, but when Emily came over to him and shyly started rolling around on the couch, eventually reaching Eli's lap, he shut his laptop down, made Emily a banana split as a little dessert treat and and settled her onto his lap as he ate some ice cream from a bowl.

"Do you want to call mommy? It's almost time – I told her we'd call her at seven," Eli informed Emily and the little girl nodded eagerly in response.

Eli then suggested, "How about you choose a video for us to watch Em? By the time you have one, it'll be time to call mommy," and he guided Emily to his large DVD tower after Emily said that.

Emily then scanned the collection of DVDs at the top of the tower, her Dora and Disney ones being placed there for her convenience, but the little girl's eye soon fixed on a black case that intrigued her, so she immediately pulled it out and asked, "What's this one?"

Eli's eyes widened at once in response...he couldn't believe that out of the many DVDs that he owned...Emily had singled out his favourite...the memories of the Romeo and Juliet adaptation that he had filmed with his two best friends flooding his mind at once.

"That one...is a movie that your mommy and Uncle Adam and I made a long time ago, when we were in school," Eli told Emily.

"Really?" Emily asked as her little face scrunched up in delight.

"Really," Eli confirmed with a nod.

"Can we watch it?" Emily asked and a thoughtful look crossed Eli's face at once.

"How about we ask mommy if it's okay?" he asked, not wanting to do anything with Emily that Clare would later be upset over. The video was innocent enough, but Eli wasn't sure if Clare would be okay with the entire situation.

"Okay," Emily agreed. "Let's call mommy," she added, and Eli pulled out his iPhone at once, much to Emily's delight. The little girl loved Eli's phone, and he had added a few games on there for her amusement...later buying a shock-proof phone cover after he had learned his lesson about the steadiness of Emily's little hands.

"Video call," Eli said with a smirk, but Emily flashed him a look of confusion as she replied,

"But mommy doesn't have a phone where you can see your face like yours," the fact saddening Emily, as she so loved Eli's phone.

"She doesn't, but remember the iPad I got her for her birthday that she can use for school?" Eli asked and Emily nodded at once, that piece also being one of her favourite things to observe adults use.

Eli continued, "Well, she's going to use that," and Emily couldn't help but giggle when seconds later, her mommy's face appeared on Eli's phone. Eli immediately smirked at the sight of Clare's bright smile as Emily crawled onto his lap and shrieked,

"Hi mommy. You're on the screen," and Clare smiled in response. At her own end of the line, the sight of Emily so happy as she sat on Eli's lap made Clare's heart swell and ache at the realization at how much she missed them. Clare knew that she would only be gone for two more days, but...she hated being apart from Emily and from Eli.

"Hi sweetheart. Hi Eli. How are things going?" Clare asked.

Emily piped up, "We're good, mommy. I went swimming today with Sarah and Teacher Kate and then Eli made me dinner and we played and I like it here," the little girl announced.

Eli added, "Everything's great, Clare. Don't worry about us. How's the conference? Any interesting sessions? How was your presentation?"

"It went really well," Clare said with a bright smile. "And there's so many interesting sessions. But I miss you guys," she continued as a sad look crossed her face.

"We miss you too," Eli responded at once.

"So, Emily," Clare started, "I'm assuming Eli is spoiling you rotten?" and Clare's heart completely melted when she saw Emily stand up on the couch, resting on her knees beside Eli and interlocking her little hands on top of his shoulder as she coyly hid her face before replying with a giggly, "No, mommy," that didn't fool anyone. Clare knew that if anyone were to see Emily's gesture there was...absolutely no way that they would ever think that Emily was anyone but Eli's daughter.

"Is that..._a banana split_ I see in the corner of the screen?" Clare asked with a sarcastic shaking of her head, as Emily's giggles turned to bubbly laughter and Eli just smugly replied, "I have _no_ idea what you're talking about, Edwards. That conference must have you so wiped out that you are starting to have visions".

Clare just laughed in response and then Emily burst out,

"Mommy, I want to watch this," holding up the black DVD case, and Clare shot Eli a confused look.

"What is that?" Clare asked, and she saw Eli rub the back of his neck with his hand as he answered,

"Um, yeah, so I don't know how she managed to do this – but she picked out the DVD of...our _Romeo and Juliet_ project...you remember it?"

"Eli," Clare softly said, "How could I forget it? You kept it..."

Clare then noticed Eli get the tiniest of smirks on his face as he continued, "Well, if it means something, keep it, right?" Eli said, quoting Clare's advice from all those years ago. He continued, "Anyway, I told her that we'd best ask you if we are to watch it".

"Please, mommy. I want to see it," Emily insisted as Clare thought for a minute before she said,

"Hmm. Yeah, okay. She can watch it," Clare gave in.

"Yay. Thank you, mommy, thank you," Emily excitedly said.

After Clare and Eli talked for a little longer, they eventually said goodbye, leaving Eli with an Emily who was holding out the DVD case to him impatiently.

Eli inserted the DVD into the player, and the images appeared on screen at once...the wonderful memories flooding him. Emily for one, giggled incessantly, barely getting out,

"Eli...you l-look f-funny," and Eli playfully rolled his eyes and attacked Emily in a burst of tickles in response.

"Mommy looks different too," Emily thoughtfully said.

"We were both younger then," Eli pointed out.

"How old were you?" Emily asked.

"I was sixteen and mommy was fifteen," Eli replied.

"And how many years later was I born?" Emily asked with a thoughtful look on her face.

"That would be...six years later," Eli answered, barely able to wrap his own head around that piece of information.

The image then switched to the last scene, and Emily giggled even louder when she saw her mommy and Eli kiss, soon asking,

"Juliet is like a princess?" and Eli nodded in response.

Emily then asked, "And Romeo is her prince?" and Eli nodded with a large smirk on his face as the credits were now rolling on screen.

"You liked it?" Eli asked Emily, wondering what on earth she could think of what she had just seen.

"It was so funny," Emily declared, which Eli decided was probably a good thing. After he returned the DVD to his rightful place and he sat down next to Emily on the couch once again, he notice Emily get a thoughtful look on her face as she crawled onto his lap and faced him, her striking blue eyes captivating him at once.

"Eli?" she softly asked and Eli encouraged her with a nod in response.

"When you made the movie, you loved mommy, right?" Emily asked, impressing Eli with her perceptiveness.

"I did, Em. A lot," he confessed.

"And mommy loved you," Emily stated, not asking a question this time. "So...then, what happened? Did mommy get mad at you? Did you get mad at mommy?" she asked, making Eli's eyes widen a little. He thought for a minute about the best way to explain everything to Emily in a way that was appropriate for her young age – he knew telling Emily about his poor judgement the night of Spring Fling was definitely a no-go, and he ultimately decided to say something that after all, was true.

"No, sweetheart. We didn't get mad at each other. We just...had to move to different towns for school, for university," Eli stated as Emily flashed him a little frown.

"Mommy went to Kingston," Emily said, her knowledge impressing Eli before Emily continued, "That's where I was born". This point of distinction was one that always made Emily feel special – when she had studied her passport and her mommy's, she had even seen it reflected there.

"That's right, sweetheart. And I stayed in Toronto for a few years before I went to Ottawa," Eli added.

"To the school that we saw on vacation," Emily replied, remembering her visit to U of Ottawa.

"Exactly," Eli responded.

"Mommy should have stayed here, with you," Emily said, causing Eli to widen his eyes even more and this time he chose to stay quiet, being convinced that any reply to that statement would be a bad choice.

"It's okay, Em," was all that Eli softly whispered as he pushed Emily's tight little brown curls out of her face.

"Eli?" Emily softly asked again, and she leaned in close to his ear before she whispered, "Mommy's _divorced_," and the look on the little girl's face as she said that last word told Eli at once that Emily looked at that as something that was...not good.

Eli, however, had his own powerful opinions on relationships, so he immediately replied, "I know. Em, divorce is _not_ a bad thing. In most cases, and in your mommy's for sure, it's a very _very_ good thing".

"How?" Emily asked.

Eli gently explained, "It means that mommy was strong and confident, two of my favourite things about her. She's amazing. And it doesn't mean that she will be divorced forever".

Emily got a bright smile on her face as she then asked, "Are you divorced too, Eli?"

Eli chuckled a little and responded, "No, sweetheart. I'm not divorced. I've never been married".

Emily rather liked the direction of this conversation and she loved that Eli wasn't dismissing her questions as Nana often would, so she continued,

"Did you have a girlfriend before you met mommy again and me for the first time?"

Eli answered, "No, Em, I didn't," because one misguided kiss with Imogen after Clare had rejected Eli a second time in their high school days really did not count. Eli softly said, "I've loved your mommy all my life," an answer that was obvious to please Emily completely.

Emily then coyly asked, "Eli...if mommy is divorced that doesn't mean that she can't get married again, right?"

Eli answered this question a lot quicker than he had answered all of the other ones, saying, "Of course not. She can get married whenever she wants," and the giggle that Emily gave Eli in response left him wondering if Emily was perhaps even smarter than he had realized.

Eli then heard Emily yawn and he took this as a signal to get the little girl changed in her Strawberry Shortcake pyjamas. He also gently brushed Emily's hair and helped her brush her teeth. However, just as he was tucking Emily into her Barbie bed, Eli immediately felt his heart race as he saw Emily's lower lip begin to tremble and her eyes got a little watery.

"What's wrong, Em? What's wrong?" he asked at once.

Emily stood up a little as she stuttered out, "I...I miss...miss mo-mommy," and the sight of her large blue eyes filled with tears broke Eli's heart.

Eli, however, said just the perfect words to Emily as he replied, "I miss her too, sweetheart. I miss her too. But it's just two more sleeps, okay? Then mommy will be back. Do you want a cup of hot chocolate before bed maybe?" and he gently wiped Emily's tears away as he placed her on his lap.

"Shh. Shh, sweetheart, it's okay. It's all right," he gently cooed her as he rocked her back and forth, and within just a few minutes Emily was calmed down and sipping a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows on top, making Eli really grateful that he had gone shopping for things that Emily would like the day before.

As he picked Emily up gently and directed her back to her bed, Eli heard Emily whine, "No, Eli, no," making him pull Emily a little out of their embrace so he could look at her.

Emily sensed she needed to explain, "I...don't like sleeping alone. I never do. I...always sleep with mommy," and Eli exhaled in understanding at once.

"I can sleep right here on the couch, I'll be nearby," he encouraged Emily, but she shyly asked, "Can I sleep in your bed?" and Eli immediately said, "Of course, Em, of course". Eli didn't have any problems with such a thing – Emily had slept in that bed with Clare before after all, but he hadn't suggested it because he wasn't sure if it would make Emily uncomfortable.

Eli then walked into his bedroom and tucked Emily in, knowing that she was so close to falling asleep that she wouldn't even need a bedtime story. His assumption turned out to be rather correct, as Emily quickly snuggled into his side, burying her face in his shoulder, making Eli's heart swell at once. As he looked down at Emily, Eli couldn't believe how...tiny she was. She was so small, and without Clare around, Eli knew that Emily completely depended on him. She depended on him to take care of her and protect her, and Eli knew that he would do anything to keep her safe and happy. As he watched her little eyelids flutter with the motions of a dream and he saw her chest rise and fall softly, Eli knew that he would never let anyone hurt his girl. He wouldn't let anyone bully her or break her heart. He wouldn't let anyone scar her in any way or leave her misplaced and hurt. She was his girl to look after and he knew it.

XXXXXXXXX

Morning drop-off the next day went very smoothly, and Thursdays were Eli's busiest days class wise, so before he fully realized it, it was time to pick up Emily again, and the little girl met him just as excitedly as the day before. Eli was also picking up Sarah, as both little girls had ballet class to go to, and Sarah's parents had appealed to Eli to take their daughter this week as well, as Sarah's dad had an important product expansion meeting and Sarah's mom Liz had a scheduled appointment with her paediatrician for Sarah's little brother.

Sarah, for one, wasn't shy about going to ballet class with Eli, and Eli was eternally grateful that Barb had changed both little girls into their ballet bodysuits just before he had arrived to pick them up from daycare. Emily was used to Eli changing her clothes by now, but Eli wasn't so sure he was so comfortable himself with undressing a little girl that was someone else's child.

Eli actually ended up staying for the little girls' ballet class and watching from an observation area, wanting to burst out in laughter at the little girls' motions on so many occasions, but refraining, knowing from previous experience that that would cause the ballet teacher to shoot him a very unimpressed glare.

Just before the end of class, the teacher took all the little girls to a different room, and Eli met Emily and Sarah just a few minutes after, but he didn't like the worried look on Emily's face one bit.

"Everything all right, Em?" he quickly asked.

Emily just nodded silently as Eli helped her change her shoes, and he thoughtfully did the same to Sarah when he heard his phone ring. The person on the other end was Sarah's mom, frantically explaining something about how she was delayed, but Eli just patiently reassured her that Sarah could come with Emily and him to dinner out – this was Eli's next planned activity – and that Liz should give him a call when she was home and he could drop Sarah off. Sarah's mom was incredibly grateful, and Eli quickly got off the phone and led the little girls to his car, his worry only growing when Emily very uncharacteristically remained quiet for the entire ride.

Eli took the little girls to McDonalds at their request, and when throughout the meal Emily only politely thanked him and said nothing more, he was starting to panic. Had he done something wrong? Was Emily just missing Clare? Was she regretting agreeing to stay with him and wishing she had stayed with Clare's mom instead? Was she sick? Oh my God, was she sick?

"Em, are you feeling sick?" Eli asked at once.

"No, I'm okay," Emily answered as she began playing with her Happy Meal toy.

Virtually no progress was made in the car ride to Sarah's house, and Eli was beginning to worry that he would have to fly out to Montreal in order to make Emily happy again...and that would mean that he would have failed Clare. And Eli so desperately did not want to fail Clare.

However, as he watched Sarah run into the arms of her mom, Eli paid close attention to what she said.

"Mommy, mommy, teacher Becky says we have to have our new dresses dropped off at the studio tomorrow so they can be there for the show soon," and realization washed over him like a tidal wave. He quickly said his good-byes to Sarah's mom and then joyously picked up Emily in a hug and declared,

"So, Em, one quick stop before we head to my apartment – we have to buy a ballet dress, right?" but Eli expected Emily to smile...not to see her lower lip trembling and for Emily to hide her face in his neck.

"I'm sorry," Emily choked out as Eli's heart broke into a million little pieces.

"For what, Em?" Eli asked in confusion.

"I...didn't know we would have to have our dresses so early, and mommy's not here. She always buys them for me. And I didn't want to ask you, you already buy me so much," Emily tearfully said as Eli pushed back her curls and lovingly rubbed her back.

"Oh, sweetheart, sweetheart – I _like_ buying you things. It makes me happy," Eli plainly explained. "I know you like your mommy to buy your dresses, but I think we can do it. You and me make a good team, kiddo. And we'll send mommy pictures with my phone and she can approve the dress we buy, okay?" Eli suggested, and by this time, Emily had calmed down significantly.

However, after the short drive to the mall and before they entered the specialty dance store, Eli sat down with Emily on his lap on a bench in the mall, and a serious tone invaded his voice as she said,

"Em. Can I tell you something?" and Emily nodded at once.

"It makes me really sad that you think you can't ask me for things. I want...I _need_ you to not be afraid to tell me if you need anything, okay?" Eli tried to explain, and Emily smiled shyly as she responded,

"I won't be," and she gave Eli a quick hug that left him happily smirking.

"All right, then, off we go," he said, picking her up into his arms and walking into the dance store. An older lady quickly approached them and asked,

"How may I help you today?" and Eli knew that were he to leave Emily in the care of the woman, she would be able to find her a dress. But that's not what Eli wanted to do. Eli wanted to prove to himself that in moments when Clare could not be around, he could take care of his little girl...and if that meant subjecting himself to pink dress after pink dress, then so be it, he thought determinately.

"We're okay ma'am, we're just going to look around and choose a dress," Eli confidently said, and he guided Emily to the appropriate hangers at once. The store had a remarkable collection of unique dresses, all made from soft and beautiful fabric and with intricate details, but there was a pink one that Eli could tell had caught Emily's eye at once, and when the little girl tried it on, Eli gave her a huge smile and declared,

"Oh, Em, that's the one. Don't you think?" and Emily shyly nodded.

"Let's take a picture and send it to mommy," Eli said, pulling his phone out, and just a few minutes later he was met with a series of incredulous text messages from Clare, saying she had no idea that Emily would need the dress for her recital this soon, and thanking Eli profusely for taking care of everything.

After Eli had paid for the door and Emily felt as if the weight of the world was off her shoulders – the little girl had been frightened to the core when she had thought that she would be the only one at ballet without the appropriate dress – Eli saw Emily stare longingly at the kids' train that was set up in the centre of the mall. It was clear that, like all of the children in the mall at that time, Emily wanted to go on too, but Eli wanted to practice what they had just talked about, so he asked Emily,

"Em, is there something you want to tell me?" and Emily's cheeks developed an adorable pink hue as she shyly said,

"Can I go on the train?"

Eli enthusiastically gave Emily a high-five in response and immediately declared, "That's my girl. Of course," and as they were really close to the line-up, Emily excitedly ran ahead and got in line, only to be met with a stern young man telling her,

"Oh, just hang on there, little girl. I just need your daddy to pay and to say that it's okay for you to go on". Eli then watched in amazement as without the slightest hesitation, Emily looked directly at the attendant and said, "He's right there, he said I can," as she turned around and pointed straight at Eli with a smile. All Eli could do in that moment was to take a deep breath, because he felt like his heart had come to a complete stop. She might not have said the word...but it was clear to him that...she had meant it. Emily had meant it.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I love you. I can't wait until I come home tomorrow," Clare gently said into the phone, her comment being directed only at Eli as Emily was fast asleep in his bed by this time.

"I love you too, Clare. So much. Take it easy tomorrow and have a good flight, okay? Em and I will be at the airport," Eli replied, and after a few more lingering good-byes, Clare hung up the phone, tossing around in her bed...not being used to sleeping alone. She had called down to reception and asked for two pillows the very first night, and although it had helped a little...she realized just how much she was aching for Emily and Eli. She wanted Emily to be asleep in between her and Eli on his bed...she wanted them to all be together. Her need for togetherness was so strong that it almost scared her, and it also made her deeply regret the way that she had made Eli feel so awful about having the same sentiment at a younger age. It had taken the experience of having a child for Clare to finally understand Eli's protectiveness. She knew that Eli didn't have a child in high school and that at first glance it might seem like a ridiculous comparison, but she also understood that she should have realized something about Eli. She _did_ have enough information when she was in high school to figure it out after all, Clare now reflected. Eli...had told her that Julia had a lot of problems with her step mom...problems which must have been so bad, Clare thought, that Julia could only find a sanctuary at Eli's house. Clare regretted not realizing that in such a situation, Eli _must _have considered Julia's safety his duty...and out of all things possible, she had _died. She had died._ Clare now had the emotional capacity to reflect that if something like that ever happened to her...she wasn't even sure that she could live with herself. Hoarding and being overprotective on an anniversary...Clare now realized that that _was_ progress. That _was_ Eli trying. And as much as she hated admitting it, Clare also realized that...Eli had been right in perceiving that Clare needed to be protected. She needed to be protected from completely falling apart over her parents' divorce, she needed to be protected from Fitz after he had threatened Eli that he would hurt her in the most heinous way possible, and...she needed to be protected from herself. She needed to be protected from her choice of always being so eager to please Jake...because Eli had tried. He may have been incredibly misguided, but Clare knew that she had been so blind in dating Jake that...it really was the point for outside interference. And while her mom and Alli only encouraged her, Eli...had tried to break them up, and it had only resulted in a screaming match between her and Eli that was so horrible that Clare had later been afraid that Eli's heart was broken for good. The look on his face as she guaranteed him that they would never get back together was one that still haunted her memories, and...she was so happy that Eli had ultimately been able to make his way back to the surface all on his own. Because deep down inside, Clare had always known that the things that had happened to Eli in his teenage years had the powers to...make him sink. To make anyone sink, no matter how strong they might be.

And as these memories of the past plagued her mind, Clare decided that she needed to step out of her hotel room for a bit – she wanted to spend a little bit of time reading tonight, and she had seen a Starbucks right across from the hotel – or a Cafe Starbucks Coffee as it was labelled in French-speaking Montreal - so she quickly went over there to grab a vanilla latte. However, once she jumped back into the hotel elevator, she saw that she was not the only one to have such an idea. The other person in the elevator had also gone for a coffee run, and Clare was left in a confined space alone with...Mary Anne, arguably not her favourite person in the world.

"Hello, there," Marry Anne casually said, well aware that Clare was Emily's mother and Eli's girlfriend. And Mary Anne loathed Clare; in her mind, Clare had swooped in and undeservedly got what Mary Anne delusionally thought would be hers soon enough.

"Hi," Clare politely, but curtly said.

"I didn't know you liked Canadian Lit," Marry Anne slyly proceeded.

"I do," Clare answered.

"What is your thesis in?" Mary Anne potently said, knowing that this question would hit Clare's self-esteem.

"I'm...not a PhD student," Clare replied, "I'm just doing my Masters," and Marry Anne nodded exaggeratedly as she shot Clare a stinging, "Oh, I see".

"That's why I haven't seen you in any of my classes – I'm the head of Canadian Lit, you know," Mary Anne continued.

"I know. Eli told me," Clare replied, her anger getting the best of her.

"Oh, he did? Well, yes, I believe he has read some of my work. I've read all of his," Mary Anne potently said.

"He never mentioned reading your work, actually, I think he just knew from meetings and such," Clare pushed, angry at Mary Anne's ways.

"Oh, I'm sure he knows. Eli and I went to grad school together," Mary Anne added.

"So he told me," Clare replied.

"Yes, well, he is so accomplished – already tenured and has so many publications to his name," Mary Anne proceeded.

"I know that," Clare replied.

Mary Anne then decided it was time to unleash her full attack, so she bitterly shot, "I'm sure you do, _June,_" and the use of that name took Clare aback at once.

"I'm sorry – _can I help you_ with something?" Clare impatiently asked.

"Yes, yes you can actually," Mary Anne shot, shocking Clare by keeping her finger on the 'Close doors' button even though the elevator had reached the floor that all the conference delegates were staying on.

Mary Anne bitterly continued, "You have a lot of nerve, you know. Showing up like this and deciding that _now_, you'll take Eli after all. I don't agree with his choice, you know – trusting a woman who will _never_ realize that she _did _have to be in order to be worthy of a guy like Eli," and Mary Anne's significant use of Eli's book title winded Clare at once. She felt all the blood drain from her face as Mary Anne venomously continued,

"But oh no – now Eli is accomplished, and he has a very good stable job which oh-so-conveniently helps you attend the top university in the country as well, and I'm sure all the money that pours in from his books isn't so bad either. So, you change your mind, decide that maybe you'll take him _after all_. Tell him you love him after you left him and make him raise _another man's child_," Mary Anne shot. Had she stopped before her last sentence Clare would have opted to just let her rant on like a lunatic, but...she involved Emily, and that made Clare's blood boil at once, so she stared Mary Anne directly in the eye and shot,

"Don't you _ever_ talk about my daughter. I don't care what fantasy world you live in, but don't you _ever_ have the audacity to even _think_ about my girl. And for someone who claims to know Eli so well – my God, you really have proven that you don't know the slightest thing about him. If he heard you _ever_ talking about Emily that way, he would never do as much as _cast a second glance in your direction,_" Clare finished, pushing Mary Anne's hand off the 'Close doors' button and walking away furiously.

XXXXXXXX

"Go give mommy her flowers," Eli softly told Emily as he passed the bouquet of pink roses to Emily just in time, as Clare immediately enveloped her little girl in a huge hug the next minute. The airport was bustling with activity, and as Clare madly flung her arms around Eli after putting Emily down, worry immediately overtook him as he realized that Clare was...shaking.

Eli then felt Clare hug him even tighter and she whispered, "I missed you so much. Eli..." and as he pulled out to scan her eyes and try to gage why she was doing this, Clare softly asked him,

"I need you to know that I'm not taking any of this for granted, Eli. And I'm so sorry, so so sorry for all the mistakes I made," and Eli's heart ached at the light film of tears that was present in Clare's eyes.

"Clare, hold on, hold on," Eli said as he gently ran his fingers over her curls and held her tightly. "It's not your fault – we both made mistakes but we're past that now. The past is...just that, and I don't want us to let it ruin our future. Where's this coming from?" Eli asked, but Clare just shook her head in response and buried her face in his neck and only hung on tighter. However, Eli didn't need Clare to answer his question, as in the next second he saw...Mary Anne make her way off the plane and he felt a powerful, hot furry take over his entire body at once. _She had done that to Clare. _

Clare didn't find out exactly what Eli said to Mary Anne when he immediately headed in her direction until long after she had returned home and Eli had made her a soothing cup of tea and read a story to Emily, but the obvious fury steaming from his every pore while his speech and mannerisms remained perfectly calm impressed Clare. What surprised her even more was the fact that soon after Eli had returned to her, immediately embracing her and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead while picking Emily up in his arms, Mary Anne apologized to Clare. The look of embarrassment and honesty on her face told Clare that she indeed was sincerely regretful, and Clare politely nodded in response and said nothing back, a reply that Eli couldn't have more perfect as he hung on to both of his girls tighter and led them out of the airport to take them to dinner.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Emily, sweetheart, so Nana is going to stay with you while Eli and I go to your parent-teacher conference, okay?" Clare asked her daughter, and the little girl looked up from the puzzle that she was completing with Eli in order to say,

"Okay, mommy," obviously a little nervous at the thought of her mommy and Eli going to her first parent-teacher conference.

Eli and Emily then put away their puzzle and just before Eli and Clare headed for the door as Helen made her way into the apartment and gave Emily a hug, everyone watched as Emily tugged on Eli's pant leg and asked,

"Eli, Eli, I want to ask you something," and Clare smiled as Eli picked Emily up and replied,

"What is it, Em?" happy that Emily was now feeling comfortable enough to do this.

"I...was hoping you could teach me how to do something that Sarah's daddy just taught her to do," Emily shyly started.

"Of course, Em. What exactly?" Eli curiously asked, hoping that it was actually something that he knew how to do.

"I want to learn how to ride a bike," Emily blurted out, causing Clare to look over at Eli at once, and the look of fear on his face...was something that both Helen and Clare expected. Clare saw Eli exhale deeply and run his fingers through his hair several times before he softly said,

"Okay, Em. I will teach you how to ride a bike, but...only if I can ask you something in return. If you can promise me something," he answered, and Clare couldn't resist her impulse to intertwine the fingers of her left hand with Eli's.

Clare could immediately tell that Emily had picked up on the seriousness in Eli's tone, and as the little girl emphatically nodded, Clare knew it was because...Eli had never – not once – asked anything of Emily, and the little girl understood how significant it was that Eli was doing such a thing.

Eli gently continued, "Can you promise me...that you will never _ever_ ride your bike when you are upset or angry at me or mommy or at a friend...ever? At anyone? Please, Em, it's _really _important that you never ever do that," he emphasized, and Clare saw him deeply exhale again when Emily immediately replied,

"I promise. Never," and her daughter and Eli sealed the deal with an official pinky promise.

Just fifteen minutes later, Clare and Eli were listening to Miss Spencer praise all of Emily's work, and they both smiled at each other when the kindergarten teacher continued,

"And were it not for the fact that I don't approve of children skipping grades when they are so young, I could definitely see Emily being in grade one. She can already read at a remarkable level and her writing is quite good as well; not to mention that she is an absolute delight to have in my class. She is so patient and kind".

"She takes after her mother," Eli softly said as he took a hold of Clare's hand, words that caused a large blush to appear on Clare's face.

"We don't want her to skip any grades yet either, she's just so little, she should be with kids that are her own age," Clare replied.

Eli then added with a smirk, "There'll be plenty of time for that later – maybe she will take Advanced English in high school or something," and Clare couldn't help but giggle.

Miss Spencer then smiled and said,

"Well, I would not be surprised – she's the daughter of an English Lit professor after all," having learned of Eli's profession from Emily and just assumed what anyone who would see Eli and Clare would.

But what Eli loved the most about the conversation was that Clare gave him a wink and a bright smile after that particular sentence from Miss Spencer.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Clare? Em?" Eli asked as he made his way into the girls' apartment, and they both soon met him with warm hugs.

Eli noticed right away that Emily was extremely tired – he was coming over on a late Saturday evening – and after just half of a story, Emily was completely gone in a land of dreams, and Eli slyly pulled a shiny book from his bag and held it out to Clare.

"What's this?" Clare asked with an inquisitive look on her face.

"My book. My _new_ book. The very first copy," Eli responded with a smirk.

"You _finished it?_" Clare asked incredulously.

"I did," was all that Eli said in response.

"Eli...it's a part two? To..._She Didn't Have To Be?"_ Clare asked in astonishment, scanning the back of the book.

Eli modestly shrugged and quietly said, "It's...not how the story ended. I needed to end it...the way it should," he confessed.

"How should it end?" Clare cheekily asked.

"They find their way back to each other...because of a very special little girl," Eli said, and Clare noticed both the sadness and the excitement in his eyes.

"They do, they do, they do," Clare excitedly squealed as she jumped into Eli's arms.

"Look at the dedication," Eli softly told her, and when Clare did, she could read the words..._To my girls_, which caused her to jump right back into Eli's arms.

After many kisses and embraces, Eli finally shared with Clare,

"Um, they want me to go out to UBC and do a reading two weeks from now. I was hoping you and Emily could come with me – it would just be the one night," he specified.

"My mom wants Emily that weekend, she is complaining that she never gets to see her anymore," Clare said thoughtfully, adding, "But...I'd like to go with you. I'd like to see you do your reading," she confessed, softly adding, "I've never been to Vancouver".

"I went once when I was doing my Masters for a conference – it's beautiful, Clare. You're going to love it. But I do feel a little guilty that Em can't come," Eli said with a frown.

"It's okay, Eli," Clare comforted him.

"I'm going to make it up to her," Eli determinedly said, and Clare leaned in to steal just one more kiss before she knew Eli had to go.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Wow. This city really is beautiful," Clare sighed as she took a look at all of the ocean side lights that adorned Vancouver's shores from the hotel window. Eli had given his book talk the day before and the two of them had spent the day exploring Vancouver's beaches and tourist sights.

"It's unique because it has both beaches and mountains," Eli pointed out, ecstatic that Clare was having a good time.

"That's why I love it most," Clare said with a wide smile as she slid the balcony door open and pulled Eli with her. She walked over to the very edge of the balcony and rested her arms on it as Eli stood behind her, resting one of his arms on either side of Clare's and breathing in the sweet vanilla smell of her hair.

"You were really good at the book talk," Clare complimented Eli as she remembered the event.

"I don't really like doing those," Eli admitted with a frown.

"Eli...you were good at avoiding the really personal questions," Clare pointed out.

"I just...I don't want you or Emily to be attacked by obnoxious questions, that's all. People don't need to know that it's drawn on my real life experiences, so I just say that every writer is capable of both being inspired by the experiences in his own life as well as capable of imagining things," Eli explained and Clare slowly turned around and gave Eli many slow kisses that left his mind happily spinning.

Eli then raised an eyebrow in response to the intensity of the stare that Clare was giving him and Clare felt perfect confidence as she intertwined Eli's fingers with her own and softly told him, "Eli...let's go inside now. It's...our someday," and Eli widened his eyes as he felt his heartbeat pick up instantly. He knew that this moment would come someday soon, but since re-uniting with Clare he had also realized something else, so he flashed her a smirk before giving her a gentle squeeze and responding,

"Clare...I love you with all my heart. You're the only girl that I am ever going to love. But...before we do this, there's something I need to do".

Clare blushed a little, knowing that Eli wouldn't have expected this and thinking that he meant he needed to run down to the drug store.

"Okay," she softly said, but when Eli only leaned in closer she began to get a little confused. She could feel his hot breath on her ear before he whispered, "Marry me. In a white dress, in your church," and before Clare knew what was happening, she saw Eli kneel down on the balcony floor, reach into the pocket of his black blazer and pull out a beautiful diamond engagement ring.

Clare was left totally surprised – she knew that she still had four months of her Master's left and whenever she would permit herself the fantasy of marrying Eli, she tried to bring herself down to Earth a little by telling herself that Eli would probably wait until her graduation date if he wanted to marry her. As if he was reading her mind, Eli then softly said,

"Whenever you want, of course. After you're all done with school. But...I just, I couldn't wait to ask you any longer – not a second longer, Clare. I've already been carrying this ring around in my pocket for the past three weeks," Eli confessed. "So, Clare Diana Edwards...will you marry me?" Eli finished with perfect confidence, and Clare pulled him up at once and jumped into his arms as she ecstatically said,

"Yes, I will, I will, I really want to," and she felt Eli tightly squeeze her as he spun her around the balcony.

After many more celebratory kisses, Eli then gently told Clare, "I...would love to be a little bit more intimate with you tonight, Clare, but...do you want our first night together to be...our wedding night?" knowing that it was her dream for it to happen that way and wanting to do everything just simply right by Clare. Eli knew that so many of her dreams had not been realized and he wanted to...give them to her again.

Eli's question brought tears to Clare's eyes as she slowly nodded, and just as he promised, Eli and Clare did share an intimate experience that night that made Clare feel more loved than she had ever felt, but also left both of them looking forward to their special wedding night as well.

As Clare woke up the next morning and snuggled into Eli's bare chest, she felt him intertwine their fingers together as he gave her a gentle good morning kiss.

"I love you," Clare breathed as she pulled away.

"I love you too, Clare. You made me the happiest guy alive yesterday, you know. But...there's still something I'd like to ask you," Eli continued as his hands caressed up and down Clare's arm.

"What?" she replied.

"I'd like you to...come to the bank with me when we get back to Toronto, so we can...join our accounts. I'd like us to pay off any student loans of debt that you have," Eli said, and the urgency in his eyes caused Clare to nod her head at once, and then add,

"Eli...I don't have any student loans or debts. But I don't...have much to add to your accounts," she said with a blush, but Eli immediately gently placed his finger over her lips as he continued,

"You're going to be my wife, Clare. Everything is _ours_ now, and I don't want you to feel bad that you don't have a lot to add, because it's not about that. And besides, our salaries will be pretty much equal when you return to Amnesty International as an executive, so it's all okay," Eli pointed out, and Clare's soft smile told him that that piece of information made her feel better about Eli's bank proposition.

Eli then softly continued, "And I'd like us to start a college fund for Emily. As long as I stay on as a prof at U of T, which I want to do for the rest of my working years, you know she can get free undergrad tuition...and as much it breaks my heart to think of her going away for school, I want it to be an option that she can have, you know? For her to be able to choose any school that she wants to go without having to worry about the financial aspect".

Clare buried her face into Eli's neck as she was overcome with emotion at hearing Eli talk of those plans so concretely, but she didn't need to say anything for Eli to realize that she fully agreed with his plans.

He, however, continued,

"And...Clare...I'd like us to buy a house, so we could move into it after our wedding. Ee...have enough, especially after I will sell my apartment and after the sales of _She Didn't Have To Be. _Would you like to live close to the university and to your work...because we have enough for a nice home, and it's a great part of town, and Emily would not have to move schools. Maybe we could just start looking soon, see if there's anything we like?" and Clare did now pull out of their embrace, her blue eyes scanning Eli's face and finding nothing but excitement and a need to be...reaffirmed, so she immediately said,

"Oh my God, Eli. I...I would love that," and she leaned in to place a sweet kiss on his lips.

XXXXXXXX

"Mommy, Eli, you're home," Emily excitedly said as she ran out of Helen's arms and towards her mommy in the airport.

"We are sweetheart, and we missed you so much," Clare declared, a little taken aback at the fact that both her mom and dad were here. However, Clare was practically bursting with excitement that she could no longer hold in, so she held out her hand to her parents and Emily and said, "Look – Eli proposed. We're going to be getting married". Clare was ecstatic to hear Emily burst out in excited giggles as she yelped out many "Yays" and her parents smiled brightly...but something didn't seem right. She had expected them to be a lot more...surprised.

"What's going on here?" Clare asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Sweetheart," Helen said, "We already knew Eli was going to ask you. He invited your father and me for lunch at the university last week, and...he told us. Not that Randall and I didn't already know the purpose of that lunch before it even started," Helen admitted as Randall nodded.

Clare just gasped incredulously at a very mischievous looking Eli and she then asked,

"How about you, munchkin? How did you know?" and Emily giggled more before admitting, "Eli asked me if he could ask you, mommy. He said I needed to say yes first. He asked me right before you left for Vancouver," and the little girl then began admiring Clare's new ring, quickly declaring, "It's so pretty, mommy. Very shiny".

Emily then headed into Eli's arms and gave him a hug as he asked, "So, Em, when are we going to buy a flower girl dress?" a question that absolutely thrilled the little girl.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Four months later, Eli was reading a story to Emily on the couch as Clare was away undergoing the necessary training at Amnesty International that would lead to her becoming a company executive when she returned to work after completing her Master's the preceding week.

Just as he was preparing Emily for bed by brushing her teeth in the bathroom of hers and Clare's apartment, Eli was thinking about how he would want to make an appointment with a real estate agent the next day – he was determined to have a house beautifully prepared for after his and Clare's wedding. While Eli had insisted that their honeymoon should be to Disneyland so Emily could have the best vacation of her life, Helen and Randall had also insisted that Eli and Clare should head to California first and spend a week by themselves before Helen would fly down and bring Emily there as well. Eli had only accepted the suggestion because Clare had asked him to, and reassured him that her mom was a safe person to accompany Emily on an airplane. What Eli didn't know, however, was that at an earlier dinner between Clare and her parents, Helen and Randall told Clare outright that their rationale for this recommendation. And as Clare blushed profusely, she also instantly agreed with her parents that the thing that they wanted was not only something that she did and that Emily would love to have in her life, but something that she knew that Eli also desperately desired.

However, Eli was completely unaware of this detail, and as he walked Emily to her bed, the little girl's arm accidentally tipped over a tiny blue glass tile that was on the bedside, and as her eyes filled with tears at once, rather confusing Eli.

"Em, Em, it's okay, it's okay, it's just a tile," Eli said as he held Emily tightly and calmed her down, but Emily stubbornly shook her head and said,

"No, no, it's not just a tile...it's mommy's special tile," with a desperate urgency in her voice.

"What do you mean?" Eli asked.

"Mommy says that...it's her special tile. We were at a store once and she spent forever looking at the tiles, and she chose this one, saying that even if she didn't get to have her own house, she could have the tile of her dream bathroom," and Eli softly gasped in immediate understanding.

"It's part of mommy's special folder," Emily tearfully continued, and she purposefully walked over to Clare's desk and showed Eli a folder that contained...cut outs from Better Homes and Gardens magazine. When Eli looked at the dates at the bottom of the pages, he realized that Clare...had been collecting them for years, and in that moment, he knew exactly what he had to do.

After he put Emily to bed and Clare got home, Eli explained to her just how her special tile was broken, and although Clare was not upset at all, Eli gently led her to the rocking chair and turned the fireplace on as Clare explained all of the favourite features on each of the houses that she had cut out from the magazine.

"I know it's weird, that I do this," Clare said as a faint blush formed on her cheeks.

"It's not weird at all," Eli specified as he placed a gentle kiss on Clare's shoulder.

"I just...I didn't think that a house was ever going to happen for me and Emily, when it was just the two of us," she shyly said, words that completely broke Eli's heart.

She then continued, "And then when you told me about how...you wanted us to buy a house...Eli, that meant the world to me. Not because I never expected to have the money to be able to do that, but because...it just meant that we could be together all the time, you know? Our family," and the last two words that Clare uttered made Eli no longer be able to control his impulse to kiss Clare.

But all throughout the next week as Eli and Clare looked at houses, none of them felt...completely right to Eli. Clare praised a few of them in particular, but...Eli still didn't feel fully satisfied with them. The images in Clare's folder kept running through his mind...and no matter how much he wanted to push all thoughts of Jake from his mind, Eli couldn't help but think that...had he wanted to, Jake definitely would have been able to give Clare the house that Eli knew she dreamt of. As a teenager, Eli was aware of Jake's carpentry talent, and as an adult, Eli was aware that that was really something that he could never do, no matter how hard he tried. And that thought just about killed Eli. All he wanted to do was to make Clare happy and to give her absolutely everything he could...but this, this was an example of an area in which Eli was not as talented as Jake. However, Eli then reflected that...the success of his book and his stable career were an area that he had worked hard in, so the next day, Eli simply walked across Yonge Street, being grateful that the School of Architecture was right across the street from the English Department offices. And after Eli had a short but pleasant conversation with the Dean, he was able to walk away with the name of a highly responsible and respected architect in Toronto who was soon met with...Clare's folder. After the architect told Eli of the perfect plot of land, just outside the university grounds in a great neighbourhood in Toronto's downtown, Eli obtained Clare's permission to...build a home as opposed to just buy one.

And so, plans were drawn and concrete poured, and nail by nail and board by board...Eli gave life to Clare's dream.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Now, only one room is furnished," Eli told Clare and Emily as he led them inside the house. While Clare had seen all of the plans of the house, Eli had wanted the final product to be a surprise, and he also wanted one room to be done before bringing the girls.

"Which one?" Emily asked as she declared that she loved the house and that she couldn't wait to live here, like she always did when he dropped by for a visit.

"Let's go see," Eli said as he winked at Emily, and after they headed up the stairs, Eli flashed both of his girls a huge smirk as she opened the door to a pink and purple room that was the vision of any little girl. Emily now owned an even larger doll house, a pretty desk, several Disney princess bean bag chairs, a bookcase that was filled with new books and toys, a little stage that had Emily's guitar and a set of amps, and...a bed fit for a true princess. It had a lacy decorative mosquito-net style hanging over its four posts, and its pink sheets, blankets and pillows had tiny ballerinas printed all over them, each of them wearing a different outfit than the other.

Emily's jaw literally dropped in shock, and she tightly embraced Eli at once as she squealed excitedly, "Best room ever, thank you, thank you, thank you".

After Emily explored everything in her room and Clare looked at her little girl fondly and hung onto Eli's hand tightly, Emily asked for a story and everyone crawled into the nice big bed and Clare and Eli took turns reading to their little girl.

And...it was just before Emily completely drifted off to sleep that a moment that Eli would remember for the rest of his life occurred. Just as Eli was finishing the story and Emily's little eyelids fluttered shut, she softly breathed,

"Thank you for my pretty room, I love it so much. And I love you, _daddy,"_ a comment that caused Clare to tightly hug Eli and a light film of tears to appear in Eli's eyes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two months later, a slightly nervous, but more than anything a really excited Emily was walking down the aisle of the same church in which her mommy had been christened as everyone around her led out soft "aww"s. Emily carefully walked to the altar and although she knew she was supposed to stand on the side where mommy would come, in that particular moment her instinct told her to go stand by Eli, and the little girl did so, somewhat hiding behind his legs.

And as the wedding march began playing, Eli's breath was quite literally taken away. He couldn't believe that after all of these years and after everything that they had been through, Clare...was walking down the aisle as his bride. Eli knew that nothing would ever making him happier than the honour of Clare becoming his bride...but the vision in front of him was like something out of Eli's sweetest dreams. Clare's white dress was of a beautiful satin overlapped with lace, and it complemented her beautiful figure perfectly. The embroidered lace veil that Randall lifted just after passing her onto Eli's arm highlighted her sparkling blue eyes and Eli felt completely overwhelmed with happiness that...while everyone in the church was looking at Clare...she was looking at him. And Eli knew that just like in his case, there was nothing in Clare's heart in that moment but pure trust and happiness.

Emily then moved over and stood by her mommy as the vows were read and Eli and Clare stood in front of God and all of their friends and family. Cece and Helen both had tear-filled eyes as they watched the ceremony, while Randall and Bullfrog couldn't feel more content with the partners that their children had chosen. Because as confident "I dos" reverberated through the church, every single soul that was present as the priest talked about the ties that would not break knew that Eli and Clare would never leave each other alone.

And that opinion turned out to be rather correct. On her wedding night, Clare felt so much love and tender care that allowed her to finally fully give herself over to the man who she knew deserved her love and care. For the first time in her life, she experienced full sweet surrender that led her to confidently tell Eli to dispose of the condom that he had pulled out in preparation. Eli, for one, was never more surprised in his life than in the moment in which Clare softly told him, "I want...I want to have your child. Emily would love a brother or a sister, and I don't want the age difference to be too great". In that moment, Eli finally allowed himself to recognize to himself that he had wanted a child with Clare for a long time, and the two experienced a night so full of passion and love that they held each other's shaking bodies for a long time. Clare was impressed at how she had never felt more protected or gently treated ever before in her life, and Eli was in awe at the fact that...he would get to wake up by Clare's side the next day...and every morning for the rest of his life.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hi, Em, oh how I missed you at work today," Eli said as he walked into the sunny, country-style kitchen while holding Emily in his arms.

"I missed you too, daddy," Emily confirmed at once.

Inside, a glowing Clare was excitedly waiting for her husband and their little girl while holding onto Emily's little brother who was all of six months old. His green eyes and black hair were the exact copy of that of his father's, and once Eli and Emily entered, Clare was no longer able to contain her excitement and squealed out,

"Eli...there's something I need to show you," and as Eli took Ben into his own arms, Clare held out...a book to Eli as he opened his mouth in shock.

"I can't believe you sneaky little devil, you got it published before you even let me know what it was about?" he accused Clare.

"I...sent it to your publisher on what I thought was just wishful thinking, I never thought anything would come of it," Clare confessed as Eli took the book from her hands.

"Well, I'm not waiting any longer, I'm going to read the back right now," Eli teased, and as he did so...he couldn't believe the book's title and summary.

_He Didn't Have To Be_

_When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new, it always winds up feeling more like a job interview. My mom always used to wonder if she would ever meet someone who wouldn't find out about me and then turn around and run. But then...I met the man I call my daddy when I was five years old. He took my mom out to dinner and for once, I got to go. And, all of a sudden it seemed so...right to me how we went from something's missing to being a family. _

_And looking back on all of the things that he did for me, all I can say is that I hope I'm at least half the parent that he didn't have to be. _

"Clare...this is...?" Eli trailed off, getting too emotional to finish.

"I just thought...remember how you told me about all of those questions that she asked you when I was in Montreal? It made me think that...one day she will be old enough to know the whole story, and...I wanted it for her to see it this way. Just the way she sees it now but isn't articulate enough to say so herself," Clare explained, and Eli immediately gave her a sweet and loving kiss, feeling Clare trembling in his arms while their little boy softly fussed and Emily giggled.


End file.
